I Went To Bed & Found An Ass...

Aww

Pretty Purple

Okay, FINALLY...
here's our mailbox.
i blacked out our address.
can't be too careful!!
We are OFFICIALLY a married couple!!
It is SO AMAZING & DEEPLY AWESOME
having a mailbox with both of your names
in front of your OWN house!!
Then, here's Bella's herb garden.
LoL, though I'm the one who waters it.
:-D
My Bella got her lil water fountain put in the other day.
Ain't it cute?
BTW, you know what's HOT?!
REBA in her new video,
"Love Needs A Holiday"...
Good GAWD ALMIGHTY.
*whew*
I'm gettin nervous bout my cookout.
It'll be the first time our families have joined together simultaneously.
ACHK.
We'll be just fine.
*deep breath*
1,2,3...
here we go!!
the purple...
is SOOO beautiful.

Our Roses...Aint Dey BEAUTIFUL?!

Pink ROCKS ON!!

DEAR MR. PRESIDENT
(feat. Indigo Girls)

Dear Mr. President
Come take a walk with me
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep
What do you feel when you look in the mirror
Are you proud

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why

Dear Mr. President
Were you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
How can you say
No child is left behind
We're not dumb and we're not blind
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye

Let me tell you bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh

How do you sleep at night
How do you walk with your head held high
Dear Mr. President
You'd never take a walk with me
Would you

MY BELLA!!

Come Monday

Headin' up to San Francisco
for the Labor Day weekend show,
I've got my hush-puppies on,
I guess I never was meant for
glitter rock and roll.
And honey I didn't know
that I'd be missin' you so.

Come Monday It'll be all right,
Come Monday I'll be holding you tight.
I spent four lonely days in a brown L.A. haze
and I just want you back by my side.

Yes it's been quite a summer,
rent-a-cars and west bound trains.
And now you're off on vacation,
somethin' you tried to explain.
And darlin' I love you so that's
the reason I just let you go.

I can't help it honey,
you're that much a part of me now.
Remember the night in Montana when
we said there'd be no room for doubt.

I hope you're enjoyin' the scenery,
I know that it's pretty up there.
We can go hikin on Tuesday,
with you I'd walk anywhere.
California has worn me quite thin,
I just can't wait to see you again.

To Mon Femme Bella

Jupiter and Callisto, 1613
by Peter Paul Rubens

Chance

Elsa Gidlow
1898-1986

Strange that a single white iris
Given carelessly one slumbering spring midnight
Should be the first of love,
Yet life is written so.

If it had been a rose
I might have smiled and pinned it to my dress:
We should have said Good Night casually
And never met again.
But the white iris!
It looked so infinitely pure
In the thin green moonlight.
A thousand little purple things
That had trembled about me through the young years
Floated into a shape I seem always to have known
That I suddenly called Love!

The faint touch of your long fingers on mine wakened me.
I saw that your tumbled hair was bright with flame,
That your eyes were sapphire souls with
hungry stars in them,
And your lips were too near not to be kissed.

Life crouches at the knees of Chance
And takes what falls to her.

This Little Light Of Mine...

today my cardiologist gave me a clean bill of health.
*WooT*
yesterday evening
my Bella, Harley, & i made our way to Flotown.
it was my early bday supper at my mom's house. wisabus joined us.
alone in the kitchen with my bella,
my mom quietly revealed to cheryl
"i'm glad sarah found you, you're good for her."
she then showed cheryl a side of her
that i've yearned for her to show.
basically, she let cheryl know exactly
just what she thought of her.
and wow,
was it ever great!!
i'm so proud of my mom,
she's moved on past fat bastard!!
i think my family's proud of me too.
i think they thought
i wouldn't ever be able to have a sustaining relationship
after the fat bastard/starlight fiasco.
its ironic,
how life takes you on a helluva ride.
i'm happy.
ya know?
and its not that superficial happy, either.
you know the kind i mean,
the kind you parade your new love around in front of the ex.
and it was always a certain ex you foolishly paraded around in front of,
the one who either hurt you the worse,
or the one who you really fukked over.
i'm happy,
like deep down happy.
like happy when i was a kid happy.
happy like when Nana was alive happy.
in that place inside me,
i'm finally at peace.
most of the anger has resided
to make room for forgiveness and love.
my happiness,
its coming from somewhere deep inside me,
way down past my gut,
past my heart,
past the nerves,
past the hurt,
the hatred that once thrived...
my soul is shining.
i never ever thought i'd be happy again.
especially with a wifey,
a country home,
a cute little doggie,
and a big and bright future headed my way.
i'm okay.
and i'll be okay.
i have come a long way.
i still have a big journey ahead of me,
but that's okay.
i'm eager to conquer it.
i have my shining light,
my faith,
strength,
love,
and forgiveness.
in a way,
to me anyways,
my tats signify that.
my purple star...
purple being my nirvana color,
the star symbolizing that infamous star to the right guiding me...
and ofcourse the chinese symbol for strength.

Bella, I know I say it to you all the time, but you are so beautiful to me. Yes, you are perfect...you're perfect for me. Thank you again...thank you for being wonderful you. You know I love you with all my heart, soul, and spirit. You are who I've been searching for all my life. The Gods & Goddesses really did make us for each other. You've made my life complete. Harley & I have a complete family now. "You are my inspiration..." Heh.
Love Me Always,
Your Princess

Weeding Our Garden!!

Well today we were in our garden
Bella's Momma even pitched in
We pulled up all those hideous FUGLY weeds
tilled up the dirt
plugged in the seeds
covered 'em up
& watered 'em.
We planted yellow & white daisies in the shrubs around the porch.
I put yellow & white daisies on Nana's grave twice a year,
so these flowers we planted are kinda for her.
Then, around our walk way
we planted the GORGEOUS flowers yall see.
The color range from:
Yellow, white,
Orange, red, and pink.
PURDY, PURDY!!
*WooT*

WoW

WoW!!
this was the BEST weekend EVER!!
MASON came home
we enjoyed a SUPERB supper my Bella cooked
gotta LOVE cooking on the grill,
don't you?!
after supper i went to take my lil Shithead out for a dump,
and when i came back in,
there sat Mason & Bella in the dark
at the kitchen table
with a birthday cake
with two BIG RED candles in it!!
i totally got misty eyed
but TY GOD it was dark,
so they didn't see that!!
after that we went to the land
to have a fire under the stars
it was sooooo nice
although Bella still doesn't
get what a "Cherylism" is
LoL!!
Mason went home Sunday,
which was Easter
we had a blast
i wore my hair a different way
(shut up)
and asked cheryl's mom what she thought of it
bc i was still unsure of it
she got this huge smile on her face
and said "what hair?"
then she busted out laughing
LoL!!
she was jk
i wore my hair flat with my bangs sticking straight out,
it was cute!!
the kids came over for lunch
with they're mom & dad
after lunch Bella & I rode in the Jeep
its a CR sumin
an 80s model Jeep
with no doors
& orange
as in CLEMSON orange
it was pwetty cool
after lunch we
as in Bella, her Mom, & I,
went to WAL-MART!!
then Bella & I came home
i filled up our bird feeders
she filled up the Humming Bird feeders,
I watered our garden,
she was gonna put our new,
newly painted mailbox up
she the sizing was wrong with the post
so she's gtg get her Daddy to do sumin to it
but also this weekend,
i painted our new mailbox
it has our names on it
"Sarah & Cheryl"
post painting,
i looked at the finished piece
and it was like WoW
thats kinda heavy,
we kinda ARE married now
ITS OFFICIAL HONEY!!
the mail box is SOOOO PERDY!!
anywho,
we took 2 of Bella's momma's dogs to the groomers this morning
Bella's off...durrin sumin
i'm in my bikini
fixing to go do some gardening
WHO'D A EVER THUNK,
me durrin that?!
i'm out like Rosie

BTW...did yall know
that in Buddism,
there are 30-something Hells?
interesting.

Things You'll See In The Country

Okay Peeps,
Bella & I went ridin the Four Wheeler yesterday
We Went ridin EVERYWHERE,
Even up in the woods
Its AMAZING what the HELL you can find in the woods!!
People leave all kinds o' crazy shit behind...
Such as...The toilet as seen above.
Then, hey, how about a sink & a GREEN toilet lid?
Then, moving on...
On the way home, we crossed the railroad tracks,
and saw these GEESE swimmin in the pond...
Look, the sun was setting.
How cool is that?!
Look at the lizard,
that was on our back porch window,
He sho were a big su'mmo'bitch!!
Last but not least,
the two doggies,
Puddin & Pooh,
they are best friends,
Pooh would sit by Puddin's fence all day...literally.
Ain't that loyalty, folks?
Awww!!
GtG clean house...
MASON is comin over tonight!!

What I Think...

when i shut it all off
sit back to observe
the world around me
many truths i see
once was said
on her reasoning of being so enticed by me
was the way i saw the world
i looked at it inside out
i looked for the beauty,
not the beast
i suppose if one sits there long enough,
one might even be able
to find a good quality of jack the ripper,
or hussein, or bin laden
that girl,
that thought that of me
she is long gone
memories are all i have
sometimes
i wished i had forgotten those
but like i said,
many truths
i shrug them off of my shoulders
the ones who have hurt me
and the ones i have hurt
karma is justice
it truly is in all what you believe
it has been one complete circle around the sun
and here i am
falling
all over again
it blows my mind to think
that i nievely hung on to an illusion for countless years
swore it to be true to the touch
but you can't put an anchor in quick sand, can you?
let it all go
with the new found freedom within my soul
secretly lying in stash
were the abilities to forgive
and love
with each tide
every star born
every hatchet buried
a deeper
more profound appreciation
grows for my Bella
when i look around
at the world around me
what are the truths i see?
green is not always good.
green, on 2 same yet different levels,
can be deadly.
true acceptance come to each
in its own time and its own space.
true love never goes away,
never faulters.
sometimes to appreciate those,
hastily judged and out cast by the world,
you DO have to sit there and meditate
to find that 1 single diamond in the rough,
that 1 good quality.
loyalty can take you pretty damn far.
something that has lasted past its time
past its own legend
such fables' truths get distorted with time,
what once was,
might've never been again,
but the brute of it all
and the pinacle of it all,
is the release,
the freedom;
nursery rhymes once sounded us to sleep as babes,
the truth cradles us to sleep these days.
life and love...
conquer it all.
i have found my yellow road
my own path
but i still have a while to go before reaching my kingdom
i look forward to finding,
unearthing,
and uncovering the unbreakable truths this world has to offer me
i don't have anything to prove
i am just me
though i might still shudder at Tink or Tiger-Lilly
the freedom tastes beats all i've ever known.
some days are great,
some are good,
some are not so good,
its then i remember to let it all go
every single attachment i've ever had
carefully hand pick every attachment
i still desire to keep in my life
and let all the others
dance up in the Heavens
"along the milkyway...
...along the light of day..."
go frollick through Mt Olympus
hand in hand with every God and Goddess
all the attachments,
all the happiness,
the pain,
the memories...
have permenantly found their place within the gates of neverland
and there they will stay.


Rebel Child
Rebel Child, won't you heed my warnin
One of these days the rain'll come pourin'
Some of thouse sunshine blue sky mornin's
Might just turn to grey
I understand why you do the thing you do
There was a time when I was just like you
I know right now you think you know it all
There's no way that you can break
No way you can fall
Rebel Child, won't you heed my warnin'
One of these days the rain'll come pourin'
Some of those sunshine blue sky mornin's
Might just turn to grey
I've been there and I know what you're thinking
You're flying high but one day you'll blink and
That cloud your're on will just start sinkin'
Don't wait till it's too late
Whoa oh rebel child
I know you can't learn from my mistakes
You've got your own road you've gotta take
And it might look like it's paved in gold
Just remember that you'll have to reap
All the seeds you sew
Keep your feet on the ground
And one eye one heaven do
Do a lot of forgivin'
But not much forgettin'
And remember life is one big lesson
Whoa oh Rebel Child
Whoa oh Rebel Child

3

just trying to focus
clear my mind
so many thoughts
trying to cloud my sight
bush authorized the leak
*shhh, i tell myself*
it outrages me
*calm with the quiet*
its a pissing contest between the big boys
*i am free*
i cut it all off
every ounze
never have i felt so extremely exposed
curly locks all boisterious and happy
all growed up
bittersweet memories
leave a lingering taste on my pallet
and a broken black & white picture replaying in my head
*she let herself go, says george strait*
i nod my head,
now i understand
the buddHa seriously makes sense
an odd fact my add has noticed:
there are many many pairs of 3's in the world
a conspiracy theorist's haven
or heaven
whats the difference?
anyways, 3 buddHa's in buddism,
the 3 graces in Greek Mythology/Botticelli,
3 bad guys (Bush, Hussein, bin laden),
3 flutes in super mario 3,
3 stars in the belt of O'rien,
3 parts to every story/life (beginning, middle, end),
see my point?
curious it indeed is.
so it seems as if i have pulled a Reba,
after almost tagging Ro last night
Reba went from long glamorous mucho famous hair,
to BAM!!
a short pixie cut in her song/video/TV Movie "Forever Love"
Bye bye bye
(another set of 3's?)
went my own curls.
4 hair cuts later,
satisfaction achieved.
mine ain't a pixie cut (suprisingly)
DING DING goes the alarm
i chopped off all my hair
and got 2 tattoos
what the hell am i durrin, i ask her
she says its an expression of my individuality
LoL
her gentle words lead me to believe
its either the border to crazy or freedom
hell, maybe they are both the same
i was doin okay until i saw the pictures of my long beautiful curly hair
it leaves 3x's the bittersweet after taste :-D

Thinking

Who is aware of his limitations can reap benefits through it.

Merriam-Webster Definition For the Word
LIMITATION:
Function: noun
Pronunciation: "li-m&-'tA-sh&n
1 : an act or instance of limiting
2 : the quality or state of being limited
3 : something that limits : RESTRAINT
4 : a certain period limited by statute after which actions, suits, or prosecutions cannot be brought in the courts


Merriam-Webster Definition For the Word
Karma:
Function: noun
Pronunciation: 'kär-m& also 'k&r-
Etymology: Sanskrit karma fate, work
1 often capitalized : the force generated by a person's actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person's next existence

“When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky”



The Truth of Suffering

The Buddha's discovery of the solution to the problem of suffering began with the recognition that life is suffering. This is the first of the Four Noble Truths. If people examine their own experiences or look at the world around them, they will see that life is full of suffering. Suffering may be Physical or Mental

Physical Suffering

Physical suffering takes many forms. People must have observed at one time or another, how their aged relatives suffer. Most of these aged suffer aches and pains in their joints and many find it hard to move about by themselves. With advancing age, the elderly find life difficult because they cannot see, hear or eat properly. The pain of disease, which strikes young and old alike, is unbearable, and the pain of death brings much grief and suffering. Even the moment of birth gives pain both to the mother and the child that is born.

The truth is that suffering of birth, old age, sickness and death are unavoidable. Some fortunate people may now be enjoying relatively happy and carefree lives, but it is only a matter of time before they , too, will experience suffering. What is worse, this suffering must be borne alone.

Mental Suffering

Beside physical suffering, there are also various forms of mental suffering. People feel sad, lonely or depressed when they lose someone they love through separation or death. They feel irritated or uncomfortable when they are forced to be company of those whom they dislike or those who are unpleasant. People also suffer when they unable to satisfy their limitless needs and wants.

Happiness in Life

When the Buddha said that there is suffering in life, He did not deny that there is happiness also. On the contrary, He spoke of various kinds of happiness, such as the happiness of friendship, the happiness of family life, and so on. But all these kinds of happiness are impermanent and when one loses them, one suffers. For example, one may like a pleasant and charming person and enjoy his or her company. But when one is separated from that person, the happiness turns into suffering. One suffers because of one's attachment to pleasures that do not last.

People often remain unaware of the inevitable sufferings of life because they are distracted by temporary pleasures.

Baseball Game, Buddha, & No Party

The Family at "Fred's" Baseball Game Last night.
There's the family..."Pretty" cheesin with my Bella...
Everybody cheerin bc our baby boy hit a home run.
That was one whack game. Man I'mma tell ya,
them damn coaches can't see for nothin,
makin bad calls,
then actin like major fukkin jackasses,
yellin at the kids...
If those had been coaches at MY BOY'S baseball game...
Both my Mom and my Girl woulda had to have
held me back by my collar. I'd have gone in there with
a 2x4 had them sons of bitches pulled that shit on my boy.
Good Lawd. That was a hellacious emotionally charging game.

See my Lil BUDDHA? I saw him in the store
and had to adopt his lil "disabled" self.
"It was destiny." LoL!! ISN'T HE ADORABLE?!

My 2nd BDay party may be grinding to a hault.
Grandma's faultering memory
Did not reveal an event the entire family has been awaiting for 15 months.
*Btw, Nanci...you're a greedy, inconsiderate, emotionless bitch. You have shamed your own Mother even in her death. I hope you can be at peace with your self made demise*
Now I feel guilty
Like I shouldn't even have my party at all bc of this.
I've let myself get so worked up about this,
I've sickened myself.
*sigh*
Horrible, vivid nightmares ensued.
God, BuddHA, or whoever... Save Us All.

Its A GREAT Day...To Be ALIVE!!

*WooT*
Gettin ready fo mah BDay PARTiES!!
Thas right, Femmes & Butchies,
I said PARTiES!!
Not much to say,
cept I'm tired of wearing a damn heart monitor.
We goin to my Wifey's newphew's baseball game tonight,
A Tractor Pull tomorrow.
HeeHaw!!
Nan's engaged,
big rock,
June 16th.
Kinda sad about that,
Dunno why though.
I SO TOTALLY got GREAT karma back my way!!
The 2nd V220 Cingular sent me,
was a peice of shit.
Hadn't had it for 48 hours and it quit working.
I demanded an upgrade on my cell,
that I wasn't paying for...
So now I have a BRAND SPANKING NEW V557!!
*WooT*
DAMN AND ITS HOTT TOO!!
Don't want the Razr or the Rokr...
Too many problems...
I'mma post my new pictures...
Oh and the Bunny pic is for those who don't like my hair.
*MuAh*

Food For Thought:

"I try and try, To understand, The distance in between, The love I feel, The things I fear, I dearly say good dream, I can finally see it, Now I have to believe, All those precious stories, All the world is made of faith, And trust, And pixie dust. So I'll try, Cause I finally believe!" -Lyrics to "I'll Try" from the soundtrack of RETURN TO NEVERLAND.
I have found that when one's inner light inside their soul begins to dim, it is then when their spirit slowly disinigrates. It is then that all magic, hope, faith, trust, love, and truth is lost. You see, my friends, when Fairies fade, it is you who is fading (dying) within. Magic, Hope, Faith, Trust, Love, and Trust...They NEVER Fade OR Die,...as long as we BELiEVE IN OURSELVES.

To Fall Asleep in My Lover's Arms Is A Dream Come True

I feel the heat of her body next to mine. Breath escapes her mouth and is soft and warm on the back of my neck. Two delicate arms are snaked around me and hold me in a loving embrace. Fragile fingers are weaved in with mine creating a symbol of togetherness. Silky smooth legs have worked there way in between my legs, I am convinced she is long gone in a world of sleep and dreams. As my eyes become heavy and my breath starts to get heavy, I feel a gentle movement and then a graceful finger begins to work its way loose from mine on a path to a soft, warm place nestled between my legs. I am still slightly dozy, so I am wondering if this is a dream or not. My question is answered when that throbbing, electric feeling begins to shoot through my body. Her lips start to trail up my neck at the same time her finger begins to stimulate me in that way that only she can. It does not take long and I am moaning, begging, and pulsating. My head starts to spin, my body begins to take control and before I know it, I am cumming, screaming, and clinging to her. After I come back down from my euphoric cloud, she squeezes me tight, places her fingers back in mine and whispers in my ear “Good night Angel, I love you.”

I LOVE YOU, BELLA!!

New Tats, I Got Muh hair Did, & It Was Our 1 Yr Anniversary

so this weekend we went to beaufort and savannah.
we stayed with dianna,
who was so gracious to invite us into her home for the weekend.
her house sits right on the marsh,
it is a view to die for.
and her lil teeny tiny Pom, Gram, is just deliciously adorable.
before we left for savannah,
dianna was kind enough to butch me up.
that is right, femmes and butches,
my curly long locks are GONE!!
i now have wonderful spikey hair.
in savannah, i got my tattoos.
i cried, i'm woman enough to admit it.
when the guy put the needle
on my backbone,
i wanted to rip his balls off and ram them down his throat.
my Bella held my hand,
like the wonderful wifey she is.
I know the pictures of my hair aren't that great,
and you can't see all of my hair.
(Not that there's much to see.)
But my Wifey was at work tonight,
so I had to do the best I could to take the pictures myself.
I'll get her to take better pictures tomorrow
and I'll post them then.
By the way, the purple star tattoo represents my Neverland,
watching and guiding over me.
The Chinese symbol means Strength.
I chose that particular symbol
because Reba sings a song titled "Survivor."
In it she sings
"...The doctor gave me 30 days,
But I must have had my mama's will,
And God's amazing grace...
The baby girl without a chance,
A victim of circumstance,
The one who oughta give up,
But she's just too hard headed...
With gentle hands,
And the heart of a fighter,
I'm a survivor..."
Anyways, that songs relates a lot to me, I feel.
I feel that because I am a survivor, I have strength.
Anyways, I'm through rambling.
Hope yall enjoyed the pictures.

A Little Lesson To Live By: It is not by the amount that giving is productive of reward but rather by the generous impulse behind it. Therefore even so little as a handful of rice flour given with a pure heart becomes something that will bring great reward.-Vimana Vatthu