"He Who Smelled It...Died"

For your entertainment pleasure...
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I forgot to tell you guys about this and I have a spare chunk of time to write about it so here goes.Around christmas time I got pretty sick.. bad case of the flu that was mostly down to where I work (in a studio that is part of a call centre..) there are ALOT of people working there and passing germs around and sure enough, I got sick.. really sick.My company doesnt pay me for sick yet as I havent been there long so I had to force myself to go to work and I was living on Dayquill for daytime and Nyquill for the evening shift.. I hadnt eaten in days and felt like death warmed up.Now anyone who has read my stories before will know Im a bit of a danger farter and tend to take risks when I really shouldnt.. infact there is already a story about me where I told stories of shitting my pants on a few occasions before.. but just when you thought it was safe to wear those boxers.. Yip, I shit my pants.. and it was ten times more horrible than I had ever managed before.Now, all that Dayquill and Nyquill made me kinda drowsy.. and, all the aspirin and stuff had started to mess with my stomach.. but I didnt realise this as the painkillers in it were working well.So one night my wife tells me our cousin Erin is coming over for dinner (tacos and stuff) and reluctantly I agreed to eat (I wasnt hungry at all).So the tacos were made and we ate.. I went and got a shower and dressed for work and then came out in the living room and felt my colon expand.. now this has only happened to me a few times in my entire life, but it feels like a balloon is up your colon and when that happens I produce timeless masterpieces of flatulence.I grabbed an ass cheek (my wife and 2 cousins were still at the table) and said "here guys, check this fucker out !!" and proceeded to slowly but rippingly loudly let a work of art go from my arsehole.But it sounded.. how do I put it? razzy and different. I didnt want to stop though because it was sooo long and loud and I didnt want to ruin a hall of famer fart for nothing.When I finally stopped farting about 15 seconds later I realised that I had shit myself.. BADLY.Because of all the painkillers I must have been numb to it roaring from my arse and I had shit EVERYWHERE.Not only in my boxer shorts but all down my legs.. the boxer shorts in the first couple of sharts I ever did managed to contain the whole explosion.. but not this time.So with 20 mins left for work I went into the bathroom to strip.. and the thing was I SO BADLY needed to go to crap but I couldnt sit on the toilet because I had shite all down the backs of my legs So I showered, took a runny dump and then went off to work.The clothes I had worn were put in the washing machine but I had spilled some poo on the floor and my cousin accidentally put his washing basket on it.. It took about 3 days to totally de-poo the apartment.. it was definitely the WORST shart I have ever performed.
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I remember this time when i was 10 or 11. That we went for a day trip out to Ocean City. Well the whole day went well and we all had a ball. But Then we decided to go eat at a Phillips sea food restaurant. I had crab cake platter and imediately after I had eaten it I got odd pains from my sphinter up to my throat. I wasnt sure what was going on at this point but I was sort of figuring it wasnt gonna be pretty ugly later on. Well when as we proceded to leave the pains subscided with one hell of a gurgle and alot of odd squealing. And me being a royal dumb ass put it off and though it would be an enormous fart my father would be proud of. So bout 50 miles out side of ocean city the pains came back mind you we still had a good 280 miles to go yet. As the time passed it got increasingly worse and worse to the point I was almost in tears. I then remember doing an oopsie by letting off some silent but extremely rancid gas. And I soon had to do the classic WOOP! total butt hole clench. For atleast 10 to 20 miles this saga continued. Then we my dad pulled into a gas station in the middle of who knows where and this is where things got rather hairy one might say. There was a line of 5 or 6 people and i was stuck standing there like a god damn shmuck with a potential load in my pants. When i finaly got down to next in line I started banging on the door and yelling at this lady who had obviously been doing her make up. She quickly snapped open the door and gave me the sourest of looks. She muddered in audible words and tore of out of the gas station in a terrible huff. Then I sort of did the crapola waltz into the commode and throughly released my load. As I sat down on the thrown I experienced imediate bowel evacutaion. At this point that little bath room was deamed inhabitable even for me. I mean this bath room was so small it was basicaly a janitors closet with a toilet and no room for a sink. But anyways back to the story at hand here. Well as round 1 ended I looked around and noticed I splattered the walls. This wasnt my problem nor did I honestly give a flying rat fart in hell. Bout this time round 2.1 kicked in and it was just as violent as the 1st. The stench was of rotting shell fish and sulphur. I have never felt more releaved in my entire life.