Connections Written In The Stars

have you ever just sat backjust to listen to the deafening silence?
or pulled yourself away from your core
to observe your family, friends, & loved ones?
have you ever closed your eyes in harsh reality
to transport yourself to a dream of safe yesterdays?
been almost asleep in bed
then swear you can see & hear a beloved that has crossed over?
can you remember your first kiss?
your first GF &/or BF?
your first heartbreak?
the first time you caused heartache?
can you remember where you were & who your innocence was lost to?
have you ever looked at your reflection
only to see a stranger or a monster?
have you ever laid next to your partner
& wished it was someone else beside you?
i can answer every single one of those questions.
the funny thing is,
is the further i get in my journey,
the more i become aware to the fact
that i really didn't know that much about myself.
it's pathetic and down right shameful.
how in the hell could i have expected someone else to make me happy
when i didn't even know myself?!
that is, looking back now in hindsight, the reason
i didn't see, rather didn't want to see, the boy metamorphosize into the man he became.
that is the reason i fell flat on my ass,
also the reason my whole world fell apart and crashed at my feet.
it was all fake,
an illusion.
an uneducated defense mechanism
popped my ego's balloon and made me bow before humility;
a crucial, exceptionally harsh, but highly necessary step in growing up.
i have accepted myself for what i am
and the path destiny has put me on.
i have set goals for me to achieve.
and i will achieve them all within 5 years.
my haters will suffocate on brazen words spattered at me in anger.
as my confidence matures,
the more i believe in myself,
the more i achieve.
there are things i have done
which i am not proud of.
forgivess,
from what i understand,
is the white to melt away all that red & black.
forgiving one's own self is often the hardest part.
i suppose she had a notable point:
when you close your eyes, you are alone with the cold truth...
no masks, disguises, or facades
can be camouflaged by the piercing light of truth.
every once in a while,
you run full force into somebody,
either friend or foe,
who is not blind to any facade you are cavorting around with.
excuses they repudiate…
why?
because they know of the potential that you are hiding.
they too know the logic for hiding,
because they see straight through you.
they already know the chinks in your amour,
your largest fears,
your paramount assets…
they knew it all when they laid eyes on you.
all of your atrocious diminutive secrets
unveiled and exposed for all the world to see.
they know how you think, how you feel.
you shouldn’t be scared should you encounter such a being.
it is them who are our earthbound guardian angels,
it is them who we call our best and closest friends.
it is them that make sure we are guided on the correct path
that destiny has set us upon.
always a helping hand,
a listening ear,
and a caring judgment free heart.
they will not coddle,
but willing to enable.
they will be there when you fall down,
but they won’t let you break.
i like to think of these beings as soul connections…
not soul mates.
they are, like the soul mates, residing in the magical canvas above
there to guide us in our dark nights.
it is such a titanic comfort in this malicious detestable world
to have friends like that…
we aren’t really alone, even when we close our eyes.
the Heavens above are filled beyond the brim
with proof that we are not alone…
every single twinkling dazzling amazing star comforts and guides us through the dark.