Happy Anniversary (3-29-06)

this past year with you, my Bella, has trully been amazing. you awoke me from a slumber, in which i thought i was forever cursed. loves lost, scorned, resented...all that changed with one kiss from your precious lips. this is our year. happy anniversary, my Bella. now it is time to make our biggest plans yet; our own family. i want you to know, that i love you more than i have ever loved anybody in my entire life. you are, without a doubt, my soulmate. it was written in the stars, that you and i would be together. thank you for being wonderful you, thank you for loving me, and thank you for letting me love you. **MUAH**

New Pics...

Well we got new haircuts today...
I said "SO LONG CHARLIE!!" (Sorry, Rosie quote, there.) My hair's still auburn, but I got HOLY SHIT Blonde bangs. My family HATES it, but I LOVE IT. My Bella, put a bit of Blonde in her hair and it looks SUPER. She got hers cut, she dunno it yet, But I'mma spike the HELL outta it!! We went to Alex's BB Game today in Florence. He lost by 4 points I think. But BOY was he EVER PISSED!! Anyways, I'm outta here, I got a HOTT woman waitin on me in bed!! *WooT*

My Bella-

My Bella,

As a little girl, I dreamt of fairytales constantly. I envisioned myself being loved by the most courageous soul that ever graced this Earth. Back then, it was definitely a paint-by-numbers fantasy I was blindly wishing for.
I can recall being on one of our numerous Girl Scout camping trips at Sandy Ridge, lying in my sleeping bag around the fire that had all but faded out, looking up at the night sky. Gazing at the heavens above, it was easy to immerse myself in the storybook tale that would one day be my reality. With every shooting star, I would close my eyes and make a wish. I wished to meet my soul mate, fall in love at first sight, ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.
Looking back, using the wisdom learned, I see a pure soul wishing for true love and acceptance. My Mother used to tell me all the time, “look both ways before you cross the street,” or “don’t do drugs,” or even “don’t cuss, its not lady like.” Never did she forewarn me of the road of heartbreak I would have to endure to meet that person, my soul mate. No one said it would be this hard.
Along the way, I found certain ones who I could’ve sworn to be my companion. A childhood love gone awry, innocence naively surrendered to a soul mate imitator, one whose heart I tossed behind me like an empty candy wrapper, another soul gone astray in her self-made prison of her miasma of lunacy, and the unattainable ones smothered with various thrills.
Rejection of miscellaneous sorts hardened the untainted soul to a stone cold statue. I had become so enraged with spite that no one dared to try and climb the wall around my heart. My facade was a bad ass who couldn’t be hurt anymore. If only they knew every time a door closed, I became that little girl I once was, and stared at the stars above, crying burning silent tears. I prayed that soon a valiant soul would soon see the scorched marks of my shameful tears, swoop in, and rescue me.
I had all but given up on the reverie of love. I decided it was time to heal myself, inside out. This meant, I must confront the monster I saw staring at me in the mirror. Every hurt, regret, tear, ill-spoken thought or word all had to be mended, and then set free. It was time to let go of that baggage that merely weighed me down. I had to figure out who I was. I knew who and what the facade was, that everyone else saw. It was as if I had embodied some nameless costume and was damned to live in that, never allowing the world to see my true self, my soul.
Once I had let the wounds begin to heal, the weight somehow mysteriously vanished. Amazingly the frown transformed to a smile. The beacon of light, belonging to my soul, gleamed out through my eyes. Just as people must believe in fairies for the fairies to survive and flourish, I had to believe in myself for me to resurrect and truly live again.
Then that magical day came when I looked into your eyes and at once, the final missing piece of the puzzle within me, was found. I’d found my other half. My circle was completed, everything began to make sense. Your kisses enchant the stars above, while your touch soothes the Olympians.
The reflection of the rest of my life glows when I peer into your beautiful eyes. Like the stars residing in the Heavens, like the beds that rest the angels, and the lullabies the sing the babies to sleep, your soul sparkles and dares to be kissed with love.
Everyday of this past year with you, I knew I was alive. I was where I was meant to be. That in itself is a rare feeling. Knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are indeed exactly where you belong. It is the feeling that out of everywhere on the face of this Earth, and beyond the borders of space, out of all time, past and present, out of people to see and be with long-ago and currently, I am exactly where destiny and fate want me to be. That is the way I feel, to this day, every time you hug me, or wrap your arms around me when we go to sleep at night.
Thank you, mon femme Bella. You have completed my life, my soul, my family…you are my soul mate. Never again will I taste another’s lips or know their ecstasy; yours is the one I crave for all time. The mere thought of not being with you breaks my heart, a mere thought.
As an adult, I no longer dream of fairytales. I’m being loved by the most courageous soul that ever graced this Earth. The love I blindly wished for, no longer a paint-by-numbers fantasy, but my reality. Walking out of the door of our cozy country home, I look up at the night sky. Gazing at the heavens above, it was easy to immerse myself in the storybook tale that is my reality. With every shooting star, I close my eyes and thank destiny and fate. I found my soul mate, fell in love at first sight, rode off into the sunset and am living happily ever after.
I love you, Bella.

Love Me Always,
Sarah

Bouncin Back...

well lets see...
its been a ROUGH week.
my Dr RX'ed me Flexoril to help ease off my pulled muscles.
well...
10 mg, 3X's a day...
NOT a good combo i found out.
heinous, evil nightmares
and even more wicked hallucinations
capped without the ability to differintiate between asleep & awake.
thank GODDESS for my Bella!!
she was right there by my side,
along with the spiders and Harley's missing ear.
i am all better now though...
bella said she is glad i'm back.
isn't that sweet?!
friday (yesterday) my family (cheryl, harley, & myself)
loaded up the car and headed to flotown.
her anniversary present arrived at my grandma's.
well, part of it anyways.
it a M*A*S*H hat,
thats her fav TV show.
we visited with my grandma for a while,
then went to my Momma's.
i love my boys.
they are so awesome!!
i'm still their favorite sissy!!
i called up wisabus to extend an invite to the Schoolhouse for supper.
i also invited my own Momma.
it felt wierd ridin in the van
with my Mom,
my Wife,
and my best friend.
i couldn't have been more happy and content.
on the way,
my mom just chatted up quite the storm with Bella.
wisabus and i just talked, occaisionally intruding their convo.
we saw 2 people there that we knew.
alex has a home baseball game on tuesday that we're goin to.
next week is going to be a busy busy week.
haircuts, OT therapy, errands, Florence....
then we drop off Harley next door, i guess,
(we've still yet to figure out where to stash him)
then off to BEAUFORT for our anniversary!!
*WooT*
this damn heart monitor is getting on my last nerve.
a whole month,
jo
oh fucking joy.

anyways,...
all is well here.

my food for thought: when you achieve that moment when you want for nothing,
all those you love are surrounding you, that, mes ami, is what brightens my soul.

St. Patty's Day Wisdom

TiNK SAY: * iTS Not Luck, iTS Karma *

*** (St.) Patrick apparently used a lot of symbolism. They say he used the shamrock to demonstrate the concept of Trinity. -Patrick never used the shamrock. ***

In Buddhist teaching, the law of karma, says only this: `for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.' A skillful event is one that is not accompanied by craving, resistance or delusions; an unskillful event is one that is accompanied by any one of those things. (Events are not skillful in themselves, but are so called only in virtue of the mental events that occur with them.) Therefore, the law of Karma teaches that responsibility for unskillful actions is born by the person who commits them.

The Buddha's Words on Kindness (Metta Sutta)

This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who knows the path of peace:
Let them be able and upright,
Straightforward and gentle in speech.
Humble and not conceited,
Contented and easily satisfied.
Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways.
Peaceful and calm,
and wise and skillful,
Not proud and demanding in nature.
Let them not do the slightest thing
That the wise would later reprove.
Wishing: In gladness and in saftey,
May all beings be at ease.
Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong,
omitting none,
The great or the mighty,
medium, short or small,
The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far away,
Those born and to-be-born,
May all beings be at ease!
Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.
Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child,
her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings:
Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths;
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.
Whether standing or walking,
seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding.
By not holding to fixed views,
The pure-hearted one,
having clarity of vision,
Being freed from all sense desires,
Is not born again into this world.

Ouchies.

so tonight my bell and i decided on our vacation spot.
in the low country of SC!!
we are going for the weekend of our 1 year anniversary.
* WooT *

occupational therapy is a bitch.
my muscles are tighter than ever,
* naughty thought *
ouchies. its still SORE.

trip to chucktown tomorrow.
rosie magazine of my own.
i feel like a lil kid
about to look at its first porno mag.
ahhh...

aunt flow visited.
dreams more colorful & vivid than ever.

peace out, stank asses.

Frozen In Time

The Tet Kid Survives MOTHER OF ALL Anxiety Attacks!!

so i went to the new Cardiologist today
the entire time spent there was one HUGE mutha fukkin anxiety attack
the office staff knew we were a couple
the doc says thatit is normal for tetrology of fallow patientsto suffer from irregular heartbeat,
shortness of breath,
and sleep apnea.
the right side of the heart takes on more pressure.

so i have to schedule an echo gram for next week.
he has to try to pinpoint the reasoning behind my irregular heartbeat.
he merely wants to rule out anything ' bad '

jesus.

like an irregular heartbeat isnt ' bad '.
you want to talk about scary?!

the nurses kept poking and prodding and apologizing. . .
it made me more irritable.
i pondered this thought,
why did this precise thing make me more irritable?

it reminded me of being at shriners hospital as a kid.
the doctors and students there
all poking and prodding ever so feverishly.
unless you have been through this experience...being BORN with a PHYSICAL DISABILITY
and having to sustain this torture
as you watch your parents sit there
frozen
mortified
silent tears falling from their cheeks...
them not knowing that they have the power
to tell the people poking and prodding
that you have a name.
you are a child,
not a painting or statue
eagerly posing for prying eyes.
if you havent been through that,
then you havent the faintest clue
as to the fear i felt today
that coursed through my veins.
it was like an ice tavern;
cold and empty.

i've survived another round in the game of life.
i felt like that child all over again;
i felt terrified.
the difference this time
was that my bella was there.
i wasn't alone.


I'm A Survivor Lyrics

I was born 3 months too early
The doctor gave me 30 days
But I must have had my mama's will
And God's amazing grace
I guess I'll keep on livin
Even if this love's to die for
Cuz your bags are packed
And I ain't cryin
Your walkin out and I'm not tryin
To change your mind
Cuz I was born to be

The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up
But she's just too hard headed
A single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

I don't believe in self pity
It only brings you down
May be the queen of broken hearts
But I don't hide behind the crown
When the deck is stacked against me
I just play a different game
My roots are planted in the past
And though my life is changing fast
Who I am is who I wanna be

The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up
But she's just too hard headed
A single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

Oh a single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

But I must have had my mama's will
And God's amazing grace
I'm a survivor

All Smiles...

today was great!!
i made a girl scout bird feeder
which honestly aint nothin but pnut buttah, a pinecone, and bird seed,
but it was loads of fun and rather nostalgic to make.
i raked the yard afterwards.
our yard looks so nice!!
its SO AWESOME to be able to rake your OWN YARD!!
it gives you a sense of PRIDE, doesnt it?
i cherish it,
garsh,
i got teary eyed over the brad paisely vid earlier,
now im gettin all fuzzy wuzzied over taking pride in our humble abode.
our cozy country cottage is SO adorable!!
im unbelievably lucky to have everything i do.
i thank the goddesses and gods on mt olympus every night.
tonight its me and my dog
bella is at work.
we will have fun,
no frets.
AC on,
a buncha stuff projects to be completed,
GREAT music blaring,
it will be nice.
tomorrow is the appt with my new cardiologist.
i am nervous
scared
even
but. . .
hey what can ya do?
e ' erbody is dealt a different stack of cards
in this game of life.
im mindin my hand in this round. . .
hopefully i can trash 3 cards to pull a royal flush?
i will be okay either way.
i have my guardian angel on my side.

Who Says You Can't Go Home
( Bon Jovi and Sugarland )

Ive spent 20 years tryin to get out of this place
I was lookin for somethin i couldn't replace
I was runin away from the only thing I've ever known
Like a blind dog without a bone
I was a gypsy lost in the twilight zone
I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold

Ive been there done that and I aint lookin back on the seeds Ive sown.
saving dimes, spending too much time on the telephone....
who says you cant go home
who says you cant go home

theres only one place they call you one of their own
Just a hometown boy born a rolling stone
who says you cant go home
who says you cant go back

been all around the world and as a matter of fact
theres only one place left i wanna go
who says you cant go home

its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright
i went as far as i could tryin to find a new face
There isnt one of these lines that i would erase
i left a million miles of memories on that road
every step i take i know that im not alone
You can take the home from the boy but not the boy from his home
these are my streets the only life ive ever known
Who says you can't go home
who says you cant go home
theres only one place they call you one of their own
just a hometown boy born a rolling stone
who says you can't go home
who says you cant go back

been all around the world and as a matter of fact
theres only one place left i wanna go
who says you cant go home

Dosent matter where you are
Dosent matter where you go
If its a million miles away or just a mile up the road
take it in, take it with you when you go
who says you can't go home
who says you can't go back
been all around the world
and as a matter of fact
theres only one place left i wanna go
who says you cant go home

its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright
who says you cant go home

its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright
who says you cant go home

its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright
Who says you cant go home!

Psychology

well this past Friday
Bella and i went home to Flotown.
we went to see the * bad side * of my familial unit
my grandmother,
the usual foul mothing culprit
willingly gave me a compliment.
part of Hell IS freezing, i see.
we then went to my Mommas house.
chloe has cushings disease.
steve is falling from his pedistal with his ailing back.
mom, margaret, her friend jesse, my mawmaw,
auntie boo, auntie gaye, lynn,
plus me and cheryl all went to redbone alley in celebration of the dual birthday,
belonging to margaret and mawmaw.
it was a VERY INTERESTING,
hilarious evening.
i have never been SO happily satisfied,
that was THE BEST time i have EVER had with my family.
margaret and i even mingled well.
the following day was quite horrid.
volumous arguing ensued.
no grey yet.
i only see the black and white.
time heals all.
MEANWHILE, the next day
Bella and i head to columbia.
we went to petsmarts for mo nutro
and i saw muh dog yall.
he was SUCH A BEAUTIFUL yorkie,
omg!!
the chickadee said that had he been one tenth of a pound lighter,
he would have been twenty five hundred.
but he did not look to be a teacup.
i know a teacup,
that was no teacup.
as adorable as the pup was,
only but a average toy he was.
we trotted over to barnes and nobles
where we spent much of the afternoon
drinking coffee drinks,
reading lesbian magazines ( NOT pornos!! )
engaging in conversation,
thumbing through the gay and lesbian section of the store.
i found an AWESOME book on the clearance rack
yes i am cheap, ya point
anyways its a criminal profiling book
VERY VERY AWESOME
today bella and i went to chucktown for my last visit with docta s
while were in c town,
we grabbed some oysters
stone crab claws
and snow crab legs
GOOD EATIN TONIGHT!!
my harley has me worried
since the arrival of pug next door
harley gorges on the dog food when he is there
and throws up when he gets home.
he is also eating his rawhides in a manner of like 2 days
and throwing them back up.
we took those away from him.
i figure it is instinct,
because since pugs arrived,
there are 3 dogs over there who * compete * for food,
space
and attention.
harleys instinct to survive kicks in over there
thus the reason he eats all the food he can get to while hes there.
he never did this before at lindas or my house.
then again he was being hand fed too there.
he is no longer hand fed and knows there are rules.
when harley visits next door,
pug laches on ( literally )
and does not let go of harley until goodbye.
dog psychology.
criminal psychology.
familial psychology.

LoL

The sign of a weak person is when you can piss them off. It means they have given you the power to affect thier state of mind. A strong lady would never allow anyone to have that power over her. The strong womans beliefs are even stronger, the faith, love, respect, and trust manifests her beliefs into reality. Prime examples? ANY religion. Disney World. Being IN LOVE. RELATIONSHIPS. A woman who fails to believe in the dream of a fairytale is a woman who has no faith in herself, no respect for herself, no love for herself, and no trust in her validity. Hate and jealousy are merely signs of weaknesses within a woman. If a woman FREELY CHOOSES to wear her Rose Colored glasses, then so be it. It just means she is a strong woman who believes in herself.

B- Beauty
I- In
T- Total
C- Control of
H- Herself

* Old Resentments Are now let go of. They are VANISHED. DO THE SAME. *

SCRUMPTIOUS!!

My Give A Damns Busted

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Me & Harley

Yea I was havin a good hair day today...and yea thas our Harley. Anybody that knows me, KNOWS I LAUGHED MY A$$ OFF at this!! Don't worry, yall animal lovers, I didn't hurt the lil fella. It didn't poison him, he's still alive & kickin. BTW, ya can't see it, but I also painted his toenails Neon Green. He looks like Yoda now, more than ever...although I should PROLLY change his name to Stewie (Griffin) from the FAMILY GUY, because he's probably plotting on how to kill me or torture me, LMFAO!!

The Littlest Girl Scout

The Littlest Girl Scout
By Erica Orloff

I admit it. I'm not cut out to be a soccer mom. I'm not class mom material, either. I don't bake homemade chocolate chip cookies. I don't even boil water. In fact, when my daughter, Alexa, was in kindergarten, as part of a "Why I Love My Mommy" Mother's Day project, her teacher asked her to name her "favorite dish" that Mom cooks. "I don't have one," she said. "Oh sweetheart, there must be something your mother cooks that you love. A special dinner? Your favorite dessert?" "My mommy doesn't cook." "She must make something," her increasingly desperate teacher insisted. "Jell-O?" After lengthy consideration, my daughter listed "cereal." So it was with much trepidation that I recently learned Alexa wanted to be a Brownie. I am a mom who is great at making up stories, singing off-key songs at bedtime and remembering the names of every Pokemon. But with three kids, a dog, a rabbit, a parrot and a veritable aviary of finches, life in our household is disorganized at best. Dinner is a haphazard affair, clothes always need ironing and shirts missing buttons are given safety pins in their stead. I flunked home economics in high school. Clearly, I did not have the makings of a Brownie-badge-earning mom. "Are you sure?" I asked, trying to mask my dread. Her delighted "yes" sealed my fate. I made it through the camping trip, even through crafts - though our potholders were decidedly ragged-looking. Then came the year's highlight: the cookie sale. Mentally, I counted my immediate family. I figured they were good for about ten boxes. I'd buy a few as well. That brought Alexa to a total of fifteen boxes or so - not too shabby. Her dad picked her up after the cookie sale meeting. Horrified, I watched as they struggled through the door with six CASES of cookies. Cases! After coming to, I managed to sputter, "What's all this?" "Her cookies," my husband answered. "Each girl is assigned six cases to sell." "But what if we can't sell all these?" "We bring them back," he said. "No big deal." "Oh no, Mommy!" Alexa cried out. "We have to sell them all. We just have to! The troop will make fun of me if I don't. One of the other Brownies told me that last year, not one girl brought back any cookies." Apparently, we were going to be hitting up Grandma for a lot more than the four boxes I had mentally sold to her. After ten days of ferocious selling, we had managed to sell a case and a half. Cookies were stacked in my home office from floor to ceiling - or at least that's how I remember it. I dreamed at night of Thin Mints chasing me down dark alleys. After four more days of selling, we still had four cases of cookies. Then came one of those days that happen to moms like me - moms whose kids never have matching socks and whose kids' toothbrushes end up being chewed by the dog or falling into the toilet. On that particular day, the dog jumped in the lake after a duck. The duck escaped, but my dog resembled the Creature from the Black Lagoon. One dog bath, one muddy mom and thirteen towels later, the dog was clean. But my two-year-old son had been suspiciously quiet during the whole ordeal. In fact, all the hairs on the back of my neck were standing on end. Even more than kitchen pot-banging, TV blaring and loud bickering, all moms dread "the silence." You know . . . that silence. "Alexa," I said, emerging from the bathroom, mud clinging to my hair, "where's your brother?" "I dunno." I went tearing through the house. Was he coloring on my bedroom walls again? No. I raced to the kitchen. Spilling cereal on the floor? No. He must be in his room. Was he climbing on top of his dresser pretending to be Superman again? Not there. "Nicholas!" I called out. Then, fearing my computer keyboard was being covered in apple juice, I ran to my office. There sat Nicholas. Surrounded by sixty-one opened boxes of Girl Scout cookies. In fact, he had the cellophane for the next pack in his teeth, attempting to bust open another box. Thin Mints, Peanut Butter Buddies and Shortbread Dreams, or whatever the heck they're called, were splayed from one end of the room to the other. Cookies were crushed beneath his chubby little feet, and crumbs covered his rosy cheeks. "Cookies!" he squealed. As I wrote out a check for over $250 dollars worth of Girl Scout cookies, I came to the realization that I am most definitely not a Brownie mom. But my son? He's the hero of Troop 408.

I SO Sexy...& The 3rd One...DAMN

Stella...We Had NO Choice BUT To Take Her 2 The SPCA