state of grace.

I am so unbelievably emotionally exhausted.
I got to Florence and got to see my friends that I hadn’t seen in a while.
That was fantastic; friends do the soul wonders.
I stopped by briefly to say hey to Mikey on Christmas Eve.
So odd, the timing.
That night at my Mama’s, I got sick as hell.
I thought it was the flu,
Thanks my stars it wasn’t.
My Grandma loved her painting.
As soon as I get those pictures, I’ll post them.
I began to feel better as Christmas day passed along.
However, I still couldn’t sleep that night either.
It’s so odd when you’re all stopped up and you can’t breathe through your nose when you’re sick.
Have you ever wondered about that?
It feels like an engineer has rammed two trains up in those tiny cavities.
That morning at 6:15 I got the call.
My Aunt called my cell needing to talk to my Mama.
Then Mama told me.
“Honey, there’s been an accident. Your Daddy died.”
Those words.
Those words will forever ring in the hallways of my mind.
Echoing aimlessly, bouncing off of the walls wondering what memory file folder to habituate.
After some tears and shock, a phone call to Cheryl, I found my way to the bathroom.
My gut told me this had happened in Darlington County.
I texted Mikey to see if he was awake.
He then had the unimaginable task of informing me that it was not only my Dad,
But my Step Mom too.
And not only that,
But that Mikey himself answered the call.
I had been thrown knee deep into a cyst pool of hatred in which that family (being my Dad’s side) thrives in.
All of the anger, hatred, resentment, and judgments…
It is truly suffocating.
It, too, can kill you.
From somewhere inside of me,
Stepped out this woman.
A woman I am estranged from.
A strong, intelligent, proper, graceful, compassionate woman who doesn’t allow others to bring her down.
The tattoo on my back means ‘strength.’
And that, I exemplified, unequivocally without a doubt.
I’d said my good-bye years ago.
I’d made my peace.
This was the first time that I’ve never been scared of him.
It didn’t even really look like him.
He looked like a rubber doll.
Terry looked so beautiful.
She did.
I never got along with her,
But she was a good Mother to my siblings,
And my heart feels so much compassion for them.
And that is what is important.
No doubt, that the emotional tug of war has jaded me temporarily.
My feet are planted firmly into the solid ground that is my Cheryl.
She has been my neutral place,
My safety net,
My North.
I don’t know what I would’ve done without her through all of this.
This man, he gave me life.
He gave me pain.
In his untimely death, however, the seeds of compassion and love have bloomed.
I had my own friends and family that attended the viewing,
And to those individuals,
I am at a loss of words to relate my unbridled gratitude towards them.
I had trouble comprehending why people were calling to check on me,
But I am slowly getting it.
Regardless of what was,
What remains is the fact that I am still his daughter.
Animosity has vanished only to be replaced by forgiveness.
My heart and soul ache for my family,
Especially my siblings.
I am unsure of what will happen,
But the thing I do know is this:
Love and grace will see me through.

Husband, wife die in Darlington County crash.

Husband, wife die in Darlington County crash

Wednesday, Dec 26, 2007 - 02:17 PM

DARLINGTON – A Florence couple died in an early morning crash today.

Richard and Terri Anderson died when a car driven by Richard Anderson ran off South Charleston Road and hit a tree about 2 a.m., according to Darlington County Coroner J. Todd Hardee.

South Carolina Highway Patrol and the Darlington County Coroner’s Office are investigating, according to Hardee.

my all.

grace.

my sister,
bless her teenage frustrated heart,
baked two cakes and cookies.
my brother eats her cookies,
and my dog
(surely egged on by that terrible, misbehaved dog because he is SUCH an angel)
and the Devil Dog...
ATE AN ENTIRE CAKE.
yes.
an ENTIRE CAKE.
thank goodness there was no chocolate in any of it!!
two female black broads dukin it out on i26 today.
geniuses, those two.
Jamie Lynn Spears' juvenile pregnancy everywhere,
Jamie Leigh Jones is nowhere in sight.
the art of diversion, people.
what a weakminded society, we are.
i am now addicted to the saving grace theme song.
i am addicted to that name...grace.
as a matter of fact,
thats what our society is lacking that could save us all.
grace.

big fuckin' woot.

i went to the wedding this past weekend in florence.
interesting.
old faces,
old memories.
cheryl finally met derrick & ashes.
she liked ashes.
we tried sushi at thai lotus in cola,
i just don't like sushi, as much as i want to.
it really is quite enticing.
to yearn for something you dislike,
is indeed an odd sensation.
we finished up my crimmus shopping.
and my mom insisted on keeping our lil shit eater.
now our house is too quiet,
and our fish tank still cloudy.
but crimmus is coming and i am excited about going home for the holidays.
nothing like an unhealthy dose of familial psychosis!!
Tater Tot is getting sick and is at a rock and a hard place with her doctor situation.
the healthcare profession, like everything else, has gone to shit.
i can't wait for mason & oysters,
and we've invited liz and shauna up for new years eve.
fun times ahead!!

i always knew it was my favorite, for some reason...

THIS was what the Reba concerts USED to be all about!!

i'm such a douchebag for cryin to these.

mr pickle.

in our fridge sits a jar.
in that jar sits a pickle.
a lonesome pickle, it is.
the lonesome pickle sits in a barely there tub of pickle juice.
this has been bugging me, you see.
everytime i open the damn door,
there it sits.
sitting there,
for my eyes to see.
"look at me, look at me," it silently screams.
one is the loneliest number, so it seems.
it looks like a green turd sitting in a jar...
sitting in our fridge.

morbidness.

so i had this nightmare last night about a oversized graveyard.
like one so big, it could serve 50 foot giants.
i looked up those dream symbols,
some were interesting...yet odd.

Graveyard

To dream that you are at a graveyard, represents the discarded aspects of yourself. It is also a fear of the unknown. Alternative, it indicates a loss or a period of mourning.

Headstone

To see a headstone in your dream, represents a forgotten or buried aspect of yourself which you need to acknowledge. Consider also the message on the headstone. It may indicate a statement about your life and its condition.


Cremation

To dream that someone is being cremated, represents purification and your strive for perfection.

Smoke

To see smoke in your dream, signifies that some trouble will be entering your life. You are suffering from confusion and anxiety. You are not seeing things clearly.

belated enlightenment at its finest.

So it seems that our son has recovered fully.
A few more rounds of antibiotics and he’ll be good to go.
As for moi,
I finally got rid of that horrid tummy bug.
Our fish tank cleared up out of nowhere.
Geesh.
Only took a few months for that to happen…
Since august, people.
August.
Bella is stressing more and more everyday about our impending home.
I try to aid in alleviating her worries.
But that’s akin to whizzing in the dark trying to aim at the target.
No Rosie.
No Reba.
/sigh.
I did manage to complete my semester with an ‘A’ and a ‘B’ on my final tally.
I am unsure as to what my final grade for my third class will be, though.
I had a 95 prior to the exam in there.
I suspect nothing lower than a ‘C’ for my final grade.
In the three pictures I have posted:
The. Best. Damn. Ornament. EVER.
Harley Farley is still such the Mama’s boy.
(I’m glad he isn’t a real boy, cuz he’d never make a good husband!!)
And lastly,…
Ne’er has one seen a cuter reindeer!!
(…And ne’er has a reindeer looked so humiliated.)
This past weekend, Bella and I accomplished a lot around the house.
Cleaning,
Organizing,
Cuddling,
Fussing over allowing Harley to sleep in the bed with us,…
We saw Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Imporium in Columbia Saturday night.
Excellent children’s movie.
Not so much an adult’s flick,
But wonderful and magical innocence at best.
Bella’s family had their annual Crimmus reunion, also on Saturday.
I know she had a great time and we both had wonderful food!!
I wouldn’t know WHAT to do if I had FIVE uncles!!
It’s amazing how every family operates individually.
The uniqueness…
And in my family’s case-
The psychosis.
(Seriously.)
I wish I had a good book to read over the holidays.
I am steadily working on my two paintings.
The slower I work,
The more satisfied I am with the final product.
I am looking forward to Mason’s visit…
Him + Oysters (+ maybe Crab Legs) = FANTASTIC TIME!!
Okay,
I have nothing else to talk about.
“And the world takes a collective sigh of relief.”

commence forth the holiday season.

so i have a tummy bug,
whilst our youngest has anal bleeding.
quite a pair we were in the vet waiting room.
pookie sat there fretting & worrying...
stressing.
then when she cried in the room itself,
it was so sweet.
rosie is no longer the perfect butch.
no atlanta trip now.
exam tomorrow,
and on we go.

truth.

so it looks like everyone is getting sick.
they "ate something bad."
i think its a 24 hour bug or somethin.
not fun.
well i failed my psyche test,
but its okay bc i still have an 'A' in there.
no exam there.
i got A's on both my math & history tests.
exempt history but not math.
even though i have an A in math.
ugh.
so we have 8 more men who claims to have tap danced with good ol' larry.
a study says iran NOT building nukes, bush says they're still dangerous.
bush demands congress to approve war spending bill.
WHY are we not protesting?
i cant help but to feel if maybe we need steinem and carter back.
human rights, people.
human rights.
america has lost its way.
not saying there is/was some one moral compass that surpassed all others,
but america has no North now.
we have greedy, oil hungry war mongers running our country.
makes you wonder who's pulling gwb's strings,
bc yall know his ass aint smart enough to run this country.
i am not as radical as our friend, mason,
but i can see where some issues need more questioning.
go to google and type in two words:
"bush gannon"
yes.
secrets.
suddenly, NATIONAL TREASURE doesn't seem so far fetched.
okay, i'm done.
my head's swirling now.
peace out, assholes.

fuck a duck.

we're down to three.
ALL i wanted was a pretty fish filled aquarium to aid in reducing stress.
the semester can't wind down quick enough.
i want some damn WINTER.
fuck all this global warming bullshit.
bring on jack frost's wife.
i can melt her ice.
ha.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
we get to decorate on monday.
yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
okay.
sleep deprivation is beginning to set in.
peace out, homo's.

plans.

so i am freaking out a lil bit.
no word from rosie.
i don't want my dreams to crash around me.
excitement is growing within.
surely my future ex wife won't disappoint.
she can't.
cpap plans put on hold.
while the house plans have been ordered.

we're elfed!!

we got elfed!!
a must see!!

CLICK HERE!!

thank you for bein a friend.

So I’ve been hesitating to write this blog,
And after much trepidation,
Here it is.
When we are children,
We form these friendships that help shape who we are today.
Some lasting,
Some temporary,
But all filled with various amounts of harsh lessons;
Both great and small.
As a child,
You didn’t dare dream of going through an entire weekend without playing with your best friend at least once.
These girls (and/or boys) could be your comfort zone and your battle zone.
Then came the treacherous years of angst ridden and hormonally challenged teenagers where everything was a test of loyalty,
Right down to those oh so endearing childhood friends.
Awkward glances in the high school hallways soon morph into distancing college years.
And somewhere in your twenties,
Upon that inevitable trip home and run-in with those very friends,
Do we discover something…
We don’t like those childhood friends whom we once adored.
In fact,
We can’t stand them.
Facades we can see right through,
And all we can surmise is a laugh at their foolish expense.
The fat girl who overcompensated with her personality,
Now doesn’t have time for anybody because she’s too busy tasting life.
The mama’s girl everybody loathed,
Now a dried and pressed stepford wife.
The girl dumber than dirt,
With her PhD.
What does one do when this epiphany strikes us?
A guilt trip somehow sneaks its way into my thoughts,
As I find myself thinking,
“these ARE my lifelong friends,
I am SUPPOSED to like them.”
Then I hear that little Jeminy Cricket squeaky voice inside telling me
That it’s all just a part of growing up.
I am trying to recognize the fact that we are all human
And have different sides to us all,
Many roles we play on this great stage we call life.
But with all that theatre makeup caked on ever so thick,
Are we the actors or the characters within the play?
I’m unsure of all of this nonsense.
What I am aware of, however,
Is that I have a great (albeit, fucking crazy) family,
A truly wonderful wife,
Two adorable dogs,
And great friends that I do like.

my life.

so the end stretch of the semester is just within reach.
man, am i glad too.
i dunno why
but this semester has slowly passed by.
and to tell you the truth,
i'm actually kind of getting stressed about the holidays.
money,
time,
etc.
i keep telling myself that i am not in control,
to go with the flow,
things always work out for the best.
and that's true.
we need some rain.
"global warming does not exist," he says.
that's why we still have little lizards on our porches right?
yeah, well.
thanksgiving...
not as stressful as i thought it would be.
skitzo uncle is fucking psycho,
H has gained more weight,
and my family are ichky republicans who think GBW is a great man...
and that Bill O'Reilly is "fair."
riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
he's FAIRly attached to a loofah.
i don't have anything witty to say tonight.
forgive me, my beauties.
my Tater Tot is amazing.
she really is.
she knows how to make me feel better when it all goes south.
i swear jackson's paws are still growing by the day,
and my harley farley is getting older and pickier by the day.
this is my life,
and underneath all of the asethics,
i couldn't be happier.

it has begun.

an explosive reaction in the midst of a visit with friends,
brought my ass home.
ibs is never fun.
then today,
mom, margaret, alex, & carmen...
filling up at sav way on the way to sumter.
carmen gets locked inside the car with the keys,
while mom, margaret, and alex flip out.
a passing neighbor brings margaret home to get her cell
& brings her back to the gas station.
on star can't help,
as the doors wont unlock for them.
so steve and ellis,
depart from sumter to return to florence to unlock the van.
and to think,
i haven't even gotten to Mawmaw's for dinner yet.
on we go.

we shall be free.

This ain't comin' from no prophet
Just an ordinary man
When I close my eyes I see
The way this world shall be
When we all walk hand in hand

When the last child cries for a crust of bread
When the last man dies for just words that he said
When there's shelter over the poorest head
We shall be free

When the last thing we notice is the color of skin
And the first thing we look for is the beauty within
When the skies and the oceans are clean again
Then we shall be free

We shall be free
We shall be free
Stand straight, walk proud
'Cause we shall be free
When we're free to love anyone we choose
When this world's big enough for all different views
When we all can worship from our own kind of pew
Then we shall be free
We shall be free

We shall be free
Have a little faith
Hold out
'Cause we shall be free

And when money talks for the very last time
And nobody walks a step behind
When there's only one race and that's mankind
Then we shall be free

We shall be free
We shall be free
Stand straight, walk proud, have a little faith, hold out
We shall be free

We shall be free
We shall be free
Stand straight, have a little faith

We shall be free

garth...and reba.

neither man nor mortal;
only an entity.
no suprise my prediction fruitioned.
tri state area rule now applies to both entities.

thank you, jesus.

okay so i had 2 tests today.
i got an 'A' on the psych,
but i'm bettin that i'm not sittin too pretty on that math.
ugh.
garth brooks tonight.
it'll be interesting to see if he's gonna do the same ol' routine,
or suprise us with new stuff.
i have a dr.'s appointment today at 3,
to finally get rid of this sinus headache.
hopefully, that'll do the trick.
i'm hoping i'll get to paint this weekend,
if my hands allow me to.
i told pookie i'mma do an experiment with my paintings.
atlanta is ON!!
i can now meet my other idol!!
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooooo!!
my day has come!!
maybe i can pretend to be a fake christian and get down on my knees,
speak in tongue,
roll around on the floor like i have Mad Cow,
and scream "THANK YOU JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESUS!!"

3 point difference.

today,
i had dermatology appointment.
off we go to the "big city,"
the emerald city,
the land of oz.
she, the doctor,
had the 'golden shit' syndrome.
she's prolly such a bitch cuz that gold hurts comin out her asshole...
(with a 'W'.)
okay, so...
as we were leaving the dr's office,
i had to pee.
so we find the office's bathroom.
it was occupied,
thus, we waited.
a couple of minutes passed...
then a bigger built man comes RUSHING out,
head hung down,
face all pale white,
'cept for his cheeks which were ROSY RED.
that tipped me off right then & there.
he practically RAN out the front door & hopped into a construction-like truck.
cheryl & i step towards the bathroom and BAM!!
it hit us in the face like a motherfucking BRICK WALL.
we couldn't even make it in the bathroom...
"I was scared and fearing for my life.
I was shakin' like a leaf on a tree...
Gimme three steps towards the door..
And you could hear me screaming a mile away
As I was headed out towards the door."
as we gagged,
those in the waiting room laughed at our reactions.
yeah.
then, we saw a Buzzard carcass on the side of the road.
speaketh of irony, my friend.
we go to knottyheads to get my cartiledge re pierced.
and whadooyah know?!
upon our arrival,
the urge to poo flashed upon me,...
(its the power of suggestion, people...)
i stunk that bathroom up, girl!!
though, not as badly as Mr Mysterious Construction Crapper.
i did, however,
leave a delightful aroma that wafted out through out the entire establishment.
its a small house, yall.
i ranked about a 7,
whilst Mr Construction Crapper was a hearty 10.
3 points makes a lot of difference.

loofahs.

may St. Dymphna have mercy upon me this week!!
a test has yet to have such an aversion on me as the one i'm to take in 6 hours.
two more next wednesday.
i need to paint.
its beckoning my name.
i will get to it some hopefully tomorrow.
pookie's having her final (hopefully) sleep test tomorrow,
so i won't get to see her until friday.
liz is coming for the weekend.
i have no idea what we'll do.
oh well.
its a no go for a new rosie show.
i am truly disapointed.
as i am sure is Bill O'Douchebag.
loofah anyone?

unutterable contempt.

in an exasperating attempt to accurately describe the ghastly events of yester,
i find myself growing in a bigger state of contempt.
seriously.
my family has fallen from grace.
she,
an old social butterfly
who's wings are in such a state of dilapidation,
that they can no longer support her flights anymore.
she attempts to fly,
fluttering and flapping about with little success.
it breaks my heart,
it truly does.
the other,
is stuck in neutral in the middle of the Denial Desert,
which in her world,
cannot even rival that to the size of the Sahara.
instead of life threatening heat and sunshine for miles and miles,
a relentless cloud of,...smog
that will slowly kill you just as the heat (will).
what jeopardizes the situation is the baby.
no baby should ever be put near the borders of that desert,
let alone allowed inside.
denial and depression is a fast track to a dead end road.
i overcompensated like never before.
"atlanta louvre,"
van gogh,
botticelli,
4.0 gpa i bragged,
hoping to manifest a definate distinction between myself and them.
never have i been ashamed.
embarrassment follows that shame.
i am unsure as to how to cope;
for i know i am only in control of me.
so how do i deal?
maybe it is time to return to therapy.
i don't know what else to do.

phenomenons.

so last night was GREAT.
hanging out with anna was great.
i'm so glad i am not the only one who has 'a touch of the OCD.'
that screaming mexican kid in the pizza hut has my ear drums still trembling.
seriously.
why is it that kids of the toddler age have the highest pitched vocal chords?
what i hate even more are slack assed parents who let their children
run loose in restaurants at 10 freakin o'clock at night.
gah.
bastards.
on the way home, i saw the most peculiar thing(s):
sporatic shoes speckled along the highways.
i saw 5 shoes,
none of which were matching pairs.
now i ask,
why does one toss out an apparently wearable shoe?
much less,
why does one toss out a shoe without its matching partner...
on a highway?
can one explain this phenomenon to me?

all hallow's eve.

so click HERE to see our fabulous halloween night last night!!

let the naming commence.

crudeness.

my wife says that last blog was done in poor taste.

i think it was just plain crude.

funny,
but crude nonetheless.

trick...or treat?!

you know people ain't happy about this!!
i wonder if they'll give a discount since obviously oral isn't possible?!
yeah, i know.
i am a sick bastard.
but admit it,
not ONLY did you think it too,
but your ass laughed at that joke.
as a side note,
i am willing to bet that stastically,
the percentage of orally transmitted diseased will drop in the meantime.
abrutply changing the subject because i cannot come up with another nifty joke about the harlets,
other than the title of this blog entry that i just came up with,
we carved our pumpkins and hung up our halloween lights.
welcome to the gaybourhood!!

click you.

As I laid in bed last night,
I heard a repetitive clicking sound.
click,
click,
click.
I was catapulted back to my early years at Briggs elementary school.
There was this cart that literally was kept in a storage closet.
They would bring this cart out once a week.
On it, they would have school supplies and little trinkets,
All available for around one dollar.
After all, we were just little elementary children.
Every week when this little cart with open,
I would be standing in line to buy something to throw my mother's money away.
If I did not buy anything,
I would stand there and play with one particular item.
It was eraser.
It had a long sheer colored covering,
and a slide bar that was used to elevate and contract the eraser as needed.
As you pushed the slide bar up to elevate the eraser,
it would make a clicking sound.
Click,
click,
click.
I would always do it five times.
I don't know why.
Perhaps that little eraser was the grass roots campaign for my slight case of OCD later on in life.
Click,
Click,
click,
click,
click.
I controlled the clicking.
Me, all by myself.
Much like I control the paintbrush on my canvases.
I cannot paint shadows,
but I can blend colors like there is no tomorrow.
That “tallequah sunset” is not a problem.
does this mean that I have control issues?


First-borns
Positives: They are natural leaders and often high achievers. The majority of politicians, spokespersons and managing directors are first-borns. They frequently live with a sense of entitlement and even superiority. They often come in two flavours: compliant nurturers/caregivers or aggressive movers and shakers. Both are in control; they just use different methods. As a rule, first-borns are picky, precise people - they pay attention to detail - tend to be punctual, organised, and competent. They want to see things done right the first time. They don't like surprises.

Negatives: They are often moody and occasionally lack sensitivity. They can be intimidating, particularly by pushing people too hard or refusing to take no for an answer. Sometimes they can be a bit 'know-it-all', and often they are poor at delegating - largely because they don't trust other people as much as they trust themselves. They also tend to be bossy, perfectionists and overly-conscientious.


That explains it, right there, doesn’t it?
Yea, I liked that clicking because I did it better than anyone else.
Yea, you’re just jealous because my click are better than yours and you know it.
Click, click my ass, baby.

For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.” ~Vincent van Gogh

amidst the roaring snores late last night,
i had a tantalizing epiphany:
i.
could.
actually.
meet.
rosie.
Oh, my, god.
oh
My
God.
It overwhelms my entire being.
It could ACTUALLY happen.
I don’t believe in God, per say,
But I’ll damn pray my heart out for this to happen.
*sigh*
My third, and final book for a while, arrived today.
My First Five Husbands..And the Ones Who Got Away (Hardcover).
I hope it is as good as I want it to be,
So I can share it with liz.
I cleaned house today,
perhaps tonight I will get some painting in,
along with demolishing more pages of Look Me In the Eye: My Life With Asperger’s.
yesth, yesth.
If you want something bad enough,
It’ll eventually happen.

toe tapping lesbo.

i have begun on a second book,
Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's.
so far it is brilliantly & divinely hilarious.
the man who wrote is the brother of the author of Running With Scissors.
i've already LoL'd numerous times.
seriously genius quality.
the other book i am slowly reading is,
Highsmith A Romance of the 1950s.
kinda hum drum thus far,
but kinda interesting.
its about a dyke literary couple in the artsy fartsy section of NYC in the 50s.
we need a bigger book case!!
its getting so jammed packed now it isn't funny.
today Bella and i went to kmart
to do a bit more halloween shopping.
we are dressing up!!
one of us is in drag and the other a sexy french maid.
yippeee!!
on rosie.com i saw where my idol will be in atlanta in december for her book tour.
schofield be damned (if need be).
i am sooooo there.
shit fucking yes.
not, shit fuckin yes...
but this needs that extra emphasis...
shit fuckinG yes.
the sheer excitement that shot through my viens was...
immeasurable.
is that even a word?
my blog,
my world,
my words,
my rules,...
so,...suck it.
or rather,
"Can you believe this shit? Hell has frozen over. Suck it, Jesus, this award is my god now."
LoL.
that was some funny shit and you know it.
holy rollers be damned.
those people are hypocritical fakers anyhow.
larry craig's bear lover has the last laugh now, biatch!!
you just know good ol' cocksuckin larry came across that shit online yesterday
and thought, "hmmmm,...he was THAT beef bottom pickle chugger!! hmmm,...yummy!! OH SHIT, he's outed me!! bastard. i'll bury him so deep....hmmm,...that's right i'll bury him alright,....yummy..."
yea.
how i so adore those left/right wing "straight christians" in office.
how come none of this shit ever happens to a dyke in office?
you never see her "toe tapping" in a public bathroom.
yeaaaaa...
so, Pookie's working tomorrow day.
maybe i'll head over to her work and wait til she goes to potty,
then i'll go "toe tapping" to woo her in the stall.

bat shit crazy, if you ask me.

One, two, three,...
Here we go.
sanctions against Iran.
fucktard tossing around the gravest of all threats
like a pitch at a damn baseball game.
they call her crazy,
the ignorant fat Dyke,
whatever she may be,
she predicted it correctly.
she said war with Iran before he is gone.
World War III is a possibility he says.
dare I ask,
betwixt the two,
which one is crazy?
The peace-minded ignorant fat Dyke,
or the ignorant hate monger war criminal?
My honey bun has a strawberry in full bloom
on her strawberry plant.
it was 90° the other day,
here in October.
yet global warming doesn't exist so say our government.
I worry.
I worry in vain.
what can I do?
I am a “disabled” devout explorer of the ‘temple of poon,”
I have no rights either way according to them.
it can get overwhelming,
that is what our government counts on.
us to groan,
walk away,
and forget about it.
I'm not forgetting about it,
how can I?
Time to redirect this blog’s focus.
tonight I made my daily pilgrimage to Rosie.com.
her and her wife did a video blog promoting a venue that she is fixing to do.
the way that they looked at each other was so sweet.
truly.
I still find myself looking at my snoodle-bug that way.
even though right now she is well occupied with the doggie door.
I surprise myself today,
I got a 106 on my math test.
not bad, not bad.
fall break began for me today.
I still have to study for history though.
ashley’s birthday is Friday.
my intentions are to clean house this weekend,
as I am aching to paint very soon.
I find mucho humor and a stoned weenie dog,
but my wife says I must have compASSion.
we shall see how much compassion I have when it comes to spontaneous fart refluxes next time.

obvious chaos.

so i have been a lazy bitch
when it comes to my blog, as of late.
let me begin with atlanta.
mason's "friend" lured me in like a fly to a pile of shit.
what'd he do, one would ask?
he spoketh of the golden girls.
we had oysters galore.
yummy.
i also saw something else quite enticing--
besides the local flavors of butches,
which were, in fact, quite the eye candy--
i saw two Bullies, a Frenchy and an English.
out with the yorkie,
in with the Frenchy!!
we went to the world market.
scary yet infinitely interesting place.
mason and i watched DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE.
seriously,
wow.
quantam physics is an amazing arena.
too much for my mind to wrap around.
then we left atlanta,
beelined to flotown to grab jackson from my mama's,
then finally home to orangeburg.
jackson pouted the whole way home,
as he loathes being ripped apart from his counterpart,
carmen.
(a quite ugly dog whom i immensely dislike and continue to tell her just that,
yet i can't get rid of her.)
let's fast forawrd to this past wednesday.
a "serious incident" at OC Tech,
an unworldly amount of moolah spent on art supplies,
an armed robbery,
police stastements,
crime numero deux,
unbearable bladder pain and then relief,
and finally,
cheryl's mom's dog on the railroad tracks.
yeah, buddy.
all in one day.
i'm out, homo's.

wow.

wow.

like we, in america, needed ANOTHER reason to AVOID trailor parks.

atlanta.

atlanta was GREAT!!

check out the pictures from atlanta!!

tough ol' bird.

For those unfamiliar with the expression, “To Eat Crow” (or “eating crow”) is an American English expression which refers to humbling yourself by admitting that a previously (and often strongly) stated opinion was wrong or incorrect.

who ya gonna call?

okay, so the former mrs julie smith of royall elementary
is a contrite, high falutent, moronic, biased douchebag.
she has hated me and my mother ever since i was in first grade.
FIRST GRADE.
talk about holding a grudge.
stupid bitch.
when you poke a red hot fire iron on an animal,
it will eventually bite you.
does that warrant labeling that animal unruly?
no.
YOUR actions caused the bite.
for every action, there is a reaction.
basic laws of nature.
its a self fulfilling prophecy issue, here.
you cannot make a withstanding accusation without any basis or merit against a child,
whom it is WELL KNOWN you have a distinct disreguard for.
it is unethical, prejudicial, and just all sorts of demeaning.
i am relieved this is the last school year that my boys,
especially the bigger target of the two,
who have been subjected to this unfair, unethical, biased ignorant nonsense
that is spewed from the hallways of that school.
that bitch's office is like the painting in the museum in Ghostbusters II,
where the evil is emenating from.
i should get all ghostbusters on her by releasing some "positive slime and proton beams" on her old, wrinkly ass.
that reminds me,
annine pots was in that series.
i love her.
she is so hot.
hmmmmm...
yummy...
anyways.
so my pookie's birthday is tomorrow.
we went to flotown yesterday to take our youngest prodigy to my mom's.
he thrives there,
but with mom's new (ugly and IRRITATING) puppy,
our eldest gets all mental.
so, he will go to cheryl's mom's for the weekend.
cheryl and i will be in hotlanta.
WooT!!
i'm cooking her a birthday supper tomorrow.
today i bought her an outfit of her choice as part of her present.
she/we received the "peace" t-shirts from rosie.com today.
(i also received my "CAUTION: FARTING DACHSHUND" bumper sticker and rosie's new book, which came out today. YaY!!)
pookie upset me last night...
she denied our eldest access to our bed.
*grumbles under breath*
today at walmart,
i found the coolest crimmus ornament,
the leg lamp from a christmas story.
LoL, its GREAT!!
purple skies all around.

we forget 80 percent of what we learn everyday.

i got a lot done on my painting this weekend.
YaY!!
i'm about halfway done.
i hope it turns out to my satisfaction.
tomorrow,
my math class has been cancelled and i find out my history test grade.
i hope i did well.
this reba cd has become my new addiction.
by far, the BEST cd she has ever done.
homegirl did NOT disappoint.
i can't wait for this week...
Pookie's bday and
florence AND ATLANTA.
and ROSIE'S NEW BOOK!!
WooT!! WOOT!!
i hope some of the stuff i ordered gets here before we leave for atlanta on friday.
my farting dachshund sticker,
my carole king tapestry cd,
rosie's new book,
and the stuff i ordered from rosie.com
my new reba friend is awesome.
i thought he'd have me one-upped.
nope.
why?
because I MET REBA!!
(and he hasn't.)
i have issues.
i turn things into competitions that shouldn't BE competitions.
oh well.
it be's what it be's.
this weekend,
i've been having some serious mental issues.
i can't say what i want,
and i'm getting stuff mixed up.
memory problems suck.

happy hamster dance.

so, i'm NOT studying this weekend!!
HAPPY HAMSTER DANCE!!


i CANNOT wait to start again on my painting!!

WooT, WooT!!

OMFG!!

"Everyday People" on Reba's new CD, REBA DUETS, with Carole king is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. THIS CD IS A MUST HAVE!! GO BUY IT!!



College Kids turning twenty-one/ and their senior year spring break was here/ they headed south.. but not for sun/ On their skin where the storms had been/ It was hard/ fixing windows and shigles and doors/ and the tide never felt so good before

Chorus: Everyday People are the ones who are making miracles/ and it's beautiful/ Everyday People lifting up the world/ like an answered prayer/ I thank God their there/ They're the one's who care/ Everyday People

Doctor said "Good News we caught it soon enough, we can clear this up"/ But she's 30 and single with two kids to raise/ times are tough these days/ So her friends made some calls and the word spread around/ How her bills got paid she don't know how

(REPEAT CHORUS)

A little girl takes her Mama's hand/ and walks inside saying "Please don't cry"/ As the people who built this house just for them/ Laugh through the tears as a family moves in

Everyday People are the ones who are making miracles/ and it's beautiful/ Everyday People lifting up the world/ like an answered prayer/ I thank God their there/ They're the one's who care/ Everyday People...Everyday People...Everyday People

humdrum significance.

so, margaret was here for the weekend.
i'm truly happy my folks let her come.
yay!!
i think she was bored.
i mean,
we ARE in the boonies.
but she got to read her book she says she hasn't gotten to read yet.
had to poke her a few times to get answers outta her, though.
i got a 90 on my math test
and a 97 on my psych test.
not too happy bout that math score,
but hey,
an 'A' is an 'A.'
i have this love-hate relationship wwith my PC.
and last night we weren't on speaking terms.
this is a BRAND NEW Dell,
Vista Small Business edition,
WITH EXTRA EXTRA memory added.
my next PC will be a Mac.
i fucking HATE windows now.
boo on bill gates.
he's a thief anyways.
lame.
yea, so...
i can't wait to get celebrity detox.
and i went to buy reba's CD,
but the ORANGEBURG walmart was sold out.
now see,
that makes me proud of my woman.
but,
i'm kinda shocked it being the ORANGEBURG walmart.
i mean,
the *ahem* cultural social aspects here,...
i figure just aint the reba type.
but then again,
them being sold out of anything fails to suprise me.
blah.
anywho, i've procrastinated long enough.
time to fill my head with facts on flappers and prohibition.

cute doggies.

cute doggies. (NOT doggy porn.) LoL.

my heart gloweth with pride.

Kanye got his ass beat….by Reba McEntire!
The country crooner’s new duets album, Reba Duets, is the number one album in America this week.
Reba’s new album sold more than 300,000 copies in the first week — more than double McEntire’s previous first-week sales high of 124,000 with It’s Your Call in 1992.
Congratulations!

dwarfs.

Sneezy, Sleepy, Dopey, Doc, Happy, Bashful can all kiss my Grumpy ass.

It appears as if my Psych grade went from a ‘B’ to an ‘A’…
no complaints.
Let’s see if my prediction holds true for my Math test grade.
All I know is I studied for that test and my ass best not have failed it.

Pookie is getting a sleep study tomorrow,
so my deaf ass can enjoy sleeping with my wife again.
Yall KNOW that’s bad if my deaf ass can hear that!!
(I love you, Pookie-Poo!! *MUAH*)
So she won’t be home til Friday.
I think I’mma go buy the Reba CD to help make me feel better.
Yay!!
(Btw, my homegirl debuted at numero uno on Billboard’s with the release of this CD. Not bad for a 52 year old, huh?!)
In the meanwhile,
I need to study and clean house.
Motivation hasn’t been a regular visitor lately.
Dunno why.
Not getting depressed again.
Oh wait,
I DO know why...
I'm lazy.
Yes, I freely admit it.
I should feel some sordid sense of shame.
Oops.
Oh well.

The plight of the aquarium still remains.
Ugh.

So, this Jenna 6 shit…
its all such bullshit.
Why aren’t they persecuting him for a hate crime?
Yea,
the nooses were NOT cool,
AT ALL…
But have we learned NOTHING from our past?!
VIOLENCE SOLVES NOTHING.
We are a stupid species.
Fuck,
even the turkies are smarter than us.
THEY aren’t causing their own demise.
Well,
let’s leave out the ones who drowned themselves.
Humans are the most stupid species, ever.
Evolution, smellolution.
Today’s humans are Darwin’s theory in reverse.
Case in point,
Britney Spears.
Yeahhhh, buddy.
Maybe Disney can induct her into the 8th Dwarf position:
Stupid.

suck it, dorothy.

I should have listened to my intuition about this weekend.
simple things made complicated.
riding shotgun with my aggravation is guilt.
no doubt,
he leads a hard life.
The evil, pickled old wench
has the patience of a saint when it comes to him.
so I reckon,
there is some good in everybody.
though, in her case,
her good is relative to the size of a mustard seed.
this weekend was good,
but very stressful.
I'm glad I'm home...

today.

mom confiscated jackson.

grandma's losin her mind.

my skitzophrenic uncle called.

and some people are just plain ig'nant!!

yellow.

Without any doubt, it is absolutely incomprehensible that a decade has passed by. Today’s arrival has regressed my 25 year old self to a misplaced, innocent 15-year-old girl who just lost her footing. 364 days out of the year, I am pretty okay with it. I am 90% sure that I don't believe in God, but I do believe in angels. In the past 10 years I have done many of the stupid things that any young adult does while growing up, and at any time I could've been done for. Each time I came out alive, though shaken, I would immediately realize how lucky I was. Somewhere, somehow, someone was watching over me. In my heart, I know that it was her. At least, that is what I tell myself. I tend to believe that most of the time. I am unsure how long the grieving process is supposed to last; in the past 10 years, it has gotten easier, but no less painful. It is a given that I often wonder what she would think of me today. She was a tiny, beautifully strong lady who garnered her strength through her unwavering faith in God. She would be pleased that I am happy, but I think she wouldn’t be too thrilled about the whole lesbian thing. But that's okay. She would be proud of me...she always was. To me, that is the steadfast epitome of true love. (I know how unbelievably fortunate I am have that same love today through my grandmother.) On the 18th, it is alarmingly too easy for me to fall inward and make it through the day living off of memories of her. Thank goodness I have a wonderful, understanding wife who stands by my side to make sure that I'm not alone. With every old, white haired person that I see, my heart aches just a little bit more. I don't want them to feel alone, I want them to feel loved, and to know that they still matter. Talk about your transference! After Cheryl gets home from work in the morning and gets a little nap in, I will adorn my yellow polo and we will make the pilgrimage to Florence. I will buy a yellow daisy, drive to her resting place and leave the flower with her. I need for her spirit to know that I still love her and that she still matters. That little girl inside of me will always need and want to be loved by her Nana.

One day SHY OF eight years old
Grandma passed away
I was a broken hearted little boy,
blowing out that birthday cake

How I cried when the sky let go
with a cold and lonesome rain
Momma smiled said don't be sad child
Grandma's watchin you today

'Cause there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and her tears are pourin' down
that's how you know she's watchin'
wishin' she could be here now
And sometimes if you're lonely
just remember she can see
there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and she's watchin' over you and me

Seasons come and seasons go
nothin' stays the same
I grew up fell in love
met a girl who took my name
Year by year we made a life
in this sleepy little town
I thought we'd grow old together
Lord I sure do miss her now

But there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and her tears are pourin' down
that's how you know she's watchin'
wishin' she could be here now
and sometimes when I'm lonely
I remember she can see
there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and she's watchin' over you and me

Well my little girl is 23
I walk her down the aisle
it's a shame her mom can't be here now
to see her lovely smile
They throw the rice
I catch her eye
as the rain starts comin' down
she takes my hand
says daddy don't be sad 'cause
I know momma's watchin' now

And there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and her tears are pourin down
that's how you know she's watchin'
wishin' she could be here now
and sometimes when I'm lonely
I remember she can see
there's holes in the floor of Heaven

and she's watchin' over you and me
Watchin' over you and me
Watchin' over you and me
Watchin' over you and me

self-made misery.

2 lbs of Alaskan King Crab Legs + 1 small Wendy's Vanilla Frostee DOES NOT, I repeat, DOES NOT FEEL GOOD. I am now going to go wallow in my self-made misery. Goodnight, folks.

state of grace.

america's finest.

america's finest
sits behind me in psych class.
defender of our freedom.

i often envision their stories,
the faces that surround me in my classes.

a blonde haired, blue eyed girl,
with hair perfectly fixed in a bun.
i imagined some romantic story for her...
a newlywed just beginning on her journey.

but then she busts out her baby daddy line.
he owes her $300
but hasn't talked to her in a while.
"he done fucked up his chance with me,"
she said.

oh honey,
i thought.
things could be better,...

america's finest.

weekend delights.

saw the first half of liz's play thursday night
with my wife and my brother.
from what we saw,
vury vury good.
a very productive Girl Scout meeting friday night.
matt's doing what he wanted.
that's super cool.
i love hanging out with him.
on saturday,
derrick and ashley met up with me at mikey's.
good times had by all.
mom's puppy...
geesh.
i'm glad i'm a florence/darco girl.
but i'm even more proud to be the wife of a orangeburg girl.
i love coming home.

1 down.

1 test down,
1 to go.
missed 8 outta 50,
but have extra credit bonus points.
"should have an A," she said.
trip to florence delayed by a day;
i'll go friday.

i'm off to bed;
early day tomorrow.
mucho to do.

peace out.

Paracheirodon Innesi Hate Crime.

okay
so we now have a disabled neon tetra,
also known as Paracheirodon Innesi in the scientific community,
the victim of a truly heinous hate crime.

the judge's ruling at the trial,
came down with the handle of the toilet.
a harsh ruling,
according to members of the underwater community.

judge bell defended her actions stating,
"hate crimes of this nature have a zero tolerence in my book.
my ruling in this case was not harsh,
it sends a message to the rest of the community that hate of any kind will not be tolerated in any degree."

the tetra is doing well as can be expected,
though he is confined to swimming in circles for the rest of his life.
he allegedly reports
that he now gets headaches from the dizziness.
but does admit,
that he now feels safer swimming in circles.
a massive price to pay for one's own fishy life.

inexplicable hankering.

how is it
that i am craving a smoke?


i don't wanna start again.

but damn,
one sounds good right now
and i haven't the foggiest as to why.

i hate september.

yesterday,
she couldn't find the burger king.

fall.

today's weather,
a tease of Fall.
i can smell that faint scent,...
the scent that invigorates my senses.
my favorite time of the year.
yard work,
carving pumpkins,
raking,
ridiculous dog costumes.
i love it!!

so here i am,
with a sore back and a fuzzy head
trying to memorize 4 chapters for my test this coming week.
procrastination is a horrid genetic disease in my family
that doesn't skip a generation.
yea,
i prolly shouldn't have waited so late.
oh well.

peace out, hefers.

mpd.

we've just "diagnosed" jackson with Multiple Personality Disorder.

so,
i have crazy fish AND a crazy dog.

figures.

an anally pensive doctor is easy to crack on.

so last night,
my imagination ran amuck.
i'm counting the chicks before they hatch;
not good.
i must reign myself in.
one step at a time.
disappointment has replaced denial
in regards to this weekend.
damn.
we're finding a chiropractor,
who can hopefully aid my aituatuion without the use of meds.
my GP's office called me back today
saying they still cannot call in lortab because its a controlled substance,
but they can call in some ultracet until the doctor gets back.
this dude,
looks like doogie howser with a stick up his butt.
immensely pensive,
yet professional.
supposed to be a sports medicine doctor,
but i've yet to see that.
so,
my dreams seem to have 2 central themes as of late:
babies and fleeing churches.
wonder what the freudian explanations are for those?
very interesting,
it'd be.
i totally need to be doing my history right about now.
yeah.
anyways,
i'm off like a dress on prom night.

lifting wiener dogs can be hazardous to your health.

So,
I thought I my back getting better.
initially,
it was.
sheer stupidity digressed my healing process.
a 12 pound dog
was not the ideal thing to lift.
now I am in denial
about the weekend.
I know that liz will understand,
but she will be disappointed too.
my doctor’s vacation time
does not suit me well.
I am hell-bent on not going to the ER.
if I can work through the pain,
then I will.
peace out.

bloggy bloggness.

so it turns out,
our fishies have some sort of cold.
all of our bettas died.
we have our 4 "stripeties",
the mickey mouse fishy,
the neon,
and the catfish.
i told the lady at the store,
"we're dog people, not fish people.
i swear, ask me anything about dogs and i can tell you."
well, maybe i dunno EVERYTHING,
i am not the dog whisperer,...
but i know enough.
anyways...
we got our problem corrected.
ignorance has ceased!!
my back,...
my damn back.
its staying the same,
not getting worse,
so that in itself is a great thing.
but its just STAYING put.
bastard.
i hope it'll be better by saturday.
i also hope that mother nature will visit sunday or later,
not saturday.
we have a fun day trip planned to myrtle beach with liz & shauna that day.
that will be fun,
weather and mother nature providing.
let's see,
oh i had to not take my pain meds this a.m. so i could take my first math test.
i got an 'A',
a 92!!
yay!!
oh yeah..
my family.
i love em.
but damn.
dense!!
1+1=2,
ya know?
1+1 does NOT equal 9.
the catalyst has been ignited for BIG plans,...
meditate, pray, wish, hope....
whatever it is that you do...
do it so that our plans succeed!!
absolutely amazing,
it truly is.
mind blowing.

grrr...

i thought my back would be okay.
i rested all weekend.
heating pad.
ibuprofen.
asprin.
sunday it was better.
i awoke this morning feeling more spry than as of late.
one ride in the truck,
a 25 lb bookbag,
2 classes,
2 hard ass desks,
and lifting that bag numerous times...
not to mention,
heave-hoeing up into our truck.
yeah.
i called my pickle pilferer from school during my break,
begging her to call & schedule me an appointment with my doctor.
okay so i get home at 10:55 in TEARS because i was hurtin so bad,
honeydew says they can get me in tomorrow a.m. at 11.
and im like no fucking way.
so i call the scheduling lady & i'm like look,
i am in tears here.
if u cannot get me in today,
then get the dr or the nurse on the phone with me NOW.
a few min later,
and whadooyaknow!!
they can fit me in at 11:45 TODAY.
so i'm thinkin
" yeah bitch thats right,
kiss my fat white ass."
so, yeah.
i feel like like a frikkin bad ass now that im home on some NICE meds now.
we're 2 fishies down.
i dunno what we're doin wrong.
we've gtg to the pet store to ask the fish lady about it.
i hope my back issue fades away and aunt flo doesn't appear til sunday.
*crosses fingers*

pickle pilferer.

so it appears as if *A CERTAiN SOMEBODY*
-ahem-
*cough, cough*
is a PICKLE PILFERER!!

discovery.

okay so for thursday,
pookie and i wanted to get away for the day.
folly?
maybe.
discovery place in charlotte?
yes!!
years of driving to & from to there.
one change of clothes,
a sleeping bag,
a piece of paper with your mom's signature,
a few bucks in cash,
years of sleeping by giant bears,
noisy elevators and HUMONGUS eyeballs...
now cherished memories.
and a gaggle of pre-pubescent girls.
gosh,
mrs. b. was/is friggin mother theresa.
the patience she had to have!!
now with the reunion,
my going back to discovery place with pookie...
i reckon EVERYTHING truly goes round full circle, eh?
anyways.
i know these pictures look retarded,
but my fellow girl scout troop girls
will fondly recall these places
with mucho admiration
of fun times gone by.
i went with one of cheryl's t-shirts hung over me
so i could enjoy it without the stares of children.
it worked.
we saw hairy pooter in the imax theatre-
BRILLIANT in that form.
truly enhances the movie going experience.
that's the way you should feel in all movie theatres!!
after roaming the discovery halls,
we completed our trip with a tour of the gift shop.
we found bertie botts.
the jelly bean harry potter commemorative edition of jelly beans.
mmmm.

started off well.
earwax tasted salty she said.
she thought it was the booger flavor,
but the legend on the box said earwax.
after i popped a cherry (hahah!!),
she popped a black pepper (which i thought tasted quite like liquorice when i tasted it)...
then,
it was my turn.
i am forever scarred by the traumatic experienced that soon encurred.
i will never again be able to eat any jelly beeans,
ever.
folks,
the rotten egg...
is INDEED rotten egg flavored.
i HIGHLY reccommend NOT EATING THIS.
my stomach remained sour until well after 11 pm.
*sigh*
so,
i'mma take the remainder jelly beans home to florence
and trick my mama into eating the vomit flavored one.
LoL.
peace.

a picture is worth a thousands words.

how can one picture invoke a myriad of countless emotions?
to tell you the truth,
i dont even KNOW which emotions i am feeling.
i just know that i went from being a proud wife
to feeling like a fourth grader alone and scared and unloved.
there she is,
all 20 years of beauty,
setting off on the journey of her lifetime,
with him standing beside her smiling.
smiling.
smiling.
here surfaces the anger,
the resentment,
the hurt,
the envy.
he looks like shit.
the anger has worn him down into a jaded being.
not that there was ever anything soulful there to begin with,...
the lines of worry have his face as busy a new york city streets.
as children,
we were all deprived of something.
everybody has their sad sop story.
but fuck.
shit still smells like shit.
the pain is still there.
like a motherfucking bouey,
it keep bobbing up from time to time.
i usually take a damn war ship and plunge that thing back under.
i know its still there,
bobbing under the surface.
but thats fine.
i can deal with that.
but when something occurs causing it to re-emerge,
i can't handle that.
therapy, smerapy.
yak yak yak.
it doesn't change shit.
i know that she was on the true receiving end of his hatred,
as i was unavailable for him to lash out at
(except emotionally, ofcourse.)
she didn't have the stepford papa either.
but i admire her strength and courage to put up with things i couldn't.
its funny indeed.
shit still stinks no matter how much perfume you soak it in.


Because Of You
Reba McEntire
Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you



Message To Myself
Melissa Etheridge
I’m sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.
I warned myself of the blackness in my chest
The razors in my heart would never rest
It’s funny how you find just what you seek
Love is what you get when love is what you speak
I’m sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.
I made every choice along the way
Each day I spent in hell I chose to stay
It’s funny what you fear can make you weak
Truth is what you get when truth is what you speak
I’m sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.
So if you are listening I am just passing through
You can take some for yourself ‘cause it works that way too
Sha la la la la la la la la la
Sha la la la la la la la la la
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.
I’m sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.
I’m sending out a message to myself
So that when I hear it on the radio
I will know that I am fine,
I will know that I am loved.

screw ariel.

evidently,
i am a wiggley mermaid.
screw ariel,
i'm the next disney princess!!
i just totally realized that september is almost here.
i fucking hate september.
ten years.
i am about to embark on a new painting.
perhaps i'll work on it during september.
that'd be a truly cathartic experience.
garsh knows i'll need tranquility;
i'm beginning to feel the pressures of school already.



Good-night! good-night! as we so oft have said
Beneath this roof at midnight, in the days
That are no more, and shall no more return.
Thou hast but taken up thy lamp and gone to bed;
I stay a little longer, as one stays
To cover up the embers that still burn. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy. ~Author Unknown

shoulda named his ass Loki.

Being mama's lil van Gogh gets tiring after a hard day's worth of mischief!!

my beautiful family.

a league of their own.

i *TRIPLE* love a league of their own.
i would say i dunno why i don't watch it more,
but somewhere, someone surely would shoot me for say ing that,
as many times as i have seen it!!




Now and Forever
You were a part of me
And the memory cuts like a knife
Didn't we find the ecstasy
Didn't we share the daylight
When you walked into my life
Now and forever I will remember
All the promises still unbroken
And think about all the words between us
The never needed to be spoken
We had a moment
Just one moment
That will last beyong a dream, beyond a lifetime
We are the lucky ones
Some people never get to do
All we got to do
Now and forever
I will always think of you
Didn't we come together
Didn't we live together
Didn't we cry together
Didn't we play together
Didn't we love together
And together we lit up the world
I miss the tears
I miss the laughter
I miss the day we met and all that followed after
Sometimes I wish I could always be with you
The way we used to do
Now and forever
I will always think of you
Now and forever
I will always be with you

all's well.

my mommy is okay.

*deep breath*

purple skies are abundant.

*deep breath*

the rich, authentic air flowing through my lungs,
allowing the happiness,
the friendship,
the love,
the forgiveness...

allowing myself to succumb once again.

*deep breath*

yes,
all is well.

quite possibly the cutest thing ever.

time.

okay, so....
old friends.
reconnecting can be a good thing,
right?
then why am i feeling like that little girl i was back in 4th grade?
i mean,
some i am eager to see.
some,
not so much.
old feelings emerge.
old recollections.
old pains.
old smiles.
i am a different woman than i was.
definately not the girl i was.
a myriad of feelings overwhelm me.
without them,
i wouldn't be part of who i am today.
hard lessons learned,
hours of crying,
loads of great times,...
sweet moments,
and moments of harsh reality
when one knows that they must conquer the peter pan syndrome.
time rolls on,
like the tide.
never ceasing.
somewhere i heard the saying that time heals everything...
no the hell it don't,
to put it rather ghetto-ly.
our pasts are like bits of scars splattered on our souls.
some will always be raw and festering.
some,
a battle scar that's only purpose is to serve as a memory.
and the inevitable few that will heal up,
only to be sporadically picked at by karma,
so that it's sting will remind us of the pain.
no,
time does not heal everything.
it is,
however,
kinda like the bloodclots that help form the scabs.
so i say,
that even though i will be a grown woman walking into that reunion,
on the inside,
i'll still feel like a little girl with skinned knees.
but that's okay.
it's those skinned knees that give me my strength and bring a smile about.
its those skinned knees that will give comfort to me.
so,
to whomever said that time heals all...
i say,
fuck you, motherfucker,
fuck you.
(strangely,
even though i have NO idea who i said that to,
it feels damn good and quite empowering.)
peace out.



There are ladies in my life,
lovely ladies in these lazy days.
And though I never took a wife,
may I say that I have loved me one or two.
Of the people in my past,
fading faces in a waking dream,
and though they never seemed to last very long,
there are faces I remember from the places in my past.

I said all the dead head miles and the insincere smiles.
Sometimes I can laugh and cry and I can't remember why.
But I still love those good times gone by,
hold on to them close or let them go, oh no.
I don't know,
I just seem to sing these songs
and say I'm sorry for the friends I used to know.



Well I'm a tidal pool explorer
From the days of my misspent youth.
I believe that down on the beach
Where the sea gulls preach
Is where the Chinese buried the truth.
So I dig in the sand
with my misguided hands
and if I dig deep enough
Hell I just might dig it up.
Talking about treasure
Talking about pleasure
Talking about love
Now I'm a reader of the night sky
And a singer of inordinate tunes.
That's how I float across time
Living way past my prime
Like a long lost baby's balloon.
So I hang on to the string
Work that whole gravity thing
But when my space ship goes pop
Back to the earth I will drop
Into the sea
Or the limbs of a tree
Or the wings of my love
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Maybe invent me a story or two
I've got coastal confessions to make
How bout you
How bout you
They say that time is like a river
And stories are the key to the past
But now I'm stuck in between
Here at my typing machine
Trying to come up with some words that will last.
It's so easy to see that we live history
And if I just find the beat
I know I land on my feet
I always do
Hadn't got a clue
Does it comes from above.
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Maybe invent me a story or two
I've got coastal confessions to make
How bout you
How bout you
Let's go to church, Sonny...
[Bridge]
So bless me father, yes I have sinned.
Given the chance I'll probably do it again
I don't need absolution
Just a simple solution will do.
So let's talk about the future
Or the consequences of my past
I've got scars, I've got lines
I'm not hard to define
Just an altar boy coverin' his ass.
I know I can't run and hide
But just hang on for the ride
There will be laughter and tears
As we progress through the years
But still it's fun
Hey I'm not done
Gonna dance 'til I fall
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Maybe have me a boat drink or two
It's just the coastal confessions I hear
Tell the truth
Tell the truth
I've got some coastal confessions to make
How 'bout you,
how 'bout you,
how 'bout you,
how 'bout you
And you, and you, and you
42 years since my last confession
Well father, do you have the rest of the week?
Let's get started
I had impure thoughts
I smoked some pot
Stole some peanut butter
Father, wake up.

hallelujah!!

tammy-lynn micheal's blog (aka mrs melissa etheridge) entry kicks TOTAL FUCKING ASS!!



"what do you get when you cross elmer fudd with bush? WMD
so if i blog
about what an idiotic, parasitical, country-raping piece of shit george w. bush is,
i could go to jail?

george bush
you are a criminal
you are raping our country of our intentions

i do wonder if his mom and dad go to bed at night
proud of little whiskey-cokey-georgie poo for his dictatorship?
how does laura lay her head down at night
pulled eyes and all
and dream sweetly of lambies and cashmere sweaters?
when she fucks him does she call him adolf or castro?

rove
you sweaty little piggish oompa loompa elmer fudd ass
karma is a bitch
and i don't think you'll ever get that wascaly wabbit
while torturing the fellas at abu gharib

this war
is war for profit

something i am sure
the bible does not favor

weapons of mass destruction:
the current american government.

now come arrest me
you f*ckers."

still a grandmama's girl.

"do you want your kiss now," she asks.
"yes ma'am," i say.
and then i hear the MMMMUUUUUAAAAAAHHHH sound.
and i proceed to return her kiss.

i am 25 years old,
and still get that warm, safe feeling
from getting a kiss from my grandma g'night.
maybe there are some ways i'm not ready to grow up just yet.
i know just exactly how lucky i am
to be MY Grandmama's girl.

illustration of the definition of a 'rotten piece of plunder.'

lucky.

being home is always bittersweet.
a safe place in an evil world.
relentlessly aggravating family members
you can't stand to be near for more than an hour,
but yearn to run back to everytime you leave the nest.
certain people,
certain places,
an inescapable time warp.
same people,
same places,
same situations.
the roads leading out of darlington county
are like that soapy wall lining of which bubbles are made.
it is that stretchy, elastic divider that allows you to step in and out of a place that's frozen in time.
yea...
anyways,...
friday night.
having drinks and dinner with my old girl scout leader,...
was weird.
but very AWESOME at the same time.
a reunion in february.
i am eagerly awaiting that.
my mommy will be okay, we think.
their new baby is adorable!!
she showed jack-ass who was boss!!
i'll link the pictures later.
i've gtg finish laundry and get prepared for school tomorrow morning.
returning home to my wife
is so refreshing.



I want to see how lucky Lucky can be

I saw you through my blind intoxication
My shock induced insane self medication
You looked at me and smiled
Said get ready to get wild
Sugar you just need a brief vacation

[Chorus:]
I want to see how lucky Lucky can be
I want to ride with my Angel and live shockingly
I want to drive to the edge and into the sea
I want to see how lucky Lucky can be

I was dried up I was starving I was mangled
I looked like hell twisted up and tangled
You whispered in my ear
The ghosts are gone it's clear
For too long you've been tied up you've been strangled

[Chorus]

I don't want to ride on the shotgun side
Don't want to be a quaint observer on this super sonic ride
Double down split the aces to the races
I feel lucky tonight

:-(

i already miss my pookie.


i hope my mommy will be okay.

an urgent dream.

for some reason or another,
i'm having this sense of urgency to complete my education.
perhaps i know why,
but i am unsure if it is so.
i want my own family.
that's no secret.
never has been.
but i want my Mawmaw to be there.
i want her to see it.
i want her to see that i'll be okay.
i know that she's proud of me.
but i don't want her to worry about that.
all around me,
i see them with their baby bumps.
those deserving and undeserving.
at night,
the ticking fuels my anticipation,
soothes me to sleep,
yet keeps me up.
i know that i am definately over romanticizing the notion of being with child.
but tell me this,
what is more beautiful than a mother to be?
the thoughts,...
they are relentless.
trying to swat them away like a common house fly is an absurd waste of time.
its useless.
we know the timing to correlate everything.
even the planning is amazingly exciting.
i can't explain it.
part of me wishes i could just squash it.
it is annoying,
seeing the baby supplies in the stores and daydreaming.
part of me feels foolish,
being lead by the nose hairs by a dream.
there is NO doubt in my mind,
NONE,
that it WILL happen.
i know what i'm meant to be.
definately not right NOW,
although you couldn't tell my harmones that,
but someday soon.
until then,
i shall be helplessly rendered to playing a game of half heartedly trying to squash that dream,
like a bug.
some days,
you're the bug...
other days,...
you're the windshield.

home is where the heart is.

okay, so.
out with the old,
in with the new.
we got two brand spanking new MATCHING recliners
and a new entertainment center.
the time spent on puttin that bitch together...
sheesh!!
the fishies come in on wednesday.
four female bettas...
Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, & Sophia.
i couldn't resist!!
and i'm thinkin we'll be gettin Houdini sometime soon.
i can't wait to get him!!
our house feels more & more like a home everyday.
LoL,
we seem to be outgrowing it quicker than we realized!!
i'm goin home next week,
as it is the last weekend before i start school back,
and my Pookie has to work four nights straight.
so,
family,
their new dog,
friends,
and bein home.




Sometimes it's hard to don't wanna look over your shoulder
'Cause you don't want to remember where you've been
There'll come a time you die,
If you could only hold her
'Cause I know that's where I am
So listen with all your heart
Hold it inside forever
You may find all your dreams have already come true
Look inside and find the part that's leading you
'Cause that's the beat of a heart
Sometimes you'll drown it out with all your rage and thunder
Sometimes you'll drown it out with all your tears
There'll come a time when you hear it and you'll wonder
"Where in the world have I been?"
So listen with all your heart
Hold it inside forever
You may find all your dreams have already come true
Look inside and find the part that's leading you,
'Cause that's the beat of a heart
No one can tell you how to get there
It's a road you take all by yourself
(All by yourself)
All by yourself
So listen with all your heart
Hold it inside forever
You may find all your dreams have already come true
Look inside and find the part that's leading you
'Cause that's the beat of
Oh it's the sweetest sound,
'Cause that's the beat of a heart

bastard(s).

so,
blah,
motherfuckers.
a mysterious puddle of liquid appeared on our kitchen floor last night
just in time to extend its warmest greetings.
i guess my face needed to hug the floor or some lame shit.
Face to floor: "oh, it is so good to see you, my jolly ol' lad!"
Floor to face: "a delight, it surely is!"
Face: "Crickey, mate! if you wanted to see me this bad, why didn't you just ring me up?"
Floor: "its cheaper. do you know how MUCH long distance is, these days?!"
Face: "you're still quite the dirty, dirty bastard. when's the last time you cleaned yourself up?"
Floor: "see, this is why we broke up. i just can't handle your rhetoric anymore. and besides, i'm in recovery, damnit."
my knee was messed up.
its still stiff,
like my dick (ha!),
but hey.
school starts soon.
8 am classes.
achk.
*sigh*
2nd chances can be wonderful.
they can be wasteful, also.
we'll see which choice Ms. No Personality shall choose.
i do not honestly know why i said i'd "man the book,"
seriously.
damn.
a winter get-up at that, too.
gah.
another dress.
its a conspiracy,
i tell you.
a conspiracy to get me girlie-fied again.
gah.
bastards.

nc vavation pics.

NC Vacation Pics



we had a BLAST!!
we're home,
with our babies,
safe & sound.
all is well.

amen, sista.

State Of Grace

Grace works down at Wal-Mart
For thirteen years she's punched that clock
Been ten weeks without a day off
She never gave it too much thought
Til one morning in the mirror
Two new lines opened her eyes
And suddenly it hit her
She still had the wings to fly
Attention late night shoppers
A two for one on broken chains
That's the state of grace
It's the weak made strong
It's finding what you're missing
Was right there all along
It's an open road to a better place
It's a life worth living
In the state of grace
Grace cleaned out her bank account
Bought a beat up camper truck
Turned her pink slip into personnel
Then tore her time card up'
As she drove away she wondered
What New York City'd be like
And would the stars really keep you up
On a clear desert night
With a front seat full of road maps
To help her lose her way
That's the state of grace
It's the weak made strong
It's finding what you're missing
Was right there all along
It's an open road to a better place
It's a life worth living
In the state of grace
Grace knew when she looked up
There wouldn't be a sky
If the dreams we've been given
Weren't supposed to fly
It's an open road to a better place
It's a life worth living
In the state of grace
It's a life worth living
In the state of grace

bah.

okay so tomorrow mornining,
bright eyed and bushy tailed,
cheryl & i will made headway to our NC beach house.
yes, i am excited.
maybe the ocean air will clense away this headache of mine that refuses to go away.
i don't know why it won't.
its not like a normal sinus headache,
so i dunno wtf it is.
tammy faye's gone,
harry potter lives,
and ...
well thats about it bc i really dont have anything else to say.
sorry to disapoint.
peace out, fart lickers.

the goings and comings.

So, my hand hurts.
And, I am sleepy.
I went home again.
It was great!
I was s’posed to return to Oburg Monday,
but returned Tuesday instead.
While home,
I had a FABULOUS time seeing my friends.
Truly amazing, it was.
I had two reasons for staying an extra night.
I’m hoping one of those reasons will turn out okay.
Being home…
again…
returning to old stomping grounds,
unleashed a wave of unpleasant memories of the girl I once was.
As crazy as I was back then,
I knew I couldn’t survive in that town.
I’d have to fight tooth & nail to find my way out.
and, I did.
Thank goodness.
I almost have everything I’ve ever wanted,
everything I’ve ever dreamt of.
The rest will come in its own time & space.
Reminders,
everywhere.
There’s nothing like going home,
and nothing sweeter than coming home.
Being home sheds the outer layers and reveals my core.
The fresh air felt good.
Now I’ll work on keeping that just the same.
its hard figuring out how to do that.
applying one algorhithm to a different problem…
causes for some adjustments to have the same solution.
aggravating,
but worthwhile.
Getting down to basics,
to what drives me,
what makes me happy,
what fulfills me…
again, I say…
There’s nothing like going home,
and nothing sweeter than coming home.

you're like comin home.

Riding restless under a broken sky
A weary traveler something missing inside
Always looking, for a reason to turn around
Desperate for a little peace of mind
Just a little piece of what I left behind
Well I've found it now
You're like comin' home
You're like a Sunday morning
Pleasing my eyes
You're a midsummer's dream
Under a star soaked sky
That peaceful easy feelin'
At the end of a long long road
You're like comin' home
You're like comin' home
Go ahead and let your hair fall down
This wanderlust, it's gone now
Here in your arms I'm safe from the world again
These are the days they can't be erased
Baby there isn't a better place
You're like heaven
You're like comin' home
You're like a Sunday morning
Pleasing my eyes
You're a midsummer's dream
Under a star soaked sky
That peaceful easy feelin'
At the end of a long long road
You're like comin' home
You're like comin' home
You're that innocence
That serenity
That long lost part of me

our (my) new baby.