Misery, Love, Tink, Sarah, & Neverland

* FiRST OF ALL, MY BELLA & I MADE IT PAST OUR 8 MONTH ANNiVERSARY ( WHiCH WAS 11.29.05 ), i FORGOT TO WRiTE iT iN MY JOURNAL, i'M SORRY BELLA, i LOVE YOU WiTH ALL MY HEART & SOUL, YOU'RE MY MUSE, MY ANGEL, i LOVE YOU *
So I was thinking,
If Thanksgiving is any indication/inclination of Crimmus,
Then yall say a prayer for me to your Higher Power.
Grant me the patience of a Nun in prison.
What is it they say,
Misery loves company?
I was thinking bout the ppl I know who are miserable,
Starlight, my sperm donor, an Aunt, and a few others I know.
It has taken me until just now to understand
That it is THEM with the problem,
NOT me.
These ppl,
They lash out at EVERYBODY in their lives.
ESPECIALLY ppl they love and ppl that care about them.
I.E. - Starlight. I carried guilt around for a long time because of her.
Guilt because I didn’t love her enough, the right way, too much, or true enough.
Guilt because maybe I hurt her.
Guilt because maybe I gave up on her.
Guilt because I couldn’t save her from herself.
The girl I met in the bar that first night,
The girl I once adored,
I’ll forever have a place in my heart for her.
But the monstroncity, the metal faced, self destructive emotional vampress
she has become,
It is not my fault.
No doubt,
I said some things and did some things
That weren’t so nice.
But not enough for her demise.
Until she wants the help,
She will continue to lead the life she is leading.
She can say many things about me.
I am horrible, I did this, I said this, yada, yada, yada…
But what she cannot say is that I did not love her.
Because I did,
I did love her.
To a fault, through and through.
I ignored all the destruction, the drama, everything.
Why?
Because I loved her.
I loved her without boundaries.
And I think that is what life is about,
Because in the end,
That is what we are all left with.
I am Sarah. I have a wonderful future Wife, a kinda psychotic, bat boy / Yoda / Flying Nun Shithead for a dog. I love my twins, my Grandma ( I love being her favorite grandchild too, I know that’s arrogant but oh well its my flaw, not yours so get over it ), Reba, Rosie, Angelina, writing in my journal ( that btw, I rarely spell check, but will make a conscious effort about doing so, LoL ), I love my Golden Girls, my friends, my memories, my Nana, I can be sweet as molasses, Bitchy as anything, Ditsy, Witty, Smartass, Corny, I have my ups, I have my downs, I love my fairies, I write my Bella love letters, I make her laugh until she cries, I think Bug Zappers are the ultimate entertainment (does anyone agree with me here?! ), I think and say the things no one else has the balls to. I love a challenge, I grew up but still have some to do…therein is the irony, Femmes and Butchies…I searched for my Neverland for so long, I ran into dead ends, broken hearts, broken roads, but…when Tink grew up,…Sarah found her Neverland. I have found me, my happiness, my life.


Btw, I just ordered Heartguard Plus for Harley, so tyvm.