Oh No I Di'NT!!

The Paramedics didn't know what to say, when they came upon a scene early Saturday morning. Lamar native, Cleve (shown in picture above), 1419482934 years old, had been missing for a few years, when concerned neighbors finally alerted authorities with thier concern over a " dusty " smell coming from the house. T. Phillips, Lead Medic on scene, suspected Cleve to be deceased upon first glance. With a closer look, Phillips's suspisions mounted, as he was scared to reveal his findings. Was it what he thought? No. Cleve, had not become mummified over time. With one big gust of wind, the door on his concrete cinder block house slammed shut. The supposed corspe came alive as he hacked some God forsaken shit from his lungs. It looked as if his lungs had turned into dust. Cleve did not return any phone calls to make a statement for this story. He was, however, contacted by Nancy Reagan, to rejuvenate her " Just Say No " campaign. It's sure to be a hit. -S. Anderson, Florence Morning News AP, Senior Staff Writer