let the naming commence.

crudeness.

my wife says that last blog was done in poor taste.

i think it was just plain crude.

funny,
but crude nonetheless.

trick...or treat?!

you know people ain't happy about this!!
i wonder if they'll give a discount since obviously oral isn't possible?!
yeah, i know.
i am a sick bastard.
but admit it,
not ONLY did you think it too,
but your ass laughed at that joke.
as a side note,
i am willing to bet that stastically,
the percentage of orally transmitted diseased will drop in the meantime.
abrutply changing the subject because i cannot come up with another nifty joke about the harlets,
other than the title of this blog entry that i just came up with,
we carved our pumpkins and hung up our halloween lights.
welcome to the gaybourhood!!

click you.

As I laid in bed last night,
I heard a repetitive clicking sound.
click,
click,
click.
I was catapulted back to my early years at Briggs elementary school.
There was this cart that literally was kept in a storage closet.
They would bring this cart out once a week.
On it, they would have school supplies and little trinkets,
All available for around one dollar.
After all, we were just little elementary children.
Every week when this little cart with open,
I would be standing in line to buy something to throw my mother's money away.
If I did not buy anything,
I would stand there and play with one particular item.
It was eraser.
It had a long sheer colored covering,
and a slide bar that was used to elevate and contract the eraser as needed.
As you pushed the slide bar up to elevate the eraser,
it would make a clicking sound.
Click,
click,
click.
I would always do it five times.
I don't know why.
Perhaps that little eraser was the grass roots campaign for my slight case of OCD later on in life.
Click,
Click,
click,
click,
click.
I controlled the clicking.
Me, all by myself.
Much like I control the paintbrush on my canvases.
I cannot paint shadows,
but I can blend colors like there is no tomorrow.
That “tallequah sunset” is not a problem.
does this mean that I have control issues?


First-borns
Positives: They are natural leaders and often high achievers. The majority of politicians, spokespersons and managing directors are first-borns. They frequently live with a sense of entitlement and even superiority. They often come in two flavours: compliant nurturers/caregivers or aggressive movers and shakers. Both are in control; they just use different methods. As a rule, first-borns are picky, precise people - they pay attention to detail - tend to be punctual, organised, and competent. They want to see things done right the first time. They don't like surprises.

Negatives: They are often moody and occasionally lack sensitivity. They can be intimidating, particularly by pushing people too hard or refusing to take no for an answer. Sometimes they can be a bit 'know-it-all', and often they are poor at delegating - largely because they don't trust other people as much as they trust themselves. They also tend to be bossy, perfectionists and overly-conscientious.


That explains it, right there, doesn’t it?
Yea, I liked that clicking because I did it better than anyone else.
Yea, you’re just jealous because my click are better than yours and you know it.
Click, click my ass, baby.

For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.” ~Vincent van Gogh

amidst the roaring snores late last night,
i had a tantalizing epiphany:
i.
could.
actually.
meet.
rosie.
Oh, my, god.
oh
My
God.
It overwhelms my entire being.
It could ACTUALLY happen.
I don’t believe in God, per say,
But I’ll damn pray my heart out for this to happen.
*sigh*
My third, and final book for a while, arrived today.
My First Five Husbands..And the Ones Who Got Away (Hardcover).
I hope it is as good as I want it to be,
So I can share it with liz.
I cleaned house today,
perhaps tonight I will get some painting in,
along with demolishing more pages of Look Me In the Eye: My Life With Asperger’s.
yesth, yesth.
If you want something bad enough,
It’ll eventually happen.

toe tapping lesbo.

i have begun on a second book,
Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's.
so far it is brilliantly & divinely hilarious.
the man who wrote is the brother of the author of Running With Scissors.
i've already LoL'd numerous times.
seriously genius quality.
the other book i am slowly reading is,
Highsmith A Romance of the 1950s.
kinda hum drum thus far,
but kinda interesting.
its about a dyke literary couple in the artsy fartsy section of NYC in the 50s.
we need a bigger book case!!
its getting so jammed packed now it isn't funny.
today Bella and i went to kmart
to do a bit more halloween shopping.
we are dressing up!!
one of us is in drag and the other a sexy french maid.
yippeee!!
on rosie.com i saw where my idol will be in atlanta in december for her book tour.
schofield be damned (if need be).
i am sooooo there.
shit fucking yes.
not, shit fuckin yes...
but this needs that extra emphasis...
shit fuckinG yes.
the sheer excitement that shot through my viens was...
immeasurable.
is that even a word?
my blog,
my world,
my words,
my rules,...
so,...suck it.
or rather,
"Can you believe this shit? Hell has frozen over. Suck it, Jesus, this award is my god now."
LoL.
that was some funny shit and you know it.
holy rollers be damned.
those people are hypocritical fakers anyhow.
larry craig's bear lover has the last laugh now, biatch!!
you just know good ol' cocksuckin larry came across that shit online yesterday
and thought, "hmmmm,...he was THAT beef bottom pickle chugger!! hmmm,...yummy!! OH SHIT, he's outed me!! bastard. i'll bury him so deep....hmmm,...that's right i'll bury him alright,....yummy..."
yea.
how i so adore those left/right wing "straight christians" in office.
how come none of this shit ever happens to a dyke in office?
you never see her "toe tapping" in a public bathroom.
yeaaaaa...
so, Pookie's working tomorrow day.
maybe i'll head over to her work and wait til she goes to potty,
then i'll go "toe tapping" to woo her in the stall.

bat shit crazy, if you ask me.

One, two, three,...
Here we go.
sanctions against Iran.
fucktard tossing around the gravest of all threats
like a pitch at a damn baseball game.
they call her crazy,
the ignorant fat Dyke,
whatever she may be,
she predicted it correctly.
she said war with Iran before he is gone.
World War III is a possibility he says.
dare I ask,
betwixt the two,
which one is crazy?
The peace-minded ignorant fat Dyke,
or the ignorant hate monger war criminal?
My honey bun has a strawberry in full bloom
on her strawberry plant.
it was 90° the other day,
here in October.
yet global warming doesn't exist so say our government.
I worry.
I worry in vain.
what can I do?
I am a “disabled” devout explorer of the ‘temple of poon,”
I have no rights either way according to them.
it can get overwhelming,
that is what our government counts on.
us to groan,
walk away,
and forget about it.
I'm not forgetting about it,
how can I?
Time to redirect this blog’s focus.
tonight I made my daily pilgrimage to Rosie.com.
her and her wife did a video blog promoting a venue that she is fixing to do.
the way that they looked at each other was so sweet.
truly.
I still find myself looking at my snoodle-bug that way.
even though right now she is well occupied with the doggie door.
I surprise myself today,
I got a 106 on my math test.
not bad, not bad.
fall break began for me today.
I still have to study for history though.
ashley’s birthday is Friday.
my intentions are to clean house this weekend,
as I am aching to paint very soon.
I find mucho humor and a stoned weenie dog,
but my wife says I must have compASSion.
we shall see how much compassion I have when it comes to spontaneous fart refluxes next time.

obvious chaos.

so i have been a lazy bitch
when it comes to my blog, as of late.
let me begin with atlanta.
mason's "friend" lured me in like a fly to a pile of shit.
what'd he do, one would ask?
he spoketh of the golden girls.
we had oysters galore.
yummy.
i also saw something else quite enticing--
besides the local flavors of butches,
which were, in fact, quite the eye candy--
i saw two Bullies, a Frenchy and an English.
out with the yorkie,
in with the Frenchy!!
we went to the world market.
scary yet infinitely interesting place.
mason and i watched DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE.
seriously,
wow.
quantam physics is an amazing arena.
too much for my mind to wrap around.
then we left atlanta,
beelined to flotown to grab jackson from my mama's,
then finally home to orangeburg.
jackson pouted the whole way home,
as he loathes being ripped apart from his counterpart,
carmen.
(a quite ugly dog whom i immensely dislike and continue to tell her just that,
yet i can't get rid of her.)
let's fast forawrd to this past wednesday.
a "serious incident" at OC Tech,
an unworldly amount of moolah spent on art supplies,
an armed robbery,
police stastements,
crime numero deux,
unbearable bladder pain and then relief,
and finally,
cheryl's mom's dog on the railroad tracks.
yeah, buddy.
all in one day.
i'm out, homo's.

wow.

wow.

like we, in america, needed ANOTHER reason to AVOID trailor parks.

atlanta.

atlanta was GREAT!!

check out the pictures from atlanta!!

tough ol' bird.

For those unfamiliar with the expression, “To Eat Crow” (or “eating crow”) is an American English expression which refers to humbling yourself by admitting that a previously (and often strongly) stated opinion was wrong or incorrect.

who ya gonna call?

okay, so the former mrs julie smith of royall elementary
is a contrite, high falutent, moronic, biased douchebag.
she has hated me and my mother ever since i was in first grade.
FIRST GRADE.
talk about holding a grudge.
stupid bitch.
when you poke a red hot fire iron on an animal,
it will eventually bite you.
does that warrant labeling that animal unruly?
no.
YOUR actions caused the bite.
for every action, there is a reaction.
basic laws of nature.
its a self fulfilling prophecy issue, here.
you cannot make a withstanding accusation without any basis or merit against a child,
whom it is WELL KNOWN you have a distinct disreguard for.
it is unethical, prejudicial, and just all sorts of demeaning.
i am relieved this is the last school year that my boys,
especially the bigger target of the two,
who have been subjected to this unfair, unethical, biased ignorant nonsense
that is spewed from the hallways of that school.
that bitch's office is like the painting in the museum in Ghostbusters II,
where the evil is emenating from.
i should get all ghostbusters on her by releasing some "positive slime and proton beams" on her old, wrinkly ass.
that reminds me,
annine pots was in that series.
i love her.
she is so hot.
hmmmmm...
yummy...
anyways.
so my pookie's birthday is tomorrow.
we went to flotown yesterday to take our youngest prodigy to my mom's.
he thrives there,
but with mom's new (ugly and IRRITATING) puppy,
our eldest gets all mental.
so, he will go to cheryl's mom's for the weekend.
cheryl and i will be in hotlanta.
WooT!!
i'm cooking her a birthday supper tomorrow.
today i bought her an outfit of her choice as part of her present.
she/we received the "peace" t-shirts from rosie.com today.
(i also received my "CAUTION: FARTING DACHSHUND" bumper sticker and rosie's new book, which came out today. YaY!!)
pookie upset me last night...
she denied our eldest access to our bed.
*grumbles under breath*
today at walmart,
i found the coolest crimmus ornament,
the leg lamp from a christmas story.
LoL, its GREAT!!
purple skies all around.

we forget 80 percent of what we learn everyday.

i got a lot done on my painting this weekend.
YaY!!
i'm about halfway done.
i hope it turns out to my satisfaction.
tomorrow,
my math class has been cancelled and i find out my history test grade.
i hope i did well.
this reba cd has become my new addiction.
by far, the BEST cd she has ever done.
homegirl did NOT disappoint.
i can't wait for this week...
Pookie's bday and
florence AND ATLANTA.
and ROSIE'S NEW BOOK!!
WooT!! WOOT!!
i hope some of the stuff i ordered gets here before we leave for atlanta on friday.
my farting dachshund sticker,
my carole king tapestry cd,
rosie's new book,
and the stuff i ordered from rosie.com
my new reba friend is awesome.
i thought he'd have me one-upped.
nope.
why?
because I MET REBA!!
(and he hasn't.)
i have issues.
i turn things into competitions that shouldn't BE competitions.
oh well.
it be's what it be's.
this weekend,
i've been having some serious mental issues.
i can't say what i want,
and i'm getting stuff mixed up.
memory problems suck.

happy hamster dance.

so, i'm NOT studying this weekend!!
HAPPY HAMSTER DANCE!!


i CANNOT wait to start again on my painting!!

WooT, WooT!!

OMFG!!

"Everyday People" on Reba's new CD, REBA DUETS, with Carole king is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. THIS CD IS A MUST HAVE!! GO BUY IT!!



College Kids turning twenty-one/ and their senior year spring break was here/ they headed south.. but not for sun/ On their skin where the storms had been/ It was hard/ fixing windows and shigles and doors/ and the tide never felt so good before

Chorus: Everyday People are the ones who are making miracles/ and it's beautiful/ Everyday People lifting up the world/ like an answered prayer/ I thank God their there/ They're the one's who care/ Everyday People

Doctor said "Good News we caught it soon enough, we can clear this up"/ But she's 30 and single with two kids to raise/ times are tough these days/ So her friends made some calls and the word spread around/ How her bills got paid she don't know how

(REPEAT CHORUS)

A little girl takes her Mama's hand/ and walks inside saying "Please don't cry"/ As the people who built this house just for them/ Laugh through the tears as a family moves in

Everyday People are the ones who are making miracles/ and it's beautiful/ Everyday People lifting up the world/ like an answered prayer/ I thank God their there/ They're the one's who care/ Everyday People...Everyday People...Everyday People

humdrum significance.

so, margaret was here for the weekend.
i'm truly happy my folks let her come.
yay!!
i think she was bored.
i mean,
we ARE in the boonies.
but she got to read her book she says she hasn't gotten to read yet.
had to poke her a few times to get answers outta her, though.
i got a 90 on my math test
and a 97 on my psych test.
not too happy bout that math score,
but hey,
an 'A' is an 'A.'
i have this love-hate relationship wwith my PC.
and last night we weren't on speaking terms.
this is a BRAND NEW Dell,
Vista Small Business edition,
WITH EXTRA EXTRA memory added.
my next PC will be a Mac.
i fucking HATE windows now.
boo on bill gates.
he's a thief anyways.
lame.
yea, so...
i can't wait to get celebrity detox.
and i went to buy reba's CD,
but the ORANGEBURG walmart was sold out.
now see,
that makes me proud of my woman.
but,
i'm kinda shocked it being the ORANGEBURG walmart.
i mean,
the *ahem* cultural social aspects here,...
i figure just aint the reba type.
but then again,
them being sold out of anything fails to suprise me.
blah.
anywho, i've procrastinated long enough.
time to fill my head with facts on flappers and prohibition.