And when somebody knows you well
Well there's no comfort like that
And when somebody needs you
Well there's no drug Iike that...
And where l'm home, curled in your arms
And I'm safe again
I'll close my eyes and sleep, sleep
To the sound of London Rain
So keep me, keep me
In your bed all day, all day
Nothing heals me like you do
Keep me keep me
In your bed all day, all day
Nothing heals me like you do
Nothing heals me like you do
--------------------------------
Joey (Katie Holmes): And now that this scared little girl no longer follows me wherever I go, I miss her. I do. 'Cause there are things I wanna tell her... to relax, to lighten up, that it is all going to be ok. I want her to know that meeting people who like you, who understand you, who actually accept you for who you are, will become an increasingly rare occurrence. Jen, Jack, Audrey, Andie, Pacey, and Dawson. These people who contributed to who I am, they are with me wherever I go, and as history gets rewritten in small ways with each passing day, my love for them only grows. Because the truth is... it was the best of times. Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned, but all of that has receded into fond memory now. How does it happen? Why are we so quick to forget the bad and romanticize the good? Maybe it's because we need to believe that the time we spent together actually meant something, that we were there for each other in a time in our lives that defined us all, a time in our lives that we will never forget. I can't swear this is exactly how it happened. But this is how it felt.
-------------------------------------
Joey (Katie Holmes): We're growing up, that's all. I mean even Spielberg outgrew his Peter Pan syndrome.
-------------------------------------
Joey (Katie Holmes): I don't know. I guess I feel different. Like... I've always had this tendency to assume that change, when it happens, can only be for the worse. You know? And lately, I kinda feel like that's not true... like whatever's waiting for me out there... may not be that bad. And even if it is... then not knowing about it... might actually be the good part.
--------------------------------------
Dawson: This is in your hands; you can control this.
Pacey: This is the wrong time for an Obi-Wan moment, Dawson.
--------------------------------------
This next quote makes me think of my Nana:
Peter Llewelyn Davies: It's just, I thought she'd always be here.
J.M. Barrie: So did I. But in fact, she is, because she's on every page of your imagination. You'll always have her there. Always.
Peter Llewelyn Davies: But why did she have to die?
J.M. Barrie: I don't know, boy. When I think of your mother, I will always remember how happy she looked sitting there in the parlor watching a play about her family, about her boys that never grew up. She went to Neverland and you can visit her any time you like if you just go there yourself.
Peter Llewelyn Davies: How?
J.M. Barrie: By believing, Peter. Just believe.
---------------------------------------------
Sam: I love you Molly. I always have.
Molly: Ditto.
---------------------------------------------
Happy Anniversary, mon femme Bella.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Happy 7th Month Anniversary, Bella
Friday, October 28, 2005
The Last Piece of the Puzzle...
so wisabus is on her way
more packing we'll do
she's treating me tonight
to a ghost tour of Charleston
it sukks cheryl can't go
she'll be at work
it'll feel weird without my other half attached at my hip
i know she'd enjoy it just as much as i will
i crunched numbers last night for our bills
we will be okay
the stress is taking its toll on both of us
but the lines of communication are open
so i know we will be okay
last night
leeds called with the knews that her new Pom, To-to
had 2 babies
omygarsh
thas so exciting
my mama linda called
and asked if we would be getting harley before or after her trip
i told her i'd confer with my wife and let her know
my wifey immediately agreed with me
we'll be getting him before her trip
if i knew harley would behave while we unpacked
i wouldn't take him back at all
but
* sigh *
it wouldn't be fair to him
to be so bored
i've decided on what i'll be getting cheryl for crimmus
she's gonna flip when she sees it
she'll absolutely love it
we've got the date set for our house warming party/cook out
my whole family has been invited
i cannot wait
i've ALWAYS dreamt of having a WONDERFUL partner,
my dog,
a house
and having a house warming party/cook out
and inviting my family and closest friends
its amazing isn't it?
cheryl just keeps on making all my dreams come true
we'll have our house
our own dish washer,
washing machine,
dryer,
and Harley
LoL
its the little things that make me the happiest
i'mma be such a good lil house wifey
i'mma do everything i can to spoil my Bella
and make her happy
she deserves it
she makes me happier than i EVER dreamt POSSIBLE
she balances me out like no other
i guess she truly is the yin to my yang
i sit here and think of what she means to me,
i think of the difference she's made in my life,
the freedom she's given me,
the understanding,
the compassion,
the love,...
i thought i'd been in love before
i thought i knew what love and committment were
i thought i understood relationships...
boy was i wrong
i know what love is now
i know what compromise is all about
and everytime before
when i thought i was in love
and everytime before
when i thought i loved somebody
perhaps to some degree i did know
but now
now i know
i know why people write love stories
i know the stuff fairytales are made of
i used to think that the " high " you got from the feeling of being in love
i thought THAT was the magic in fairytales
nope
the magic in the fairytales is love
that unconditional love
the love without boundries
the love that crosses borders
that unites opposites
that unites families
friends
soulmates
i was pretty sure that i had found my soulmate when i was in my childhood
the person who thought they knew me better than i did
they could finish my sentence
order for me in any restaurant and get my order 100% correct
knew why i had my flaws
but that isn't what a soulmate is
no
my soulmate is the person that loves me
BECAUSE of my flaws
because of my quirks
my good points
they balance me out
i'm not whole without them
they just make my life make sense
to borrow a quote from Pacey
" Pacey: I'm just saying thank you. You reminded me of what I'm capable of feeling. It's like I was... walking around seeing my life through a smudged window, and then I saw you and the smudges were gone. The window was clean. "
i truly am the luckiest girl in the whole world
i now get choked up & tears well up
when i think of what Cheryl means to me
everything is falling into place
the puzzle is complete
my life
my world
myself
my friends and family
my love
its complete
no more questions
no more dark lost nights alone
this, ladies and butches,
is what life's all about
Strong Enough
round and round it goes
the stress choking me
but i shall not let her see
i visualize the stress going round and round
going down the drain
down with the mess
fall away from me
fall away from my life
from our life
no doubt the next two months will test our strength
as individuals we'd sukk
and as a couple we kick ass
i have faith in that
if nothing else
she's not wandering aimlessly in the dark anymore
she's not alone in this adversity
in one hand
i have the light of hope and faith
with my other hand
i reach for her in the darkness
to let her know i am there
and she is not lost
it seems weird that i am not falling apart at the seams
that i am not buckling under the stress
i am standing strong
stronger than i ever was
staring into the bitter face of change
i see hope
i see our path
the darkness shall not entrance me
the disguise will not fool me into chaotic weak submission
i keep saying that this is what we both wanted anyways
to go home
its almost as if we've laughed in the face of the devil
and his co-conspirator, evil, is daring us to doubt
so we'll fold and take the easy way out
i have faced a bigger evil in my time
if my father couldn't bring me down
a little strife and adversity damn sure won't either
perhaps the mask i am wearing
it is the color of strength
she sees when she looks into my eyes
i'm thinking maybe its not a mask
maybe
just maybe
i am strong
i am strong enough for her
for us
for me
she and i are Blessed to have found each other
i am thoroughly and genuinely ecstatic that i have found me
i was scared of what was beneath my rough exterior
so many negative, nasty, raw emotions
all bubbling with nowhere to blow
now, i am in control
it is MY life
i control the anger,
the love,
the happiness,
the authenticity...
i control my breathing...
in and out it goes
the purple goes into my soul
and comes out
in and out...
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Rambling
this is an old picture...What was i so shy about? Hmmm...I'mma TRUE Grandma's GiRL!!
okay this is me rambling...
i was looking through my saved mail
deleting old and unecessary crapola
and came across a few things i thought i'd share
whether they were funny or just sweet or whatever
-------------------------
this is an OLD convo i saved with Tray
he was down in the dumps
so i tried to cheer him up
he is a man of few words
so what words he does say
you tend to listen...
DCF825: I Love You Babe
DCF825: I mean that
-------------------------
i found this old quote psycho-bitch wrote
i asked her to write a damning quote about a girl
who broke my heart
it seems ironic the quote she wrote
it fits her so well
blackwidowcandystripe (1/24/05 6:31:51 PM): I find myself remembering you how we use to be, alone in the dark I try to hide these tears for you that i have cried. I am strong enough to say what's on my mind. your tears will stain your face. those you will not hide they will see the times you lied and take my broke heart so it may keep you safe inside. but all those feelings I had for you have died.
-------------------------
here i am talking to my brother, alex
this was in march earlier this year
isn't he SOOO sweet?!
Missycaulkins: I think you are a good sister!
PrincessTink427: Who's the best sister ever?!
Missycaulkins: You!!:-D
-------------------------
a lil letter from muh Bella when we first began dating
HOW FRIKKIN SWEET IS SHE?!
i am THE LUCKIEST girl EVER!!
Date: Mon, 18 Apr 2005 08:15:14
You truly are my heartsong. My heart sings with happiness and swells with my love for you. I thank God everyday for blessing me with you and pray that I bring you as much happiness as you do me. I cherish every nanosecond we have together and am overwhelmed with happiness knowing that we will be side by side as we experience this Journey of Life.I love you Sarah more than I ever thought I could possibly love anyone. I fell in love from the moment I laid eyes on you. Have a great day my Love; my Heart; my Song.Thank you for finding me.
-------------------------
another love letter from my Bella
she found the words to bring even me to my knees
Date: Sat, 4 Jun 2005
Dearest, Sweet Sarah, You have been in my thoughts all night. My spirit soars and my body ignites as my memory drifts back to the first day we met. My heart knew the moment we met that you were the one I would fall in love with. Sarah, I love you. I love you more and more with each passing day. I fell in love with your radiant beauty; your fiery passion; your intelligence and sharp wit. First and foremost it was your heart that captured me and holds me captive with your unconditional love, your compassion and commitment to those you love. Even as I type these words they still dont express the intensity of my emotions and feelings I have for you. You are the one for me. I will fight for you; for us, my Love. NEVER give up and ALWAYS believe in yourself. I believe in you, Sarah. I believe in us. You are one of the strongest women I know and I thank the Gods and Goddesses every day for bringing you into my life. You are MY sunshine. You are my heart. All of my love forever, Yours truly, Bella
-------------------------
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Pretty Purple
today i had my therapy appt. with Dr G
i told her all about what happened
even down to my lil finger bein in a splint
she says i am making great progress
the fact that i stood my ground and took care of myself
on the whole dr custer thing & with this " native " problem
i did it
i believed in myself
so i took care of myself
Dr G has had me look into my anger
why it is there
who it is aimed at and why
suprisingly
a lot of it was aimed at myself
i was angry at myself for so long because i felt like i wasn't good enough for certain ppl
my dad
my mom
my step dad
my siblings
old friends
old loves
i always tried to please them in some way or another
to appease them
because i could never satisfy them
i became angry with myself
now that i am confronting this
my confidence is growing
and because of this
i now CAREFULLY choose who i want to have in my life
i am who i am
and the ppl who are in my life now
understand and accept that
my quirks
my " moments " (and if you know me, you know what i mean)
my good points
and my flaws (which are just my "signatures")
i am learning to take chances with ppl
such as learning to open up to the ppl in my life
i am slowly opening up to my mother
and that is hard for me to do
i was angry with her for so long
because i felt like she wasn't there when i needed her emotionally
the catch is, however,
if i don't open up to her and tell her i need her
she can't be there for me
like this whole thing with the friggin "native"
i cried to her on the phone
I CRIED TO MY MOTHER ON THE PHONE
i NEVER EVER would've let myself be THAT vulnerable to her
i sent her an email today
apologizing for what i put her and Steve through
and saying thank you for what all they've done for me
and asking if she has looked in her attic for furniture for our house
in reply i got:
" I’ll always love you and you will probably always make me laugh and cry and make me happy and angry. So I guess, things are just about right. Love ya, see ya. Mom "
i am taking baby steps in my self recovery/self cleansing/self discovery process
so i won't become overwhelmed by this whole thing
even Liz and Cheryl have said they are proud of the progress i am making
i am truly Blessed to have such a wonderful support system
i know that i am happy for the first time in a long time
the purple is so pretty
Monday, October 24, 2005
Luck Is A Lady....
so my luck got a lil bit worse...
saturday i went t take harley for a walk
slammed my finger in the door
* sigh *
lucky me
went to the ER and got Xrays
got a splint
and went on bout my way
spent saturday night with leeds & angie
harley played with sugarbear all night long
they're so cute together!!
today we cancelled our gym membership,
withdrew cheryl from class,
raided super walmart for boxes,
and spoke to the apartment manager...
she was a damn bitch of course
said they weren't responcible for what happened
but the the guy lived in gov't apt.s here
so she'd have him evicted anyways
she gave some bullshit reason as to why the apt.s courtesy officer never called us back
she also said it was $500 to break the lease
so....
liz might come fri night and saturday
to help me pack while cheryl's at work
she'll take harley to linda saturday when she goes home to flo.
cheryl's momma may come either saturday or sunday morning
to help us load the u-haul sunday
i cannot WAIT to move
a 3 bedroom adorable house
small town
in the country
screened in back porch
1 hour from florence
30 from columbia
30 from santee
1 hour from charleston
it'll be a relief to get it all done
after we get settled in
i get to get my dog for good!
woohoo!!
anyways
thats whats up in my neck of da woods
peace luv n chicken butt, yall
Friday, October 21, 2005
More Thoughts On Today...
ya know
tonight we have heard from everybody
our friends and family have really stepped up to bat for us
that means the world to us
so we begin a new journey together
we were planning on moving anyways
just sooner than originally thought
fate has a way of showing you where to go
and it catches your attention
thats for damn sure
i am scared of all this
its so overwhelming
i am hesitant of switching Voc Rehabs
i like my case worker
and my therapist is super
my mind is just SO over loaded with thoughts
racing in a million different directions
we have so much to do
i can't believe i cried today
like the levees in new orleans
it just gave way
i've not cried like that
since...
i cannot even remember
i am thankful i was kept safe
cheryl is right....
we are just so upset because we realized how vulnerable we are
and that is truly scary!
it could've gone way worse than what did happen
thank you Nana & Papa for watching over me
i hope it will go well with the management people
if not
we already have a lawyer
i am so ready to be back in a small town
with stars and dirt roads
and smiles and nice people
i am definately NOT a big city girl
even danny and my mama linda were worried
that was super sweet of them
and according to TB
CW2 is fast approaching
"to finish off what our grandfathers didn't"
LoL
gotta love them good ol' country boys
i cried to my own (biological) Mother on the phone
and shoot
i even told her i loved her!
talk about miracles and making progress!!
speaking of making progress...
on my "my name is earl" checklist,
i can cross off the last ex
...or the first...
however you wanna look at it
i took responcibility for my words and actions
i asked forgiveness
ya know
growing up aint as bad as i thought it would be
hard
yes
but not bad
"life has a funny, funny way....of helping you out...of helping you out..."
even she was worried and expressed concern about today's events
Texas even called
she wished me well on all this
Cheryl-
i love you, mon femme Bella. thank you for being there for me today. you kept me strong even through the tears. we will come through this okay. we are so fortunate...we trully are. i love you, my sunshine. *MuAh*
Muther Fukkers
Today, I had a quite nasty little incident. I went to the corner gas station for my Marlboros and a Coca Cola...I got harrassed, bombarded, and intimidated by the "natives", the customers of the station...who also happen to live in our apartments. One older man singled me out and more or less invited himself into my car for a ride back to the apartments. Mind yall, Cheryl NOR I know ANYBODY within our apartments. We keep to ourselves all the time. We go home to both Orangeburg & Florence to visit with friends and family members. Anyways...The man in my car lets me know that he knows when I am at home by myself and that he knows it is more than just a "roomate" situation, and that he knows i have brought my dog here for a visit. This situation has rattled Cheryl & I both to our bones. We are frankly scared shitless. We filed an intimidation incident report with the Police, and we requested a Patrol car patrol within the apartment grounds tonight. We called our lawyer friend in Cola, who advised us to take the incident report with us to the Managers first thing Monday morning to see if we can get out of our lease. (She's been here for a few years and he current lease is up at the end of February.) My Mother-In-Law-to-Be has assurred us that we will be able to rent one of their houses from them (them being Cheryl's parents) as soon as we want. We are both completely stressed and shaken up. OMFG this SUKKS!! We both came undone and cried and cried. Not that crying will help resolve the situation...But i grew up in Florence...I am NOT accustomed to this...Needless to say, we are moving soon as possible! I hope and pray to the Goddess that we can escape the lease. Cheryl will drive back & forth to work until she can find a job closer to Orangeburg...atleast that's the plan for now anyways. God please watch us and see us through...
Thursday, October 20, 2005
An Insightful Progression
When I look into the mirror,
I am startled by what I see;
I see Hope.
For so long,
The reflection I saw was Ugly,
Distorted,
Angry,
Jealous,
Hurt,
Disappointed;
A Sad Monster
Who’d completely lost herself
In this journey called life.
For so long,
I teeter-totted on that fragile edge
Of logic and insanity.
I was on a misguided route
To do unto the world
The misgivings that’d been done to me.
I hurt many people while
Meandering pointlessly in the darkness.
People I love, and have loved,
I felt like I wasn’t important in their lives.
The truth in that
Is I wasn’t important to myself.
Anger was my only friend
All other emotions terrified me
I was afraid to love those the closest to me;
If I allowed myself
To be capable of loving
Then it would only end up hurting me.
In my lashing out
Irreparable damage done to those around me.
Perhaps this is where wisdom permeates my very being
To allow my soul to heal.
Self destructiveness was my defense mechanism
Many a friendship and past loves hurt by that precise action of mine.
There are ones to whom my apologies have played like a broken record
They doubt the sincerity
And that I can understand.
But I am sorry for foolishly hurting
My loved ones
It has hurt not only them
But my own self as well.
So now here I sit
6 feet back from the ledge
I can see the ominous abyss from which I have risen,
Much like the Phoenix,
I am reborn.
I am on the path on which I aim to be
A path to personal discovery
A path to self cleansing
To excise all the menacing, deep rooted, anger
That does no good to anybody.
It’s quite the irony
That the certain few who called me Tink
Are the ones who I have hurt the most
And they are the ones who’ve hurt me the most.
I tried to live in this ill rooted fantasy world
To escape my reality.
Tink
The flying fairy who had happy, pixie dust
Who could take you to a place where time stood still
Her loyalty stood true
And magic was real,
I had to overcome the desolate emotions and actions
To reclaim the child buried subconsciously within me
To find the girl who I’d become
So I can be who I want to be.
I used to believe that life was all about “finding your soul mate”
That conviction only fed my misguided meanderings even more
It wasn’t until I woke up and faced the monster in the mirror
That I realized that life is about self discovery
When on the path to attain peace and tranquility
Is when there is light in the black tunnel of the abyss
That light
That Hope
Is what completes us
I am proud of the baby steps I have taken to claim myself
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”
I have come far
Yet I still have a humongous journey that lay ahead
And I am okay with that
Life is good
I am thankful to the Gods and Goddesses for that
A once brightly colorful past now fading to black and white
As the light of Hope guides me to where I belong
I will be okay.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
WOOHOO!!
yesterday my honey and i shared a romantical supper
we figured out how to cook
Pasta Weesie found at Carrabba's Italian Grill
it wuz DAY-UM guud!!
we put up the fake spider webs on our front porch
a sad attempt to get in the halloween spirit
goin back to wally world to get more
and to get the glow in the dark spider webs
we put a black light on the porch too
and we think we're gonna decorate our pumpkins tomorrow
had a meeting with voc rehab today
they switched my doc's
they guarantee a good experience this go 'round
they also confirmed to me
that they would get me an appt.
with the ear, nose, & throat doc to clean muh ears out
and get me to an audiologist for my hearing aide
i got to see the results of my last hearing test while in the meeting
the hearing in my right ear
i thought was at about 20 or 25%
nope
try 10%
so yea yea
all yall can pikk on me
i am deaf
in my right ear atleast
but in my left ear
i actually have good hearing
i hafta wear the aide to compensate for the right ear
(it seems as if i'm always compensating for something, doesn't it?!)
anyways
i cleaned house today
like a good wifey
my Bella put the laundry up
i'm gonna cook her some yummy supper tonight
OH BTW- GOOD NEWS!!
yall know i can't keep good suprises to myself
especially when they're for my loved ones...
i couldn't wait til orangeburg
to pop the q
so i ran her a candle lit, sea salt bath
and i joined her...
after i grew a backbone...
* DA DAH DUH DUM!!*
SHE SAID YES!!
WOOHOO!!
it's on next year...
i'mma take my Bella to "Baston"
(thats Boston to us southerners)
WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
I'M THE LUCKIEST GiRL IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!
Closer Shot Of The Dolphins
The Dolphins Were Hard To Take Pictures Of, So This Is The Best We Got, Sorry Yall...
Monday, October 17, 2005
Harley
i put my Harley in a mini back pack kinda thing...
he looks SOOO thrilled, doesn't he?!
1 pic is on my chest,
other is on my back
Catching Up...
so we went to flotown
on cheryl's bday
to pick up
my doggy
i wuv my harley
then to o-burg
to the in-laws for a few days
we went to kmart while we were there
kmart SUKKS!!
NEVER EVER AGAIN will i EVER go!!
then we went to her nephews' football games in sumter
left o-burg on friday
wizasaurus came to chucktown fri night
saturday we went on an Eco-Tour
you ride a boat in the chucktown harbour
with a nature tour guide
we saw loads of dolphins
that was so frikkin cool
the boat took us to morris island
where we got to walk around for a while
after the tour back at the maritime cntr.
there was a wedding in the heat of day
with the Gullah gospel singers....
interesting...
from there
the 3 of us proceed to crosbey's
where we buy local oysters and local skrimp
oi!
i've had my fill of oysters for a while
sunday
i went to the "doc-in-the-box"/ER
a mystery outbreak
not even the docs can ID it
so they have me on
Zyrtec, Prednisone, Benedryl, and Aveeno Oatmeal Bath
woohoo.
fun, fun.
i'll post the pics a i get them from wisabus.
peace out, yall.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Taking The Dive
as the seconds tick by
my heart beats louder
its approaching the time
when i dive right in
the answer i already know
its funny how some words can be so hard to say
under a campfire
" feelin good "
under the stars
with mah dog
will somehow sum up
every hard lesson learned
the tears will overflow
and emotions will too
she doesn't know what's coming for her
she thinks i spent an ass of money
we can't afford on her present
very cheap monetary wise
but emotionally
its what you wait a lifetime for
so here i go
gonna take a deep breath
say a lil prayer
butch up a lil bit
and dive right on in
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Trans Sexual Vampires & Inner Peace
well today was very nice
very relaxing
when i awoke
my Bella
had most of the clothes done
so we played around for a lil while
then she cleaned up the bedroom
and i cleaned the dishes
then she cooked supper
fried fish and french fries
yummy
then she cleansed the house
the atmosphere is so nice
its free of impurities
later on, i got online
after she left for work
my uncle and i get into another star wars discussion
like old times
i'm still a dweeb at heart
what can i say?
then a vampire trans sexual IMs me on yahoo
he/she/it says
it wants to bite my neck
only me,
i swear
i'mma tell yall...
geesh!
only me
while meditating
i let my thoughts wander
i'm still coming to terms with my past
certain ex-loves that bothered me
but i am over coming it
just as i am with my anger
i've truly come to the conclusion
that everyone we encounter in our lives
have some sort of impact on us
be it a good or bad experience
it is all a learning process
nothing is a mistake
the difference
between a wise man and a fool
is that the wise man learns from his experiences
i have figured out
that there are certain people in my past
whom i will always have in my heart
the time spent with them
touched me in some profound way
i loved them
some all be it
on different levels than others
but nonetheless
i still loved them
i used to think that peace could only be attained
the day i was " over " those certain individuals
but if that day does ever come into fruition
then i have back stepped
because that means i will have forgotten
all those lessons that were so hard to learn
no longer do i yearn to be with them
i just yearn to never forget
so i can put my all into my relationship with cheryl
and not make the same mistakes again
its just a matter of coming to terms
being at peace
with my actions
words
mistakes
and choices
that once seemed so far fetched
now
i am there
the purple flows in and out
the circle has gone round
life is as it should be
peace is attained
thank you goddess.
La Dee Dah...
life is returning to normal now
thank goddess
happy sleep
giggling in my dreams
yummy
i can only imagine
going home this coming week
* woohoo *
gonna see my mawmaw,
my boys,
and get my shithead for a few days
i'm super excited
then we're gonna go to muh future in-law's
with muh dog...
woohoo!!
its also gonna be cheryl's bday
hmmm...
i love my Bella
i'm SOOOOO Blessed to have her in my life
again....
thank you, Goddess
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Sarah-1, Dr-0
what was once my breaking point
now no more
no outburst of anger
towards the individual
stood my ground
and prevailed
to be a true Bell(e)
* i love you Bella *
i suprised myself
by standing up
to the Dr
even though i was terrified
i fought my battle
and won
i didn't go off the deep end
no explosion of anger
only a suprising boost of confidence
and tears of joy and relief
then alas
sleep is attained
thank you goddess & god...
and Bella
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Chasing Sleep
i was SO excited yesterday
when muh doc
wrote me a sleeping RX
it felt like a ton had been lifted off my shoulders
knowing sleep was attainable that night
later we went out with diana
met a lil firefighter butch
who went to katrina-land for body recovery
very cool
came home
watched tv
took my sleep med
then...
fell asleep at 5 a.m.
it didn't work
DAMNIT
WEIRD dreams ensued
with a welcoming headache upon my awakening
called the doc to tell him
he never returned my call
will stage a silent protest in his office tomorrow
if the shithead doesn't help me
i still cannot comprehend
how i can be so exhausted
but not be able to sleep
achk!
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Finding Magic
exhaustion plaguing me
i think its a side effect of zoloft
we took off for Folly
the beach heals all
on the way
we see a homeless guy begging for money
at a stoplight
he looked at cheryl and said
"cheer her up and tell it could be worse,
she could be hooked up with me."
that put a perspective on things,
i tell ya
we go on to Woodys on Folly
for pizza
don't go there
it sucks
then we went cruising
ran into Carol the turtle lady
she invited us to the opening of the last nest
it was magical
though there were no turtles left in the nest,
i envisioned
ralph's lil cousins all scampering
towards the ocean
going on some innate instinct to
follow the moon to the waters of life
life is good.
find the magic.
believe.
thank the goddess.
THE Turtle Lady
Yep, her shirt does say Turtle Woman. And that, she is. Carol heads up the Turtle Ladies of Folly...there are currently 23 volunteers.
