Still Obsessed...

Wayyyy back in my day, when I was in 4th grade, I heard " Fancy " on my friend's tape player. From that day on, I was hooked, I became obsessed. This is my girl's new CD. It KICKS ASS!! There are 31 #1 hits, plus 2 new original releases. The #1's span her entire career. I think this CD is truly awesome, although I was slightly disapointed that 2 of my favorites, and not suprisingly, the same 2 that are 2 of her BIGGEST hits. " Fancy " and " The Night the Lights Went Out In Georgia " would have made this CD complete. Her name is synonymous with these two classic Reba remakes. She made those songs her own, totally shaming the original artist's rendition. This 2 disc CD set has been in my CD Player ever since its release date, 11 - 22 - 05. This collection of classics has already become a Best Selling, Platinum album. Of course, that is of no suprise to me. She lives on, in her classic, sassy, trail blazing, Reba style. Long live the Queen!!
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Reba McEntire. She releases #1s, with 33 number one hits and two new songs. There isn't a female country artist out there that doesn't owe McEntire a debt of gratitude. She taught women how to be successful, not only as singers, but as businesswomen, and she continues to take on new challenges. This is a woman who will never get stale. From her first number one, Can't Even Get the Blues in 1982, to Somebody in 2003, you'll find all the hits here in order of their release. What a way to look back over a truly stellar, but not finished, career.
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Amazon.com
Two things hit you while listening to this two-disc, 35-song collection. First: Reba McEntire, one of country's most twangy, yet recognizable and singular voices, has consistently chosen material that captures life's dramatic moments of consequence, whether it's the decision to leave a romantic coupling, face up to a failed relationship with a parent, or handle the passing of a loved one. And second: in the course of her 23-year career, several of her 33 #1 hits slipped up to the top of the charts virtually unnoticed, and seem hardly memorable today (e.g., "I Know How He Feels"). Yet the best of her work ("Whoever's in New England," "Rumor Has It") remains as emotionally resonant today as when it first appeared. Not only a fine singer, however, McEntire picked up the mantle of woman-to-woman songs first carried by Loretta Lynn and Tammy Wynette. Long before Martina McBride began singing songs of social relevance, McEntire had been encouraging and empowering women to change their lives--to look beyond their roles as dutiful wives and mothers ("Is There Life Out There")--if perhaps more subtly than McBride. Reba #1's contains two new tunes: "You're Gonna Be," a mother's loving lessons for her child; and "Love Needs a Holiday," which recounts a married couple's much-needed motel getaway. The latter sounds like it could be the theme song to a spin-off of McEntire's TV sitcom, but the former, much like her most-loved songs, comes packed with wisdom for anyone attempting to navigate the unsettling storms of life. --Alanna Nash
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New York Times - 12/2/05
Whether she's accompanied by a steel guitar or a synthesizer (or both), her focus is elegant storytelling.
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Country Weekly - 1/2/06
Reba's very biggest singles are all present here. Her natural charm and sass are apparent.
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About the Artist
From "Can’t Even Get the Blues" in 1982 to "Somebody" in 2004, Reba McEntire has been delivering number one songs for many years. Her name and voice are synonymous with country music. Reba now marks that career by turning in a 35-song compilation of her number one singles, plus two brand new recordings.
Reba #1’s is a celebration of a career that has included 33 #1 hits, 29 albums, multiple awards and countless shows and performances. This album is a collection of the songs country music fans have known and loved for over two decades. As a mainstay on country radio, Reba’s music has become a soundtrack for the human experience. She has put words to our heartache with songs like "You Lie," "Somebody Should Leave" and "Rumor Has It"; inspired us with "I’m A Survivor" and "How Was I To Know"; and broke our hearts with "The Greatest Man I Never Knew" and "And Still." And no one can deliver a love song like the redhead from Oklahoma – "Somebody" and "Forever Love" gave us hope that love really does conquer all. The first new single from Reba #1’s, "You’re Gonna Be," speaks of a mother’s love for her child through all of the ups and downs that life brings. The soaring chorus is a mix of advice, encouragement and inspiration. A second new song, "Love Needs A Holiday," is an upbeat tale of a married couple who just needs a break from the daily grind. Both songs teem with the passion and talent Reba fans know and love, and listeners will recognize a piece of themselves in the stories they tell. That talent has also brought her a slew of awards and honors, including 15 American Music Awards, 12 Academy of Country Music awards, 7 Country Music Association awards and 2 Grammy’s. In a career that has now expanded beyond music, Reba is also a multiple award winner in the acting arena. Her critically acclaimed Broadway debut in 2001’s ANNIE GET YOUR GUN was awarded both the Drama Desk and Outer Critics awards. Now in its fifth season, her self-titled TV show, REBA, reigns as the WB’s top rated sitcom and has landed Reba a Golden Globe nomination and a People’s Choice Award. Reba’s ever-expanding talents have now grown to encompass a clothing line as well.The line is an extension of Reba’s style and taste, and offers a bit of her personality to shoppers. Through her music, television show, clothing collection, and everything else she does, Reba McEntire represents the ideals, dreams and issues that people of all backgrounds care about. She speaks to our everyday lives while showing us what else is out there. Her personality and talent have drawn in millions of fans. It's why she became the first country female artist to sell five million copies of one album since Patsy Cline. It's why she's now sold more than 49 million albums in her career. Reba McEntire has been the leading lady of country music for over 20 years. While her career now stretches far beyond country music, she’s never forgotten her roots. She is a role model for those who have come behind her, inspiring them to take chances and refuse to accept limitations on what they can do. Reba #1’s is a picture of longevity and consistency, of music that inspires and reaches people where they are. It’s Reba McEntire at her very best.

Blah, Part II

well today my Bella worked the a.m. shift.
that means she got up at 4:30 this a.m. to be at work by 7.
that blows big nasty putrid green chunks, doesn't it?
she's durrin it again tomorrow.
i have decided to talk to my psychiatrist about a few things;
i think my meds are not working for my depression
& I believe my anxiety needs to be treated more so than the depression.
i believe the anxiety is out weighing the depression big time.
it has now, yet again, begun to effect my sleep.
and that, mon compaines, i'll not tolerate.
today i drowned myself in a painting.
Bella said so far it looks awesome,
i hope she is right.
because just as with my writing,
i think my paintings sukk.
but thats just my self esteem issue showing its nasty head.
i hope it turns out truly great...
and that i don't let anyone down, including myself.
i think i've decided to major in Business & minor in Mass. Comm.
if i haven't already stated that before.
i have short term memory loss,...
i inhaled too much methane gas ( aka, FARTS ) as a child.
" but i digress, "
i'm glad i got my PC room cleaned finally.
it feels nice.
when i get paid again,
i'mma order me some Tink wallpaper border for the room.
( that's to match my soon- to- be- mine Tink door, ofcourse. )
i'm lookin fwd to going to greenville the weekend of the 18th.
we're going to see the dog show,
and * HOPEFULLY *
see my sister, Jack.
feeling mucho better today,...
no trembles, no jitters, no shakes,...
it was dem dere nicotine patches, i tell ya.
anywho,
i'm out of here.
peace, luv, n chicken butt.

Drift Away...

Day after day I'm more confused
Then I look for the light through the pourin' rain
You know, that's a game, that I hate to lose
I'm feelin' the strain, ain't it a shame

Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Won't you take me away

Beginin' to think, that I'm wastin' time
And I don't understand the things I do
The world outside looks so unkind
And I'm countin' on you, you can carry me through
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Won't you take me away

And when my mind is free
You know your melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue
The guitars come through to soothe me
Thanks for the joy you've given me
I want you to know that I believe in your song
And rhythm, and rhyme, and harmony
You helped me along, you're makin' me strong

Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Won't you take me away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul

I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Won't you take me away

Blah.

i'm feeling a tad bit better this morning,
but i have this knawing feeling in the pit of my stomach.
like somethin's wrong or like i'mma get some bad news.
i dunno.
they call it intuition,
and usually mine's dead on.
i had to call my Mama Linda yesterday,
i got to feeling so horrible
that i was crying it hurt so bad.
she's one of the FEW people who
know how to fix me when sumin's wrong.
i love her so much,
she really is my Mama.
i think it's the nicotine patches
causing my nausia & trembles & that jittery feeling.
so i took off the patch.
i'm home, so i'm not around cig smoke,
so i haven't craved it.
i told Cheryl that if the craving got too bad,
that i'll be damned, I wasn't wearing the patch anymore,
she could go buy a pack of smokes,
hide them from me,
& when the craving gets to the point of pain,
she can hand me one cig & i prolly wouldn't even be able to smoke it all.
but i'm tellin yall,
i REFUSE to feel that frikkin shitty because of a GD nicotine patch.
i can conquer my addiction this way much better than those patches.
i'm feeling kinda sad today,
i dunno why.
maybe bc i'm tired of feeling sick,
or maybe its auntie Flo.
i'm just damnit ready to feel better,
i know that.
so fer now,
i'mma just gonna jam to the Queen,
Mrs. Reba McEntire.
She always cheers me up & makes me feel better,
she's kinda like that rare friend you have,
the one that cheer you up when
you're at your lowest sad point,
or at your most pissy moment,
she just somehow knows how to soothe my soul.
its a given that with her,
a smile will creep across my face.
i'm off to go listen to some " Cathy's Clown ".
she's been signed onto the Las Vegas Hilton Resort
for a non consecutive 6 week run of concerts.
tickets start at like $138, BUT...
you can buy meet, n, greet tickets + VIP seats for $238.
DAMNIT
i wish more than ANYTHING i could go to THAT concert.
* sigh *
i guess i should be thankful for the concerts i have seen,
and the fact that i got meet her.
but damn...
that Vegas run makes me foam at the mouth
like Harley around big dogs.
jesus,
i get heart palputations at the mere thought.
i'mma go dream a lil dream
and dream of tasting that wish i'll never have.
peace out, yall.

Waking Up...

" G'MORNING, NEVER LAND!! "
boy, after my Rip van Wrinkle nap,
i am springing back to life.
Cheryl met Aunt Boo & me in Santee
on Friday, the 13th at 11.
I got in to see my Doctor at 2:15,
left from there to fill my RXs,
went on home,
and fell asleep at 5 o'clock Friday.
I awoke from my much needed slumber at 8 this A.M.
OMG, I had SO MANY WEIRD, VIVID dreams...
everything from Rosie asking me to carry out plans to bring back the Golden Girls on TV,
to Cheryl getting irate over my friendship with Ro,
to Ducking Tornados & other various weather themed adversities,
to re-living my many adventures with Pan & the Lost Boys
(it was like I was ACTUALLY Tink, I'd left Neverland,
& I was recalling old memories to my child, putting her to bed),
to being at a quite nasty & vicious war with Trisha Yearwood over Garth Brooks,
(that was a VERY interesting dream, I was the Shitz- Nitz in it, I had control over the Trump Towers, & I had control over the entire country music industry, and because of that, I had like,
ultra powerful friends, I'm tellin yall,...it was kick ass.)
Cheryl & I got things straightened out this morning,
and are just fiddle faddling around the house.
I'm thinking I need to get in gear,
get my degree in business & Mass Comm,
& go into business of some sorts where I can unleash my creativity.
As is,
Cheryl wants me to start on it right away & see what I could do for now.
I may go ahead with that.
Anyways,
I'm in a good mood,
but my Body is still waking from sleep & illness,
but other than that, I'm okay.
I am such a cluster- fukk today,
I keep bumping into shit, & giving myself nice bruises for later,
and I even managed to electrocute myself today, too.
LoL,
maybe I'll be okay one of these days.
At least, I'm not in a straight jacket somewhere, eh?
( Now my parental units stop to consider this fact... )

Farts, Shit, & Family

so i am home
Mawmaw didn't get outta bed til like 1:30
then took a nap just a couple hours later
that worries me
watching the shield...
seems like they're gonna try
to force Vic into retirement.
seems like a boring story line.
when i took harley to mama linda's today ..june and her were in the yard pruning back bushes
and they both somehow managed to step in Butch's shit
i laughed so hard islipped up and i farted really loud!!
i had tears in my eyes
my tummy hurt from laughing
i was about on the ground bent over with laughter
& i swear i bout pissed myself silly
then p - nut was raping harley
who was humping meiko...
a walking threesome
that was funny as HELL!!
its good to laugh like that
i think it does something good for your soul.
i am at unrest in my guts;
i pray for strength & courage to the Goddesses above
to help sustain what is dear in my heart.
an innocent love...
is worthing fighting for.


Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart. - Marcus Aurelius

The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart. - Buddha


The one who will be found in trial capable of great acts of love is ever the one who is always doing considerate small ones. - Frederick W. Robertson

I believe that love is the greatest thing in the world, that it alone can overcome hate and that right can and will triumph over might. - John D. Rockefeller

Just A Few Thoughts Before Going Home...

Man's rise or fall, success or failure, happiness or unhappiness depends on his attitude... a man's attitude will create the situation he imagines. - James Allen

Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief. - Joseph Addison

A true friend is one soul in two bodies. - Aristotle

Between friends there is no need of justice. - Aristotle

If a girl seems as shy as a mouse, you still have to look out for the tiger within her. - Chinese Proverb

The more connections you and your lover make, not just between your bodies, but between your minds, your hearts, and your souls, the more you will strengthen the fabric of your relationship, and the more real moments you will experience together. - Barbara De Angelis

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart. - Marcus Aurelius

No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change. - Barbara De Angelis

Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against. - Bruce Lee

So yall, I'm going home to spend quality time with my Grandmother.
I know I have limited time left,
I am keeping my promise to my Nana.
My Mawmaw KNOWS I love her.
That is something in which,
she can never doubt.
I'm looking forward to hearing her same damn stories
being repeated 100 million times.
She's crazy, she's cool, she's my hero.
I wanna be just like my Mawmaw when I grow up.
It pleases my heart & soul to the ends of the Earth and beyond
that I'm going to spend time with her,...
For what can you say to someone who has forever been your rock,
never judged you,
whose love for you has not once waivered?
I can only come up with four little words to tell her...
I love you, Mawmaw.

Damn, I'm Proficient!!

Okay, so today is my 8th day without a full smoke.
The patches are seemingly working very well for me.
I feel like 85% better.
But I dunno,
I'm thinking that getting some of
Mawmaw's TLC will bring me back up to speed.
I'm taking my baby, my shadow, my ShitHead, home with me.
He'll stay with Mama Linda, I know he'll enjoy being there.
Going home will be the ultimate test for me;
Being around all the cigarette smoke,
Seeing how I can handle it.
Because see, the only smoke I've been around since I quit,
Is Cheryl's Mom.
And it was either outside & I kinda kept my distance,
or in the car, she had the window rolled down.
My cravings are dramatically minimizing.
I don't even think about it as much.
Which is kinda cool,
LoL,
Because now I realized how I foolishly
and dangerously spent my time.
So I have taken up painting more so.
I sent Mama Linda & June two paintings.
They said they liked them,
but of course,
I think I could've done better
And don't have that high of an opinion of my work.
But I did my best and it is the thought that counts.
One was a picture of looking out of
the Darling Nursery Window from Peter Pan.
There's a thimble on the railing,
and you see the skyline of London,
including Big Ben.
Then you see Tink & Peter flying to the second star to the right together,
And they're surrounded by Pixie Dust.
The other painting has a Seafoam-ish green solid background,
with various Chinese symbols on it.
Some including;
Believe, Fate, & Dreams Really Do Come True.
The symbols are written in purple & silver.
I think it's too crowded & too Kindergarten like.
I could've done better.
But last night,
I did THE BEST painting I've EVER done!!
It would kick an Elephant's ass, for real.
It is the full face,
but half of the face is the sun,
and the other half is the moon.
I matched the background for each side.
I began the painting at about 7 pm yesterday,
and finished it around 5 am today.
I wanted it to be PERFECT,
So I was EXTREMELY meticulous,
And exceptionally detailed oriented.
I'mma take it home with me to show my family,
that I actually have talent.
The pictures that I posted I thought were indisputably astonishing!!
Oh, and BTW...
I HAVE to BRAG...
I wanted to fix a few things in our bathroom for quite sometime now...
So I got inventive & engineered a contraption to make my life more easy.
I got to use a POWER TOOL ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!
The Butchness Power I felt from that could quite EASILY become RATHER addictive!!
Then, I engineered a toilet paper holder.
We did not want the one with screw and were unable to attain
The TP Holder with the sticky stuff that simply attaches itself to a surface.
Super Glue, Metal Scraps, and Double Sticking Mounting Tapes
Resolved out TP Holder issue.
DAMN I'M GOOD!!
I'm a Hellacious inquisitive lil inventive engineer when I apply myself!!
Anyways, Yall take care, Peace Out.
I've got a phone call to make.

Doc Visit

so to the Doc i grudgingly went to today,
Cheryl's Mom went with me for my support.
the Doc did a pelvic & pap smear,
will lemee know rsults in two weeks.
i UNLOADED * nicely * on him after that though.
i told him of my PAINFUL & AGONIZING withdrawals.
he wrote me an RX for the patches.
and oddly enough,
ever since i put one on today,
i've not had a craving.
and other than being exhausted,
i'm beginning to feel like myself again.
he wrote me another pain killer RX for my shoulders,
as one last ditch effort
before physical therapy.
the Doc wants me to call my psychiotrist to see
if he'd be willing to put me on wellbutrin to also help me quit smoking.
he also gave me my Xanax RX to help calm me down.
so i am happy with the doc at the moment,
he took his time,
listened to me,
and truly pulled through.
for that i am grateful.
went shopping with Cheryl's Mom...
i splurged a lil bit.
* woo hoo *
i did get some house hold items.
I'm relieved. VERY RELIEVED!!

FEELS LIKE HOME

There's something in your eyes
Makes me wanna lose my self,
Makes me wanna lose myself in your heart,
There's something in your voice
That makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
For the rest of my life
If you knew how lonely
My life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how
I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

Agonizing, Day 4...HELP Is In Sight

Better mood...
Still getting the cravings.
Paid all my house hold bills today.
I'mma good house wifey.
I miss home already.
I miss my Mawmaw,
my boys,
and dare I say,
Margaret.
I'd love to try to visit friends
that I didn't get to see while I was there for Crimmus.
Goin to Dr. in the A.M.
Pap Smear, Pelvic Exam.
Woohoo.
Momma - In - Law might go in with me,
I hope she does.
Not to be all lookin at my cooch.
But just to stand beside my head & hold my hand to comfort me.
I hope she will.
Then,
THen,
THEn,
THEN,...
Dr Montgomery gonna get a mouth full from me.
(Shut up to you pervs, that ain't wtf I meant.)
I'mma bitch about my shoulders still hurtin,
that the Ultracet ain't cuttin it.
THEN, I'mma be like I ain't had a smoke since 12/31/05.
I'm in pain, I ache all over.
I'm angry, pissy, and wanna be left alone.
Advil, Tylenol, IBrophen...that fake shit AINT FUKKIN WORKIN.
Then I'mma tell him I don't have my next Psychiatrist Appt. until Feb. 5th,
so I can't get my Xanax re-written until then. Last time I filled was late Nov.
My anxiety levels since the absence of the cig, has DRAMATICALLY SKYROCKETED.
HE'S GOT TO HELP A CRAZY BIOTCH LIKE ME...
Bc I am in physical & mental pain.
I feel like I'm about to cross my line,
to my breaking point.
He HAS to help me.
I told a couple of ppl. today,
that I'd rather go through w/drawals of pills for the rest of my life,
than to go through w/drawal of cigs for 3 weeks.
Its your Pre-K Naptime ( with the detoxing from the pills ),
whereas, detoxing with cigs, is your Grad School Class of the Internal Workings of an Elephant.
Today, during the day, was better.
I spent play time with both Cheryl & my Dog.
THAT was fun.
I kept puttin his ass in her face,
LMFAO!!

Anyways, I'mma leave yall with these lyrics...
Peace, Luv, 'N, Chicken Gas.



Wrong Night Lyrics

I set my mind to it said
I wasn't gonna do it
no how so sir no way
I wouldn't give my heart up
gonna keep my guard up
and save it for another
Then you walked in with that crazy grin
and everything I swore before
Got lost in your eyes and flew right out the door
Suddenly I heard love songs
playing real soft on the jukebox
Somebody ordered up moonlight
and painted stars all across the sky
Is it gravity or destiny
either way there's nothing I can do
Looks like I picked the wrong night
not to fall in love with you
I briefly resisted but my heart insisted
it was gonna be giving in
Hard as I was trying there was no denying
which one of us would win
You came up beside me and asked if I'd be
Wantin' to have a dance
Right then I knew this thing was out of my hands
Suddenly I heard love songs playing real soft on the jukebox
Somebody ordered up moonlight
and painted stars all across the sky
Is it gravity or destiny
either way there's nothing I can do
Looks like I picked the wrong night
not to fall in love with you
Suddenly I heard love songs
playing real soft on the jukebox
Somebody ordered up moonlight
and painted stars all across the sky
Is it gravity or destiny
either way there's nothing I can do
Looks like I picked the wrong night
not to fall in love with you
Looks like a wrong night
not to fall in love with you

The War Rages On...

Day #2...
I slept all day.
I was thinking,
that if I sleep all day,
my body could begin detoxing itself,
while I slept.
Thinking to myself,
it wouldn't be so bad.
* Pfffffttttt *
Girl,
was I wrong!!
I am more ill
than a cat in a room full of rockin chairs.
I mean it, yall...
I need a venue to take out my aggression.
I'm not even sure exactly why
I have so much build - up of aggression within me.
Maybe it is because subconsiously I am not getting what I want,
that being Nicotine.
So, my inner child is throwing
the MOTHER of ALL hissy fits,...
thus;
my anger.
Hell, I dunno.
Good theory, though, me thinks.
I'm MAJORLY hoping & praying
that this is a temporary state of Hell
in which I am residing in at the moment.
Another note worthy hypothesis is:
I am stubborn,
HARD HEADED,
strong willed,
determined,
any & everybody who TRULY KNOWS me, knows these facts about me.
Maybe I'm getting angry because,
I feel like this little ... thing... is beating me.... its winning?
And I don't lose
when it comes to achievings goals I've set for myself.
Proposing a third & final theory is...
Maybe I am angry because it is an emotion I, very sadly,
am comfortable with.
I'm not quite sure exactly what emotions I'm supposed to be going through,
during this hardest part of stopping smoking.
I know it is nothing but a mere
mental test.
Who is stronger?
Mind VS. Nicotine.
I am angry, I am pissy.
But with ever fiber I've got in me,
I promise I ain't giving up.
I WILL WIN.
Why?
Bc...As My IDOL, Reba, Sings...

I was born 3 months too early
The doctor gave me 30 days
But I must have had my * Nana's * will
And God's amazing grace
I guess I'll keep on livin
Even if this love's to die for
Cuz your bags are packed
And I ain't cryin
Your walkin out and I'm not tryin
To change your mind
Cuz I was born to be...
I'm a survivor...
It only brings you down
May be the queen of broken hearts
But I don't hide behind the crown
When the deck is stacked against me
I just play a different game
My roots are planted in the past
And though my life is changing fast
Who I am is who I wanna be
The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up
But she's just too hard headed...
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

Karma

BTW....
MY DOG, HARLEY,...all what?
Barely 1 foot of him...
JUMPED ALL THE WAY UP on me while I was standing str8 up,
Cheryl & I were playfully punchin each other, and Harley JUMPED ALL THE WAY UP &
BIT MY FUKKIN NIPPLE!!
Hehe, Karma got him back...
" Pugnacious " next door molested him...
LMFAO

GOTTA LOVE KARMA!!!

Escaping Nicotine's Deadly Grasp

Ode To Nicotine & My Nail Clenching Attempt to Escape its Captivity

Memories concern
Like opening the wound
I’m picking me apart again
You all assume
I’m safer in my room
Unless I try to start again
I don’t want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I’m the one confused
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I know it’s not alright
So I’m breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit tonight
Cultured my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I have no options left again
I don’t want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I’m the one confused
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I’ll never be alright
So, I’m breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit tonight
I’ll paint it on the walls
Cuz I’m the one that falls
I’ll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I’ll never be alright
So, I’m breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit
Breaking the habit tonight

BIATCH IN DA HOUSE TODAY!!

Okay,...
so I caught whatever it was that Cheryl had.
I slept it out.
Then we went to her sister's house
for thier annual New Year's Eve Party.
Took us two hours to get ready
when we stayed all of 45 minutes, maybe...?
We came home,
Read our Tarot Cards,
I walked Harley,
Smoked my LAST cig,
Then we buried the rest of my pack,
and tried to burn it, but it didn't work.
So, we just buried that too.
I saw 1 shooting star
and I made my wish.
Today...
We ate New Year's Day Lunch at her Mom's.
I had to come home early & lie down,...
Not smoking is seemingly killing me worse than ACTUALLY smoking.
Buddy boy,...
I am in one HELLACIOUS MOTHER FUKKIN,
BAD BASS MOOD TODAY.

Puke, Exhaustion, & Garth...

went to wal mart
got some art stuff
gonna make belated Crimmus gifts.
Bella is sikk today
throwing up
yukky.
i had to call out for her at work
and go get her sprite & gatorade
gave her some chicken noodle soup
and sent her onto bed.
my own shoulders are killing me,
i am not in the best of moods.
i am exhausted
but i dunno why.
anyways,
we listened to some more of the new Garth...
here's my lyrics fer today.

I'll Be The Wind

You let him lock you away in his prison of sadness
It's up to you to decide where tomorrow will lead
If it's time to be leaving your burdens behind
I could be just what you need

I'll be the wind
I'll be the highway
I'll be your midnight friend
And we'll fly away
When you come across the courage
To spread your wings again
I'll be the wind

I can't imagine the gypsy you were before him
Carefree and wild a spirited child of the road
Lately girl you've been wearing the weight of the world
And I'd like to lighten your load

I'll be the wind
I'll be the highway
I'll be your midnight friend
And we'll fly away
When you come across the courage
To spread your wings again
I'll be the wind

If it's time to be leaving your burdens behind
I could be just what you need

I'll be the wind
I'll be the highway
I'll be your midnight friend
And we'll fly away
When you come across the courage
To spread your wings again
I'll be the wind

It All Comes Down To A Fart

ok so i am back home now
i am gonna go in detail ab my trip home...
* sigh *
here goes...
it was GREAT being there...
the thing at Mary Barr's
kinda, i dunno...
i told Cheryl i was glad June was there with me.
I told Cheryl if June could overcome her situation
and go & actually visit her Dad,
then i could be the bigger person
and leave a damn voice mail for my sperm donor.
i have mixed emotions about that.
i was put in that situation that I didn't like
instead of freaking out,
and going off on the Old Hag,
i just did it.
kinda over came a lil bit of fear in a way,
ya know?
its over & done with,
just like a fart...
its come & gone,
left a lil stench...
a bit of air freshner & we'll all be okay...
it all comes down to a fart, doesn't it?
anyways, when i got back home....
Cheryl's Mom gave me my thermal Tink blanket
and on the bottom it says BELiEVE,
Her sister gave me a Tink pocketbook
( that now makes 3 total ),
Cheryl gave me:
A Star Wars III poster thingy to go on my wall,
A poster from Posters.com of van Gogh's Starry Night,
The stuff for my SNES
( that doesn't work, btw, DAMNIT ),
& then there's still the 1 mystery gift
that's yet to arrive for me.
i did laundry all day today, LoL...
back to my life...
i missed my lil Shithead,
my shadow,
felt wierd to not have him up my ass....
my Bella...
i missed her too.
today (12 - 29 -05 ) is our 9 month anniversary!!
( WooHoo, Baby!! I LOVE YOU, BELLA!! )
i jammed to a Garth Brooks CD tonight...
I gave Bella the new Box Set Edition only found at Wal - Mart
i listened to my FAVORITE song on the Scarecrow CD...
the purple is pretty...
so soothing....

When You Come Back To Me Again

There's a ship out
On the ocean
At the mercy of the sea
It's been tossed about
Lost and broken
Wandering aimlessly
And God somehow
You know that ship is me
'Cause there's a lighthouse
In the harbour
Shining faithfully
Pouring its light out
Across the water
For this sinking soul to see
That someone out there
Still believes in me
On a prayer, in a song
I hear your voice and
It keeps me hanging on
Raining down
Against the wind
I'm reaching out till
We reach the circle's end
When you come
Back to me again
There's a moment
We all come to
In our own time and
Our own space
Where all that we've done
We can undo
If our heart's
In the right place
On a prayer, in a song
I hear your voice and
It keeps me hanging on
Raining down
Against the wind
I'm reaching out till
We reach the circle's end
When you come
Back to me again
And again I see
My yesterday's in front of me
Unfolding like a mystery
You're changing all that is
And used to be
On a prayer, in a song
I hear your voice and
It keeps me hanging on
Raining down
Against the wind
I'm reaching out till
We reach the circle's end
When you come
Back to me again
When you come
Back to me again

Fo' DAMN Sho!!

Crimmus was WONDERFUL!!!
Auntie Boo didn't join us
at my Mom's for supper.
Got a big shock-
Lissa showed up fer a visit.
Talk about a shock factor!!
Bubba was there,
he's so frikkin cool!!
Spent a lot of time with my other family too.
I love them,
I even ate with them at thier Annual Crimmus Eve supper.
Butchie Boy is still adorable...
and Lil P-Nut is just, omg,
a HEART THROB!!
I'll even hafta admit,
Danny Boy's behaving,
JuneBug is all smiles.
It is good to see my family & friends
happy & at peace,
enjoying the holiday to its fullest.
My Boys are so cute, I swear they are!!
I miss my Bella & my Shithead...
They're coming tomorrow to get me!!
Everybody will get to see my Harley...
Anyways,
I hope yall had a Merry Crimmus,
Cuz I sho nuff did!!

Fa, La, La, La, La, FART...

ok so i am home.
i'm missing my shithead & my bella.
i spent yesterday with my mama linda!!
god i missed her so much,
she truly is like another mother to me.
i feel more comfy talking to her than i do my own mother.
today i fiddle-faddled around,
then went to the Knorr Crimmus dinner.
all went well.
then we saw d & j's dad,...
it was after then that d & s
started their drama.
i guess it wouldn't be a trip home w/o thier glorious drama.
tomorrow, i'll be going to my own mama's early in the a.m.
gotta go see what the jolly fat man got my kids.
then Crimmus dinner with the family.
all is well.
so far, i can still see the purple.
Merry Crimmus, everybody.

Saw this in Ro's journal 2nite...

"Why? Because I believe I will. If you believe, then you hang on. If you believe, it means you’ve got imagination, you don’t need stuff thrown out for you in a blueprint, you don’t face facts-what can stop you?"

Home Is Where The Heart Is...& De Ebonics Crimmus Pome

i cannot wait to go home!!
i'mma miss my bella & my shithead tho.
i'm damn sight gonna hafta focus on my colors
to use restraint & to focus.
because them people LAWD KNOWS
SHO NUFF KNOWS how to push my buttons.
my bella hada bad day at work today,
i tried to make her feel better.
its gonna be great spending quality time
with family and friends.
i CANNOT WAIT
to see my boys & my Mawmaw!!
home is where the heart is, right?
i sho hope & pray there isn't any drama.
nice & easy.
live and let live.
well...I'm off....
i'll leave yall wif Liz's annual
Ebonics Crimmus POME...

De Ebonics Crimmus Pome

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus
An' all ower da hood,
Ereybody wuz sleepin',
Dey wuz sleepin' so good.
We hunged up our stockings
An' hoped like de heck
Dat dat old Sanny Claus
Be bringin' our check.
All o'de fambily
Wuz layin' in dey beds
Whilst Ripple an' Thunderbird
Danced thew dey heads.
I passed out inna flo'
Right nex to my maw.
When I heard sech a fuss,
I thunk, "It muss be de law!!"
I looked out thew de bars
What covered my do
''Spectin' de sheriff
Wif a warrant fo' sho'.
An' what did I see?
I said, "Lawd, look at dat!
"Der' wuz a huge watermelon
Pulled by giant warf rats!
Now, ober all de years,
Sanny Claus, he be white,
But looks liken us bros
Gets a black Sanna dis nite.
Faster dan a po'lees car
My home boy he came.
He whupped on dem warf rats
An' called dem by name.
"On Leroy, on 'Lonzo,
An' on Willie Lee!
On Saphire, on Chenequa!"
Dey was a site to see!
As he landed dat watta' melon
Out der in da skreet,
I knowed it wuz fo' sho'
Da damndest site I ebber did see.
He didn't go down no chimbley;
He picked da lock on my do',
An' I sez to myself,
"Sh**!! He done dis befo'!!"
He had dis big bag
Fulla prezents I 'spect,
Wid Air Jordons and fake gold
To wear roun' my neck.
But he left no good prezents,
Jus started stealin' my sh**.
Got my drugs,
got my guns,
Even got my burglar's kit!!
Wit my stuff in de bag,
Out de winda he flewed.
I woudda' tried to catched him,
But he stole my 'nife too!
He jumped on dat wadda' melon
An' whipped out a switch.
He wuz gone in a seccon
'Dat son of a b****!
Next year I be hopin'
Anutha Sanna we git
Cuz diz here Sanny Claus
Jus' ain't werf a sh**!!

Normal Couple Stuff, REBA, Auras, Chakras, Etc.

well let's see...
sunday Cheryl & I went to her annual
family reunion / Crimmus party.
talk about nerve racking!!
i mean,
i've met most of everybody who was there,
but i don't really know them.
plus them being her family,
i wanted to make a good impression.
monday Bella and I invitied my in - laws over for supper.
tuesday, we ate at their house for supper.
today, we went grocery shopping
and finished our Crimmus shopping.
my Bella works day shift tomorrow.
but it'll be a busy day indeed for me too.
i'll be durrin laundry, cleaning house,
wrapping presents, and packing up to go home on Friday.
Not to mention, having supper ready when she gets home
at oh......8- 8:30ish p.m.
i'm excited about going home.
but am a lil anxious about it too.
i hope & pray to the Goddess that it is all smooth sailing
and without any drama.
but seeing everybody will put a smile on my face,
and not just because i have a gas bubble building up.
in the midst of our shopping today,
i JAMMED to my girl, Reba.
* ALL HAIL THE GODDESS, REBA *
i listened to " The Heart Won't Lie "
like a million times.
( Okay, just 3 or 4. )
" And Still "
" I'm A Survivor "
" Whoever's In New England "
ALL pumped through our car's stereo system today.
i'mma tell yall,
listenin to Reba,
dang,
that just heals my soul right there.
Been readin up on Auras & Chakras...
VERY VERY fascinating.
Makes A LOT of sense.
I'll do more research and see where fate guide my spiritual side.
Today I used an Aura Cleansing method
to help calm down and de-stress my Bella.
and wha-doo-yah know!!
IT WORKED!!
HOT DAMN!!
the Purple was calm, shiny, and PWETTY today!!
i'll leave yall with the lyrics to one of my mostest favorite Reba songs...
but for now,
peace out, yall!!

Performed By: Reba McEntire & Vince Gill

Looking back over the years
Of All the things I've always meant to say
But words didn't come easily
So many times through empty fears
Of all the nights I tried to pick up the phone
So scared of who might be answering
You try to live your life from day to day
But seeing you across the room tonight
Just gives me away

'Cause the heart won't lie
Sometimes life gets in the way
But there's one thing that won't change
I know I've tried
The heart won't lie
You can live your alibi
Who can see you're lost inside a foolish disguise
The heart won't lie

Long after tonight
Will you still hear my voice through the radio
Old desires make us act carelessly
Long after tonight, after the fire
After the scattered ashes fly
Through the four winds blown and gone
Will you come back to me?
You try to live your life from day to day
But seeing you across the room tonight
Just gives me away

'Cause the heart won't lie
Sometimes life gets in the way
But there's one thing that won't change
I know I've tried
The heart won't lie
You can live your alibi
Who can see you're lost inside a foolish disguise
The heart won't lie

The heart won't lie

It Ain't Dun Yet

spent 4 hours
working on my soul's self portrait.
the death of starlight,
the monster & creator of my fears,
both lie at the bottom within gray clouds.
then the rainbow,
with my boys, my grandma, cheryl, liz,
my girl scout symbol,
my golden girls,
& the sun, at the top,
to represent my Nana.
my painting is a story of change,
my metamorphisis.
from where i was,
to where i am.
yet, i am finding that it isn't complete.
cheryl pointed that symbolism out to me.
i cannot figure out what is missing.
hmmm...
something to ponder
while takin a dook on the pooper.

Gone To Carolina In My Mind

Carolina In My Mind Lyrics
In my mind
I'm going to Carolina.
Can't you see the sunshine,
can't you just feel the moonshine?
Ain't it just like a friend of mine to hit me from behind?
Yes, I'm going to Carolina in my mind.
Karen she's the silver sun,
you best walk her way and watch it shine,
watch her watch the morning come.
A silver tear appearing now I'm crying, ain't I?
I'm going to Carolina in my mind.
There ain't no doubt in no ones mind
that loves the finest thing around,
whisper something soft and kind.
And hey, babe, the sky's on fire,
I'm dying, ain't I?
I'm going to Carolina in my mind.
In my mind I'm going to Carolina.
Can't you see the sunshine,
can't you just feel the moonshine?
Ain't it just like a friend of mine to hit me from behind?
Yes, I'm going to Carolina in my mind.
Dark and silent late last night,
I think I might have heard the highway calling.
Geese in flight and dogs that bite.
And signs that might be omens say
I'm going, going, going to Carolina in my mind.
With a holy host of others standing round me,
still I'm on the dark side of the moon.
And it seems like it goes on like this forever,
you must forgive me
if I'm up and in my mind I'm going to Carolina,
can't you see the sunshine can't you just feel the moonshine?
Ain't it just like a friend of mine to hit me from behind?
Yes, I'm going to Carolina in my mind.
In my mind I'm going to Carolina.
Can't you see the sunshine, can't you just feel the moonshine?
Ain't it just like a friend of mine to hit me from behind?
Yes, I'm going to Carolina in my mind.
Gotta make it back home again soon,
gotta make it back on home again soon,
gotta make it back to Carolina soon,
can't hang around,
no babe,
gotta make it back home again,
gotta make it back to Carolina soon...

Looking Into The Mirror

okie dokies.
so last night,
my Bella LAID the SMACKDOWN on me.
OMFG!!
i slept ALL DAY today.
hmmm... moving on.
tonight i watched this show on TLC entitled
" The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off "
i HIGHLY reccomend yall watch it if you see it on.
it'll DEFINATELY put things into perspective for yall.
it made me feel as if my disability,...
was nothing more than a different color jacket.
nothing note worthy.
why?
because it is what is on the inside that makes us who we are.
and this program,
validated my belief.
it made me realize that anyone can make an impact.
all you have to do is:
dare to dream and believe it.
that's one of my resolutions for 2006.
to dream, believe, and see.
because after all, what is it that they tell the children?
seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing.
i'll believe in myself, my love, who i am, my family, my friends,
my Bella, my life, my heart & soul.
2006 will be a great year for me,
i can feel it.
adversities and strife no doubt,
will try to become obstacles to block the progression of my journey.
i will kick and scream to let out my frustrations,
but it is then and only then will i defeat the hurdles set before me.
in my past, i have confided to my closest friends that one of my goals in life
is to make an impact on somebody's life
in the manner that my Nana made an impact on my own life.
but i think that instead, maybe in 2006 i will get a bit selfish.
perhaps i'll do my damnedest to make that impact on MY OWN life...
and in doing that,
i believe i can accomplish the Herculean task of making an impact on someone else's life.
because if i better myself
by believing in myself, trusting myself,
having more faith myself, and even beginning to love myself...
then i know i will be in a better position to give more to the people in my life.
i can see it now,
the purple rays of light
poking out from behind the cloud of my past.
my future is looking bright.

She Brought Down The Champ

Okay so let's see
My Bella called out Saturday night
She felt sick & still doesn't feel well
I cooked her my Brown Rice & Porkchops
Afterwards, we played Uno, The Family Guy Edition
She won 3 outta 5 games,...
DAMNIT.
She BEAT ME!!
ACHK!!
I'M THE UNDISPUTABLE UNO CHAMP OF THE WORLD!!
( Well on Jackson Avenue, at least. )
Sunday we went to the In-Laws for Lunch
Yummy
Yesterday & today my Bella still doesn't feel well.
I'm tryin to give her lot-o-luvin and sweet kisses to help her feel better...
I did my 4th canvas acrylic painting...
I think it blows a monsterous fart,
Cheryl likes it.
Its the Ocean at night, with the moon's reflection on the water.
I've got to write out our Crimmus cards today.
Maybe I'll paint today too.
Who knows what the day may bring!

Botticelli & An Early Crimmus

today i went to the liberry wid muh mama-in-law
i looked up some botticelli
and made photo copies
i know i could get the pics in color if i wanted to
but i just wanted my lil collection
only 1 more botticelli picture to get-
my favorite
primavera
then i'mma get some van gogh
gotta love that starry night
tomorrow a.m.
i'm goin wid da mama-in-law again
but we're goin to wally world, roses, kmart ( I HATE KMART ), & bi-lo
i gave Cheryl her paintings today
i couldn't wait until Crimmus
she says she loves them
me thinks i have found a new hobby;
painting
the purple is glistening & shining through...

Gifts & Harley's Ass

its been a while...
let's see...
the family drama thing is resolved...
went to my therapist & psychiatrist...
all is well.
we got our Crimmus tree & decorated it...
its SOOO cool!!
OUR FIRST CRIMUUS TREE!!
we went crimmus shopping and stuff...
i got my Bella her presents...
the main part i had to make,
so i REALLY hope she likes it....
Hint: took 3 hours to make, my hand hurts, & it has chinese symbols
all is well in my world...
looks like Harley's gonna be okay,
haven't seen any worms at all comin out his butt.
goin to the liberry in da mornin with the Mommy In Law
so i best go get some rest...
peace yall.

Misery, Love, Tink, Sarah, & Neverland

* FiRST OF ALL, MY BELLA & I MADE IT PAST OUR 8 MONTH ANNiVERSARY ( WHiCH WAS 11.29.05 ), i FORGOT TO WRiTE iT iN MY JOURNAL, i'M SORRY BELLA, i LOVE YOU WiTH ALL MY HEART & SOUL, YOU'RE MY MUSE, MY ANGEL, i LOVE YOU *
So I was thinking,
If Thanksgiving is any indication/inclination of Crimmus,
Then yall say a prayer for me to your Higher Power.
Grant me the patience of a Nun in prison.
What is it they say,
Misery loves company?
I was thinking bout the ppl I know who are miserable,
Starlight, my sperm donor, an Aunt, and a few others I know.
It has taken me until just now to understand
That it is THEM with the problem,
NOT me.
These ppl,
They lash out at EVERYBODY in their lives.
ESPECIALLY ppl they love and ppl that care about them.
I.E. - Starlight. I carried guilt around for a long time because of her.
Guilt because I didn’t love her enough, the right way, too much, or true enough.
Guilt because maybe I hurt her.
Guilt because maybe I gave up on her.
Guilt because I couldn’t save her from herself.
The girl I met in the bar that first night,
The girl I once adored,
I’ll forever have a place in my heart for her.
But the monstroncity, the metal faced, self destructive emotional vampress
she has become,
It is not my fault.
No doubt,
I said some things and did some things
That weren’t so nice.
But not enough for her demise.
Until she wants the help,
She will continue to lead the life she is leading.
She can say many things about me.
I am horrible, I did this, I said this, yada, yada, yada…
But what she cannot say is that I did not love her.
Because I did,
I did love her.
To a fault, through and through.
I ignored all the destruction, the drama, everything.
Why?
Because I loved her.
I loved her without boundaries.
And I think that is what life is about,
Because in the end,
That is what we are all left with.
I am Sarah. I have a wonderful future Wife, a kinda psychotic, bat boy / Yoda / Flying Nun Shithead for a dog. I love my twins, my Grandma ( I love being her favorite grandchild too, I know that’s arrogant but oh well its my flaw, not yours so get over it ), Reba, Rosie, Angelina, writing in my journal ( that btw, I rarely spell check, but will make a conscious effort about doing so, LoL ), I love my Golden Girls, my friends, my memories, my Nana, I can be sweet as molasses, Bitchy as anything, Ditsy, Witty, Smartass, Corny, I have my ups, I have my downs, I love my fairies, I write my Bella love letters, I make her laugh until she cries, I think Bug Zappers are the ultimate entertainment (does anyone agree with me here?! ), I think and say the things no one else has the balls to. I love a challenge, I grew up but still have some to do…therein is the irony, Femmes and Butchies…I searched for my Neverland for so long, I ran into dead ends, broken hearts, broken roads, but…when Tink grew up,…Sarah found her Neverland. I have found me, my happiness, my life.


Btw, I just ordered Heartguard Plus for Harley, so tyvm.

Me, Buddah...You, Sukk

harley is dewormed.
almost got a 6 week old yellow lab.
he was SO cute!!
being fostered by a blonde chickadee,
abandoned at SPCA at a too young age.
he had these adorable crooked eyes.
he was so cute & funny.
guess it isn't meant to be;
the universe has its own way
of showing you your path to take.
hissy fits,
disapointment,
and slight anger,
melt way and succomb
to fate and destiny.
what is meant to be will be.
others we cannot change;
only from within
can any change be made.
rub my belly;
clear purple i see,
Buddah
i am tonight.

Wormy Shithead

just let it go, sarah
she says
i am trying
trying to focus on the purple
it is coming into view
but still blurry
cheryl got her schedule for the crimmus week
it sucks
she works all nights 23-25th
i'll hafta figure out what we're gonna do
but she is off New Yrs Eve & Day
i'mma make sure i'm durrin a lil sumin-sumin at midnight
cause yall know the old wives tale bout that...
whatever you're durrin at midnight
on new years eve is what you'll be durrin for most of the year
<>
we found out my Shithead has worms
gee
i told him that cat shit wouldn't be good for his health
so tomorrow we're getting the de-wormer med for him
his behavior overall has improved
as long as he has a blanket to snuggle under
he isn't as clingy as he was
so we have made some progress there
baby steps, eh?
he's gotten the sit thing down pat for the most part
he also knows " get down "
" go lay down "
and we've taught him he cannot be on the furniture if we are eating in the living room
he is learning to not beg for food anymore either!!
now THATS kick ass!!
when we eat at the table, he'll lay down in the living room and go to sleep
or he'll snuggle under a blanket and go to sleep
awww
but he has this thing about watchin you go potty
and i can't stand that
so the dog is still a bit damn psycho
but he wouldn't be harley if he wasn't
next subject
w gave a speech today
about protecting our mexican border more efficiently
hmmm
i hate to say i agree with him
that goes against my every belief to say i agree with that jerk off.
anyways
there ya go
i got stuff to do, gtg, peace

BTW....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLIS & ALEX!!!

A Purple-istic Thanksgiving

so thanksgiving has come & gone
was nervous about going home
family...
gotta love 'em
but ya ass damn sure don't hafta like 'em
anyways
my 2nd cousin came to eat with us
that was nice
my Bella bought me Reba's new double CD
( 33 #1 Hits )
slightly disapointed
doesn't have Fancy OR The Night The Lights Went Out In GA.
those are two of her BIGGEST hits
and I KNOW THEY WERE #1!!
my boys are SO adorable!!
my parents got them awesome bday gifts...
alex got a catcher's gear & get up
( whatever the hell that all requires, beats me )
ellis got an electric guitar & an ampliphier (sp.?)
he'll begin lessons next year
i got to spend time with Mz Hannah Bannanna
we watched Madagascar together
well i tried to
but my deaf ass couldn't hear the movie because
she was giggling so much at it
she's such a sweetie patootie
i went to spend time with mama linda
but she was in broken heartsville when i stopped by
margaret has safely returned from NYC
( thank you, Goddess )
my mom brought me home today
that was cool
i got to spend an hour & a half ALONE with my mom
had the predicted normal family drama at thanksgiving...
yada yada yada
i was pleased to spend time with my family
but lemee TELL YOU!!
i was SOOOOO glaad ( haha ) to get harley & go home
to see my Wifey
I MISSED HER SOOO MUCH!!
MORE than ALL the stars in the Heavens!!
in retrospect ab this thanksgiving...
pondering lesson learned...
I dun tol' my Honey & I'll tell yall
I'mma quote the movie
- Finding Neverland -
" J.M. Barrie: You find a glimmer of happiness in this world, there's always someone who wants to destroy it. "


* This one reminds me of my Nana *
Peter Llewelyn Davies: It's just, I thought she'd always be here.
J.M. Barrie: So did I. But in fact, she is, because she's on every page of your imagination. You'll always have her there. Always.
Peter Llewelyn Davies: But why did she have to die?
J.M. Barrie: I don't know, boy. When I think of your mother, I will always remember how happy she looked sitting there in the parlor watching a play about her family, about her boys that never grew up. She went to Neverland and you can visit her any time you like if you just go there yourself.
Peter Llewelyn Davies: How?
J.M. Barrie: By believing, Peter. Just believe.



I know this much, I've learned to BELiEVE in my purple...in myself...in my love...in the truth...it seems as if the scabs have metamorphasized into scars...it is those scars...those reminders...that keeps me going...Even better now is my Bella believes in me...and that...is way better than anything in this world...My scars; my determination & muse...My Bella..." My Heartsong. "

Doc & Daddy-In-Law

well i finally went to the doc
sinus infection it is
gave me 2 meds for that
gave me 2 more meds for my shoulders
says if meds don't work
i may need physical therapy
right
ok.
daddy-in-law comin for supper tonight
this'll be interesting
peace.

Nuffin In Muh Noggin

today i ate supper at the in-laws
cleaned house
and la dee damn dah
not much going on
no news is good news
i miss my Bella.
she'll be home tomorrow
i can't wait.

Sniff, Sniff

okay so wednesday i had 2 appointments in C-ton
my therapist & audologist
session with Dr G went well
audiologist told VR i do need a new hearing aid
(well gee, look at the shock factor there, folks)
was kinda cranky wed. a.m.
so i figured it was just PMS
lucky me
PMS
sinus infection
possible ear infection
fever
and muscle weakness/strained in my shoulders
heehaw yall
lucky lucky lucky
my girl
she forgot 1 of my 3 idols
she got ro & my Nana
but she completely forgot Reba
not completely sure how to react to that
* sniff, sniff *
* sad, pathetic, hurt look, & big puppy dog eyes *
my boy
he know his mom's sick
he's loving me extra extra
i told her life was/is a circle
and because of her
my life has completed its circle
and is now complete
i look on Ro's blog & she says
" did stand up twice last week
wild to be back there
tiny stages
young comics
waiting
working out new stuff
full circle
we all go
round n round "

how right you are, ro.

p.s.~ yall see my adorable Bella lookin like a goofball in my tobbaggan (sp.?) ? then, there's me & my boy, & Bella and my boy

Busy Busy Busy

so monday was a big day
we moved the rest of the furniture
i worked my lil ass off
my bella cooked a jam up supper last night
ham, buttah beans, yeller rice....
de-lish-us
i called two vets today to inquire about Harley's separation anxiety
one didn't know shit
the other recommended a consultation
" to test him but not metaboliclly (sp.?) "
so i'm guessin we're just gonna hafta break down & take the lil asshole in
joy
more moo-lah
but i love him
and i want him to be happy
so its worth it
planning on spending thanxgiving wknd @ my Mawmaw's
i can't wait to spend time with her
anyways
today was our first true lazy day
woohoo
bout damn time
peace

Reincarnated Ralph & Nana's Message

so because we are in the country
we have field mice out in the yard
so just in case
we put down poison for 'em everywhere
well
last night i found a half dead one
wriggling on it's back on our kitchen floor
ralph reincarnated
( seein as to how he was 1/2 dead )
i had to call cheryl's momma to come get it
i'm such a pussy
i know
anyways
lemee tell yall about somethin kinda unexplainable
last night ( or this a.m., whatever )
i had a dream that my Nana
was wearing my sterling silver ring
2 things here;
Nana ALWAYS wore gold
and
i'd lost my ring pre-move & haven't been able to find it ANYWHERE
" but i digress "
in my dream
i noticed the ring on her hand because it was silver
i said " Nana thats my ring "
she said "Well here you go Honey "
so alas i awoke from my dream
got up
went to the bathroom
walked down the hallway
and looked at my Nana's picture that is on display
i look at her everyday & night
before i go to bed
and when i wake up
now get this shyt...
my ring was sitting right in front of her picture
it was as if she was saying
" here you go Honey "
now i asked cheryl about this, right?
her mom found my ring this a.m.,
gave it to cheryl when she went to her house before coming home,
who upon returning to our home this a.m.,
set it in front of my Nana's picture
still kinda freakish/cool, isn't it?
THEN...
THEN!!
i call my Mawmaw to tell her about it...
and be danged if she didn't find Nana's necklace on her dresser THIS MORNING
Mawmaw said she'd been looking for it for a while
and had not been able to find it amongst the chaos on top on her dresser
she said when she happened to walk by her dresser
BAM!!
there it was
mysteriously on top of everything
in plain view
( i gave Nana's necklace to Mawmaw to hold for me
because its still a little hard for me to see it)
i'mma tell yall
i dunno if i am back tracking towards bein crazy
or if there really is stuff out there that is unexplainable
either way
it felt like Nana was telling me
" i'm still here, Honey. "

- I miss you, my Nana. Not a day goes by that you don't cross my mind. You influenced me more than you'll ever know. I love you still to this day, sometimes, I think I love you more so now. I cannot get it through my mind that it has been 8 years. I've survived...just like you did, back then in your troubled times. You taught me that, I want you to know. Feels crazy even writing this, because you're not here to read it. But I know you're still with me. I love you, Nana.

Yada, Yada, Yada

i got my golden girls ring tone
i won my war against a corporation
seems trivial
but it is an accomplishment for me
golden girls marathon all day today
look at my baby,
that's part of why i love him
he just looks so darn cute and adorable some times!!
had a sinus headache today
fun
fun