Good Riddance

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don’t ask why
It’s not a question
But a lesson learned in time
It’s something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
So take the photographs
And still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf of
Good health and good time
Tattoos of memories
And dead skin on trial
For what it’s worth
It was worth all the while
It’s something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
It’s something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
It’s something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

10 Months...I Love You, Bella

Stay with me
Don't fall asleep too soon
The angels can wait for a moment
Come real close
Forget the world outside
Tonight we're alone
It's finally you and I
It wasn't meant to feel like this
Not without you

Cos when I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
When I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

Don't be afraid
I'll be right by your side
Through the laughter and pain
Together we're bound to fly
I wasn't meant to love like this
Not without you

Cos when I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
When I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

I made a few mistakes, yeah
Like sometimes we do
Been through lot of heartache
But I made it back to you

Cos when I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
And when I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

When I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
When I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

Connections Written In The Stars

have you ever just sat backjust to listen to the deafening silence?
or pulled yourself away from your core
to observe your family, friends, & loved ones?
have you ever closed your eyes in harsh reality
to transport yourself to a dream of safe yesterdays?
been almost asleep in bed
then swear you can see & hear a beloved that has crossed over?
can you remember your first kiss?
your first GF &/or BF?
your first heartbreak?
the first time you caused heartache?
can you remember where you were & who your innocence was lost to?
have you ever looked at your reflection
only to see a stranger or a monster?
have you ever laid next to your partner
& wished it was someone else beside you?
i can answer every single one of those questions.
the funny thing is,
is the further i get in my journey,
the more i become aware to the fact
that i really didn't know that much about myself.
it's pathetic and down right shameful.
how in the hell could i have expected someone else to make me happy
when i didn't even know myself?!
that is, looking back now in hindsight, the reason
i didn't see, rather didn't want to see, the boy metamorphosize into the man he became.
that is the reason i fell flat on my ass,
also the reason my whole world fell apart and crashed at my feet.
it was all fake,
an illusion.
an uneducated defense mechanism
popped my ego's balloon and made me bow before humility;
a crucial, exceptionally harsh, but highly necessary step in growing up.
i have accepted myself for what i am
and the path destiny has put me on.
i have set goals for me to achieve.
and i will achieve them all within 5 years.
my haters will suffocate on brazen words spattered at me in anger.
as my confidence matures,
the more i believe in myself,
the more i achieve.
there are things i have done
which i am not proud of.
forgivess,
from what i understand,
is the white to melt away all that red & black.
forgiving one's own self is often the hardest part.
i suppose she had a notable point:
when you close your eyes, you are alone with the cold truth...
no masks, disguises, or facades
can be camouflaged by the piercing light of truth.
every once in a while,
you run full force into somebody,
either friend or foe,
who is not blind to any facade you are cavorting around with.
excuses they repudiate…
why?
because they know of the potential that you are hiding.
they too know the logic for hiding,
because they see straight through you.
they already know the chinks in your amour,
your largest fears,
your paramount assets…
they knew it all when they laid eyes on you.
all of your atrocious diminutive secrets
unveiled and exposed for all the world to see.
they know how you think, how you feel.
you shouldn’t be scared should you encounter such a being.
it is them who are our earthbound guardian angels,
it is them who we call our best and closest friends.
it is them that make sure we are guided on the correct path
that destiny has set us upon.
always a helping hand,
a listening ear,
and a caring judgment free heart.
they will not coddle,
but willing to enable.
they will be there when you fall down,
but they won’t let you break.
i like to think of these beings as soul connections…
not soul mates.
they are, like the soul mates, residing in the magical canvas above
there to guide us in our dark nights.
it is such a titanic comfort in this malicious detestable world
to have friends like that…
we aren’t really alone, even when we close our eyes.
the Heavens above are filled beyond the brim
with proof that we are not alone…
every single twinkling dazzling amazing star comforts and guides us through the dark.

Moving Forward

my mind races at speeds & manuvers that would even impress #3.
daisies, stars, & fairies not dancing round in my head tonight,
i can't turn it off.
i wish there was a remote control for my mind.
nothing really on my mind...
i can't find one of my Reba CDs & it is annoying the FUKK out of me
because i have this one particular song stuck in my head
and i wanna listen to it so i won't " hear " it 24/ 7 in my head.
i shall post the lyrics.
bittersweet, WONDERFUL song.
i was looking through some of my other mailboxes to clean up,
when i happened to chance upon an old letter.
it's very interesting to re- read it now,
for it takes on a whole new meaning
now that i am away from it all.
so i'll leave yall with the lyrics to Reba's song
and the letter i found from long ago.
--------------------------------
" They say people change
I wish it were true
It's something I've tried so hard to do
Now I can't explain why right seems so wrong
And I keep hearing the same old song
I'm not your girl
I'm not your girl

One day I'll come back here,
and I'll knock on your door
She'll be sweet when she answers,
and I'll know for sure
That life is never easy
in my complicated world
I'm not your girl... "
--------------------------------------------
Saturday, May 28th, 2005

some times I think your sharpness is my fault. yes I can take some of the blame No hard feelings,.. no bull shit... no more mind games. just one thing, how are you sleeping? are you happy tink? do you smile alot,... do you giggle,... is it forced? are you happy now in your life? if so,.. I am so pleased. you know, it's all I ever wanted. no matter what you think. " every light in the house is on, the front yard is a bright as the crack of dawn. the back yard looks like runway lights it's kinda like noon in the dead of night,... every light in the house is on...." yeah under the hard ass out side is a country girl.... life makes you hard you know.... yeah you do know that much. "....I'll turn the lights off one by one,...." your new life and your new love is beautiful darling. im proud of you. I am not a monster you know... I am not hitler,... you act like i hung you on a cross. I adore you my love,... still... even after all of this.... after all the miles... and time.. and hurt... but that makes me a fool. im no better than billy or danny right. nothing changes for me because i always .... that dont matter. you know, once,... along time ago,... you use to look at me like i really could have been a star,... maybe that's why i hurt.... once I was perfect..... i always told my self that one day ,.. the saying would come true... if you love something let it go ....I have given up my beloved. never worry about that part of me again. I miss my friend alot,... I know deep down we can't be friends. it will never work... you will tell me you love me my heart will sing ,... so I know.. and No i dont want anything from you,.. I could care less... i just wanted you to know,.. Im turning the lights off just like you wanted me to, the soft glow in my halls are now just memories of who you use to be not who you are.the hurt in me was that when i saw the beauty in you,.... IN YOU.... it took my breath,.... you had me at hello.. i was a fool for you. out of my mind. you didn't like who you where you changed,... and I did too,.... i hate it... i am in so many ways the same little shit... but.... life happens in a blink of an eye and if you close them once you miss everything . im happy for you baby, and even if you dont,... i remember who you use to be. take care little tink
-----------------------------------
hmmmm....
thas some deep ass shit, i know.
have not heard from her & * crossing fingers * hopefully won't.
i do not wish her ill will,
i wish her peaceful clarity...
just not in my bubble world of family & friends.
she is right, ya know...
i didn't like the reflection i saw,
so yes i changed.
what was left out, however,
was that i had to change because they broke me.
they took me to the lowest of my low.
so yes, i suppose life DOES indeed make one hard.
i have changed from inside out.
the ones closest to me can see it.
those who knew Tink,...
well...
sometimes while a shooting star is falling,
the dazzling light catches their eye,
and just for a moment
they swear they caught a glimspe of her dancing in the Heavens,
where she belongs.
Tink's place resides in fairytales & memories.
the past i cannot change.
many have felt my wrath;
few have felt my true love;
even fewer know what lies beyond the facade.
to anyone reading this,
it may appear it is as if i haven't let go.
let me educate you on that invalid statement;
i have let go of the past,
my past is ( are ) the stars that decorate my soul,
they inhibit the Heavens above.
they are there for comfort on a cold, rainy night
when i am lost.
they are there to remind me...
to remind me of what i have,
what i went through to get to where i am,
they remind me of the sacrifices and selfishness,
of the innocence & tainted,
of love and hate,
of family & friends VS. vices & illusions.
i set out on this journey initially to answer one question...
can i live my life without Fat Bastard?
the answer to that, without the slightest doubt, is yes.
then my curiosity grew a bit more...
i wanted to know who i was/ am.
that was HARD to see...
let me tell you, friend & foe alike;
the truth is NOT the most graceful light in front of the mirror.
from there on,
i found my new journey;
to heal what's broken and scarred ( much like my open heart scar )
and to enjoy life.
a long ways i have come,
but many miles still lie before me
on my journey home.
i'm about halfway done.
my Wifey is my little Tug Boat...
pulling me along,
sitting pretty & posin cuz she knows she's my muse,
my enabler,
she believes in me,
so i know because of that,
i am no longer alone & i have defeated the hardest half of my journey.
merci beaucoup tres bien, mon femme bella.

so my reply to that LONG LOST letter is:
Tink is happy, she is retired, but where she belongs. Deception no more. Truth, though a harsh light at first, is better for the soul in the long run. It is unfortunate you let it kill you; I suppose you were right, every star burns out someday. I looked at the girl I first met like she was indeed a true shining star, because to me, she was. Truth be told, it still gets to me,... " A face that pretty ought not to be so sad. " Sarah has found her way, I have lit my own path. No longer am I the damsel in distress; I saved myself...I saved myself from me, you, and him. It was that or give up... and I'mma tell you one damn thing,....My Nana didn't raise no quitter...The red runs deep, honey. Like I said, I cannot forget my past, it is where I came from. Some stars twinkle, some stars fade, some guide the way...and some are hung like decorations on a tree, only to be taken down and remain hidden til next year. Either way, I shall'nt forget; I can't. But, I can move on, as I have done. It gets easier with time, your memory is quickly fading with every turning of the tide. The stars are falling, my old foe. I hope you have reached safety ashore. Only then can the winds of change blow across your lifeless face. Perhaps truth will set free your incarcerated viens and bring to life the girl I once knew. May she dance up in the Milky Way until that last star fades away...

Mon Femme Bella

well lets see...
today we just took it easy.
cleaned house a lil,
did a lil laundry,
kissed,
held each other,
said a million " i love you's "...
i know,
we're still sicknin, LoL!!
i can't believe come 3-29,
it will be our 1 year anniversary,...
see yall,
i can settle down...
i'm not as wild as yall frikkin think.
i am SO lucky to be loved by her.
she truly is 1 in a billion,
she is MY diamond,
she gets me like
the feeling you get when the light bounces off of a diamond,
or the feeling you get when you see a shooting star paint the night sky,
even the feeling you get when a baby grips your finger with his whole hand,
its simple really...
she's all that's good in this chaotic, messed up world.
she's a brave woman to take me on,
i am quite the bullheaded one.
those who've tried before,
walk away seeing red
from either anger or blood.
broken hearts or BPs within Stroke range...
i have a big impact on people, LoL.
but her,
she didn't judge me by my flaws,
she just accepted them as they are,
part of me.
she doesn't love in spite of my flaws,
she loves me because of them.
i don't think it could get any better than this.
i love you, mon femme bella!! * MuAh *

I'm A Survivor

i know i am Blessed
i know i have my guardian angels watching over me
i sit here to meditate
to count my Blessings
and rid my angry, sore tears
looking back,
i wish i could've done things differently in my past
but then again,
i wouldn't be where i am at now, right?
i keep hearing that i must let go of my anger and hurt
if i wish to truly begin my journey of self healing & self discovery
my cards said my ultimate goal is to be
the best wife, sister, mother, friend, daughter, & grand daughter i can possibly be
sounds like an army commercial, doesn't it?
i think " they " are right though...
i think forgiveness is going to be the key i need to begin the real healing.
i need to forgive myself, my (unfortunately) sperm donor, & fat bastard.
i have forgiven my mom,
i have worked hard to try to restore a relationship with her
* thinking out loud about the sperm donor & fat bastard *
concerning my sperm donor,...
it is HIS problem. HE is the one who has the hangups. HE is the unaccepting one. HE is the one incapable of loving HIS family, well HELL, HE is the one who is stupid...HE knows not the meaning of family...i'mma tell you one damn thing, when i am married with children, and i go to my sister, Jack's wedding, and he can't go because no one volunteered to pick his pathetic ass up from the Home, all will be corrected, when he is lonely sitting in his own feces and wonders why no one visits him, perhaps his actions and words to his children will sink in. the loneliness he will have to endure will be his demise. the loneliness will deprive him of his pride, ego, and greed. thus i know, karma will see that he gets what he best deserves.
when it comes to fat bastard...
i hope one day i can learn to forgive him. the damage he left behind...i once swore was irrepairable, now i know, patience, forgiveness, love, & time will heal all. as far as he goes...i know what will happen to him, though i don't wish him ill will, but he will meet the love of his life, his soulmate, and she will leave him in ruins and never loved him at all. as a matter of fact, i hope he can begin on his own journey of self discovery to find & bring out that little boy who was once so dearly admired and loved. that little boy, that person was so innocently beautiful, so pure, so loving & lovable.

it is quite curious that both of these men are the two who've brought me to my knees in agonizing pain. both couldn't accept what was. i thought my life would be over if i never got their acceptance & love. how morbidly wrong was i. i thought death would become me without their acceptance & love. now, it is quite the irony that it is these two that have made me so strong. i'm finally coming to the conclusion that if these 2 couldn't kill me, nobody can. these 2 were indeed the 2 that were rooted the deepest. i will overcome my adversities, i believe that more than ever. i no longer will allow these two to be my anchor and wiegh me down.

though it may be cheesier than all Hell, i believe this song to be MY theme song for now...

You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores...and
I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide...yes
I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
There's bound to be rough waters
And I know I'll take some falls
But with the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all...yes
I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Yes, I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
'Til the river runs dry

Oh No I Di'NT!!

The Paramedics didn't know what to say, when they came upon a scene early Saturday morning. Lamar native, Cleve (shown in picture above), 1419482934 years old, had been missing for a few years, when concerned neighbors finally alerted authorities with thier concern over a " dusty " smell coming from the house. T. Phillips, Lead Medic on scene, suspected Cleve to be deceased upon first glance. With a closer look, Phillips's suspisions mounted, as he was scared to reveal his findings. Was it what he thought? No. Cleve, had not become mummified over time. With one big gust of wind, the door on his concrete cinder block house slammed shut. The supposed corspe came alive as he hacked some God forsaken shit from his lungs. It looked as if his lungs had turned into dust. Cleve did not return any phone calls to make a statement for this story. He was, however, contacted by Nancy Reagan, to rejuvenate her " Just Say No " campaign. It's sure to be a hit. -S. Anderson, Florence Morning News AP, Senior Staff Writer

Life Is Good...

yesterday was SO FRIKKIN awesome!!
we held each other most of the day,
then we went to the grocery store,
came back home,
she cooked fried chicken, rice & gravy, & butt'ah beans,
then we went over to her Mom's,
where we sat around the fire outside.
that brought back a flood of memories from Girl Scouts.
looking back,
it seems surreal.
like it was somebody else's life, not mine.
smores, Sandy Ridge, countless camp fires under the heavenly stars,
silly little songs,
secrets being told,
the " what do ya wanna be when ya grow up " game,
predictin the future was always fun.
i remember getting a lil pissed because the girls predicted
i'd be the last one to marry and procreate.
they said i'd be a famous writer...
the dreams we dream when innocence was still written upon our faces.
it is disheartening to see that some have lost themselves,
some never found themselves,
and some are still the same damn person ( s ) they were 15 years ago.
life doesn't turn out the way we expect or dream, does it?
anyways, back to last night.
after we sat around the fire for a lil while,
Bella & i came back home,
showered,
watched BEAUTY SHOP with Queen Latifa. ( Sp.? )
that is a funny ass movie, yall.
true comedy,
not perverted nasty str8 people jokes.
she was lookin mighty fine in this movie too, yall...
mmmhmmm good.
tonight it beef stew, smores over the fire, & another movie.
i'm tryin to talk her into seeing SAW.
Wisabus says she'd go with us to the Dog Show...
I'm hoping my Mother allows me to take my sister, Margaret.
That'd be super cool.
i'm enjoying this one- on- one time with Bella,
it is nice & relaxing.
I'm out like Rosie, peace yall.

Purple Fairytales...

when i saw her standing there,
i knew i was fukked.
i fell in love that instant.
i had never seen her before,
but something from within knew
that one day her lips would touch mine.
my life has dramatically changed ever since then.
she unknowingly became a thief
and stole my heart right there on the spot.
when i gaze into her eyes,
i swim in a pool of soulful ecstasy.
we both were dealt a different stack of cards
than the rest of the world.
that understanding bond
cradles my soul
and sings sweet lullabies to soothe my being.
i have her sittin on her own pedestal.
i hold her in high opinions.
noble, sincere, honest, sweet, tender,...
and top off the cake...
a lil bit of fire dwells within her.
no doubt she enhances my life,
and challenges me to be a better person.
on the nights i am not with her,
i ache for her touch.
her loving, safe arms to shield me from a cruel world.
there is nothing i wouldn't do for her;
i'd surf the milky way if she wanted me to.
to say she is my best friend isn't serving her justice.
somewhere, somehow
the Gods & Goddesses wrote it in the stars
for our paths to intertwine.
as the clock ticks on,
my love roots deeper into my soul.
where a void once bled & ached,
she has filled it in with respect & love.
and that alone is the fuel for my ambition,
because with that,
i can climb Everest
and defeat any strife set before me.
my muse paints the pictures in my head,
and when i awaken and see her before me,
i coyly smile because she IS
" what dreams may come "
i cannot look into my future without seeing her;
she is a permenate fixture, by God's grace.
it would rip me into shreds
to have an empty future without her.
it is impossible.
i've never known someone like her,
i need her,
like sunshine to the yellow daisies
and water to dolphins.
she completes me...
she compliments me...
she challenges me...
she is different than me...
she has a softer soul than i...
just as the stars complete the Heavens above
& tell the tales & lengends of Mt. Olympus.
it is those stories & myths that inspire & give us hope
to find our place where we belong
& to find our life partners.
i have said it before & i'll say it again,
fairytales do come true...
i have the proof...
a cold hard fact, un refutable evidence;
i love you, Bella!! *MuAh*

The Princess's Philosophies & Prophesies

i cleaned the entire house yesterday,
had the laundry done,
new sheets on the bed,
dinner ready to serve when she walked into the door...
we laughed our asses off to American Idol!!
omfg.
no way in HELL, dude.
then we watched some of THE SHIELD.
here's a question for any other SHIELD nerds out there,...
if FARMINGTON Barn is so dilapidated in its fundings,
how in the HELL is Vic driving a PD '06 Charger in the hood?
Last year it was the Durango, I think.
But for a PD that is so poor,
their Strike Team is livin it up.
Another q;
Why pick up the Terry story line?
So what if Vic killed him,
The Strike Team has done way worse.
I want answers to the Money Train story line.
A little known fact to the Nip/ Tuck & THE SHIELD fans...
Lem (blonde/ spikey haired sensitive guy with the stomach ulcers) from THE SHIELD
IS the Tranny from Nip/ Tuck that Matt had the run in with.
ANYWAYS...
Today I got my new hearing aid.
( All my friends & family take a collective sigh of relief. )
Its top of the line, yall...
I'm having to like retrain myself on the everyday noises I couldn't hear.
I'm having to make myself LISTEN to a person talking,
instead of reading their lips to comprehend their words.
Very cool...
" But I digress... "
I was talking to Bella today.
Thinking about my life path,
the future I want to take.
We need to get her back to school
to complete her remaining course so she can get her degree.
Within the next year,
I'll begin school for my Major in Business
& Minor in Mass Communications or English.
In the next two years,
I want my Teacup Yorkie,
( Thanks for that Yorkie advertisement, J,...
now I'm just foaming at the mouth to have my Yorkie even quicker. )
And I want my Chevy truck.
In the next 5 years,
I want to have my career,
Ash in Med School Training ( Residency ),
Cheryl happy with her career,...
& me...
like " Brandgelina "...
with a bun in the oven.
I'm for real.
I'll have my way.
After all,
Sarah means Princess,
I'm FIRST GRANDCHILD,...
I get what I want, even if it takes a lil time.
Patience, tenacity, and determination have never failed me.
I eventually always get what I want.
To those who doubt me,
I say these things to you:

1- Watch me, I will survive, & achieve. I'm stronger than your weak, daft, and pathetic words.
2- Confucius say when beginning on the journey of revenge, dig two graves, not one.

Old School...

Swear It All Over Again
_________________

I wanna know
Who ever told you I was letting go
Of the only joy that I have ever known
Girl, they were lying
Just look around
And all of the people that we used to know
Have just given up, they wanna let it go
But we're still trying
So you should know this love we share was never made to die
I'm glad we're on this one way street just you and I
Just you and I

I'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again
and I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again

All over again
Some people say
That everything has got its place in time
Even the day must give way to the night
But I'm not buying
Cos in your eyes
I see a love that burns eternally
And if you see how beautiful you are to me
You'll know I'm not lying
Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye
But even if we try
There are some things in this life won't be denied
Won't be denied

I'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and
I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again

The more I know of you is the more I know I love you
And the more that I'm sure I want you forever and ever more
And the more that you love me, the more that I know
Oh that I'm never gonna let you go
Gotta let you know that I

I'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again

All over again
All over again
And I swear it all over again

It's A Purple Fairytale

I am truly fortunate
to loved by the best woman on Earth.
In a moment of doubt,
a dark daydream shined light on the fact,
that she is what completes my life.
Nausea overcame my whole being,
as I tried to envision my future without my Bella.
I couldn’t see it.
It didn’t exist…
My future without her…
it is impossibility.
I am destined to be with the " anima bella "
who soothes my soul,
just as the tide blankets the Carolina shore.
Compromise and patience
is what it takes.
Is it true,
has Tink grown up?
Has Tink finally found her “Happily Ever After”?
A child at heart,
I’ll forever be.
But I’m unsure of there a “Happily Ever After” even existing.
Why?
Because it doesn’t tell you the rest of the story…
sure,
the stars destine you two to meet
and fall in love,
then there’s some kind of adversity,
then comes compromise and patience,
And BAM!!
There’s your “Happily Ever After.”
The story doesn’t end there.
I had a conversation today with a friend,
who asked me of my first love.
It is a bittersweet memory,
I won’t lie.
The innocence, the pure love.
Even though I was never in love with him,
my love was true, it was real.
I would’ve lassoed the moon for him,
if he’d asked me to.
But as with all childhood loves,
it lasted on pure blind faith.
Believing in fairytales seemed so easy.
After all, believing is seeing,
not seeing is believing.
If I ever see him again,
I’m not quite sure how I’d react.
Love wasn’t enough.
But see, that is the difference…
This time,
even still my love is pure as sunshine,
love is enough.
I will love my Bella until the last star falls.
With every turning of the tide,
my love deepens more and more.
I am surprised at the depth my love reaches,
it is so unlike my first love.
I know without a doubt,
that my Bella is the woman made for me.
And for that,
I thank the Gods and Goddesses everyday.
Now I see it clearly...the purple...
Fairytales do come true.

Still Obsessed...

Wayyyy back in my day, when I was in 4th grade, I heard " Fancy " on my friend's tape player. From that day on, I was hooked, I became obsessed. This is my girl's new CD. It KICKS ASS!! There are 31 #1 hits, plus 2 new original releases. The #1's span her entire career. I think this CD is truly awesome, although I was slightly disapointed that 2 of my favorites, and not suprisingly, the same 2 that are 2 of her BIGGEST hits. " Fancy " and " The Night the Lights Went Out In Georgia " would have made this CD complete. Her name is synonymous with these two classic Reba remakes. She made those songs her own, totally shaming the original artist's rendition. This 2 disc CD set has been in my CD Player ever since its release date, 11 - 22 - 05. This collection of classics has already become a Best Selling, Platinum album. Of course, that is of no suprise to me. She lives on, in her classic, sassy, trail blazing, Reba style. Long live the Queen!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Reba McEntire. She releases #1s, with 33 number one hits and two new songs. There isn't a female country artist out there that doesn't owe McEntire a debt of gratitude. She taught women how to be successful, not only as singers, but as businesswomen, and she continues to take on new challenges. This is a woman who will never get stale. From her first number one, Can't Even Get the Blues in 1982, to Somebody in 2003, you'll find all the hits here in order of their release. What a way to look back over a truly stellar, but not finished, career.
------------------------------------------------
Amazon.com
Two things hit you while listening to this two-disc, 35-song collection. First: Reba McEntire, one of country's most twangy, yet recognizable and singular voices, has consistently chosen material that captures life's dramatic moments of consequence, whether it's the decision to leave a romantic coupling, face up to a failed relationship with a parent, or handle the passing of a loved one. And second: in the course of her 23-year career, several of her 33 #1 hits slipped up to the top of the charts virtually unnoticed, and seem hardly memorable today (e.g., "I Know How He Feels"). Yet the best of her work ("Whoever's in New England," "Rumor Has It") remains as emotionally resonant today as when it first appeared. Not only a fine singer, however, McEntire picked up the mantle of woman-to-woman songs first carried by Loretta Lynn and Tammy Wynette. Long before Martina McBride began singing songs of social relevance, McEntire had been encouraging and empowering women to change their lives--to look beyond their roles as dutiful wives and mothers ("Is There Life Out There")--if perhaps more subtly than McBride. Reba #1's contains two new tunes: "You're Gonna Be," a mother's loving lessons for her child; and "Love Needs a Holiday," which recounts a married couple's much-needed motel getaway. The latter sounds like it could be the theme song to a spin-off of McEntire's TV sitcom, but the former, much like her most-loved songs, comes packed with wisdom for anyone attempting to navigate the unsettling storms of life. --Alanna Nash
-------------------------------------------------------
New York Times - 12/2/05
Whether she's accompanied by a steel guitar or a synthesizer (or both), her focus is elegant storytelling.
----------------------------
Country Weekly - 1/2/06
Reba's very biggest singles are all present here. Her natural charm and sass are apparent.
------------------------------
About the Artist
From "Can’t Even Get the Blues" in 1982 to "Somebody" in 2004, Reba McEntire has been delivering number one songs for many years. Her name and voice are synonymous with country music. Reba now marks that career by turning in a 35-song compilation of her number one singles, plus two brand new recordings.
Reba #1’s is a celebration of a career that has included 33 #1 hits, 29 albums, multiple awards and countless shows and performances. This album is a collection of the songs country music fans have known and loved for over two decades. As a mainstay on country radio, Reba’s music has become a soundtrack for the human experience. She has put words to our heartache with songs like "You Lie," "Somebody Should Leave" and "Rumor Has It"; inspired us with "I’m A Survivor" and "How Was I To Know"; and broke our hearts with "The Greatest Man I Never Knew" and "And Still." And no one can deliver a love song like the redhead from Oklahoma – "Somebody" and "Forever Love" gave us hope that love really does conquer all. The first new single from Reba #1’s, "You’re Gonna Be," speaks of a mother’s love for her child through all of the ups and downs that life brings. The soaring chorus is a mix of advice, encouragement and inspiration. A second new song, "Love Needs A Holiday," is an upbeat tale of a married couple who just needs a break from the daily grind. Both songs teem with the passion and talent Reba fans know and love, and listeners will recognize a piece of themselves in the stories they tell. That talent has also brought her a slew of awards and honors, including 15 American Music Awards, 12 Academy of Country Music awards, 7 Country Music Association awards and 2 Grammy’s. In a career that has now expanded beyond music, Reba is also a multiple award winner in the acting arena. Her critically acclaimed Broadway debut in 2001’s ANNIE GET YOUR GUN was awarded both the Drama Desk and Outer Critics awards. Now in its fifth season, her self-titled TV show, REBA, reigns as the WB’s top rated sitcom and has landed Reba a Golden Globe nomination and a People’s Choice Award. Reba’s ever-expanding talents have now grown to encompass a clothing line as well.The line is an extension of Reba’s style and taste, and offers a bit of her personality to shoppers. Through her music, television show, clothing collection, and everything else she does, Reba McEntire represents the ideals, dreams and issues that people of all backgrounds care about. She speaks to our everyday lives while showing us what else is out there. Her personality and talent have drawn in millions of fans. It's why she became the first country female artist to sell five million copies of one album since Patsy Cline. It's why she's now sold more than 49 million albums in her career. Reba McEntire has been the leading lady of country music for over 20 years. While her career now stretches far beyond country music, she’s never forgotten her roots. She is a role model for those who have come behind her, inspiring them to take chances and refuse to accept limitations on what they can do. Reba #1’s is a picture of longevity and consistency, of music that inspires and reaches people where they are. It’s Reba McEntire at her very best.

Blah, Part II

well today my Bella worked the a.m. shift.
that means she got up at 4:30 this a.m. to be at work by 7.
that blows big nasty putrid green chunks, doesn't it?
she's durrin it again tomorrow.
i have decided to talk to my psychiatrist about a few things;
i think my meds are not working for my depression
& I believe my anxiety needs to be treated more so than the depression.
i believe the anxiety is out weighing the depression big time.
it has now, yet again, begun to effect my sleep.
and that, mon compaines, i'll not tolerate.
today i drowned myself in a painting.
Bella said so far it looks awesome,
i hope she is right.
because just as with my writing,
i think my paintings sukk.
but thats just my self esteem issue showing its nasty head.
i hope it turns out truly great...
and that i don't let anyone down, including myself.
i think i've decided to major in Business & minor in Mass. Comm.
if i haven't already stated that before.
i have short term memory loss,...
i inhaled too much methane gas ( aka, FARTS ) as a child.
" but i digress, "
i'm glad i got my PC room cleaned finally.
it feels nice.
when i get paid again,
i'mma order me some Tink wallpaper border for the room.
( that's to match my soon- to- be- mine Tink door, ofcourse. )
i'm lookin fwd to going to greenville the weekend of the 18th.
we're going to see the dog show,
and * HOPEFULLY *
see my sister, Jack.
feeling mucho better today,...
no trembles, no jitters, no shakes,...
it was dem dere nicotine patches, i tell ya.
anywho,
i'm out of here.
peace, luv, n chicken butt.

Drift Away...

Day after day I'm more confused
Then I look for the light through the pourin' rain
You know, that's a game, that I hate to lose
I'm feelin' the strain, ain't it a shame

Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Won't you take me away

Beginin' to think, that I'm wastin' time
And I don't understand the things I do
The world outside looks so unkind
And I'm countin' on you, you can carry me through
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Won't you take me away

And when my mind is free
You know your melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue
The guitars come through to soothe me
Thanks for the joy you've given me
I want you to know that I believe in your song
And rhythm, and rhyme, and harmony
You helped me along, you're makin' me strong

Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Won't you take me away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul

I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Won't you take me away

Blah.

i'm feeling a tad bit better this morning,
but i have this knawing feeling in the pit of my stomach.
like somethin's wrong or like i'mma get some bad news.
i dunno.
they call it intuition,
and usually mine's dead on.
i had to call my Mama Linda yesterday,
i got to feeling so horrible
that i was crying it hurt so bad.
she's one of the FEW people who
know how to fix me when sumin's wrong.
i love her so much,
she really is my Mama.
i think it's the nicotine patches
causing my nausia & trembles & that jittery feeling.
so i took off the patch.
i'm home, so i'm not around cig smoke,
so i haven't craved it.
i told Cheryl that if the craving got too bad,
that i'll be damned, I wasn't wearing the patch anymore,
she could go buy a pack of smokes,
hide them from me,
& when the craving gets to the point of pain,
she can hand me one cig & i prolly wouldn't even be able to smoke it all.
but i'm tellin yall,
i REFUSE to feel that frikkin shitty because of a GD nicotine patch.
i can conquer my addiction this way much better than those patches.
i'm feeling kinda sad today,
i dunno why.
maybe bc i'm tired of feeling sick,
or maybe its auntie Flo.
i'm just damnit ready to feel better,
i know that.
so fer now,
i'mma just gonna jam to the Queen,
Mrs. Reba McEntire.
She always cheers me up & makes me feel better,
she's kinda like that rare friend you have,
the one that cheer you up when
you're at your lowest sad point,
or at your most pissy moment,
she just somehow knows how to soothe my soul.
its a given that with her,
a smile will creep across my face.
i'm off to go listen to some " Cathy's Clown ".
she's been signed onto the Las Vegas Hilton Resort
for a non consecutive 6 week run of concerts.
tickets start at like $138, BUT...
you can buy meet, n, greet tickets + VIP seats for $238.
DAMNIT
i wish more than ANYTHING i could go to THAT concert.
* sigh *
i guess i should be thankful for the concerts i have seen,
and the fact that i got meet her.
but damn...
that Vegas run makes me foam at the mouth
like Harley around big dogs.
jesus,
i get heart palputations at the mere thought.
i'mma go dream a lil dream
and dream of tasting that wish i'll never have.
peace out, yall.

Waking Up...

" G'MORNING, NEVER LAND!! "
boy, after my Rip van Wrinkle nap,
i am springing back to life.
Cheryl met Aunt Boo & me in Santee
on Friday, the 13th at 11.
I got in to see my Doctor at 2:15,
left from there to fill my RXs,
went on home,
and fell asleep at 5 o'clock Friday.
I awoke from my much needed slumber at 8 this A.M.
OMG, I had SO MANY WEIRD, VIVID dreams...
everything from Rosie asking me to carry out plans to bring back the Golden Girls on TV,
to Cheryl getting irate over my friendship with Ro,
to Ducking Tornados & other various weather themed adversities,
to re-living my many adventures with Pan & the Lost Boys
(it was like I was ACTUALLY Tink, I'd left Neverland,
& I was recalling old memories to my child, putting her to bed),
to being at a quite nasty & vicious war with Trisha Yearwood over Garth Brooks,
(that was a VERY interesting dream, I was the Shitz- Nitz in it, I had control over the Trump Towers, & I had control over the entire country music industry, and because of that, I had like,
ultra powerful friends, I'm tellin yall,...it was kick ass.)
Cheryl & I got things straightened out this morning,
and are just fiddle faddling around the house.
I'm thinking I need to get in gear,
get my degree in business & Mass Comm,
& go into business of some sorts where I can unleash my creativity.
As is,
Cheryl wants me to start on it right away & see what I could do for now.
I may go ahead with that.
Anyways,
I'm in a good mood,
but my Body is still waking from sleep & illness,
but other than that, I'm okay.
I am such a cluster- fukk today,
I keep bumping into shit, & giving myself nice bruises for later,
and I even managed to electrocute myself today, too.
LoL,
maybe I'll be okay one of these days.
At least, I'm not in a straight jacket somewhere, eh?
( Now my parental units stop to consider this fact... )

Farts, Shit, & Family

so i am home
Mawmaw didn't get outta bed til like 1:30
then took a nap just a couple hours later
that worries me
watching the shield...
seems like they're gonna try
to force Vic into retirement.
seems like a boring story line.
when i took harley to mama linda's today ..june and her were in the yard pruning back bushes
and they both somehow managed to step in Butch's shit
i laughed so hard islipped up and i farted really loud!!
i had tears in my eyes
my tummy hurt from laughing
i was about on the ground bent over with laughter
& i swear i bout pissed myself silly
then p - nut was raping harley
who was humping meiko...
a walking threesome
that was funny as HELL!!
its good to laugh like that
i think it does something good for your soul.
i am at unrest in my guts;
i pray for strength & courage to the Goddesses above
to help sustain what is dear in my heart.
an innocent love...
is worthing fighting for.


Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart. - Marcus Aurelius

The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart. - Buddha


The one who will be found in trial capable of great acts of love is ever the one who is always doing considerate small ones. - Frederick W. Robertson

I believe that love is the greatest thing in the world, that it alone can overcome hate and that right can and will triumph over might. - John D. Rockefeller

Just A Few Thoughts Before Going Home...

Man's rise or fall, success or failure, happiness or unhappiness depends on his attitude... a man's attitude will create the situation he imagines. - James Allen

Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief. - Joseph Addison

A true friend is one soul in two bodies. - Aristotle

Between friends there is no need of justice. - Aristotle

If a girl seems as shy as a mouse, you still have to look out for the tiger within her. - Chinese Proverb

The more connections you and your lover make, not just between your bodies, but between your minds, your hearts, and your souls, the more you will strengthen the fabric of your relationship, and the more real moments you will experience together. - Barbara De Angelis

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart. - Marcus Aurelius

No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change. - Barbara De Angelis

Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against. - Bruce Lee

So yall, I'm going home to spend quality time with my Grandmother.
I know I have limited time left,
I am keeping my promise to my Nana.
My Mawmaw KNOWS I love her.
That is something in which,
she can never doubt.
I'm looking forward to hearing her same damn stories
being repeated 100 million times.
She's crazy, she's cool, she's my hero.
I wanna be just like my Mawmaw when I grow up.
It pleases my heart & soul to the ends of the Earth and beyond
that I'm going to spend time with her,...
For what can you say to someone who has forever been your rock,
never judged you,
whose love for you has not once waivered?
I can only come up with four little words to tell her...
I love you, Mawmaw.

Damn, I'm Proficient!!

Okay, so today is my 8th day without a full smoke.
The patches are seemingly working very well for me.
I feel like 85% better.
But I dunno,
I'm thinking that getting some of
Mawmaw's TLC will bring me back up to speed.
I'm taking my baby, my shadow, my ShitHead, home with me.
He'll stay with Mama Linda, I know he'll enjoy being there.
Going home will be the ultimate test for me;
Being around all the cigarette smoke,
Seeing how I can handle it.
Because see, the only smoke I've been around since I quit,
Is Cheryl's Mom.
And it was either outside & I kinda kept my distance,
or in the car, she had the window rolled down.
My cravings are dramatically minimizing.
I don't even think about it as much.
Which is kinda cool,
LoL,
Because now I realized how I foolishly
and dangerously spent my time.
So I have taken up painting more so.
I sent Mama Linda & June two paintings.
They said they liked them,
but of course,
I think I could've done better
And don't have that high of an opinion of my work.
But I did my best and it is the thought that counts.
One was a picture of looking out of
the Darling Nursery Window from Peter Pan.
There's a thimble on the railing,
and you see the skyline of London,
including Big Ben.
Then you see Tink & Peter flying to the second star to the right together,
And they're surrounded by Pixie Dust.
The other painting has a Seafoam-ish green solid background,
with various Chinese symbols on it.
Some including;
Believe, Fate, & Dreams Really Do Come True.
The symbols are written in purple & silver.
I think it's too crowded & too Kindergarten like.
I could've done better.
But last night,
I did THE BEST painting I've EVER done!!
It would kick an Elephant's ass, for real.
It is the full face,
but half of the face is the sun,
and the other half is the moon.
I matched the background for each side.
I began the painting at about 7 pm yesterday,
and finished it around 5 am today.
I wanted it to be PERFECT,
So I was EXTREMELY meticulous,
And exceptionally detailed oriented.
I'mma take it home with me to show my family,
that I actually have talent.
The pictures that I posted I thought were indisputably astonishing!!
Oh, and BTW...
I HAVE to BRAG...
I wanted to fix a few things in our bathroom for quite sometime now...
So I got inventive & engineered a contraption to make my life more easy.
I got to use a POWER TOOL ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!
The Butchness Power I felt from that could quite EASILY become RATHER addictive!!
Then, I engineered a toilet paper holder.
We did not want the one with screw and were unable to attain
The TP Holder with the sticky stuff that simply attaches itself to a surface.
Super Glue, Metal Scraps, and Double Sticking Mounting Tapes
Resolved out TP Holder issue.
DAMN I'M GOOD!!
I'm a Hellacious inquisitive lil inventive engineer when I apply myself!!
Anyways, Yall take care, Peace Out.
I've got a phone call to make.

Doc Visit

so to the Doc i grudgingly went to today,
Cheryl's Mom went with me for my support.
the Doc did a pelvic & pap smear,
will lemee know rsults in two weeks.
i UNLOADED * nicely * on him after that though.
i told him of my PAINFUL & AGONIZING withdrawals.
he wrote me an RX for the patches.
and oddly enough,
ever since i put one on today,
i've not had a craving.
and other than being exhausted,
i'm beginning to feel like myself again.
he wrote me another pain killer RX for my shoulders,
as one last ditch effort
before physical therapy.
the Doc wants me to call my psychiotrist to see
if he'd be willing to put me on wellbutrin to also help me quit smoking.
he also gave me my Xanax RX to help calm me down.
so i am happy with the doc at the moment,
he took his time,
listened to me,
and truly pulled through.
for that i am grateful.
went shopping with Cheryl's Mom...
i splurged a lil bit.
* woo hoo *
i did get some house hold items.
I'm relieved. VERY RELIEVED!!

FEELS LIKE HOME

There's something in your eyes
Makes me wanna lose my self,
Makes me wanna lose myself in your heart,
There's something in your voice
That makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
For the rest of my life
If you knew how lonely
My life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how
I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

Agonizing, Day 4...HELP Is In Sight

Better mood...
Still getting the cravings.
Paid all my house hold bills today.
I'mma good house wifey.
I miss home already.
I miss my Mawmaw,
my boys,
and dare I say,
Margaret.
I'd love to try to visit friends
that I didn't get to see while I was there for Crimmus.
Goin to Dr. in the A.M.
Pap Smear, Pelvic Exam.
Woohoo.
Momma - In - Law might go in with me,
I hope she does.
Not to be all lookin at my cooch.
But just to stand beside my head & hold my hand to comfort me.
I hope she will.
Then,
THen,
THEn,
THEN,...
Dr Montgomery gonna get a mouth full from me.
(Shut up to you pervs, that ain't wtf I meant.)
I'mma bitch about my shoulders still hurtin,
that the Ultracet ain't cuttin it.
THEN, I'mma be like I ain't had a smoke since 12/31/05.
I'm in pain, I ache all over.
I'm angry, pissy, and wanna be left alone.
Advil, Tylenol, IBrophen...that fake shit AINT FUKKIN WORKIN.
Then I'mma tell him I don't have my next Psychiatrist Appt. until Feb. 5th,
so I can't get my Xanax re-written until then. Last time I filled was late Nov.
My anxiety levels since the absence of the cig, has DRAMATICALLY SKYROCKETED.
HE'S GOT TO HELP A CRAZY BIOTCH LIKE ME...
Bc I am in physical & mental pain.
I feel like I'm about to cross my line,
to my breaking point.
He HAS to help me.
I told a couple of ppl. today,
that I'd rather go through w/drawals of pills for the rest of my life,
than to go through w/drawal of cigs for 3 weeks.
Its your Pre-K Naptime ( with the detoxing from the pills ),
whereas, detoxing with cigs, is your Grad School Class of the Internal Workings of an Elephant.
Today, during the day, was better.
I spent play time with both Cheryl & my Dog.
THAT was fun.
I kept puttin his ass in her face,
LMFAO!!

Anyways, I'mma leave yall with these lyrics...
Peace, Luv, 'N, Chicken Gas.



Wrong Night Lyrics

I set my mind to it said
I wasn't gonna do it
no how so sir no way
I wouldn't give my heart up
gonna keep my guard up
and save it for another
Then you walked in with that crazy grin
and everything I swore before
Got lost in your eyes and flew right out the door
Suddenly I heard love songs
playing real soft on the jukebox
Somebody ordered up moonlight
and painted stars all across the sky
Is it gravity or destiny
either way there's nothing I can do
Looks like I picked the wrong night
not to fall in love with you
I briefly resisted but my heart insisted
it was gonna be giving in
Hard as I was trying there was no denying
which one of us would win
You came up beside me and asked if I'd be
Wantin' to have a dance
Right then I knew this thing was out of my hands
Suddenly I heard love songs playing real soft on the jukebox
Somebody ordered up moonlight
and painted stars all across the sky
Is it gravity or destiny
either way there's nothing I can do
Looks like I picked the wrong night
not to fall in love with you
Suddenly I heard love songs
playing real soft on the jukebox
Somebody ordered up moonlight
and painted stars all across the sky
Is it gravity or destiny
either way there's nothing I can do
Looks like I picked the wrong night
not to fall in love with you
Looks like a wrong night
not to fall in love with you

The War Rages On...

Day #2...
I slept all day.
I was thinking,
that if I sleep all day,
my body could begin detoxing itself,
while I slept.
Thinking to myself,
it wouldn't be so bad.
* Pfffffttttt *
Girl,
was I wrong!!
I am more ill
than a cat in a room full of rockin chairs.
I mean it, yall...
I need a venue to take out my aggression.
I'm not even sure exactly why
I have so much build - up of aggression within me.
Maybe it is because subconsiously I am not getting what I want,
that being Nicotine.
So, my inner child is throwing
the MOTHER of ALL hissy fits,...
thus;
my anger.
Hell, I dunno.
Good theory, though, me thinks.
I'm MAJORLY hoping & praying
that this is a temporary state of Hell
in which I am residing in at the moment.
Another note worthy hypothesis is:
I am stubborn,
HARD HEADED,
strong willed,
determined,
any & everybody who TRULY KNOWS me, knows these facts about me.
Maybe I'm getting angry because,
I feel like this little ... thing... is beating me.... its winning?
And I don't lose
when it comes to achievings goals I've set for myself.
Proposing a third & final theory is...
Maybe I am angry because it is an emotion I, very sadly,
am comfortable with.
I'm not quite sure exactly what emotions I'm supposed to be going through,
during this hardest part of stopping smoking.
I know it is nothing but a mere
mental test.
Who is stronger?
Mind VS. Nicotine.
I am angry, I am pissy.
But with ever fiber I've got in me,
I promise I ain't giving up.
I WILL WIN.
Why?
Bc...As My IDOL, Reba, Sings...

I was born 3 months too early
The doctor gave me 30 days
But I must have had my * Nana's * will
And God's amazing grace
I guess I'll keep on livin
Even if this love's to die for
Cuz your bags are packed
And I ain't cryin
Your walkin out and I'm not tryin
To change your mind
Cuz I was born to be...
I'm a survivor...
It only brings you down
May be the queen of broken hearts
But I don't hide behind the crown
When the deck is stacked against me
I just play a different game
My roots are planted in the past
And though my life is changing fast
Who I am is who I wanna be
The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up
But she's just too hard headed...
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

Karma

BTW....
MY DOG, HARLEY,...all what?
Barely 1 foot of him...
JUMPED ALL THE WAY UP on me while I was standing str8 up,
Cheryl & I were playfully punchin each other, and Harley JUMPED ALL THE WAY UP &
BIT MY FUKKIN NIPPLE!!
Hehe, Karma got him back...
" Pugnacious " next door molested him...
LMFAO

GOTTA LOVE KARMA!!!

Escaping Nicotine's Deadly Grasp

Ode To Nicotine & My Nail Clenching Attempt to Escape its Captivity

Memories concern
Like opening the wound
I’m picking me apart again
You all assume
I’m safer in my room
Unless I try to start again
I don’t want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I’m the one confused
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I know it’s not alright
So I’m breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit tonight
Cultured my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I have no options left again
I don’t want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I’m the one confused
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I’ll never be alright
So, I’m breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit tonight
I’ll paint it on the walls
Cuz I’m the one that falls
I’ll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I’ll never be alright
So, I’m breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit
Breaking the habit tonight

BIATCH IN DA HOUSE TODAY!!

Okay,...
so I caught whatever it was that Cheryl had.
I slept it out.
Then we went to her sister's house
for thier annual New Year's Eve Party.
Took us two hours to get ready
when we stayed all of 45 minutes, maybe...?
We came home,
Read our Tarot Cards,
I walked Harley,
Smoked my LAST cig,
Then we buried the rest of my pack,
and tried to burn it, but it didn't work.
So, we just buried that too.
I saw 1 shooting star
and I made my wish.
Today...
We ate New Year's Day Lunch at her Mom's.
I had to come home early & lie down,...
Not smoking is seemingly killing me worse than ACTUALLY smoking.
Buddy boy,...
I am in one HELLACIOUS MOTHER FUKKIN,
BAD BASS MOOD TODAY.