Tanorexic, Dub-Ya, & Wonderful Grandma's

now they have a new condition...
tanorexic
oh my stars, yall
this is just in the deep end of the abyss
absolutely ridicermerous

so i'm thinkin
dub-ya needs 2 implants
the first a nice set - o - indestructible balls
an seein as to how them docs
down in the receded country of texas
were conducting top secret CIA/GLAAD experiments
by taking the chunk of brain from dub-ya
from his labotomy
to fed it to both homophobes
and cows infected with Mad Cow Disease
turns out
it just gave em both the shits
but long story short...
they need to insert a brain from a donor
to make up for dub-ya's short comings...
hmmm...
i nominate...
richard simmons
or
oprah...
no 86 oprah
i nominate miss piggy
at least we (the voters) can really be the puppeteers

enough griping.
can't wait for my mom to inform me
of mary's debut editorial
no doubt
i'll have many punchlines outta that
she's GREAT D.A.M. (Dumb Ass Material)
for muh jokes

can't wait for the end of february
* woot *
momma-in-law likes muh story
gave me the much needed direction
she's the best.

Riding The Wind's Back Once Again...

forgiveness.

so i've been thinking of those
whom i carry a resentment or grudge against
i gotta let that go
it just ain't healthy
not only is it imperative to forgive them
but i must forgive myself as well

Fat Bastard,
its ironic, no doubt, good riddens,
the shell in which you reside
is your demise
i never wanted you to leave
that's all
i apologize for hurting you
and i forgive you for hurting me
good bye.

"Dick"
2 outta 3
on a roll, eh?
i only wanted to hear 3 words
the 3 you somehow don't know how to say
i forgive myself for hurting myself because of you
forgiving you will come one day
but not right now
when the day comes
that my heart quits aching over you
your anger will not course through my veins any longer;
only your DNA
biologically related we may be
but family we'll never be & never were

Starlight
i couldn't fix you
nobody can
except you
and i hope that one day
you find the strength to rise above
your self created monsters
to find your sanity
to find you
the real you
i apologize for not being true to you
i may never have physically cheated
but karma has her way, right?
i forgive you & i thank you

to others from my past...
everything has its own rhyme & reason.
nothing's a mistake.
to those who i've hurt, i sincerely apologize.
to those who've hurt me, i forgive you.
i wish only happiness.

now its time...
( to say g'bye to all our families...oops, sry bout that )
for me to live my life for me
instead of trying to please others
instead of carrying the heavy load of anger and resentment

she's free to fly.
her wings now healed.
"to live, that's a great adventure."

Mama Linda & The Fag Mystery

happy birthday,
momma linda

i know we been through some shit
and haven't seen eye to eye on everything
but you were a mama to me when my own wouldn't be

you were there for me through it all
you wouldn't let me shut down
and shut any of yall out

i may not be your child
(thank goddess cuz that'd be kinda scary, no?!)
but when it gets to the wire
you've been my mama like nobody else

thank you
and
i love you
( i'll do my rendition of " its 5 o'clock somewhere "
in your honor bc its your bday)

tonight i cooked a big romantical dinner for my suga butt
(lol ha ha cheryl)
candle light, relaxation CD playing,
some funky new chicken recipe,
yellew rice,
and sauteed veggies
she said it was good

no weird dreams this a.m.
in an odd way
i miss them
it was something to look forward to

sushi tomorrow
achk
goddess help me make it through

i ask this to all yall
anybody with a sufficient or half logical answer
please email me
why would a queen (faggot) have laura croft's lucious face
tattooed on his back?!
any note worthy theories have completely escaped my brain
* btw, i luv ya hun, just tryin to figure ya out *

Lyin Roaches & Golden Girl Envy

roaches might've survived a couple million years
but they're not as invincible
as they want us to think
one minute in the microwave
kills 'em dead
fo sho
don't ask
it was an experiment we wanted to test

my golden girls shirt came today
stay golden
it says
liz got jealous
maybe hers will arrive tomorrow
i'll post the pic when i can

because she and i
are golden girl dorks
we should rightfully inform
the designers of the t-shirt
that Sophia is donning the wrong glasses
actually she does wear the square glasses
but that's 3 episodes post
the burning demise of shady pines retirement home

wonderfully clumsy me
has pulled my tummy muscles

meds approved
now see what the doc's rx is

cheryl & i have decided
its either folly beach or o-burg
we'll move to

a dream has begun
2 lezbans
a plan
and the great state of south carolina

la la la
" the bitch is back,
stone cold sober
as a matter of fact "

btw, cheryl...
i know you're burnt out from your job, bella.
i'll be your light to guide you through.
i love you, mon femme bella.

There's No Place Like Home...

*click click click*
went dorothy's shoes
she awoke from her dream
to find she was home again.
my family,
what can i say?
i love to
not like them.
my boys are in the 4th grade.
my heart aches at the fact.
i was in 4th grade
when margaret was born.
margaret,
now comfortably snuggled in 8th grade.
i was in 8th grade when the boys were born.
reality isn't a pretty picture.
it just doesn't seem real.
hannah now in k5.
i best catch up with the times, eh?

i have now mastered the 5 speed completely.
liz laughed and said she was ashamed
that i could do it
and she couldn't.

saw linda and them.
all's well
that ends well,
i supose.

cheryl's at work today.
i get to play house wife.
clean, cook, ...
( take a gander at what the 3 dots are for )

anyways
not much else to report on.
so it seems that life goes on, even in never land.
time doesn't stand still,
even for those who believe
and who are the purest of heart.
tink's awake and not in never land ( kansas ) anymore.
although i must say
* fairytales DO come true *
thanks to my bride to be,
i love you bella.

* you know that place between awake and asleep? that place you still remember dreaming? that's where i'll always love you, - Bella -. that's where i'll be waiting. * ~ Tink

The BITCH Is Back (Well, Almost)

way-el....
here's a quick run down....

was at the in-law's house 2 nights
momma in law now reading my story
talk about nerve racking

therapy
HARD
seriously
the walls are coming down
when all's said and done on my therapy bit
i'mma stand up & sing my ode to elton john
"i'm a bitch, i'm a bitch,
and the BITCH IS BACK,
stone cold sober,
as a matter of fact,
i'm a bitch, i'm a bitch,
yea the bitch is back!!"
i identify with that
cause it signifies you're healthy again
and you've conquered your demons & addictions
never thought there'd be a day
when i saw the light at the end of the tunnel
so i could say there is hope
that i can conquer those hurdles
and Tink can truly fly again
amongst the milky way & constellations

giving up smoking
therapist says i need
to learn to make
me important to myself
in that,
my self esteem will transpire to be healthy
getting off pain pills
is easier than giving up nicotine
its crazy
plus i had the epiphany
that dana reeves and peter jennings (r.i.p.)
couldn't avoid the lung cancer
so wtf makes me better than them?
i'm no superman

crossing fingers
that voc rehab will help me once again
with much needed meds

mason was here
we talked about a lot
i realized i miss reading up on mythology
so i did something about it
and went to get the book
taken away by starlight & j
that's okay
i have my own copy now

btw jolie's movie,
alexander,
sucked a fat ass FUGLY dildo
although she played her role to the ' t '
she was STUNNINGLY beautiful, as always

met two cool lezbans tonight
cheryl & i gotta get better
on the whole social life scene
we prefer the boob tube or a book
and sitting at home with each other

going to mawmaw's tomorrow night
* woot *
lovin up that
i pwomise you that

i'm realizing more & more
with each strife & every passing second
that i'm not alone in conquering myself
i'm so completely fortunate
and unbelievably lucky
to have cheryl by my side

Ode To Grandma

my thoughts go 'round and 'round
the ghosts and halos
only a stigmatism
a sigh of relief
Sarah's not crazy on that account
so it seems the older i get
the more i pay attention to the world surrounding me
i struggled so hard to be nothing
like the monstrosity he is
yet i'm in therapy
to tame his anger and cut throat words
her sheer stupidity and lack of common sense
are the corner stones of my one liner jokes
who she is,
i raged against
now my dream
her reality
with the excusions of the minivan and the whole teacher thing
as the reality dawns upon me
that i am indeed a product
of these two morons
i can't help but to cringe
maybe i could be the crazy grandma
when i'm 80
i could tell the same damn stories over
a million times
of trips long ago
and the stories of devilishly taunting
poor unsuspecting teachers
with my best friend
it might not be the damn sweater story
but hey
wisabus and i got
the matching golden girl t-shirts
that counts
my descendents won't know
the ancient history of who the golden girls were
maybe Sophia's purse will be in
the smithsonian
along side archie bunker's infamous chair
this much i know is true
i know where and what i came from
i know where and what i am and aim to be
i will achieve my heart's desire
beside and with my wife to be
we will attain our mightiest achievment
watch the children grow and leave
and thier children grow
then i can be old
wear purple
pretend like i'm crazy
blame it on my age
and when my favorite grandchild calls me on the phone
to ask what i'm up to,
i'll say
"sitting in my rocking chair, smoking a cigarette, watching tv, and drinking coffee."

DumbAss Concoction & The R Blog

a Dumb Ass concoction
the culprit behind my squeaky frail voice
imagine, much to my dismay,
how amused & simply thrilled
i was to learn that i am
second generation in the Dumb Ass concoction
great
i've noticeably become a r blog junkie
i was that way in hs when it came to her show
if my arse wasn't sitting on the floor in my living room
AT 4 o'clock everyday
then my whole day was wasted
or so i thought
it seemed almost magical to watch her on tv
i remember playfully fussing with Steve
on whether or not Ro was a dyke
even then
truly full of innocence, it didn't matter to me
for one hour every monday through friday
she made my pathetic little life
funny and meaningful
they called her the queen of nice
now
they've donned her
the queen of mean
why do they say that?
my guess is that
you have to become what they want you to be
when you're on tv,
a pre-fabbed, charity lovin, barbie doll
okay so she resigned from her show,
came out,
had a bad magazine deal,
a failed broadway attempt,
a wedding ceremony that blazed the way for millions to come,
a new baby,
a new cruise line,
she's gone back to her true roots- stand up comedy,
and now,
her r blog
i think she grew tired of being what they wanted her to be
so she busted out (literally)
and guess what
she's actually human
just like the rest of us
and that means she gets zits,
has her strong opinions,
and mouths off at celebrities' stupid antics
so now that my life truly does have meaning that i can honestly appreciate,
i still love to get captivated by this woman
who can bring a smile to my temporarily voiceless face
her happy color is yellow she says
but when i recall watching her show, her movies,
and now especially reading her blog,
she shows me my purple

Dah Purtiest Crayon!!

winston churchill said
"never, never, never give up."
life is full of setbacks
so its time i grit my teeth
and show 'em what i got
therapy is going well
it seems its as if
i identify the emotion of anger
with my sperm donor
now i just have to learn
where to place my own anger
the effects of unwise parental vocabulary
have deeply sunk their teeth into me
i'm working on that,
on my self esteem,
i have learned this much
i have my self respect
my heart and soul,
and my memories
and there isn't anybody who can take those away from me
therapy is SO hard
but i know it'll be worth it
i was playin around tonight with ash
and told him
"i'm not the brightest crayon in the box."
he said
"no you're not but you sure are the most colorful."
how sweet is my lil queen
circumstances in life
often change
to throw hurdles at us
to keep us on our toes
but life ain't easy
and it damn sure ain't fair
so what do you do?
move forward,
not backwards.
time,
a blessing and a curse,
only moves forward,
as should we.

Wisabus, The Beach House, And Fried Chicken

so wisabus wuz here
we showed her all of chucktown
it was great having my
bestest fwiend in da whole wide world here
cheryl says
she like listening to the banter back and forth
between liz and i
sunday cheryl and i went to my in laws' house
ate supper
visited with mama in law
finished another book
the beach house
by mary alice monroe
i highly suggest it
my next venture is to find the next great
indigenous book to SC
busy busy busy week ahead
God & Goddesses grant me the patience & courage to make it through
well my wifey-to-be is cooking me some fried chicken right now
so let me scram
peace, luv 'n chicken