The War Rages On...

Day #2...
I slept all day.
I was thinking,
that if I sleep all day,
my body could begin detoxing itself,
while I slept.
Thinking to myself,
it wouldn't be so bad.
* Pfffffttttt *
Girl,
was I wrong!!
I am more ill
than a cat in a room full of rockin chairs.
I mean it, yall...
I need a venue to take out my aggression.
I'm not even sure exactly why
I have so much build - up of aggression within me.
Maybe it is because subconsiously I am not getting what I want,
that being Nicotine.
So, my inner child is throwing
the MOTHER of ALL hissy fits,...
thus;
my anger.
Hell, I dunno.
Good theory, though, me thinks.
I'm MAJORLY hoping & praying
that this is a temporary state of Hell
in which I am residing in at the moment.
Another note worthy hypothesis is:
I am stubborn,
HARD HEADED,
strong willed,
determined,
any & everybody who TRULY KNOWS me, knows these facts about me.
Maybe I'm getting angry because,
I feel like this little ... thing... is beating me.... its winning?
And I don't lose
when it comes to achievings goals I've set for myself.
Proposing a third & final theory is...
Maybe I am angry because it is an emotion I, very sadly,
am comfortable with.
I'm not quite sure exactly what emotions I'm supposed to be going through,
during this hardest part of stopping smoking.
I know it is nothing but a mere
mental test.
Who is stronger?
Mind VS. Nicotine.
I am angry, I am pissy.
But with ever fiber I've got in me,
I promise I ain't giving up.
I WILL WIN.
Why?
Bc...As My IDOL, Reba, Sings...

I was born 3 months too early
The doctor gave me 30 days
But I must have had my * Nana's * will
And God's amazing grace
I guess I'll keep on livin
Even if this love's to die for
Cuz your bags are packed
And I ain't cryin
Your walkin out and I'm not tryin
To change your mind
Cuz I was born to be...
I'm a survivor...
It only brings you down
May be the queen of broken hearts
But I don't hide behind the crown
When the deck is stacked against me
I just play a different game
My roots are planted in the past
And though my life is changing fast
Who I am is who I wanna be
The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up
But she's just too hard headed...
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor