LoL

The sign of a weak person is when you can piss them off. It means they have given you the power to affect thier state of mind. A strong lady would never allow anyone to have that power over her. The strong womans beliefs are even stronger, the faith, love, respect, and trust manifests her beliefs into reality. Prime examples? ANY religion. Disney World. Being IN LOVE. RELATIONSHIPS. A woman who fails to believe in the dream of a fairytale is a woman who has no faith in herself, no respect for herself, no love for herself, and no trust in her validity. Hate and jealousy are merely signs of weaknesses within a woman. If a woman FREELY CHOOSES to wear her Rose Colored glasses, then so be it. It just means she is a strong woman who believes in herself.

B- Beauty
I- In
T- Total
C- Control of
H- Herself

* Old Resentments Are now let go of. They are VANISHED. DO THE SAME. *

SCRUMPTIOUS!!

My Give A Damns Busted

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Me & Harley

Yea I was havin a good hair day today...and yea thas our Harley. Anybody that knows me, KNOWS I LAUGHED MY A$$ OFF at this!! Don't worry, yall animal lovers, I didn't hurt the lil fella. It didn't poison him, he's still alive & kickin. BTW, ya can't see it, but I also painted his toenails Neon Green. He looks like Yoda now, more than ever...although I should PROLLY change his name to Stewie (Griffin) from the FAMILY GUY, because he's probably plotting on how to kill me or torture me, LMFAO!!

The Littlest Girl Scout

The Littlest Girl Scout
By Erica Orloff

I admit it. I'm not cut out to be a soccer mom. I'm not class mom material, either. I don't bake homemade chocolate chip cookies. I don't even boil water. In fact, when my daughter, Alexa, was in kindergarten, as part of a "Why I Love My Mommy" Mother's Day project, her teacher asked her to name her "favorite dish" that Mom cooks. "I don't have one," she said. "Oh sweetheart, there must be something your mother cooks that you love. A special dinner? Your favorite dessert?" "My mommy doesn't cook." "She must make something," her increasingly desperate teacher insisted. "Jell-O?" After lengthy consideration, my daughter listed "cereal." So it was with much trepidation that I recently learned Alexa wanted to be a Brownie. I am a mom who is great at making up stories, singing off-key songs at bedtime and remembering the names of every Pokemon. But with three kids, a dog, a rabbit, a parrot and a veritable aviary of finches, life in our household is disorganized at best. Dinner is a haphazard affair, clothes always need ironing and shirts missing buttons are given safety pins in their stead. I flunked home economics in high school. Clearly, I did not have the makings of a Brownie-badge-earning mom. "Are you sure?" I asked, trying to mask my dread. Her delighted "yes" sealed my fate. I made it through the camping trip, even through crafts - though our potholders were decidedly ragged-looking. Then came the year's highlight: the cookie sale. Mentally, I counted my immediate family. I figured they were good for about ten boxes. I'd buy a few as well. That brought Alexa to a total of fifteen boxes or so - not too shabby. Her dad picked her up after the cookie sale meeting. Horrified, I watched as they struggled through the door with six CASES of cookies. Cases! After coming to, I managed to sputter, "What's all this?" "Her cookies," my husband answered. "Each girl is assigned six cases to sell." "But what if we can't sell all these?" "We bring them back," he said. "No big deal." "Oh no, Mommy!" Alexa cried out. "We have to sell them all. We just have to! The troop will make fun of me if I don't. One of the other Brownies told me that last year, not one girl brought back any cookies." Apparently, we were going to be hitting up Grandma for a lot more than the four boxes I had mentally sold to her. After ten days of ferocious selling, we had managed to sell a case and a half. Cookies were stacked in my home office from floor to ceiling - or at least that's how I remember it. I dreamed at night of Thin Mints chasing me down dark alleys. After four more days of selling, we still had four cases of cookies. Then came one of those days that happen to moms like me - moms whose kids never have matching socks and whose kids' toothbrushes end up being chewed by the dog or falling into the toilet. On that particular day, the dog jumped in the lake after a duck. The duck escaped, but my dog resembled the Creature from the Black Lagoon. One dog bath, one muddy mom and thirteen towels later, the dog was clean. But my two-year-old son had been suspiciously quiet during the whole ordeal. In fact, all the hairs on the back of my neck were standing on end. Even more than kitchen pot-banging, TV blaring and loud bickering, all moms dread "the silence." You know . . . that silence. "Alexa," I said, emerging from the bathroom, mud clinging to my hair, "where's your brother?" "I dunno." I went tearing through the house. Was he coloring on my bedroom walls again? No. I raced to the kitchen. Spilling cereal on the floor? No. He must be in his room. Was he climbing on top of his dresser pretending to be Superman again? Not there. "Nicholas!" I called out. Then, fearing my computer keyboard was being covered in apple juice, I ran to my office. There sat Nicholas. Surrounded by sixty-one opened boxes of Girl Scout cookies. In fact, he had the cellophane for the next pack in his teeth, attempting to bust open another box. Thin Mints, Peanut Butter Buddies and Shortbread Dreams, or whatever the heck they're called, were splayed from one end of the room to the other. Cookies were crushed beneath his chubby little feet, and crumbs covered his rosy cheeks. "Cookies!" he squealed. As I wrote out a check for over $250 dollars worth of Girl Scout cookies, I came to the realization that I am most definitely not a Brownie mom. But my son? He's the hero of Troop 408.

I SO Sexy...& The 3rd One...DAMN

Stella...We Had NO Choice BUT To Take Her 2 The SPCA

Enlightenment

I have come a long way yall.
My Gawd
Miracles do still happen.
In Girl Scouts,
They predicted that I would be the last one
To get married and have children.
Why did they say that?
Because of my wild streak and
Because my twins were all the birth control I needed.
Its funny though,
How life turns things around, isnt it?
Nan used to be the dork, nobody liked her,
Then BAM!!
She was so popular she barely had time for any of her old friends.
Ever since Mrs. & Mr. B had their bouts with cancer,
Nan has dramatically changed
again.
It seems like she is settling,
She’s no longer the outgoing rambunctious Nan
Who got on everybodys nerves.
Now, the former President of CC
Is engaged.
120 knocked off his pedestal
By a 19 year old EMT.
He was arguably the number one DarCo Ho Dog.
And I,
Shamefully,
Was his sidekick.
Look at us now…
He is on Nationally recognized Extrication teams,
Head over heals for a younger EMT,
And happy as Hell.
Me,
I have finally met my match.
Cheryl.
Like the song says,
* She knows how to hold me,
Without holding on *
I’m FINALLY on a fire department,
Actively headed back to school,
My wild streak . . .
Well . . .
It has been tamed down to me just fukkin with my hair.
I have come a long way.
No longer lost,
No longer the damsel in distress.
No longer carrying bleeding wounds,
Regrets,
Or resentments for those in my past.
I mean, ya know,
Its the past.
I was indeed a monstrous person.
But a caterpillars kinda funky and ugly lookin too.
The people in my past
Have helped me along on my road to self discovery and freedom.
I will not lie,
My DNA donor is still my akiles heel.
Time, love, and forgiveness
Will set me free of that imprisonment one of these days.
I cannot sit here and say
That if I saw Starlight or another whom I once loved out and about,
That it would not catch me off guard.
Now I have the capability
To smile,
Look to the Heavens to thanks the Gods and Goddesses
For watching out for me
And allowing me to find my way to my counterpart,
My soul mate,
My beloved,
My Bella.
During this past year, I have learned a shit load.
Number One:
She cannot read my mind.
I know how to write the words to express myself,
Speak them to tell her ( what's going on )!!
Communication is the key word here, folks.
Number Two:
Its the little things.
A note on the mirror.
Candle lit baths.
Making love.
Laughing.
Number Three:
It aint all hunky dory 24/7.
Yea, we may be what fairytales are BASED on.
But it is not as easy as it looks.
It takes work, communication,
Compromise, patience,
Understanding, and love to make this work.
Number Four: (On a personal note)
It does not mean a damn what others think of me,
Or my relationship with my Bella.
Their bigoted opinions do not dictate my self worth or self esteem.
The ONLY opinions that do matter
Are mine,
Cheryls,
And my familys. (And sometimes they can kiss my ass too, LoL!!)
Those who speak poorly of what she and I have,
Well . . .
Dont know the real me,
Are ignorant,
Judgmental,
Ill-bred morons with nothing better to do in their lives than talk about us.
I can only pray that they find peace within themselves.
I know I have found peace within myself.
It feels like a thousand pound load has been lifted off my shoulders.
I know I will be just fine.
I am a strong girl,
I have true close friends,
A supportive family,
And the most wonderful girl on my side
To be there with me when times get tough,
Or when I have a Sarah moment.
For the first time ever in my existence,
I have freedom in a relationship.
The reason behind that is
Non judging unwavering love.
I may still be finding my fashion sense,
My Yorkie,
My degree,
But alas I have found me...
And my one true love.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

YUMMY

yesterday was so awesome!!
my Bella fixed Frogmore Stew
talk about DELICIOUS?!
gooooo---uuuuuuuud lord
thas some good eatin, yall.
LoL
and
my Bella murdered a Quail
not really
but i can dog her about it anyways.

Food For Thought- Where there's stankness, there's gas.

Fille Nouvelle Pour Mon Bella

ya know what?
i love my Bella.
we have the GRANDEST life EVER!!
we have a nice, cozy, country home...
surrounded by family land
and family too of course...
we go riding on our four wheeler at the whim of a fart,
through the woods and to the country store we go...
cut back to ride down Oasis Lane to smell all the water springs...
city girls can't smell them, Liz is proof.
today Bella burned off the area for her garden.
her uncle will till it up soon.
aww, come spring we'll be two lil lesbans out in the yard.
picture this:
" SHURL " tending to her garden,
ferocious Harley chasin the squirrels,
me layin out with my shades on
listenin to my fire department radio
sittin on go waitin on a call to tone out...
LIFE DON'T GET NO BETTER YALL!!
ain't that sweet?!
all the tears, gut wrenching heart ache,
anger, jealousy, stupid drama, dealing with FAKERS...
is all worth it...
for this,
this wonderful life my Bella & I have.
her garden will be beautiful,
as will i ( of course!! )
and to fit it perfectly,
it'll be springtime,
a time of rebirth.
our plans have been made,
the catalyst to turn our dreams into fruition has been sparked,
when all is said and done,
we will have our home,
our dogs ( Harley, Tink, & yet to be decided ),
my truck,
her car,
and she'll be the one stayin at home
so i can work and pamper her.
that's what any proper, real BUTCH does for her girl, right?
she takes care of her...
doesn't let anything crazy, dramatic, psychotic, or stupid
happen to the relationship, the home, or the love.
my Bella has pampered every whim i've had,
so yes i am spoiled.
upon graduation,
the shoe will be on the other foot.
i'll be one HOT MAMA,
boasting a badge, a radio, & a fire radio
with a KICK ASS truck,
a GIRLIFIED doggy,
my Yoda shit head,
the MOSTEST BEAUTIFUL girl in the world in my bed
* naughty thoughts *,
and everything our little hearts desire.
yup yup.
our life is great.
my Bella's unwaivering dedication
loyalty
appreciation
true beauty
bona fide southern morality
scrumptious curves
mesmerizing blue eyes
soft touch
gentle hands
strong love
are everything i need in this world.
i am so unbelievably lucky and Blessed
to be loved by such an amazing woman.
with every sweet surrendering kiss,
i thank the Gods and Goddesses that i'm a lesban.
when i was a little girl,
i sat down to make a list of my dream person,
the person i wanted to be with for the rest of my life.
and i shit yall not,
its straight out of PRACTICAL MAGIC.
my Bella possesses every item i listed,
plus more magnificent qualities
that only enhanced my awe for her.
" Well the whole town's talking,
'Bout the line I'm walking,
That leads right to your door,
Oh how I used to roam,
I was a rolling stone,
I used to have a wild side,
They say a country mile wide,
I'd burn those beer joints down,
That's all changed now,
You turned my life around,...
I saw the light,
I've been baptised,
By the fire in your touch,
And the flame in your eyes,...
I'm a brand new girl "

Nirvana

4 Wheelers, Golden Girls, American Idol

yesterday
doctor appointments all morning
in laws were in our house
momma in law cleaned before daddy in law came over
she had to de-gay the house
lol
then we got some Chinc food take out
went home and watched muh other woman in BUFFALO GIRLS
then me & my girl...
well just pay attention to the ...
no need in me divuldging all of our details
to the merciless public
2nd honeymoons are SO AWESOME!!
afterwards we went ridin on the four wheeler down our dirt road
and on our property...
that was cool as Hell.
then my Bella & i watched american idol.
we voted for the last guy who sang the elton john song
and the guy who sang bon jovi.
the night before we voted for paris,
the chick who sang midnight train to georgia.
Bella can't believe i have her watching american idol...
she can't even believe she is atually voting
she HATES reality shows!!
miracles still happen
all you need is...
a little faith, trust, and pixie dust...
hehe!!
i watched RETURN TO NEVERLAND on disney last night too
* WooT *
TiNK STiLL KiCKS ASS
yupyup
oh btw
found out another trip we'll be going on
is to FLORiDA in about a month or so
" Dorothy & Rose iN Collaboration: MiAMi iS NiCE, So i'LL Say iT TWiCE,
MiAMi iS NiCE, MiAMi iS NiCE, MiAMi iS...
Dorothy- Rose, That's wrong...iT Says 'MiAMi iS NiCE, So i'LL Say iT TWiCE!'
Rose- Ohh okay. Well what about THRiCE?
Dorothy- WHO THE HELL SAYS THRiCE THESE DAYS?! Thrice doesn't belong in a song, Rose. Just like interuteran. * Dorothy walks away distgusted *
Rose- MiAMi... You're cuter than... an interuteran... "
i watch the golden girls waaaaaaay too much.

Xanax & Fire Department Dykes

so i have all of my doctors' appointments scheduled...
oy!!
i even scheduled shit head's check up.
loads of fun, i tell you.
i called my psycholoist to ask him what to do with my sleeping problem.
he wants me to take 1 and a half to 2 more Xanax
30 minutes before i go to bed.
i am already taking 2 per day.
he can kiss my ass on that one.
i'm trying to take as few Xanax as i can per day.
eh thas okay.
i'mma ax my regular doc tomorrow.
last night i went to my fire department meeting.
very cool.
it appears i'm not the only dyke, lol.
but she's a baby dyke so i'll be nice.
i was watching the dog whisperer
and learned some interesting information from him.
it worked on harley.
* WooT *
very cool,
check out his WWW. ...
http://www.dogpsychologycenter.com/

food for thought: if you dunno why she's smiling, its prolly bc you have snot hanging out your nose, or she just cut an SBD that was seriously foul. advice,...just run either way!!

A Lil Weekend Update...

Friday wisabus came to spend the night.
When she got here,
We exchanged crimmus presents.
We are slack, we know.
She gave me a kick ass present:
Mr. & Mrs. Smith & Life Or Something Like It.
Cheryl & I gave her:
Peter Pan Special Edition, A Toilet Book for Brainiacs,
and soap with a pig on it.
We ate some Pasta Weesie,
Went to ride the four wheeler,
Then sat around a camp fire to talk some shit.
We all awoke the next morning to go to the dog show.
We got there in time to see the Yorkies . . .
And GOOOOOOOD LAWD!!
They was beeeee-youuuuu-teeee-ful!!
We went to grab lunch from Buger King before the dog show . . .
And while we were there,
I bought a Yoda Star Wars watch for $1.
Wis said I was like a child because I wanted to open the watch before I ate my food.
LoL!!
Hey, Im young at heart.
We were SUPPOSED to hear from Jack.
We never did.
( And Im so totally crushed too * sniffle sniffle * )
Wis was bored at the dog show . . .
So we drove two hours to stay for an hour and a half.
We bought Harley a squeaky toy he refuses to acknowledge;
The little faggot ass shithead.
Today Cheryl & I just hung out around the house,
For the most part.
I love spending one on one time like that with her.
We rode the four wheeler to a junk yard full of old ass, classic cars.
It was pretty cool.
Then this evening, my old homeboy called me.
It seems as if some 19 year old has put some humility into 120.
Time will tell, no doubt.
But for his sake,
I hope it is true this go around.
He too deserves happiness.
He may make it to the Extrication Finals out in LA,
Cross ya fingers.
It was good to hear from him.
Maybe we will get to see him in March when we go to Florence.
I have a busy week ahead of me;
I have Doctors to call, appointments to set, getting info from the right peeps
On what I need to do, places I gotta go . . .
Then tonight,
I lit some candles
And my Bella and I had a romantical time together . . .
I absolutely, one hundred percent, get tickled senseless when
She kisses me in the shower
While the water is pouring down on her head
And over our lips
As they touch in wondrous, sensuous ecstasy.
Makes me feel like our souls are intertwining
And we become stronger by the second.
I am truly Blessed to have MY Bella.
120 was super impressed when I told him
It will be one year next month for me & Cheryl.
Hot damn.
I think I might just indeed be growing up.
Not too much though…
I would not be Sarah if I grew up too much.

I gotta voice my opinion about some things:

The Dick Cheney incident-
-ACCIDENTS HAPPEN IN HUNTING!! The reason he delayed notifying the public is obvious. If you were VP, wouldnt you want some damn privacy in the time of a tradegy? You know the press would smell the blood ( pun INTENDED ), and hunt YOUR ass down like a rabid dog.
-I will use text from Rosies Blog to let yall see. I agree 100% with all was in her Blog about the incident. * Mary said: After hearing Cheneys account of his feelings after shooting a human - hmmmm - I say he goes right to the front lines in Iraq to share that with our young soldiers and maybe hear about their feelings too. Big difference between birdshot tho - eh?
-yes mary - yes - exactly what i thought when i saw dicks pain - is - he asks our children to kill daily - to kill other humans - to shoot them with guns - to take livesit is not easy to kill a human- odd 2 me also - that his first words were not im sorry

February 17th, 2006 - quail - Posted by ro @ 9:17 am in in the news
THE VICE PRESIDENT . . . But the image of him falling is something I will never be able to get out of my mind. I fired, and theres Harry falling. And it was, Id have to say, one of the worst days of my life, at that moment.
You cant blame anybody else. Im the guy who pulled the trigger and shot my friend. And I say that is something I will never forget.
Q Was anybody drinking in this party?
THE VICE PRESIDENT: No. You don’t hunt with people who drink.Thats not a good idea. We had –
Q So he wasnt, and you werent?
THE VICE PRESIDENT: Correct……………………………………I had a beer at lunch. *

Hmm, double edged sword, there. Accidents in hunting do happen. But it is quite the irony that it was the VP who shot somebody.

Food For Thought-- A poem

Anchored In You...
Sailing upon smooth waters,
I am anchored in you.
No turbulance,
water, clear glass.
Wind as it blows,
your fingers in my hair.
Sun on my face,
your touch.
Casting my sails in your direction,
I am coming home.
A star that wears your name,
is lending me direction,
the brightest in all the skies.
Waters that rock me gently,
lulling my sea soaked soul.
Your heart the harbor...
I will dock in...lover, I am anchored in you.
My sea fairing soul...
lowering my anchor...
inside the heart that is speaking to me.
My love...
I am anchored in you.

Hindsight

With each trip around the sun,
Hindsight gets closer to 20/20.
It is so easy to look back to see lessons learned.
But much like “The River” says,
We don’t know what’s in store,
Either way you have to choose to chance the rapids.
Things I dreamt of as a child,
Hell,
To be excruciatingly honest,
( Things I dreamt of ) Two years ago,
My dreams all seemed so far away,
inaccessible;
Like I was unworthy of being successfully happy.
But now…
Now it is within MY grasp.
I have the woman who anchored me down.
My Bella,
A paradox is she;
Soft and strong in every passing breath.
She is the woman in my dreams;
The girl I thought never existed.
With one kiss,
“the fire in your touch and the flame in your eyes,
Born to love again, I’mma brand new…” GiRL!!
I know without a doubt this is the woman I am meant to marry.
She is the one who clarifies the picture for me,
It all just makes sense with her.
I am closer to being where I want to be.
I have my girl, my dog ( 1 of em anyways ), a house in the country, a fire department…
Soon to follow are: a truck, school, my story’s completion, a wedding,
my PORKY yorkie ( LoL Bella ), and any dream I can dream there after!
But forget not my roots or where or what I came from.
Many a colorful skeletons reside in the closet of shame, fame, and Yuckies.
Two DNA donors know every freckle on my face,
But are blind to my aura, my soul, my personality, my good characteristics.
My Papa plants his gardens in the Heavens above.
He always said I was the Apple of his eye.
I wonder if my apple came into fruition, in his opinion.
My Nana,
She is watchin over all of the little tykes up there in the Heavens.
I can’t help but to wonder
If she is singing mine their lullabies.
My Mawmaw slowly rocks away her memory.
Will she remember my love for her?
My siblings who know me no longer fear me.
Big Bully Sarah has faded away to the Big Bestest Sister In The Whole World.
Old friendships formed long ago,
intertwined in the mystical magic of a humid Carolina Summer sky are now
Jaded and bittersweet moments immortalized in time.
An naive love gone awry;
Nearly a decade later, a culpable abhorrence burns my memory.
An innocence given to one who saves.
Hidden from the world, a mischievous admiration for a friend.
New found skin with the first kiss from a baby girl.
Those who lost their way seemed to make a mark on me.
Silent bleeding tears stained my cheeks with my departure.
The irony is:
A face that pretty ought not to be so sad.
Neither fool could save the other.
No tears, only purple rain.
Spiteful words leave a sour after taste on Karma’s palette.
Dumb asses and chasing empty dreams pacified
My need to feel important.
No doubt, friendships were tested.
Some salvaged, some left in the ruins.
What is meant to be shall be,
Destiny shall guide the way…
Kinda like that Northern Star on that broken road.
“ Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are, up above the sky so high,
Like a diamond in the sky, twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are “

“I can't see the future
But I know it's coming fast
It's not that hard to wind up knee-deep in the past
There come alot of Mondays
Since that phone booth that first night
Tears and miles and years and smiles
I wanna get it right.

These days I get up about the time I used to go to bed
Living large was once the deal
Now I watch the stars instead
They're timeless and predictable
Unlike most things that I do
I tell the wind and my old friend
I'm headed home to you.

From the bottom of my heart
Off the coast of Carolina
After one or two false starts
I believe we found our stride
And the walls that won't come down
We can decorate or climb
Or find some way to get around
Cause I'm still on your side
From the bottom of my heart.”

The Rest of My Art...Ppfftt!!

Pan Painting

I re-did the background on my Pan Painting...I'll post the rest of my art work up later today.
* Dream a little dream, and wish upon a star...it TRULY makes no difference who you are *

I Finally Got It

golly yall.
i was SO excited ab Friday & Sat...
and what happened?!
i finally got what Cheryl had.
yup, i caught the GAS-tro-intestinal Influenza.
the difference between that and the regular flu is
congestion and coughing.
i had the shits REAL bad, nausia, vomiting, cold/hot sweats, fever, etc.
fun, fun.
i had an old aquatence's Mother for my nurse.
small world, i tell yall.
anyways, it was wierd bein back in Cola on Friday night...
passing by all the clubs.
good Lord i've come a long way.
i sat up in Goat Feathers at 5 points feelin sick as a cat in a room fulla rockin chairs.
Heather & Ann met us there.
i wish i coulda been well so i coulda enjoyed the party.
Cheryl & Mason said they wished i'd told them the truth
about how sick i felt, because they never woulda gone.
but my hard headed dumbass endured Nausia Hell so my Bella
could enjoy a rare night out with her friends.
i wanted so badly to see my boys this weekend.
damnit.
anyways, i'mma head off.
peace, luv, 'n chicken butt.

food for thought- when a person with the flu says " oh SHIT "...GET OUT THE WAY

Died Muh Hair, Laa Dee Dah

well not much to say today,...
can you believe it?!
i rectified the Momma- In- Law situation.
as a matter of fact,
she died my hair this morning.
yup i did it...
AUBURN hair with two blonde streaks.
its a lil funky,
SO NOT Candice,...
it'll take some gettin used to, but its cool.
my Mom will DESPISE it, LoL.
Mason's comin today after the BDay party,
then off to Columbia tonight for a night on the town,
tomorrow....
* WooT *
i can't wait!!
i'm da luckiest gurl in da whole wide world!!
watched the Grammys...
i'm suprised to say i've found two performers who's music i discovered i liked;
paul mccartney and john legend.
very interesting.
anyways,
peace out yall.

food for thought- never fart into a fan.

Mrs. King, Some Bitching, And More Ranting...

ET showed Oprah standing over
Coretta Scott Kng's body in her open casket.
O was putting on a helluva show,
she attempted to look lovingly & solemnly at Mrs. King
while she traced her index finger over Mrs. King's chin.
The fakeness made me sick to my stomach.
Yea so Oprah has enough money to run her own civilization,
but Oprah was NOT the correct person to have given Mrs. King's eulogy.
It did NOT serve the late Mrs. King adequate & deserved justice.
It was a sickening disgrace.
One would not have seen the likes of...say for example, Kelly Clarkson,
giving Pincess Diana's eulogy.
Outrage, people.
The more I think about it, the more anti-American I become.
I'm in a country that doesn't recognize my God given free will to love and bed a woman,
a country that has offed too many of the actual GOOD damn leaders (JFK, RFK, MLK Jr.),
a country to where the good people won't sell thier soul to be in Office where changes could be made,
a country that is having a senseless war,
the more I think, the more I see...
Heil Bush, everybody.
You dumb fucking morons who voted for the lunatic
enabled a tyrant to magically turn USA's democracy into a tyranny that has no soul.
Changing the subject, DRAMATICALLY,...
How well do you know your lover, or your best friend?
Would you ever try to hurt them by insulting thier intregity,
as a human being,
as a friend?
No? That's what I thought too.
But I suppose shit hit the fan,
so it just kinda stinks right now, ya know?
I'm trying to figure out something...
How to NOT let others have the power of influence over your own emotions & self worth.
Anybody know the answer to that one?
Yea, no...I didn't think so.
I finished my painting of the twins tonight.
Now I must decide whether or not to show the family.
Mason is coming for a visit this week...that'll be awesome.
Hoping to resolve the Mother-In-Law thing before he arrives.
Okay so I am dyin my hair yall.
Yup, its back on.
Gettin a nice red color with blonde streaks. (But no worries, I aint turnin all Candice!!)
Pondering getting the Tink hair cut so I can spike it, bc that'd be SO cute!!
(Plus I'd be getting my Tink tatt on my B-Day to match).
Kick ass.
I'm gonna pull myself up outta this funk
& then " THE BITCH WILL BE BACK "!!
anyways, i did this birthday & name calculator
and these were my results.
i'd say it is mostly accurate.
food for thought- find a twinkle of happiness in this ugly world, it'll brighten your world with every happy little tawt!! :-)
http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp (where i did the bday & name calculator thingy)
You entered: 4/27/1982
Your date of conception was on or about 4 August 1981 which was a Tuesday. (EW, THAT IS KINDA CREEPY & DISGUSTING TO KNOW THAT!!)
You were born on a Tuesday under the astrological sign Taurus. Your Life path number is 6. The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2445086.5. The golden number for 1982 is 7. The epact number for 1982 is 5. The year 1982 was not a leap year. Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 1/25/1982 and ending 2/12/1983. You were born in the Chinese year of the Dog. The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 11 April 1982. The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 24 February 1982. The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 30 May 1982. The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 6 June 1982. The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 18 September 1982. The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 8 April 1982. The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 23 February 1982. As of 2/8/2006 3:21:01 AM EST You are 23 years old. You are 286 months old. You are 1,241 weeks old. You are 8,688 days old. You are 208,515 hours old. You are 12,510,921 minutes old. You are 750,655,261 seconds old. Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.40039138943249 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)
There are 78 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 24 candles. Those 24 candles produce 24 BTUs,or 6,048 calories of heat (that's only 6.0480 food Calories!) . You can boil 2.74 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1982 there were approximately 3.6 million births in the US. In 1982 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile. In 1982 in the US there were 2,495,000 marriages (10.8%) and 1,180,000 divorces (5.1%) In 1982 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000) In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds. In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds. Your birthstone is Diamond.. The Mystical properties of Diamond- Diamonds are said to increase personal clarity to help one see things clearly as well as be straight-forward and honest. Supposedly, the higher quality the diamond, the better it is supports these qualities. Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources) Opal, Quartz, White Sapphire.
Your birth tree is- Walnut Tree, the Passion -
Unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egoistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromises.
There are 320 days till Christmas 2006! There are 333 days till Orthodox Christmas! The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waxing crescent.
---------------------------
You entered: Sarah F-----s Anderson
There are 20 letters in your name. Those 20 letters total to 86. There are 7 vowels and 13 consonants in your name.
Your number is: 5
The characteristics of #5 are: Expansiveness, visionary, adventure, the constructive use of freedom.
The expression or destiny for #5: The number 5 Expression endows with the wonderful characteristic of multi-talents and versatility. You can do so many things well. The tone of the number 5 is constructive freedom, and in your drive to attain this freedom, you will likely be the master of adaptability and change. You are good at presenting ideas and knowing how to approach people to get what you want. Naturally, this gives you an edge in any sort of selling game and spells easy success when it comes to working with people in most jobs. Your popularity may lead you toward some form of entertainment or amusement. Whatever you do, you are clever, analytical, and a very quick thinker.
If there is too much of the 5 energy in your makeup, you may express some the negative attitudes of the number. Your restless and impatient attitude may keep you from staying with any project for too long. Sometimes you can be rather erratic and scatter yourself and your energies. You have a hard time keeping regular office hours and maintaining any sort of a routine. You tend to react strongly if you sense that your freedom of speech or action is being impaired or restricted in any way. As clever as you are, you may have a tendency to make the same mistakes over and over again because much of your response is glib reaction rather that thoughtful application. You are in a continuous state of flux brought by constantly changing interests.
Your Soul Urge number is: 2
A Soul Urge number of 2 means: With the Soul Urge number 2, your motivation is centered on friendships, partnerships, and companionship. You want to work with others as a part of a cooperative team. Leadership is not important to you, but making a contribution to the team effort is. You are willing to work hard to achieve a harmonious environment with sensitive, genial people.
In a positive sense, the 2 Soul Urge is sympathetic, extremely concerned and devoted. The nature tends to be very sensitive to others, always tactful and diplomatic. This element in your nature indicates that you are rather emotional. You are persuasive, but in a very quiet way, never forceful. You are the type that makes really close friendships because you are so affectionate and loving.
If this number is over-emphasized in your makeup, you may be over-sensitive, with a delicate ego that is too easily hurt. You may be timid or fearful, too easygoing for your own good.
Your Inner Dream number is: 3
An Inner Dream number of 3 means: You dream of artistic expression; writing, painting, music. You would seek to more freely express your inner feeling and obtain more enjoyment from life. You also dream of being more popular, likable, and appreciated.

I Believe

its been a while since my last post
i must admit
i cheated
i tried out xanga.com's bloggerworld
didn't like it as much as i do this bloggers' world.
american idol rages on
debasing myriad unheard-of faces
shame has mislaid its price tag.
All for what?
15 minutes?
A snapshot of the facade of your reflection
cynical and faded,
Black and white pitiable story to pass to your grandkids.
Vanity,
Pride.
Wow,
Look where it has gotten us.
I stopped today to again ponder the Almighty;
Garth Brooks.
what a man.
What a mighty, mighty fine man. And I’ll say it again…
Oops, sorry. ADD’s kickin in, plus that wasn’t exactly too Lesbianic, was it?
CAN YA FEEL IT?! IT’S A * SOPHIA QUOTE *, e’erybody!!
” but I digress,… “
Bluest eyes that will seduce you to His powers
Graced with a voice only the angels would slumber to.
9 million sold on the Wal-Mart Limited Edition Box Set…
Zeus must be growing blasé and aloof of his lightening bolts up on Mt. Olpympus.
A premonition anticipates a reappearance from retirement
When his youngest offspring debuts at college.
Duets are a bolt from the blue for the Country Industry, me thinks.
Imagine:
Reba and Garth,
Jimmy Buffet and Garth,
Gretchen Wilson and Garth…
A PR Rep’s lifetime and largest achievement one can possibly concoct.
It would be the dream of dreams,
It couldn’t….
WOULDN’T…
Get any bigger than His return.
This mere mortal seduced a corporation for the sake of a dream.
Maybe there is indeed good left in this world?
Undoubtedly,Garth would have a higher approval rating as President of the United States right now, VS. our own POTS.
“2,241 dead,
16,549 wounded
2,241 devastated families
unseen
hidden from our eyes
our hearts”
Says Rosie.
The tides still blanket the shores of the Carolina Marshes,…
My paintings continue,
Matching rings we now have…
I tell her that it is my mark,…
Kind of like when the dog pisses on a tree.
One month away from the one year mark,
One year closer to the real me.
Facing raw and true emotions to lay them to rest
Is hard even to soldiers of combat in this war of life.
Karma…
It has its way of taking care of everything, doesn’t it?
Okay, that’s enough of my ramblings.
I’m off to my EBay wars and art work.

“Rain on the roof and time on my hands
It sure seemed quit out there in radio land
They call me at the all-night station
Make their special dedications
And I do my best to play their request
When it's a desperate situation
This was a desperate situation

[Chorus:]
I'm Mr. Midnight alone and blue
The brokenhearted call me up
When they don't know what else to do
Every song is a reminder of the love that they once knew
I'm Mr. Midnight can I play a song for you”





I love you Bella.
Thank you, for everything.
Here’s to us, sweetheart.


Just Might (Make Me Believe) Lyrics - Sugarland

I got miles of trouble spreadin' far and wide
Bill on the table gettin' higher and higher
They just keep on comin', theres no end in sight
I'm just holding on tight...
I've got someone who loves me more then words can say
And I'm thankful for that each and every day
And if I count all my blessings, I get a smile on my face
Still hard to find faith..

[Chorus:]
But if you look in my eyes
And tell me we'll be alright
If you promise never to leave
You just might make me believe
Its just day to day tryin' to make ends meet
What I'd give for an address on easy street
I need a deep margarita to help me unwind
Leave my troubles behind...

I used to believe in use
When times got tough
Lately I'm afraid that even love is not enough

But if you can look in my eyes
And tell me we'll be alright
If you promise never to leave you just might make
Oh, you just might make me
You just might make me believe

Good Riddance

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don’t ask why
It’s not a question
But a lesson learned in time
It’s something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
So take the photographs
And still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf of
Good health and good time
Tattoos of memories
And dead skin on trial
For what it’s worth
It was worth all the while
It’s something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
It’s something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
It’s something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

10 Months...I Love You, Bella

Stay with me
Don't fall asleep too soon
The angels can wait for a moment
Come real close
Forget the world outside
Tonight we're alone
It's finally you and I
It wasn't meant to feel like this
Not without you

Cos when I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
When I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

Don't be afraid
I'll be right by your side
Through the laughter and pain
Together we're bound to fly
I wasn't meant to love like this
Not without you

Cos when I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
When I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

I made a few mistakes, yeah
Like sometimes we do
Been through lot of heartache
But I made it back to you

Cos when I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
And when I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

When I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn't rhyme without you
When I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

Connections Written In The Stars

have you ever just sat backjust to listen to the deafening silence?
or pulled yourself away from your core
to observe your family, friends, & loved ones?
have you ever closed your eyes in harsh reality
to transport yourself to a dream of safe yesterdays?
been almost asleep in bed
then swear you can see & hear a beloved that has crossed over?
can you remember your first kiss?
your first GF &/or BF?
your first heartbreak?
the first time you caused heartache?
can you remember where you were & who your innocence was lost to?
have you ever looked at your reflection
only to see a stranger or a monster?
have you ever laid next to your partner
& wished it was someone else beside you?
i can answer every single one of those questions.
the funny thing is,
is the further i get in my journey,
the more i become aware to the fact
that i really didn't know that much about myself.
it's pathetic and down right shameful.
how in the hell could i have expected someone else to make me happy
when i didn't even know myself?!
that is, looking back now in hindsight, the reason
i didn't see, rather didn't want to see, the boy metamorphosize into the man he became.
that is the reason i fell flat on my ass,
also the reason my whole world fell apart and crashed at my feet.
it was all fake,
an illusion.
an uneducated defense mechanism
popped my ego's balloon and made me bow before humility;
a crucial, exceptionally harsh, but highly necessary step in growing up.
i have accepted myself for what i am
and the path destiny has put me on.
i have set goals for me to achieve.
and i will achieve them all within 5 years.
my haters will suffocate on brazen words spattered at me in anger.
as my confidence matures,
the more i believe in myself,
the more i achieve.
there are things i have done
which i am not proud of.
forgivess,
from what i understand,
is the white to melt away all that red & black.
forgiving one's own self is often the hardest part.
i suppose she had a notable point:
when you close your eyes, you are alone with the cold truth...
no masks, disguises, or facades
can be camouflaged by the piercing light of truth.
every once in a while,
you run full force into somebody,
either friend or foe,
who is not blind to any facade you are cavorting around with.
excuses they repudiate…
why?
because they know of the potential that you are hiding.
they too know the logic for hiding,
because they see straight through you.
they already know the chinks in your amour,
your largest fears,
your paramount assets…
they knew it all when they laid eyes on you.
all of your atrocious diminutive secrets
unveiled and exposed for all the world to see.
they know how you think, how you feel.
you shouldn’t be scared should you encounter such a being.
it is them who are our earthbound guardian angels,
it is them who we call our best and closest friends.
it is them that make sure we are guided on the correct path
that destiny has set us upon.
always a helping hand,
a listening ear,
and a caring judgment free heart.
they will not coddle,
but willing to enable.
they will be there when you fall down,
but they won’t let you break.
i like to think of these beings as soul connections…
not soul mates.
they are, like the soul mates, residing in the magical canvas above
there to guide us in our dark nights.
it is such a titanic comfort in this malicious detestable world
to have friends like that…
we aren’t really alone, even when we close our eyes.
the Heavens above are filled beyond the brim
with proof that we are not alone…
every single twinkling dazzling amazing star comforts and guides us through the dark.

Moving Forward

my mind races at speeds & manuvers that would even impress #3.
daisies, stars, & fairies not dancing round in my head tonight,
i can't turn it off.
i wish there was a remote control for my mind.
nothing really on my mind...
i can't find one of my Reba CDs & it is annoying the FUKK out of me
because i have this one particular song stuck in my head
and i wanna listen to it so i won't " hear " it 24/ 7 in my head.
i shall post the lyrics.
bittersweet, WONDERFUL song.
i was looking through some of my other mailboxes to clean up,
when i happened to chance upon an old letter.
it's very interesting to re- read it now,
for it takes on a whole new meaning
now that i am away from it all.
so i'll leave yall with the lyrics to Reba's song
and the letter i found from long ago.
--------------------------------
" They say people change
I wish it were true
It's something I've tried so hard to do
Now I can't explain why right seems so wrong
And I keep hearing the same old song
I'm not your girl
I'm not your girl

One day I'll come back here,
and I'll knock on your door
She'll be sweet when she answers,
and I'll know for sure
That life is never easy
in my complicated world
I'm not your girl... "
--------------------------------------------
Saturday, May 28th, 2005

some times I think your sharpness is my fault. yes I can take some of the blame No hard feelings,.. no bull shit... no more mind games. just one thing, how are you sleeping? are you happy tink? do you smile alot,... do you giggle,... is it forced? are you happy now in your life? if so,.. I am so pleased. you know, it's all I ever wanted. no matter what you think. " every light in the house is on, the front yard is a bright as the crack of dawn. the back yard looks like runway lights it's kinda like noon in the dead of night,... every light in the house is on...." yeah under the hard ass out side is a country girl.... life makes you hard you know.... yeah you do know that much. "....I'll turn the lights off one by one,...." your new life and your new love is beautiful darling. im proud of you. I am not a monster you know... I am not hitler,... you act like i hung you on a cross. I adore you my love,... still... even after all of this.... after all the miles... and time.. and hurt... but that makes me a fool. im no better than billy or danny right. nothing changes for me because i always .... that dont matter. you know, once,... along time ago,... you use to look at me like i really could have been a star,... maybe that's why i hurt.... once I was perfect..... i always told my self that one day ,.. the saying would come true... if you love something let it go ....I have given up my beloved. never worry about that part of me again. I miss my friend alot,... I know deep down we can't be friends. it will never work... you will tell me you love me my heart will sing ,... so I know.. and No i dont want anything from you,.. I could care less... i just wanted you to know,.. Im turning the lights off just like you wanted me to, the soft glow in my halls are now just memories of who you use to be not who you are.the hurt in me was that when i saw the beauty in you,.... IN YOU.... it took my breath,.... you had me at hello.. i was a fool for you. out of my mind. you didn't like who you where you changed,... and I did too,.... i hate it... i am in so many ways the same little shit... but.... life happens in a blink of an eye and if you close them once you miss everything . im happy for you baby, and even if you dont,... i remember who you use to be. take care little tink
-----------------------------------
hmmmm....
thas some deep ass shit, i know.
have not heard from her & * crossing fingers * hopefully won't.
i do not wish her ill will,
i wish her peaceful clarity...
just not in my bubble world of family & friends.
she is right, ya know...
i didn't like the reflection i saw,
so yes i changed.
what was left out, however,
was that i had to change because they broke me.
they took me to the lowest of my low.
so yes, i suppose life DOES indeed make one hard.
i have changed from inside out.
the ones closest to me can see it.
those who knew Tink,...
well...
sometimes while a shooting star is falling,
the dazzling light catches their eye,
and just for a moment
they swear they caught a glimspe of her dancing in the Heavens,
where she belongs.
Tink's place resides in fairytales & memories.
the past i cannot change.
many have felt my wrath;
few have felt my true love;
even fewer know what lies beyond the facade.
to anyone reading this,
it may appear it is as if i haven't let go.
let me educate you on that invalid statement;
i have let go of the past,
my past is ( are ) the stars that decorate my soul,
they inhibit the Heavens above.
they are there for comfort on a cold, rainy night
when i am lost.
they are there to remind me...
to remind me of what i have,
what i went through to get to where i am,
they remind me of the sacrifices and selfishness,
of the innocence & tainted,
of love and hate,
of family & friends VS. vices & illusions.
i set out on this journey initially to answer one question...
can i live my life without Fat Bastard?
the answer to that, without the slightest doubt, is yes.
then my curiosity grew a bit more...
i wanted to know who i was/ am.
that was HARD to see...
let me tell you, friend & foe alike;
the truth is NOT the most graceful light in front of the mirror.
from there on,
i found my new journey;
to heal what's broken and scarred ( much like my open heart scar )
and to enjoy life.
a long ways i have come,
but many miles still lie before me
on my journey home.
i'm about halfway done.
my Wifey is my little Tug Boat...
pulling me along,
sitting pretty & posin cuz she knows she's my muse,
my enabler,
she believes in me,
so i know because of that,
i am no longer alone & i have defeated the hardest half of my journey.
merci beaucoup tres bien, mon femme bella.

so my reply to that LONG LOST letter is:
Tink is happy, she is retired, but where she belongs. Deception no more. Truth, though a harsh light at first, is better for the soul in the long run. It is unfortunate you let it kill you; I suppose you were right, every star burns out someday. I looked at the girl I first met like she was indeed a true shining star, because to me, she was. Truth be told, it still gets to me,... " A face that pretty ought not to be so sad. " Sarah has found her way, I have lit my own path. No longer am I the damsel in distress; I saved myself...I saved myself from me, you, and him. It was that or give up... and I'mma tell you one damn thing,....My Nana didn't raise no quitter...The red runs deep, honey. Like I said, I cannot forget my past, it is where I came from. Some stars twinkle, some stars fade, some guide the way...and some are hung like decorations on a tree, only to be taken down and remain hidden til next year. Either way, I shall'nt forget; I can't. But, I can move on, as I have done. It gets easier with time, your memory is quickly fading with every turning of the tide. The stars are falling, my old foe. I hope you have reached safety ashore. Only then can the winds of change blow across your lifeless face. Perhaps truth will set free your incarcerated viens and bring to life the girl I once knew. May she dance up in the Milky Way until that last star fades away...

Mon Femme Bella

well lets see...
today we just took it easy.
cleaned house a lil,
did a lil laundry,
kissed,
held each other,
said a million " i love you's "...
i know,
we're still sicknin, LoL!!
i can't believe come 3-29,
it will be our 1 year anniversary,...
see yall,
i can settle down...
i'm not as wild as yall frikkin think.
i am SO lucky to be loved by her.
she truly is 1 in a billion,
she is MY diamond,
she gets me like
the feeling you get when the light bounces off of a diamond,
or the feeling you get when you see a shooting star paint the night sky,
even the feeling you get when a baby grips your finger with his whole hand,
its simple really...
she's all that's good in this chaotic, messed up world.
she's a brave woman to take me on,
i am quite the bullheaded one.
those who've tried before,
walk away seeing red
from either anger or blood.
broken hearts or BPs within Stroke range...
i have a big impact on people, LoL.
but her,
she didn't judge me by my flaws,
she just accepted them as they are,
part of me.
she doesn't love in spite of my flaws,
she loves me because of them.
i don't think it could get any better than this.
i love you, mon femme bella!! * MuAh *

I'm A Survivor

i know i am Blessed
i know i have my guardian angels watching over me
i sit here to meditate
to count my Blessings
and rid my angry, sore tears
looking back,
i wish i could've done things differently in my past
but then again,
i wouldn't be where i am at now, right?
i keep hearing that i must let go of my anger and hurt
if i wish to truly begin my journey of self healing & self discovery
my cards said my ultimate goal is to be
the best wife, sister, mother, friend, daughter, & grand daughter i can possibly be
sounds like an army commercial, doesn't it?
i think " they " are right though...
i think forgiveness is going to be the key i need to begin the real healing.
i need to forgive myself, my (unfortunately) sperm donor, & fat bastard.
i have forgiven my mom,
i have worked hard to try to restore a relationship with her
* thinking out loud about the sperm donor & fat bastard *
concerning my sperm donor,...
it is HIS problem. HE is the one who has the hangups. HE is the unaccepting one. HE is the one incapable of loving HIS family, well HELL, HE is the one who is stupid...HE knows not the meaning of family...i'mma tell you one damn thing, when i am married with children, and i go to my sister, Jack's wedding, and he can't go because no one volunteered to pick his pathetic ass up from the Home, all will be corrected, when he is lonely sitting in his own feces and wonders why no one visits him, perhaps his actions and words to his children will sink in. the loneliness he will have to endure will be his demise. the loneliness will deprive him of his pride, ego, and greed. thus i know, karma will see that he gets what he best deserves.
when it comes to fat bastard...
i hope one day i can learn to forgive him. the damage he left behind...i once swore was irrepairable, now i know, patience, forgiveness, love, & time will heal all. as far as he goes...i know what will happen to him, though i don't wish him ill will, but he will meet the love of his life, his soulmate, and she will leave him in ruins and never loved him at all. as a matter of fact, i hope he can begin on his own journey of self discovery to find & bring out that little boy who was once so dearly admired and loved. that little boy, that person was so innocently beautiful, so pure, so loving & lovable.

it is quite curious that both of these men are the two who've brought me to my knees in agonizing pain. both couldn't accept what was. i thought my life would be over if i never got their acceptance & love. how morbidly wrong was i. i thought death would become me without their acceptance & love. now, it is quite the irony that it is these two that have made me so strong. i'm finally coming to the conclusion that if these 2 couldn't kill me, nobody can. these 2 were indeed the 2 that were rooted the deepest. i will overcome my adversities, i believe that more than ever. i no longer will allow these two to be my anchor and wiegh me down.

though it may be cheesier than all Hell, i believe this song to be MY theme song for now...

You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores...and
I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide...yes
I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
There's bound to be rough waters
And I know I'll take some falls
But with the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all...yes
I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Yes, I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
'Til the river runs dry

Oh No I Di'NT!!

The Paramedics didn't know what to say, when they came upon a scene early Saturday morning. Lamar native, Cleve (shown in picture above), 1419482934 years old, had been missing for a few years, when concerned neighbors finally alerted authorities with thier concern over a " dusty " smell coming from the house. T. Phillips, Lead Medic on scene, suspected Cleve to be deceased upon first glance. With a closer look, Phillips's suspisions mounted, as he was scared to reveal his findings. Was it what he thought? No. Cleve, had not become mummified over time. With one big gust of wind, the door on his concrete cinder block house slammed shut. The supposed corspe came alive as he hacked some God forsaken shit from his lungs. It looked as if his lungs had turned into dust. Cleve did not return any phone calls to make a statement for this story. He was, however, contacted by Nancy Reagan, to rejuvenate her " Just Say No " campaign. It's sure to be a hit. -S. Anderson, Florence Morning News AP, Senior Staff Writer

Life Is Good...

yesterday was SO FRIKKIN awesome!!
we held each other most of the day,
then we went to the grocery store,
came back home,
she cooked fried chicken, rice & gravy, & butt'ah beans,
then we went over to her Mom's,
where we sat around the fire outside.
that brought back a flood of memories from Girl Scouts.
looking back,
it seems surreal.
like it was somebody else's life, not mine.
smores, Sandy Ridge, countless camp fires under the heavenly stars,
silly little songs,
secrets being told,
the " what do ya wanna be when ya grow up " game,
predictin the future was always fun.
i remember getting a lil pissed because the girls predicted
i'd be the last one to marry and procreate.
they said i'd be a famous writer...
the dreams we dream when innocence was still written upon our faces.
it is disheartening to see that some have lost themselves,
some never found themselves,
and some are still the same damn person ( s ) they were 15 years ago.
life doesn't turn out the way we expect or dream, does it?
anyways, back to last night.
after we sat around the fire for a lil while,
Bella & i came back home,
showered,
watched BEAUTY SHOP with Queen Latifa. ( Sp.? )
that is a funny ass movie, yall.
true comedy,
not perverted nasty str8 people jokes.
she was lookin mighty fine in this movie too, yall...
mmmhmmm good.
tonight it beef stew, smores over the fire, & another movie.
i'm tryin to talk her into seeing SAW.
Wisabus says she'd go with us to the Dog Show...
I'm hoping my Mother allows me to take my sister, Margaret.
That'd be super cool.
i'm enjoying this one- on- one time with Bella,
it is nice & relaxing.
I'm out like Rosie, peace yall.

Purple Fairytales...

when i saw her standing there,
i knew i was fukked.
i fell in love that instant.
i had never seen her before,
but something from within knew
that one day her lips would touch mine.
my life has dramatically changed ever since then.
she unknowingly became a thief
and stole my heart right there on the spot.
when i gaze into her eyes,
i swim in a pool of soulful ecstasy.
we both were dealt a different stack of cards
than the rest of the world.
that understanding bond
cradles my soul
and sings sweet lullabies to soothe my being.
i have her sittin on her own pedestal.
i hold her in high opinions.
noble, sincere, honest, sweet, tender,...
and top off the cake...
a lil bit of fire dwells within her.
no doubt she enhances my life,
and challenges me to be a better person.
on the nights i am not with her,
i ache for her touch.
her loving, safe arms to shield me from a cruel world.
there is nothing i wouldn't do for her;
i'd surf the milky way if she wanted me to.
to say she is my best friend isn't serving her justice.
somewhere, somehow
the Gods & Goddesses wrote it in the stars
for our paths to intertwine.
as the clock ticks on,
my love roots deeper into my soul.
where a void once bled & ached,
she has filled it in with respect & love.
and that alone is the fuel for my ambition,
because with that,
i can climb Everest
and defeat any strife set before me.
my muse paints the pictures in my head,
and when i awaken and see her before me,
i coyly smile because she IS
" what dreams may come "
i cannot look into my future without seeing her;
she is a permenate fixture, by God's grace.
it would rip me into shreds
to have an empty future without her.
it is impossible.
i've never known someone like her,
i need her,
like sunshine to the yellow daisies
and water to dolphins.
she completes me...
she compliments me...
she challenges me...
she is different than me...
she has a softer soul than i...
just as the stars complete the Heavens above
& tell the tales & lengends of Mt. Olympus.
it is those stories & myths that inspire & give us hope
to find our place where we belong
& to find our life partners.
i have said it before & i'll say it again,
fairytales do come true...
i have the proof...
a cold hard fact, un refutable evidence;
i love you, Bella!! *MuAh*

The Princess's Philosophies & Prophesies

i cleaned the entire house yesterday,
had the laundry done,
new sheets on the bed,
dinner ready to serve when she walked into the door...
we laughed our asses off to American Idol!!
omfg.
no way in HELL, dude.
then we watched some of THE SHIELD.
here's a question for any other SHIELD nerds out there,...
if FARMINGTON Barn is so dilapidated in its fundings,
how in the HELL is Vic driving a PD '06 Charger in the hood?
Last year it was the Durango, I think.
But for a PD that is so poor,
their Strike Team is livin it up.
Another q;
Why pick up the Terry story line?
So what if Vic killed him,
The Strike Team has done way worse.
I want answers to the Money Train story line.
A little known fact to the Nip/ Tuck & THE SHIELD fans...
Lem (blonde/ spikey haired sensitive guy with the stomach ulcers) from THE SHIELD
IS the Tranny from Nip/ Tuck that Matt had the run in with.
ANYWAYS...
Today I got my new hearing aid.
( All my friends & family take a collective sigh of relief. )
Its top of the line, yall...
I'm having to like retrain myself on the everyday noises I couldn't hear.
I'm having to make myself LISTEN to a person talking,
instead of reading their lips to comprehend their words.
Very cool...
" But I digress... "
I was talking to Bella today.
Thinking about my life path,
the future I want to take.
We need to get her back to school
to complete her remaining course so she can get her degree.
Within the next year,
I'll begin school for my Major in Business
& Minor in Mass Communications or English.
In the next two years,
I want my Teacup Yorkie,
( Thanks for that Yorkie advertisement, J,...
now I'm just foaming at the mouth to have my Yorkie even quicker. )
And I want my Chevy truck.
In the next 5 years,
I want to have my career,
Ash in Med School Training ( Residency ),
Cheryl happy with her career,...
& me...
like " Brandgelina "...
with a bun in the oven.
I'm for real.
I'll have my way.
After all,
Sarah means Princess,
I'm FIRST GRANDCHILD,...
I get what I want, even if it takes a lil time.
Patience, tenacity, and determination have never failed me.
I eventually always get what I want.
To those who doubt me,
I say these things to you:

1- Watch me, I will survive, & achieve. I'm stronger than your weak, daft, and pathetic words.
2- Confucius say when beginning on the journey of revenge, dig two graves, not one.

Old School...

Swear It All Over Again
_________________

I wanna know
Who ever told you I was letting go
Of the only joy that I have ever known
Girl, they were lying
Just look around
And all of the people that we used to know
Have just given up, they wanna let it go
But we're still trying
So you should know this love we share was never made to die
I'm glad we're on this one way street just you and I
Just you and I

I'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again
and I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again

All over again
Some people say
That everything has got its place in time
Even the day must give way to the night
But I'm not buying
Cos in your eyes
I see a love that burns eternally
And if you see how beautiful you are to me
You'll know I'm not lying
Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye
But even if we try
There are some things in this life won't be denied
Won't be denied

I'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and
I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again

The more I know of you is the more I know I love you
And the more that I'm sure I want you forever and ever more
And the more that you love me, the more that I know
Oh that I'm never gonna let you go
Gotta let you know that I

I'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again

All over again
All over again
And I swear it all over again

It's A Purple Fairytale

I am truly fortunate
to loved by the best woman on Earth.
In a moment of doubt,
a dark daydream shined light on the fact,
that she is what completes my life.
Nausea overcame my whole being,
as I tried to envision my future without my Bella.
I couldn’t see it.
It didn’t exist…
My future without her…
it is impossibility.
I am destined to be with the " anima bella "
who soothes my soul,
just as the tide blankets the Carolina shore.
Compromise and patience
is what it takes.
Is it true,
has Tink grown up?
Has Tink finally found her “Happily Ever After”?
A child at heart,
I’ll forever be.
But I’m unsure of there a “Happily Ever After” even existing.
Why?
Because it doesn’t tell you the rest of the story…
sure,
the stars destine you two to meet
and fall in love,
then there’s some kind of adversity,
then comes compromise and patience,
And BAM!!
There’s your “Happily Ever After.”
The story doesn’t end there.
I had a conversation today with a friend,
who asked me of my first love.
It is a bittersweet memory,
I won’t lie.
The innocence, the pure love.
Even though I was never in love with him,
my love was true, it was real.
I would’ve lassoed the moon for him,
if he’d asked me to.
But as with all childhood loves,
it lasted on pure blind faith.
Believing in fairytales seemed so easy.
After all, believing is seeing,
not seeing is believing.
If I ever see him again,
I’m not quite sure how I’d react.
Love wasn’t enough.
But see, that is the difference…
This time,
even still my love is pure as sunshine,
love is enough.
I will love my Bella until the last star falls.
With every turning of the tide,
my love deepens more and more.
I am surprised at the depth my love reaches,
it is so unlike my first love.
I know without a doubt,
that my Bella is the woman made for me.
And for that,
I thank the Gods and Goddesses everyday.
Now I see it clearly...the purple...
Fairytales do come true.