My Fairy Charmer

I just took Harley
Outside for a shit
And what did I see?
A firefly,
A fairy.
Tink led the Lost Boys and Wendy
From Never Land to back home,
Where they belonged.
Kinda fitting don't you think?
Seeing that Fairy tonight reminded me
I am where I am supposed to be.
I am with the woman of my dreams,
My own Lil Fairy Charmer.
She caught me,
She didn't have to try to tame, control, or threaten me
Like all the others did.
Its like a Flutterby Charmer...
They can hold out their hands
And a Flutterby will grace them with their presence
You cannot try to contain or capture a Flutterby,
It would scare them off or kill them
Flutterby Charmers are of a rare, dying breed
Diamonds in the rough
Kind hearted
True souls who shine beautiful and exquisite colors.
But I think its the Flutterbies and Fairies
Who're the true lucky and Blessed ones
For a Flutterby and Fairy Charmer
Are as rare and mystical and timeless
As Fairies and Leprechauns.
I think back to all those before her,
Those who I’ve loved and hated
With the fiercest of passion.
I have loved and have been loved,
Some true
Some false
Some grudge fukks
Some just for amusement purposes
But all in all
My past is what it is
I cannot change the past
Only who I am now
I believe that we all take different paths in our lives
We are all here for different reasons
We love certain people for different reasons
(Though sometimes we scratch our heads
and wonder what the HELL we were thinking)
BUT I believe in fate and destiny
Therefore, I believe nothing is a mistake,
Everything truly happens for a reason,
And what’s meant to be,
Will ultimately be.
I have come a long ways recently
And I still have a long journey ahead of me
I am Blessed for all I have had
And looking back in hindsight,
I am reminded
Of how wonderful my Little Fairy Charmer is.

An Anniversary Adventure

so today is our 3 month anniversary
wow
3 months
i am in touch
with my insides
my wonderful girlfriend
my family
my * TRUE * friends
i know life can be a bitch at times
no doubt
but aint it grande?!
when i see my woman
or the marshes of charleston
or see my boys and the crazy old lady
i close my eyes
and thank the Goddesses and Gods
for all this
its truly amazing
ya know
everyday
a new adventure
taking life in
like a deep breath of ocean air
she's cooking our supper
right now
i look at her
and see a heavenly light around her
her aura
the epitomy of beautiful
one of a million reasons i fell in love with her
i am truly the luckiest girl in the world
we went swimming in the other apartment's pool again today
ah
how Tink loves her adventures with her girl

My Dearest Bella, My Beloved

There are just some things in this world that exemplify beauty...Botticelli, van Gogh, innocence, family, traditions, a woman's smile,...But all of them fail in comparison to you, my Beloved. When you grace me with your warm smile, that is the best feeling in the world. It makes my heart glee, and makes Tink’s light glow. Everday I am Blessed by your love, I fall even more in love with you, as if that were possible. That is like saying that there is no sweeter air than in the South, in the morning when the sun’s rays gently awaken the mighty plains, and the dew still kisses the grass. There is an unspoken majesty about your love. Like lying in a field at night, gazing upon the Heavens to see the stars twinkle and dance in all their wondrous glory. Or the way the waves blanket the Carolina shores during the changing of the tides, it’s the way the mythology tales have been passed through the generations. Your adorable freckles kiss against your skin in places that would send even the most experienced lady into wild, untamed, unimaginable fantasies. The gentle-hearted look in your eyes reminds one of a time when courteous, romantic people were about. Your eyes, bluer than all the oceans, and truly the most exquisite of either side of the Mason-Dixon. My heart and soul glow with pride when I am with you. When the world sees what a genuine, sincere, compassionate lady I have on my side who loves with all that she is,…how can that in itself not be a Blessing? When I taste your soft lips against mine, my heart quickens its’ pace, as if it were to jump right out of my chest. My spoken words become jumbled and stuttered. Your presumptuous words causing heat in my body and my cheeks to still flush. Your caressing touches along the curves of my body, carry me away to a Never Land of sensuous excitement. Thank you, Bella. Thank you for your unwavering support and love. Thank you for making me feel like a true Southern Belle. You truly are the fabric of fairytales. I am truly Blessed to be loved by such a rare, true lady of such splendid magnitude as yourself. I don't know what I ever did to deserve a dream come true, such as you. You are, without a doubt, the reason my heart both skips a beat and continues beating. You are my breath of fresh air in a two faced, suffocating world. I love you my Darling.

The Story Of Two Carolina Bell(e)s In Atlanta

Pic 1: My Bella lookin nice for our date in Atlanta. Pic 2: Us in Atlanta at Pride in the park,...check out that cleavage, day-um it baby!!


Okay, so here's the story of Atlanta for all yall nosy people. We left like at 11-ish Friday morning. Cheryl worked Thursday 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. Friday. She got all of maybe two hours sleep, before she drove us to Atlanta. I drove outside of Newberry over the state line to Augusta. The traffic didn't mesh well with my nerves. Anyways, we get to the Atlanta Marriot Marquis (a 4 star hotel in downtown) to find that even though it was Valet parking, the hotel's parking garage was full. SOOOO, I got out, Cheryl and I unloaded the car, and she went on the first adventure to find parking. We get up to our room (on the 16th floor) and take a nap/shower to meet Mason (her best friend and her lil fag) for supper. He, btw, is as nice and adorable as a bug! So we go ridin around with him so he can show me Midtown and the park where Pride is. Midtown is where the gays live, I shit yall not. Its AWESOME. Anyways, when we rode with him, Cheryl and I saw a sex store like a few blocks from our hotel. The look on her face confirmed my thoughts that we should check it out since we are on a treasure hunt anyways. Soooooo, like at 12 that night, she and I head to downtown Atlanta to the sex store. Way-el we found out that it was the wrong place for two white girls from South Kackalacky to be by themselves. We didn't go into the store bc...well...it was over run by the wrong crowd of peoples. LoL. On the walk back to the hotel some scary guy named Charlie from Gaffney, SC accompanied us most of the way back. Yea buddy. Right on. Anyways, we get back to the hotel where we had an umm.... "Adventure" with the room service cart, LoL. As you can see in the picture somewhere on this journal, the food was good according to Cheryl, LoL!!! So the next day we went to Pride and had a BLAST. Columbia Pride isn't jack SHIT to Atlanta Pride. Oh the girls, hmmmmm... yummy. That night we went to see Mr. & Mrs. Smith, well now, what can I say? Cheryl and I had FUUUUUUUUUUUUN watching that one. * Ahem * ANYWAYS... Sunday we met back up to say Goodbye to Mason and his beau. And we headed on home. We went to Orangeburg and spent the night in my dream house, down from her parents' house. She and I are discussing moving back to her home come Feb. Hell, if all goes as hoped, we may just have a house of our own come then. When we got to Orangeburg, she was on the jon readin the paper and saw where it said that Orangeburg got the All American City Award. Funny thing is, we met A LOT of the hopefuls at our hotel in Atlanta, bc thats where the conference was. We didn't even know Orangeburg was there. How weird is that?! Today I went to Flo. to my appt. with Voc. Rehab. All is looking up. Stopped to see my Momma, who informed me that my Dad, Steve, outted me to his folks. Who, in turn, said I wasn't welcome to the lake house. Margaret was upset by it and asked why, so I told her there was a disagreement. She doesn't know about me yet. So I had to, in turn, figure out a way to tell my Momma that Margaret was upset without giving a way her impending suprise party. Talk about tricky. The Step Grand Parents are pretentious jack asses any damn ways. So, I went to Mama Linda's and got Harley and came on back to Charleston. Cheryl's at work, and I'm slap silly tired. I'll see if I can get the rest of the pictures added on this thing. Peace out, yall.

More Atlanta Pictures...

Pic 1: There's the Culprit!! Pic 2: Saw this ad in the Gay Yellow Pages. LoL, How PERFECT is that?! Pic 3: The Atlanta night skyline

And More Pictures From Atlanta.....

Pic 1: Me sittin up against the Atlanta skyline Pic 2: Me and Cheryl all dressed up goin out to see Mr. & Mrs. Smith Pic 3: SMOKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pictures From Atlanta

Pic 1: is the Margaret Mitchell House in Atlanta. This is where Gone With The Wind was written. Pic 2: is Cheryl and Mason, her best friend. Pic 3: I got bored. Aint I still a cutie patootie, though?! Pic 4: The end result of the room service cart incident.

Everything You Want

another song playing over and over in my head...

"Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh, and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
But under skinned knees
And the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another
Wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you
And I don't know why
And I don't know Why
Why And I don't know"

Wasted Trip, Wasted Beer, and Wasted Thoughts

well i went back to Florence
Monday night
wasted trip
"confrontation" with the Asshole
my mutt still answers to Shithead
long talk with muh Grandma
gawd i love that old woman
she's a crazy ol' shit
i hope i'm just like her
when i get that old
* BIG cheesy grin *
i met cheryl's friends 'a' and 'L'
i tried to drink a baby beer
couldn't finish it
cheryl poured what i couldn't finish off out onto the ground
alcohol abuse, i know
but it'll be okay
shit happens
not sleeping well
wonder whats up with that
hmmm
my momma took my chillens to virginia
or was it west virginia
hell if i remember
i am tired
today cheryl and i went swimming
we went over to the apartments where she used to live
to sneak into the pool
we are terrible, lol
blah blah blah
random thoughts on a merry go round over and over in my head
strange songs stuck on replay
"I don't care what they think
I don't care what they say
What do they know about this
love anyway"

"i know you know you are...
you are the oh in la la
blow a little kiss get a little bit get a little high yeah yeah
and i can't get you out of me cause your too deep inside"

we leave in the morning like in the WEEEEEEEEEEE early hours
to head for atlanta
the Holy City Pair goin to a REAL Pride
* WooHoo *
my lil fag can't go
it made me sad
but i understand
when i get back
i'll upload the pics to show yall
maybe i can get a good picture shot of the indigo girls
or a shot from the lil gay country bar we're going to
* How AWESOME is that, btw?! *

Stars Fell On * Carolina *

Moonlight and magnolia,
starlight in your hair
All the world a dream come true
Did it really happen,
was I really there
Was I really there with you
We lived our little drama,
we kissed in a field of white
And the stars fell on * Carolina * last night
I can't forget the glamour
Your eyes held a tender light
And the stars fell on * Carolina * last night
Never planned in my imagination,
a situation so heavenly
A fairy tale where no one else could enter
And in the center, just you and me, dear
My heart beat like a hammer,
my arms wound around you tight
And the stars fell on * Carolina * last night

A Hitch Hiking Corspe

went to work again tonight with cheryl.
couldn't sleep werf two shits today.
irritating faces in my dreams aggrevate me with their presense.
got majorly freaked out tonight.
watched bone collector with the best eye candy of them all,
angie,
i take a smoke break,
now yall jolie lovers know this movie is a lil eerie...
on the way back up to the dispatch center,
two orderlies and a security guy asked if they could get on with me,
i said yes too soon,
they joined me on the elevator with a corspe in tow.
ichk.
why me? talk about an eerie feeling.

Grandma's Favorite & Bad Moon Risin

tonight i came with cheryl to work
very busy
time she walked into the door.
bull shit from back home
just aggrevates the piss outta me
but oh well
shit still stinks
no matter the deodorant used, i reckon.
rode in the Peds ambulance with G tonight
took me to go refuel
its a beautiful truck
a quarter of a million dollars,
the biggest bus (ambulance) in ALL of sc,
and to boot,
has ALL the damn disney movies in it
it was fukking awesome!
i'mma tell ya what,
this bus damn sure beat out any damn DarCo bus i ever seen,
sorry guys.
G was so awesome in explaining everything
her thick Scot brogue mixed with an even thicker sporadic southern sayin
is quite entertaining
i love to listen to her talk
damn i feel like a yankee sayin
"i love to hear a southerner talk"
* cringes *
yucky
anyways
the glass is half full for me
tonight the moon looked awful damn eerie
from the looks of it,
somethin bad's brewin
but thats okay
why?
bc i am still Tink underneath it all,
my wings are healing quite nicely,
i've still got red in muh hair,
a great girlfriend,
still the best big sister,
and damnit,
i'm still my grandma's favorite.

The Definition Of Friendship

The Definition of FRIENDSHIP: http://www.hyperdictionary.com/dictionary/friendship

i think in today's chaotic, crazy world,
the meaning of friendship has been long forgotten.
back in yesterday's time, it was all so easy and simple,
the biggest frets on little girls' minds
were mosquitos,
summer not coming fast enough,
and what the jolly fat man would leave us at christmas.
i fondly remember racing Lil Miss Barbie In Training
down our street on our bikes,
or torturing Beth and Maria with that green thing,
lemonade stands,
putting on plays,
and dreaming wildly and talking about our futures.
me with my freckles, gapped teeth, and a crooked smile
going breakneck speed down my slip 'n slide
with Leigh Ann, Liz, Beth, and 'Ria, all eagerly awaiting their turn
while trying not to get bit by fire ants.
i may've been first sliding down that monstrosity trying to break any bone i could,
but when my turn was up,
i was always watching my friends one by one,
all try not to break any of their bones.
even in girl scouts, we were all on a totem pole of importance.
my role, was undoubtedly, the writer.
Ashley, Nan, Garrett, Melissa, and the rest, had their own roles,
but we were all friends,
we were all a family.
its been said that you cannot choose your family,
which is why we love to hate them,
and much of a reason for any kind of ungrounded arguments within the blood related circle,
but we DO get to choose our friends,
who, truthfully,
in turn,
get to become our family,
over time.
those are the ones who we lean on when our hearts get broken,
or when there is a scary decision to make,
they are the ones who you can honestly sit by and not say a word,
yet you're completely understood and you feel like you've just had the best conversation ever.
it is your TRUE friends who know all of your faults
and love you still.
a friendship is not a responcibility,
instead, its a blessing that we should all be very grateful for.
when you bust your ass,
and your pride won't let you admit your vulnerability to your family,
who the hell do you think you're gonna go runnin to?!
your true friends.
the ones who won't judge you,
they know your flaws,
the ones who appreciate your idiotic quirks like obsessing over different celebs,
they understand you,
they've been there for you since the beginning,
and yet they love you.
not a romantic kind of love,
no.
but the pure, innocent,
kind of love
all but forgotten in today's world.
the kind of love that we
nastalgically look back adoringly at
and smile upon.
its the sun light pouring across your face in a darkened world,
a breath of fresh air,
a hand that reaches out to you in your time of need.
friendship, to me,
is an innocent love in which we all should thank the Gods and Goddesses everyday for.

DISCLAIMER: This entry is NOT aimed ay anybody. This is from my mere observations of life. Let me emphasize, this is NOT aimed towards ANYBODY. Also, an additional note, I'd like to thank my friends. Yall know who yall are. Thank you for your unwavering support and the ability to never judge or doubt my crazy ass. Yall are the best friends a girl could ask for. To my wonderful partner, I love you. I'm sorry about the situation in GA. You are a true friend, a great friend,...don't forget that.

Disapointment

we get to jamison
and ride the four wheeler
down the red dirt road.
i realized that night
that i was repeating a past mistake
i love her,
i can't shut her out.
fell in love
all over again.
cheryl's momma's car was broke,
and me the femme-turning-to-butch (lol) that i am,
i popped the hood
and fixed it to run again
AIN'T I GREAT?!
went and got sloan and her cousin
and took them swimming,
rhett trying to beat them
and staying under water the longest
kids are the cutest
most adorable beings.
kids and dogs.
i miss mine terribly,
my lil fairy, pixie, and my lil shithead, harley.
two huge disapointments....
the child molester gets off (hmmm....) scott free
just like oj, i suspect he bought the trial
then on the shield
the season finale
ended HAPPILY
wtf is that shit?!
jesus!
ass invader coulda gotten caught,
vic coulda fukked glenn close....
SOMETHING!!

Nostalgic Silver & Gold

tick tock
tick tock
time slow dances by.
reading 'Plantation'
pretty damn good book
based in the great state of SC
its about facing adversity,
learning who you really are,
and coming home again.
seems to me
that most SC based books i've read
are all about great loves,
great landscapes,
and coming home again
hope still resides in me
that one day i'll finish my story
and perhaps show the world
and my mother
that i am not a failure
me,
an author
how fukking cool would that be?
took a bubble bath to relax tonight
lavender smells great
tickles my senses
eases my mind.
listened to some james taylor,
he's the man,
got my daily fix for checking ro's journal
she didn't write today
damnit.
june's supposed to be returning to flotown tomorrow
i wish for her
clarity
but isn't that something we all could use a little of in this god forsaken
2,200 journalists awaiting michael jackson verdict,
rich get richer,
assholes thrive,
children yearning for love,
and hate filled world.
going to jamison tomorrow to see my girl's family
good home cooked food
that i eat too much of.
i close my eyes
to shut out the world
and remember innocence
and true happiness
in a time of friends,
laughter,
cookies,
and honking at parked cars,
15 little girls singing
"make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold, circle's round, it has no end, that's how long i want to be your friend..."
ah yes,
life is good

Reba Concert...4/16/05...Camera Phone Shot, But I Swear Its Her!! 

The WONDERFUL Mrs. Rosie O'Donnell...The ULTIMATE AND MOST PERFECT All American Butch... 

Me and Sloan in the Firetruck in Orangeburg...Terrible Picture 

Lesbians and Firetrucks...My Two Favorite Things 

Ellis, Alex, and Chloe...My Heart & Soul...I Love My Boys!! 

Angelina Jolie...How scrumptious!! 

Some Things Worth Fighting For

tonight angie was on dateline
very tasty
yummy
her lips sky rocket my imgination
into an unknown world of sexual utopia
every lesbian's deepest desire
she said tonight
that there are things worth fighting for,
to make this world a better place
that may not be a direct quote
but its close enough
how right she is
there are things worth fighting for
love comes to my mind first
my lover's calming touch
her kisses that intoxicate me
knowing i can be who i really am
and she'll still adore me
we have our ups and downs
trials and tribulations
in this life
no doubt
but we have to stand for something
believe in it
with every fiber of our being
and be willing to not just die for it
but live for it as well
hope is our innately instilled faith
that carries us where our destiny wishes
i have seen and heard many things in my life
there has been much i've not seen or heard
and much that i will in my time to come
but one thing that i do know is this
love is worth fighting for

i love you.

Back To The Island

can't rightly think of anything to say
other than i am sunburnt like all hell
lookin either like a firetruck or a strawberry one
so i'mma leave yall with lyrics to a jimmy buffett song
that's been in my head all frikkin day
maybe it'll get stuck in your head


Now the day is done
And I sit alone and think of you girl
What would I do without you in my life
Wonderin' if you love me or just playing a fool of me.
Well I hope you understand
I just had to go back to the island
And watch the sun go down
Listen to the sea roll in
I'll be thinkin' of you
And how it might've been
Listen to the nightbird cry
Watch the sun set die
Well I hope you understand I just had to go back to the island
Threaded in my heart
Tears are falling down
I know down in my soul
I'm really gonna miss you
Can't end this way
For all the games we've played.
So I hope you understand
I just had to go back to the island
And watch the sun go down
Listen to the sea roll in
I'll be thinkin' of you
And how it might've been
Listen to the nightbird cry
Watch the sun set die
Well I hope you understand I just had to go back to the island
And watch the sun go down
Listen to the sea roll in
I'll be thinkin' of you
And how it might've been
Listen to the nightbird cry
Watch the sun set die
Well I hope you understand I just had to go back to the island
I hope you understand
I just had to go back to the island

'Can Ya Get Em Spayed Or Neutered?'

so i crawled out of bed at 10 this a.m.
cheryl and i go to the spoleto festival in marion sq. downtown
beautiful photography and art work
suffocatingly humid and painfully hot
though it was lightly raining through the sun
devil musta been beatin his wife again
we came home for lunch
i had my fried crabs
yummy
then we went to the liberry
got 'gone with the wind'
on cassette tape
and about three other books hard and paper back written by local authors
cheryl mercilessly tried explaining fiction and non fiction to me
i know the diff between fake and real
but my brain will not compute the terms non fiction and fiction
kinda like liz explaining billions of times
effect and affect
still don't comprehend
tell me how i can in detail tell you all about dsl
but i can't tell you the diff in effect and affect
looked at hamsters in petsmart today
she asks
'can you get em spayed and neutered'
i love my girlfriend
she tried convincing me to hold a snake
i touched
but refused to hold
another day has passed
alls well that ends well

Mediocre Update

so i came back to charleston
on sunday
being home was nice
but it stressed me out big time
all one big fight
then to put thet icing on the cake
an expensive doc's visit
such bull shit it all was
the doc prescribed creme for my hives
i felt like fukkin frankenstein or some other monster
today cheryl and i
drove around charleston
went to mt pleasant for some skrimp
with the heads still on
achk
scary lil bastards they are
went down town to look at all
the eye candy
they're such conformists, barbie doll padewan, suburbia fakes
its sickening
but i try to let the natural beauty
of the architechture and its surroundings
drown out the humdrum house wives in training
tomorrow a.m.
we're going to the spoleto festival down town
gonna get all artsy fartsy and check out the local artists' works
ash called
he's going to atl pride with us
that's gonna be interesting
to say the least
i'm super excited
anyways
i'm off to read a book
peace out, world.

Just Thinkin A Happy Tawt, Tink!!

hmmm what can i say tonight
last night before i crashed
i watched QAF
rosie guest starred in it
she will be on the next few i think
but she was lookin all hot 'n shit
she had the same dialect that she had in her CBS movie 'riding the bus with my sister'
(i think that was the title but don't quote me on it)
its this kinda quirky, nasaly, dorky kinda talk
but its hot
june picks on me saying rosie's awful dorky
how can i see her as hot
but i swear rosie is way hot
mmmm yummy...she can be my happy thought, LoL
*sigh*
anyways my lil pixie is turning into quite the princess
prancing around like her shit don't stink
and an unquenchable thirst for affection
its weird because she is a lot like me
i can hear all the smart ass comment about what i just said
about pixie being like me
so just save your breath and shut the fukk up
it was rainy all day today
my joints ached
i must be getting old
my mind is just wandering, really
i cannot think of anything to say
every word being critiqued
every action being judged
i am glad i am one to not really care what others think of me
i have said it before and i'll say it again
i only care about what the ones i love and care about think and feel
here are some quotes that i found of interest:

*Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.
*No accurate thinker will judge another person by that which the other person's enemies say about him.
*Hatred -- The anger of the weak.
*Hate would destroy him who hated.
*When our hatred is too bitter, it places us below those whom we hate.

Florence, My Purple Rain

so i have returned home
for another longated visit
sure i miss my girl
but i smile
crossing the Florence County line
a place in which i once had come to despise
now has become my sanctuary
we are pondering getting rid of harley
my lovely yoda wanna be, piss drinking stupid ass mutt
it'll hurt my heart
no doubt
to see him go
but with 5 other dogs in the house
its a hard thing to deal with
i love him
he is one of a kind
but stubborn and hardheaded he is
not like my pixie baby
gentle, sweet, and laid back
home has its flaws
but doesn't it all have its flaws
its a love/hate relationship with florence
my family and my friends
my ghosts, nightmares, and monsters
all reside here
just to find my quiet place
rosie has her yellow as her happy place, her happy color
so tis true perhaps,
candice, my old love, was right
i am indeed laughing and dancing
in the purple rain