wiley bastards.

things have a funny way of always working out for the best.
our fuck up (okay well, mostly mine) isn't gonna throw us out of whack as much as we thought.
damn at&t.
it turns out liz is going to europe this summer,
and her friend shauna gets to see my wife #2 this summer.
me?
well the wife (#1) and i are building a house.
i'm super excited about that,
but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't jealous of liz and shauna.
this weekend should be nice and relaxing.
i was avoiding giving Honey a To-Do list,
but Harley's escape from base camp has inevitably provided her with such a list.
she will be ecstatic about such pleasures.
speaking of such animal escapades,
some frisky lil squirrel has been digging in my potted flowers on our front porch.
not cool, not cool.
tomorrow, pepper corns will go in that flower pot.
yea, we'll see who's asshole hurts then.
snarky assed bastard.
vengence will be mine.

coo-coo for coa-coa puffs.

gazing over their graves for the first time wasn't as easy as i thought,
nor was finding out through the grapevine that apparently i am an aunt.
my therapist says i must change the dialogue in my head.
i must find a way to just be okay with it all.
i am shyly determined to find a way, yet i can feel myself retracting.
i don't want that,
but sometimes it just seems so much easier to just withdraw
and keep to myself.
i even told Honey that i don't want a birthday party this year.
just feed this pig her freeman's bakery cake in my trough and we'll be alright.
i just completed a jm barrie book
and shakespeare's a midsummer night's dream.
such classics have a way of reigniting the imagination of us mortal fools.
Honey worked in the yard and it is spectacular!!
i'll have to post pictures soon.
its overdue for some puppy pictures anyways.
anyways, me and my fruit loops are going to bed.

mindless ramblings.

evidently my saying,
"my dad killed himself and his wife in a drunk driving accident" with a smile stretched from ear to ear upon my face
not ONLY makes him NOT a victim,
but expresses my anger towards him,
so says my therapist.
niiice.
and this took all those years of college to determine?
she suggested my "leaving the door open" to thou "grandmother who hangeth up on her grand daughter".
i'm unsure if i agree to that...
i mean, the cons outweigh the pros on this scales, so says my own little libra.
and i am inclined to believe that!!
posted within this entry are two pics the wife took of mah new hair.
i'm feelin the color but not so much the big circa 1980s big hair.
yeah. not cool.
i'm lookin a bit porkish too,
i'm debating on trying to find the lazy person's diet.
/sigh.
yeah.
whatever.
thank good my honey was okay tonight,
it sker'd me so terribly that i ran across the yard AT NIGHT with NO FLASHLIGHT.
mind you, its just about springtime, bitches.
yea,...
if THAT ain't devotion, i dunno what the fuck is.
i'm tired, i'm sleepy,
so i'mma go read one of mah three new books i bought.
word to ya mama, whores,
peace.

my darling...

i hope you should know that until i draw my last breath,
you will always have a soft place to fall.

this weekend.

a spontaneous trip to myrtle beach to see a car show,
a FABULOUS thunderstorm on the way from mb to florence,
to the fat black chicks in the chinese restaurant,
the waitress who couldn't recollect the name of which grandmother she knew,
my obvious emotions when revealing that dear old pops offed himself and his wife,
to my glorious stoned aunts and cousin,...
it was a GREAT short trip home.
this week shall be busy...
tomorrow is our one year wedding anniversary.
we are going out to eat to celebrate.
tuesday i have therapy (thank goddess),
wednesday i have an appointment with my math teacher,
and thursday i have my social security appointment.
then, there's this weekend.
oh and btw,
i got muh hair did.
i'll get the wife to take a pic tomorrow so yall can see.
peace out, whores.

pictures.

dogs and biological warfare.

the loyalty of a dog can exceed beyond anything.
i am so lucky to have my two babies,
i'd just be devestated without them.
harley is such a pussified mama's boy,
whilst jackass is mr fiercely independent Loki, reincarnated.
i'm so irritated with the vet we chose for jackass's surgery.
you get what you pay for, i assume.
his hoo-hoo is infected.
get this,...because he's licking it.
although we're supposed to "discourage" it,
the vet doesn't supply the 'cone collar.'
fucking bastards.
he best be glad honey went and not i.
yea.
i'd have been the bitch from hell.
grrrr....
anyways,
have you ever been experiencing an intimate moment with your better half,
only to be the victim of biological warfare?
jeebus effin shit,...that'll make terrorists talk.
seriously.
oh mah gawd.
i'm being treated for a respiratory infection from that unfathomable stench.
pray for my speedy recovery,
thank you.

memories.

isn't it funny how a sound or smell can destroy dams that held back memories,
some we tried to forget and hid frantically,
while some father time has called upon.
my honey unintentionally released a flood of those very memories i thought i'd permenantly deleted.
its okay because she didn't mean to, hell, she didn't know what the snap of the belt would do to me.
only four people knew,
and two are now dead.
as the belt snapped,
i stumbled backwards into the corner and my eyes shut as a movie of those damned memories played.
no child should ever hear those sounds.
she was just a child...an innocent child.
...anyways.
i hope i can sleep tonight,
because last night's nightmares held me captive as the gory scenes played out.
it was sickening,
horrid,
disgusting,
and horrifying.
anyways, here's movie numero deux.
unmute the speakers, and listen up.
i know its long and rather boring,
but here are my reba/kelly concert pictures (in sequential order),
with two of my ALL TIME FAVORITE kelly clarkson songs to help speed things up for ya.

turn up ya volume and enjoy, friends.

its raining, its pouring...

the stresses and worries keep mounting,
seemingly unsurmountable for the time being.
school,
the damn fish tank,
this trust fund stuff,
my cell phone,
my "sister"...
what will be the straw to break this camel's back?

fakin it.

i am craving a good read.
i want another book that can rival Running With Scissors.
the sadistic humor titillates me to no end.
maybe i'm craving it because right now i'm feeling quite cynical.
i've reached that stage in the "grieving process."
i have become (temporarily) cynical and quite bitter.
i could say so many thing to lash out at various people whom i want to sting.
but it would accomplish nothing,
and merely spread the venom already spewed by the poor excuse of a daddy.
yes, i am bitter.
bitter as hell at the moment.
it will soon pass,
most likely after aunt flo leaves.
somewhere in the hallways of my mind,
i question whether or not justice was truly served.
i mean, really.
maybe because i don't believe in the whole heaven or hell thing,
maybe that's why i am having a difficult time
in believing if justice was served.
i mean, i can justify my reasons for which i question it,
but it would fall on deaf ears to those i just want to stand atop the roof and scream it to.
(my wife excluded, because the wonderful rock of sanity that she is,
understands it all and i have undying gratitude, love, and respect for her.)
i hope this phase soon passes, because i do not admire it.
maybe i can be a faker, like him,
and just pretend to believe in an almighty entity so that i won't go mad wondering if justice was served.
but then,
i'd be no better than him.
i find christians dispicable.
in the words of Idgie Threadgoode from Fried Green Tomatoes,

I'VE SEEN THOSE SAME PEOPLE
OVER AT CHURCH ON SUNDAY...
OVER AT THE RIVER CLUB
EVERY OTHER NIGHT
OF THE WEEK,
DOIN' ANYTHING
BUT PRAY.

buncha fakers.
i recall this one time back in 2000,
i went with my friend to her youth group at a nondenominational church.
every wednesday they'd sing and carry on,
feeling "the spirit" and crying and waving their arms into the air.
i will admit,
the atmosphere in the room was very charged.
very inspirational, at best.
then there were those who'd "spread the word" about saving themselves for marriage,
(which i don't disagree with)
BUT, the only thing they were spreading were their legs and STDs.
i remember sitting there singing these ridiculous songs
wondering if anybody else in there was faking it like me.
ha.

/sigh.

enough of this.
my hands hurt and i am tired of typing,
so g'night.

babies.

click HERE to see mah babies.

dogs, baseball, fish, and sisters.

the dogs are healing nicely.
jackass was sleepy all day yesterday and his incision aint pretty.
harley's teeth were actually clean already (so said the vet tech),
but his breath is WONDERFUL now!!
wahoo!!
...wonder how long that'll last?

because of jackass,
i couldn't go to Flotown this weekend.
gotta keep a close eye on him.
sucks too,
because alex's baseball games started this weekend.
in the words of dorothy,
"this is one of those times where you've got to pretend to love your kids..."

our fish tank is beginning to turn green again.
guess i'll clean it out again,
and start from scratch AGAIN.
hey, we got about 3 to 4 weeks this time.

so my 15 year old sister got into a minor fender bender
in front of a certain red antique house in Florence.
no coincidences, right?

well my Mama talks to a relative of my step mom's,
who tells her all about my 21 year old sister.
apparently she can't talk to me because she doesn't know her head from her ass.

then i happen to see her myspace header,
and it says "rip mommy & daddy"
my bp shot the hell up.

i am so hurt, mad, and down right angry at her.
i mean, wtf,
i can see her true colors now.
just like dad didn't think much of me,
she doesn't either.
screw that.

and ya know,
its not about the money.
i never had it,
so it makes no damn difference to me that i'm not gonna have it.
but shit.


this makes me question her integrity and sincerity
all these years when we tried to be friends.
her actions (rather, lack thereof) as of now
make me think she only had something to do with me while they were alive
just to spite them,
not because she actually cared.
i'm just another expendable piece of shit to her,
just like dad thought of me.

all i know as of now,
is that i am hurt that she has ostrasized me for whatever reason she could possibly have.


she has burned this bridge.

just like he did.

update.

today is baby's one year birthday!!
aww.
seems like a damn lie.
on the 6th, he gets his balls chopped off.
happy birthday, son!!

my back has decided it is time to flake out again.
the wondrous joys of being incapable of standing up alone are phenominal!!

the trip home to florence was GREAT!!
we got to see matt but not ashes.
i wish we'd gotten to see her too.
my family is (psycho, but) great.
my brothers are too damn old.
gawd, let's not start on my sister!!

on sunday i checked the level in our tank,
which did clear up somewhat.
the water did soften up,
but the nitrate/nitrite levels were SKY HIGH,
and the PH was still above 7.6.
so i did do another round of the easy balance.
right now its just milky,
but hey, anything's better than neon green!!

i must retire to mah lazy boy,
with a stinky breath dog,
because my back is hurting again.

and because i am a shameless puppy mommy,
i dutifully instruct you to look HERE.