Hindsight

With each trip around the sun,
Hindsight gets closer to 20/20.
It is so easy to look back to see lessons learned.
But much like “The River” says,
We don’t know what’s in store,
Either way you have to choose to chance the rapids.
Things I dreamt of as a child,
Hell,
To be excruciatingly honest,
( Things I dreamt of ) Two years ago,
My dreams all seemed so far away,
inaccessible;
Like I was unworthy of being successfully happy.
But now…
Now it is within MY grasp.
I have the woman who anchored me down.
My Bella,
A paradox is she;
Soft and strong in every passing breath.
She is the woman in my dreams;
The girl I thought never existed.
With one kiss,
“the fire in your touch and the flame in your eyes,
Born to love again, I’mma brand new…” GiRL!!
I know without a doubt this is the woman I am meant to marry.
She is the one who clarifies the picture for me,
It all just makes sense with her.
I am closer to being where I want to be.
I have my girl, my dog ( 1 of em anyways ), a house in the country, a fire department…
Soon to follow are: a truck, school, my story’s completion, a wedding,
my PORKY yorkie ( LoL Bella ), and any dream I can dream there after!
But forget not my roots or where or what I came from.
Many a colorful skeletons reside in the closet of shame, fame, and Yuckies.
Two DNA donors know every freckle on my face,
But are blind to my aura, my soul, my personality, my good characteristics.
My Papa plants his gardens in the Heavens above.
He always said I was the Apple of his eye.
I wonder if my apple came into fruition, in his opinion.
My Nana,
She is watchin over all of the little tykes up there in the Heavens.
I can’t help but to wonder
If she is singing mine their lullabies.
My Mawmaw slowly rocks away her memory.
Will she remember my love for her?
My siblings who know me no longer fear me.
Big Bully Sarah has faded away to the Big Bestest Sister In The Whole World.
Old friendships formed long ago,
intertwined in the mystical magic of a humid Carolina Summer sky are now
Jaded and bittersweet moments immortalized in time.
An naive love gone awry;
Nearly a decade later, a culpable abhorrence burns my memory.
An innocence given to one who saves.
Hidden from the world, a mischievous admiration for a friend.
New found skin with the first kiss from a baby girl.
Those who lost their way seemed to make a mark on me.
Silent bleeding tears stained my cheeks with my departure.
The irony is:
A face that pretty ought not to be so sad.
Neither fool could save the other.
No tears, only purple rain.
Spiteful words leave a sour after taste on Karma’s palette.
Dumb asses and chasing empty dreams pacified
My need to feel important.
No doubt, friendships were tested.
Some salvaged, some left in the ruins.
What is meant to be shall be,
Destiny shall guide the way…
Kinda like that Northern Star on that broken road.
“ Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are, up above the sky so high,
Like a diamond in the sky, twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are “

“I can't see the future
But I know it's coming fast
It's not that hard to wind up knee-deep in the past
There come alot of Mondays
Since that phone booth that first night
Tears and miles and years and smiles
I wanna get it right.

These days I get up about the time I used to go to bed
Living large was once the deal
Now I watch the stars instead
They're timeless and predictable
Unlike most things that I do
I tell the wind and my old friend
I'm headed home to you.

From the bottom of my heart
Off the coast of Carolina
After one or two false starts
I believe we found our stride
And the walls that won't come down
We can decorate or climb
Or find some way to get around
Cause I'm still on your side
From the bottom of my heart.”