sad.

rosie is leaving The View.
a sad day, it is for me.

what will i do?

letting go.

okay, so check this out--
I let go of the disappointment,
and what happened?
It freaking worked out for the best!!
My brothers are coming to my birthday party!!WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Granted her actions are not cool,
but that is her cup of tea.
that is not to for me to judge.
moving on…
I hate it when people prove me right.
I understand that from time to time
we all must relearn forgiveness
and learn to move on.
but when you have somebody who proves to be a dumb ass
time and time again,
whats the lesson we’re supposed to learn from that?
Patience?
I don't know,
I just know that I am irritated with this person.
I mean,
I try to give him the benefit of the doubt,
and yet I am repeatedly proven wrong.
It truly is such a shame when people have their priorities wrong.
may be that comes with growing up.
I am not perfect;
I have been guilty of not having my priorities in order.
but you learn through trial by fire.
get burned enough times
and you will learn your lesson.
while growing up,
you also learn to your true friends are.
again,
trial by fire.
when you hit that stage of 19 to 23 years of age,
it becomes all about drama and who your latest fuck is.
everything else flies right out the window,
nothing else matters.
but around 23,
it all gets jaded.
by then,
you know who your true friends are,
and hopefully you have your priorities corrected by then.
I hope that he finds his way,
I wish him no ill will.
I just am not that friend to put up with the drama anymore.
my world no longer consists of that stuff,
thank goodness!
It is amazing how far it can seem that we have traveled on our journey,
when in reality,
we have barely made any distance at all.
What is behind us pales in comparison to what lies before us.

Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much
as your own unguarded thoughts.
Develop the mind of equilibrium.
You will always be getting praise and blame,
but do not let either affect the poise of the mind:
follow the calmness, the absence of pride.
Sutta Nipata

Just as a mother would protect with her life her own son,
her only son,
so one should cultivate an unbounded mind towards all beings,
and loving-kindness towards all the world.
One should cultivate an unbounded mind,
above and below and across,
without obstruction, without enmity, without rivalry.
Standing, or going, or seated, or lying down,
as long as one is free from drowsiness,
one should practice this mindfulness.
This, they say, is the holy state here.
Sutta Nipata

The fool thinks he has won a battle when he bullies with harsh speech,
but knowing how to be forbearing alone makes one victorious.
Samyutta Nikaya I, 163

Things are not what they appear to be: nor are they otherwise.
Surangama Sutra

Reconciliation is to understand both sides;
to go to one side and describe the suffering being endured by the other side,
and then go to the other side and describe the suffering being endured by the first side.

finding zen.

Learning to let go can be effortless some minutes
and unbelievably challenging the next minute.
It’ll work out the way it’s meant to;
everything always does.
Watching Jackson
reminds me of how simple life can be.
Eating,
pooping,
playing,
exploring,
sleeping.
To be blissfully ignorant of all the world’s woes,
to live,
laugh,
and love so innocently.
That is the beauty of children,
you see.
That’s the beauty of life.
Never mind your faith,
race,
gender,
status,
or wealth.
All children across the spectrum epitomize the good left in this world;
the way life should be lived.
Perhaps adulthood is about uneducating ourselvesand relearning life’s simple joys.
As Jackson stretches his legs and falls down to the floor with all 4 splayed out,
I am grateful.
When he decides that the blanket insulted him,
and it must be punished,
I laugh.
The way Harley imitates a stoned pothead while basking in the sun,
reminds me to take it easy.
When my Bella is still groggy after just waking up
and has this goofy yet absolutely adorable look upon her face,
I am reminded of how lucky I am,
and how fragile everything is.
I know how crazy,
lonely,
depressed,
angry,
pathetic,
and rock bottom it can all get.
That’s why I’ll never forget where I came from.
That’s why I keep karma on my shoulder.
We only get one go round,
I’m enjoying the ride.

hurt feelings.

The art of letting go is a tricky little bastard.
I must remember the Buddhist rule of the selfless self;
impermanence is the key.
it is tough,
but I reckon that is why they call it a process.
maybe that is what it is all about?
Perhaps it is not what is at the end of the road,
but about the journey on the road.
when I stop to take a look around at this world,
it can be completely overwhelming to see our society falling apart,
watching an illegal, senseless war that will undoubtedly & inevitably catapult us into WWIII,
and we are made to feel like we are powerless to stop it.
that is when it is time to remove myself and bring it back down to the basics.
lately I have been attempting to do just that.
the sky is more blue,
the trees more green,
the song birds more happy,
even the flowers seem to be more brilliant.
and noticing the little things such as Jackson’s Buddha belly,
his feisty bark,
and the way Harley will play with him when he thinks nobody is looking…
it is those minute things that bring me a sense of fulfillment.
while I can be a braggart,
as can we all,
it does not fulfill me.
once upon a time not that long ago,
I foolishly believed bragging to be a form of superiority;
now,
it is foolishly senseless,
accomplishing nothing.
may be because I am growing old,
and my joints will hurt when the rain is coming,
maybe what true Nirvana is.
I am beginning to rethink my agnostic status.
as dumb as this will make me sound,
maybe I can find a Buddhist for Dummies book.
I have read a Buddhist book aimed at teenagers,
and now better understand the concept.
if our society is spinning down the drain,
I will make the best of my time
and continue my journey of happiness.
that is what it is all about,
correct?
I think that James Taylor hit the nail on the head with these lyrics,

SECRET O’ LIFE
“The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.
Any fool can do it, there ain't nothing to it.
Nobody knows how we got to the top of the hill.
But since we're on our way down, we might as well enjoy the ride.
The secret of love is in opening up your heart.
It's okay to feel afraid, but don't let that stand in your way.
Cause anyone knows that love is the only road.
And since we're only here for a while, might as well show some style.
Give us a smile.
Isn't it a lovely ride?
Sliding down, gliding down,
try not to try too hard, it's just a lovely ride.
Now the thing about time is that time isn't really real.
It's just your point of view, how does it feel for you?
Einstein said he could never understand it all.
Planets spinning through space, the smile upon your face, welcome to the human race.
Some kind of lovely ride.
I'll be sliding down, I'll be gliding down.
Try not to try too hard, it's just a lovely ride.
Isn't it a lovely ride?
Sliding down, gliding down,
try not to try too hard, it's just a lovely ride.
The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.”

boo.

on the r blog...
"Patsy writes:
Have you been watching the hearing today? They just broke for lunch and embers of the audience yelled out FIRE A. Gonzales and IMPEACH the President. AG’s answered 55 times I don’t recall? C-SPAN3
i dont recall
my ass
THIS ADMINISTRATION IS CRIMINAL"

check this, i thought it was cool...
"getty writes:
Do you like Boston?
Please come to Boston for the Springtime?
im staying here with some friends
and theyve got lots of room"

i believe rosie has indubitably become the contemporary gloria steinem.
i did not understand until today that the women's movement was dying out.
the supreme court has now unbolted the door to unravel roe v wade.
it is happening now, America.
we are unraveling at the seams.
this country was founded on the basis of FREEDOM OF CHOICES.
hence, the religious persecution that the Pilgrims faced in England.
gradually but unquestionably,
the constitution is being diminished inch by inch.
disregard progression;
its regression’s path we are running full steam ahead on.
where will it guide us to?
definitely not Oz.
whatever or where that heinous and inevitable location is,
most certainly will not be in the land of the free.
rather,
the land of the restricted.
we already are becoming slaves to our government under the Bush regime.
democracy is shifting into a tyranny.
ready?
here we go.

i can't resist!!

a poignant day.

Anglican head Williams says anti-gays misread Bible

another school massacre.
this time,
the most deadly in history.
what rosie said was preeminent;
it appears as if we've become anesthetized to it.
the focus now shifts to placing the culpability,
like spinning Twister’s arrow to see where it’ll land.
no coincidences there are;
hitler's birthday, april 20th,
columbine april 20th, 1999.
virginia april 16th, 2007.
without educating ourselves on history’s cataclysms,
round ‘n round we scamper in circles.
what we as uneducated and novice Americans have to look forward to
is WWIII, a holocaust, and the continuance of civil rights inequalities.
it is eminent.
I have declared this before,
as I will again;
our American society once proudly established on the foundation of freedom and democracy,
is now decomposing.
she is no longer the land of the free.
the place in which we inhabit is her residual of what she once embodied.
yes indeed,
it is a poignant day for all.

JACKSON!!

everyone's a little bit racist.

So today on the view,
freedom of speech and the topic of racism was the subject of debate.
(they were discussing the Imus situation.)
Rosie claimed it was about freedom of speech,
while Elisabeth claimed it was about racism.
now, I normally tend to agree with Rosie,
however, today I did not.
in my opinion,
the reason that people got so fired up about the situation,
was because it was about racism.
to be more specific,
it is truly about the double standard of racism in this country.
Imus would have never said that about a basketball team of men.
not only was it racist against blacks,
it was demeaning towards women as well.
Liz would have been proud of me today though,
when Rosie mentioned avenue q’s “everyone's a Little bit racist,”
I knew what it was!
In fact,
I actually really like that song.
anyways, moving on...
I keep thinking about the next bridal shower that my friend will be having in her honor.
the person throwing it for her is my childhood bully.
karma has indeed visited her.
none of us are who we were as a child;
time changes all of us.
I have found forgiveness but somehow I still can't forget.
I wonder how it will go,
it is ironic to say that only time will tell.
tomorrow night,
we have a Little League baseball game.
then on Saturday morning,
we go to pick up Jackson.
I am so excited!
Yesterday,
I began to paint a new painting.
I don't know what it was but I had this dire need to paint.
I worked on all night last night,
all night tonight,
and still I am not finished.
to me,
painting is cathartic;
it allows my soul to sing a sweet lullaby to the universe,
and it rejuvenates my senses.
when I paint,
peaceful nirvana is bestowed upon me.
i blissfully dance in the purple,
because I know that every broken Road has led me to where I am.
and where I am is where I am meant to be.
it is only here where I am content.

deaf, dumb, and blind.

Round and round it goes,
where it stops nobody knows.
It's the proverbial drain,
spiraling down to life’s outcast sewer systems.
Down below is a wasteland of futile information that us Americans have decided to permanently delete.
Because we trust our all-knowing all-powerful presidential father figure who supposedly and theoretically has our best interests at heart.
Larry is the daddy
(as if we didn't already know),
Imus gets canceled
(maybe he should have just gone to celeb rehab as well, it seemed to work for Isaiah Washington…),
The Duke date rape case charges have all been dropped.
Johnny Cash's Lake side legendary House has been burned to the ground,
no doubt a piece of musical history forever lost.
Danny Bonaduce's marriage is a failure,
just like him.
Distractions all around to blind us all from the blatant truth.
Every day more blood is shed and more lives are lost it,
but we as a public are focused on what is going to happen to baby Dannielynn,
American Idol’s Sanjaya take over conspiracy,
and dog food recalls.
Monkey see,
monkey do.
What you don't see plastered all over ET are at the antiwar rallies sporadically around the country.
What you don't hear is how the Senate has defied President Bush and passed the stem cell bill.
What you don't hear them tell is how for people in Brazil stem cells have now offered hope to young diabetics.
What you don't hear is how the recent cold snap will affect Southern farmers’ crops.
What you don't hear is how one medical company is now cutting the price of AIDS drugs.
What we don't hear is how the Bush administration plans on alleviating the gas price for the upcoming year.
What we won't hear is Bush defending the Pentagon's decision to extend its army combat tours to 15 months of service.
Strangely, yet surprisingly enough, we are hearing Bush admit that he wants a war czar
(perhaps that is because Bush already thinks he is America's Czar).
What we will never hear are the tales from the soldiers themselves about this pointless illegal war going on.
What we will never hear is Bush admitting that he was wrong about the war.
What we will never hear the sound of peace.

basking in the purple.

alas,
i have mostly recovered
from accidently viewing the picture of the pre-embalmed body of anna nicole smith.
it fucked with me.
i strongly recommend others to not look at this immense invasion of privacy.
i thought it was a gag site.
it was --
just not the gag i thought.
anywho,
oh i had fun this weekend!!
burps and farts in abundance.
yesth.
i must write the last two papers this week.
spring cleaning begins.
puppy proofing,
and party cleansing of the home.
yes. i cannot wait.
i love it.
absolutely love it.
no drama,
no bullshit,
a peaceful balance...
my life is better than i ever thought it could be.
i still have my days where i awake on the wrong side of the bed.
i still have those days where everything that can go wrong, does go wrong.
cheryl and i still have the rare disagreement.
to deny those happen is just plain foolishly dishonest.
i had to THINK about what i wanted for my bday,
which has NEVER happened to me before.

i have everything i want for the first time, ever.
i finally concluded that my ass aint a size 4 anymore,
so i need clothes.
all i need are clothes.
how's about that?
i need,
not want,
and i have everything i ever dreamt of.

how sweet it is.

so harley and i came home to florence.
i was so nervous about the shower that i wanted to puke.
but once liz and i settled in,
everything fell into place like the years hadn't slipped by us all.
we realized how old we all are.
9 o'clock bedtime on fridays,
gardening,
laundry,
house cleaning...
that is what's replaced the usual weekend party lineup.
we couldn't help but to wonder where that time went.
these childhood friends of mine,
i loved to hate them,
and hated to love them.
it did my heart good.
it truly does go full circle.
my family pic adorns mrs. marti's fridge.
and mrs. b. got excited about my upcoming blowout bday party.
how's about that?
my wife,
our 2 sons,
our families,
my childhood friends all together.
if that isn't mind boggling,
i don't know what is.
it put a smile on my face,
and warmed my heart.
yes.
i have never been so fulfilled.
i get my son in exactly one week,
and,...
two reba mcentire concert tickets were purchased today for my wife & i.
how sweet it is, indeed.

rockin.

93 on a math test i thought i failed.
94 on an english paper "worthy of a 'C' "
we put so much hard work into our gardens & yards
to find out there is a freeze this weekend.
this weekend i'll be in the big flo-town for a bridal shower.
Bella has to work,
so it'll be a weekend without her.
i get Jackson on the 14th!!
the peds cardiologist said all was well.
by the time i'll need a valve replacement,
they'll be able to do via heart catheter instead of a cut 'n slice surgery.
amazing by all accounts.
they have one specialist in my field now.
its about damn time.
although, i admit,
i like the fact that i still see a pediatric doc.
i'm going to miss my Pookie this weekend.
*sigh*
ah yesth,
yesth yesth.
our yard will be rockin it fabulously this weekend
with the flower beds covered with bed sheets!!

and she speaks.

if you listen close enough
the universe will whisper sweet lullabies into your ear.
in those fleeting moments
when you are exactly where you are meant to be,
her murmurs confirm your existence.
oh yes,
she has much to say.
but the rat race drowns her out,
turning us all deaf, dumb and blind.
her words are spoken via our carolina blue sky,
the hundred year old oak tree,
déjà vu,
astounding intuitions,
stunning Marigolds,
a baby's laughter,
or perhaps she lets the wind kiss your lips.
she spoke to me today
as i sat in our back patio area.
the brilliant green leaves covered parts of the carolina blue sky,
as the birds sang in gleeful bliss.
harley pranced about to take shade,
Bella gazed over our hard work,
and i intensely listened to what the universe was telling me.
i am married,
i have a family,
and a home with a picket fence.
when i saw the sun's rays kissing Bella's forehead,
i knew,...
i knew this was my fairytale come true.
undoubtedly not the idyllic version i so dreamt of as a teenager,
instead, an impeccable bona fide reverie.
she whispered to me words of wisdom:
appreciate it all.
i do,
i do,
i say.

today..

Okay, the green glider is the before pic, the blue glider (with the pollen added by nature) is the finished product. Then, there's our back garden, complete with our funky sun dial. Then, our front porch flowers. And lastly, the fence we built today in our backyard. Now I truly DO have a house with a picket fence!!

and the countdown begins...

the count down is ON!!
i cannot WAIT til we get Jackson!!
today was Reba's bday.
pretty fuckin rockin at 52!!
i can't WAIT to see her!!
all i gotta do is just make it through the next few weeks...

Jackson.

man,
i tell ya,...
life is GREAT!!
so far this year,
i have found out that i have a 4.0 gpa,
i married my lady,
and i finally found a good responsible breeder!!
we found a blue dapple doxie!!
yay!!
we've named him Jackson.
he's only 3 weeks right now,
so i'll get him sometime before my birthday.
*WooT*
*WooT*
everything is falling into place,
i swear.
i'm falling in love with my wife all over again.
she's got the cutest wittle pouty face,
and when she gets frustrated,...
LoL!!
she's just damnit adorable!!
i still hafta pinch myself
bc i'm married,
with the life i've always yearned for.
dreams really can come true,
as disney-esque as that may sound.
on the way home from seeing Jackson,
we saw a sign on the side of an ABANDONED,
run down,
dilapidated,
single wide trailer that said:
"WELCOME TO REDBANK, SC"
ah yes.
welcome, indeed.

purple.

math is going great.
i hafta wonder about the muslim girl.
i don't wanna say that she's stupid,...
she's just led a very sheltered life.
vista is okay.
some good,
some irritating.
but alright overall.
we got our glider outta the woods yesterday,
to revitalize it.
we saw one in Decatur at that antique shop selling for $750,
so we were like well damn.
i sanded it down yesterday to get the rust off,
and today,
we're painting it.
we couldn't find the retro teal color i wanted,
so it'll be navy-ish.
oh well.
life as a newly wed is wonderful!!
it feels SUPERBLY WONDEROUS to dance in the purple rays of the sun!!

the weekend we became Mrs.

So this weekend was…
Amazing!!
Upon arriving in Decatur,
We met with Don (the man who presided over the ceremony).
we needed to meet him prior to the ceremony.
he gave us a reading for free,which was incredibly generous on his behalf.
It turns out that I am the more balanced of us 2
(imagine that!!)
Cheryl has ADD (LMFAO)
She is the confuzzled one,
Whereas I am the grounded one.
He said when she gets confused,
She should listen to me bc I have all the answers.
FINALLY,
Somebody validates me!!
I’ve been TRYING to tell my woman this well known fact all along!!
He suggested which direction for us to go.
My baby’s gotta get past her insecurities,
And evidently,
I’mma do some international-helping others-internationally-angelina jolie type shindig.
That meeting with Don really spoke to my soul.
After that, we blew an obscene amount of moo-lah in that store.
I’m glad we could do that, though.
The three amigo’s ate Jamaican food,
And Liz discovered my secret obsessive Popsicle eating disorder.
We checked into our hotel to relax,
Ate at the Decatur square,and returned to the hotel to discover the ‘indoor heated pool’ listed on the website was false advertisement,
And that the room phone didn’t work.
That promised free complimentary b’fast was an astounding $25.
Then off to the park,
Where we becames a pair of Mrs.
I promised her my honesty, devotion, respect, and love,
Then promised to always make her smile,
and then I said
“and it is with deepest meaning that I can say – that you are the wind beneath my sheets.”
Hey I couldn’t be all mushy gushy.
Then my Bella’s vows were so unbelievably sweet & deep.
We raced back to mason’s apt to get out of the windy cold,
Relaxed, and I indulged in my now exposed Popsicle frenzy.
We changed clothes and headed for the Atlanta Louve Museum.
Amazing exhibits.
I was a bit disappointed that I didn’t get to see any Botticelli’s.
On the way back from there,
I got our crew to stop by this quaint, eclectic antique store that beckoned to me.
Cheryl & I bought a sun & moon themed sun dial.
There was this room in the back that had old clothes, hats, scarves & shoes.
OMG the energy in that room that so strong!!
We tried on hats, as you can see.
An incident @ the mellow mushroom caused us to eat at mason’s,
Which was totally fine by me bc it was wayyyy too crowded anyways.
We crashed out early & awoke the next morning ready to go home!!
Well, me anyways, bc I was homesick for my Harley.
B’fast/brunch @ “the moon” was an eclectic, charming way to bid farewell to Decatur.
Ah yesth, yesth, yesth.
I feel different now,
I truly do.
I am a Mrs.I have a Wife.
We are a Symbiotic partnership.
I’ve never been as happy and content as i am now.
Earlier tonight,
She said she was falling in love all over again…
Truth be told,
We’re both falling in love all over again.

purple horizon.

so tomorrow shall prove an exhausting day.
we hafta fold a mountain of clothes,...
and i do mean a MOUNTAIN.
then, we'll clean the house to our satisfaction.
and sometime during the day,
my Pookie wants to get her hair cut,
although i dunno why cuz i think she is adorable just the way she is!!
cook supper,
watch grays anatomy,
shower,
and go to bed.
rise 'n shine & out the door at 6 a.m.
then,
its off to Georgia to become a Mrs.
how about that?
"the time has come, the walrus said..."
to jump on the back of the horse,
she's there to help me up,
its almost sunset.

a penny for your thoughts.

its funny how a song on the radio can kidnap you and yank you back to an earlier time.
i found THE WILKINSONS songs on AOL Music.
i used to play them in the mornings on my way to school in my CD player in my car.
i thought i was hot to trot,
let me tell you.
LoL.
it was my "feel-good" CD.
my days began with an easy going smile.
then, i'd walk into school.
gosh, how i hated and loved that place.
i remember walking through the hallways,
dreaming of true love
and a life outside of Florence's choking boundries.
a life with my own identity,
not being known as "Missy's daughter."
i didn't know what was out there,
but i salivated at the very thought of a life i didn't yet have.
i didn't know how,
but somehow i was to be rescued by that knight in shining armour.
we'd run off into the sunset to happily ever after.
in retrospect,
oh i see so many things wrong with that dream.
i wish i'd been taught to not believe in fairytales.
but i guess i had to learn all on my own.
now that i am the woman about to make a committment to my wonderful partner,
i cannot help but to look back at my old selves.
the unhappy little girl scared of her friends,
so she became the neighborhood bully nobody picked on...
that little girl was so sad.
i haven't yet figured out why she was so damn sad.
she began to blossom with girl scouts,
but still she was forgotten by the two of whom she most wanted their attention and affection.
a bitchy, angst riddled teen emerged.
she sat at home on friday nights watching steve urkel,
and waiting impatiently for that call from CMA.
then on monday mornings,
she turned green with envy looking at the preps,
who had some sort of secret, preppy life.
she wanted that invite to dance with them.
to see what it'd be like.
but super nintendo summers at the lake,
a true disgust for one sibling,
total awe for the twins,
and upset tummies after weekends at her dad's....
that is what her life was like.
then came the magical series of events that would shape who became next...
senior spring break,
prom,
losing her virginity,
totaling her car,
being forced into a pint sized miserable dorm at a college she hated.
what self worth she had,
went circling down a dirty drain,
like the one in her dormroom.
FMU was her quintessential prison.
and her mama was the warden who had the key.
years of lonliness, heartache, self destruction, and hatred
followed her like a dark cloud above her head.
drugs, revenge, and rock bottom couldn't penetrate her stone cold heart.
a devestating mistake reverberated within her soul
and she swore to never lose the one she truly loved again.
then came a sky of beautiful purple,
with her lover standing strong beside her,...
the healing began.
now, i am getting married.
and that little girl,...
she's happy now.
that teenager,...
well, everyone is entitled to their "Vadar" side.
but she's not dark anymore.
the woman i am,
i am ecstatically content.
contentment.
maybe that's the real life fairytale?
i think so.
i've never been so sure of something in my life.

yesth, yesth.

today i saw the funniest mating ritual.
it seems that my father-in-law's dog,
puddin,
a chocolate lab/dalmation mix,
has an unrequited homosexual affection for my harley.
puddin began lickin his chops,
with the hammy eyes,
walking in circles around harley,
trying to do that things dogs do,
to say bonjour.
harley's lip starts to tremble,
then he unleashes his most macho bark
(which sounds like a fairy writhing in ecstacy),
and leaps into the air like a Juliard trained ballerina,
to pretend to bite his stalker.
puddin backs away unphased,
but still has that hungry look in his eyes.
a hunger that only another male dog can fulfill.
and then the ritual begins again.
and they say being a homo aint natural.
so the scientists claim we are extincting ourselves.
wow.
they are just realizing this?
now i cannot help but to feel more right.
i was right when i said that humans are frikkin dumbasses.
the USA is on her way down,
as is our world.
i kinda hafta wonder what the world will be like for my future generation.
what can i do to make it better?
i'm going to make a permenant conscious effort to be more green.
its my human duty.
ahhhhhhhh haaaaaaa!!
DOODY!!
i amuse myself.
*sigh*
tomorrow we clean house.
my PC comes tuesday morning,
then bella works tuesday and wednesday nights,
and thursday liz comes,
and friday morning,
we leave for atlanta.
and saturday,
we are to be wed.
that's a scary thought.
ME,
married.
who woulda thought that the girl who was so self destructive,
was finally starting to make something of herself?
it seems i have found my purple.
sure,
i'll still have tense days.
ya know,
like when ya dunno if it'll be a fart or a shart,
yeah, that kinda tense.
but it'll all be okay in the end anyways.
either way,
that fart and/or shart will air out somehow.
yesth,
yesth,
it'll all be okay.

fall, damnit. fall.

Libby found guilty for the CIA leak.
Libby, the fallout guy for Dick...
Dick with the blood clot &
Dick who survived an assination attempt (damnit).
The Attorney General has found that the FBI used the Patriot Act illegally.
Meanwhile, Baby Bush attempts to assert his "Fatherly" presense,
to blindly lead us in to another war.
He fooled us the first time,
but alas,
America, like Rip van Wrinkle, is slowly waking.
When the bough breaks,
the cradle will fall...


On the personal side,
an 'A' on a math test I did not expect,
a new PC is fast on its way,
exactly one week until our big day,
and happy birthday to margaret & mawmaw!!
15 & 78.
WoW.
"One more candle & a trip around the sun,..."

help us all.

ah
spring is here, my dear.
11 days to go.
anna nicole is buried.
her mom tried to stop the burial all the way up until the MORNING of the burial.
then at the burial site,
shovels in the dirt atop the grave,
and once she completes that task,
walks ON TOP OF THE GRAVE!!
i s'pose there will always be the Vergie's, Richard's, Billy's, & Candice's of the world.
thank my lucky stars they aren't in my world!!
93 on the paper that bout made me go bald.
not bad.
the professor's still an ass, though.
i swear,
the longer i live,
the more i despise men.
well...
straight men.
asswipes on the butt of humanity.
cheney's got a blood clot,
the cia leaker is guilty,
the white supremisists are gaining clout,
a man confessed to dismembering his wife,
there's a march on DC on 3-17 to get a movement started to impeach bush,
and VA hospitals are under scrutiny for lack of proper medical care of our vets,...
our country is on her way down.
my great grand children will not know of america, the land of the free.
the path we are taking is trandsgresional.
why not put cloths on our head,
rape and torture the women & children,
ressurect slavery,
send all the gays, lesbians, bisexuals, & transgendered to a camp where we can have another holocaust,
and take away free speech?
i've said it before & i'll say it agin,
i support the troops, not the war.
whatever greater power there is,
if it exists even,
we need your help.
this country needs your help.

16 days.

16 days left...
we go to florence tomorrow.
saturday we head to myrtle beach for shopping.
get to see everybody.
and i gotta find
something old
something new
something borrowed
and something blue.
only a phone call stands between my moving on.
the cloud is lifting.
rays of purple are streaming through.
elisabeth is "ignorant."
how fucking GREAT is that?!
lmfao!!
anna nicole gets laid to rest tomorrow.
even that will be a media circus.
this story,
though beautifully tragic,
is dominating the news.
our government has executed GAG ORDERS
to prevent the TRUTH from being told to Americans.
our government is full of war criminals.
bush, cheney, & rumsfield are murderers.
they are calling for a surge of troops for iraq,
and possibly iran (bc gosh knows, we need another war).
this is a distraction, people!!
bin laden and al quieda are REBUILDING.
they are QUIETLY REBUILDING.
how many more American murders will it take to impeach bush?
after the next next al quieda attack,
and there will be one
bc the bush administration is trying to blind the American public to this,...
when it happens,
we NEED to FULLY PROSECUTE BUSH & CHENEY for war crimes & hang him.
we can throw them on top of sadam's grave & piss on them.
everything this country fought for --
its all gone.
we now live in a censored country,
who's president believes gay Americans are 2nd class citizens,
& to further prove his moronic theory,
he wants to CHANGE THE CONSTITUTION to DENY us the RIGHTS OF EVERY AMERICAN.
this SAME president
signed into law the patriot act,
which takes away our right to privacy.
no longer am i proud to be an american,
bc bush does NOT represent me.
its funny how the dixie chicks once condemned him,
now have 5 grammys.
maybe there is hope.
if not,...
welcome to the demise of this country.

da...dum...da...dum.

so here i am
sitting at the pc
with harley propped up on the pillow behind my shoulders
just like when he was a puppy.
he is unusually clingy today.
wonder why.
feels good out today,
but it isn't enough rain.
no wonder i was stiff.
and i don't mean stiff as in my dick got hard.
although...
that would be nice...
anyways.
have you ever just had this feeling of impending doom?

its looming over my head right now.
the scary, dramatic music is playing out.
da....DUM....da.....DUM...
me thinks maybe its time for some james taylor?
yesth, yesth it is.
eh.
i hope mawmaw's okay.
i hope its just bruising thats causing her soreness.
i made her swear to me to go to the dr if she was still sore come monday.
we'll see what becomes of that.
oscars are tonight,
so i reckon my sunday night lineups will be pre empted.
maybe fox will still have its lineup.
i'm getting back to wanting another puppy.
its about damn time i healed up.
bitch ass dumb fuck hillbilly wally eyed whore.
that felt good.
*sigh*
i'm still tired.
feels like a broken record on repeat
i'll get my eng shit done and bitch slap that bastard professor.
i hope he has an itch on his ass that he cant scratch,
and it drives him stark raving mad!!
ok, I've pro-crapstinated enough...
off to boring ass homework hell i go!!

bnb.

am tired of being tired.
blue toes aren't good on me.
loss of appetite.
moronic secretaries @ doctors' offices make my BP rise.
cardiology appt in march
bastard eng professor
get my new PC in march
wedding in march
so much to be thankful for.

for my bella.

grinding nut butter.

all my stresses
took a day's escape
to visit the cure-all place,
folly beach.
i adore that place.
the sea heals all.
it truly does.
we went to some whole foods market
fantabulous
a sign said-
grind your own nut butter!!
hmmm...
rock on.
now back home
i feel better
but all the stresses are not gone.
looking for my happy purple.
bnb.

fucktard.

same same same.

94.
still an 'A.'
math average is 99.5
*happy hamster dance*
worried about my grandma.
she didnt go to the church talent show
"bc her side hurt as well as her back"
same same same
gw gearing up
fake WMD all over again
war monger monster is hungry again
power and destruction can curb his appetite for only so long
WAKE UP PEOPLE
impeach our tyrant!!
same same samequiet

the noise
quiet the mind
let the purple shine.
let it heal.

yesterday.

yesterday was tough.
i awoke,
knowing it was gonna be a rough day.
while in class,
we saw the orangeburg soldiers leaving to go to afghanistan.
that hit home.
that made it all real.
on the way home from school,
people were lined up either side of the road,
to send off the soldiers with support.
that choked me up.
it infuriated me.
it hit home.
we NEED to get IRATE!!
support the troops, not the war!!
i emplore you to make a difference.
our sons, daughters, husbands, wives, sisters, brothers, moms, and dads...
it is THEM who're getting MURDERED.
MURDERS CONDONED BY OUR PRESIDENT.
this country has been DESENSITIZED to this war.
we don't see, hear, or feel shit!!
we need to quit being conformists
AND WAKE UP TO THE SMELL OF BLOOD!!
anyways.
back to yesterday.
then after i got home,
Bella and i went and bought our rings for our ceremony.
we get home after buying those and our groceries,
only for me to find i made an 86 on my first english paper.
its a high 'B'...
i hate this rat bastard professor.
i made all 'A's' in last semester's english class.
ugh.
then,
this anna nicole smith thing.
poor woman.
i mean, really.
i know she was always a drama queen,
but damn.
i think it was suicide.
couldn't handle losing her boy.
i don't see how anybody could get through that.
i hope she's free, where ever she is now.

this weekend.

this weekend,
heartbreaking.
an outsider looking in,
i must ponder;
what the HELL is happening to my family?!
my mom,
intellectually brilliant,
but common sense moronic.
steve's an ass.
my boys,
my god.
margaret,
life is confusing enough as is,
being a teenager.
my aunts,
the epitome of role models.
my grandma,
it breaks my heart.
Bella,
still in pain.
maybe a dry socket.
my frustration mounting,
on matters hanging above my head.
i sought out something i've left behind at my mom's for years.
my Nana's PJ's i purposefully tucked away in my mom's hopechest.
her stains still on them.
i'm 24 years old,
yet this is my "safety blanket."
working on our big suprise.
i hope it comes into fruition as i'm hoping it will.
hard work,
and good luck we'll need.

the clone war.

my fingers swell.
the more they do,...
the sooner i hope to hear from VR.
only 10 showed for class today.
the teacher adores me.
still a teacher's pet,
i am.
hmwrk, hmwrk, hmwrk.
i'mma bleed hmwrk out my veins now.
i had pancakes for b'fast this am.
my girl is so great!!
so anywho,
i ate at 9.
by 10:30, it still hadn't...digested.
(which, those of yall who know me, KNOW thats odd)
so i'm sittin in class purty as i please,
like 7 minutes left before its time to go,
and BAM!!
a line of gaseous bubbles infiltrates my derier.
like soldiers,
clones,
like the clones in Star Wars,
there were SO MANY,...
marching one by one (hoorah, hoorah),
they bring their unruly reign of terror upon my (metal) desk.
so i start usin my "pucker string"and sweatin.
i KNOW i had that anxious, nervous look,
yall KNOW what i'm talkin bout!!
and those who deny that are just in-the-closet-farters!!
so i'm starin at the clock,
praying that my time-bending super powers kick into action, like Hiro's.
but alas, my super powers fail me again.
i'm thinkin of what strategy i'mma use,
ya know?
bc ya dunno if they're gonna be SBDs
or
sound like sumin that come outta peter griffin's ass.
then,
karma jumps in on the gang bangin action too!!
the teacher starts calls on me to answer some stupid question.
hell if i know wtf i'mma be usin integers for in my real life!!
so, i'm REALLY concentratin on my super powers right about now...
as if it couldnt get worse...
she holds the class over by one minute.
one,
LONG
minute.
thats 60 seconds of 100% concentration on my super human power that has repeatedly failed me.
i could feel the cannon being loaded,
and was now totally sure everybody could see the panic on my flushed face.
relief, i felt, as she dismissed the class.
a little bubble here,
a lil bubble there,
here a bubble,
there a bubble,
everywhere a bubble!!
as i walked to our car in the empty parking lot,
well...
full satisfactory relief LIFTED my spirits.
what a day.
now, i cant wait to go home tomorrow!!
peace out happy farters!!

giggety, giggety, GOO!!

she sez 2 impeach.
people freak.
ET as shitty as STAR magazine now.
get their facts str8.
i got a 105 on my first math test!!
i rock!!
*sigh*
nm 2 say 2nite.
its cold & i'm off like a dress on prom night.
happy farting!!

bella.

Cowboys ride into sunsets
The good guy always gets the girl
Cinderella has just fit
A glass slipper that changed her world
We all know the stories
We all know the fairy tales
We all get the glory of making it for ourselves
From the beginning
We're all looking for a happy ending
Every dream of winning
Every love we've been in
Right from the beginning
We're looking for a happy ending
We've come here with nothing
And take it with us the day we leave
The first and last breath don't matter
It's all the ones that are in-between
What's the reason
What's the reason the caged bird sings
It's why we see it in the movies
All the way to the closing scenes
From the beginning
We're all looking for a happy ending
Every dream of winning
Every love we've been in
Right from the beginning
We're looking for a happy ending
And all those dreamers who have come and gone
Who've reached for the stars, who've overcome
You're the hope, you're the wish, you're the truth
Baby, here's the proof
Baby's born in this ghetto
Baby's born with a silver spoon
One tells his Mama I have a dream
One tells his Mama I want the moon
From the beginning
We're all looking for a happy ending
Every dream of winning
Every love we've been in
Right from the beginning
We're looking for
From the beginning
We're all looking for a happy ending
Every dream of winning
Every love we've been in
Right from the beginning
We're looking for a happy ending
__________________________
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.
________________________
Bella, I'm left at a loss of words when it comes to telling you how much I love you. Thank you, Pookie, for everything you do for me. I'm a better person because of you. I love you back, my Bella.

piss on the bush.

surgery for my poor Bella.
she'll be fine.
what a feast we had,
Beaufort Stew, Alaskan King Crab legs, & Crawdads!!
TRIPLE yummy!!
mr bobby...
so funny.
bit the head off.
yes, that part of the crawdad IS muddy.
LoL!!
deadlist weekend in iraq.
who the hell is going to get fired up?
they are not just 'troops' killed.
they are sons, daughters, moms, dads, sisters, and brothers.
so much more.
we lost thousands on 9-11.
in fighting we lose more.
we are letting them win.
we are allowing more americans to be killed.
how is this justice?
how is this preserving our country?
we are losing.
it seems to say,
we lost our integrity when Bush foolishly invaded iraq.
it truly is all a pissing contest.
piss on you, mr president.
hilary has thrown in her bid.
are we ready?

sweet sweet karma.

sweet karma.
god how i adore it.
i've strived so hard to move lifetimes away from my old life.
i didnt think i was better than them.
i just didnt want to end up stuck in hartsville,
living in a trailer park,
with 5 kids,
and trading my food stamps for drugs.
i was and am better than that lifestyle.
i said lifestyle, not the people.
though some of them,...
anyways,...
my point is,
it does my heart good to see how far i've come,
and then when i stop to get a breath,
and look back...
those people,
those people my world revolved around for so long,...
those people i loved with my all (at that time),
those people i believed and believed in so fiercely,...
they are STILL in the same place.
the SAME DAMN PLACE.
the part of me that loved them,...
the girl in my memories,
that girl who loved them,...
she wants to run to them screaming saying it can be so much better than that.
they just hafta want it!
if they want it, they can have it.
they can be happy.
life can be good.
but the girl i am NOW,
the girl i am now knows better.
the girl i am now knows the heartache in believing in lies.
the girl i am now is happy.
the girl i am now is happy that karma truly does work.

the wonders of my life.

i awoke this morning to the wondrous sound of air rushing out betwix a pair of ass cheeks.
ah.
the perils of my life.
so get this,
bush is critisizing the iraqi's hangings of saddam and his brother.
i'll be damned.
since our beloved president is so intelligent,
perhaps he would heed this suggestion:
send cheney.
he knows how to shoot em!!
but on second thought...
cheney would need more trainin.
he didnt kill his first victim!
the high morals of this country,
yes sireeee bob.
i tell yall what.
we goin to hell in a hand basket.
purty as ya pleasin.
speakin of no morals,
lemee skip to my fave celebrity feud of the moment:
ro vs dump truck.
ms nj had to resign cuz she got knocked up,
one posed in some risque pics,
and the other's in rehab.
dump truck is OBVIOUSLY rubbing off his moral code on his girls...
rubbing off...
too easy.
not gonna take that hot shot....
oh no i di'nt!!
idol's back on...
and though its funny,
the true hilarious antics are coming from ms abdul.
she sho were awful thirsty!
(notice her drinkin that shit through a straw too?! LAWSY that girl's got some damn balls-o-steel!!)
had my eye appt today.
i evidently have one baseball & one football for my eyes.
how endearing.
company this weekend.
we gonna have us sum guud fixins!!
i cant wait for my frogmore stew (aka beaufort stew)!
first math test next week.
i am hoping for a pretty decent grade.
peace out, fart masters.

Group Launches Bid to Protect Mammals- Check it out. Its got some very odd mammals, yall!! http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/group-launches-bid-to-protect-rare/20070117132009990001

bnb.

without fail,
she calls to say Gump is on.
i love my grandma.
she's the best.
the start of a new week.
unsettling frustrations ahead.
uncharted territory.
breath and believe, says ro.
here we go.

damn.

schofield engaged.
wow.
seriously...
wow.
to the boy who lived 3 houses down from me.
indeed it is a very small world.
sounds like she has come a long way from Frank in NY.
she seems like 2 lifetimes ago.
Girl Scouts,
Alex,
Liz,
Jess,
Spring Break,
William,
Fat Bastard,
Tray,....
all stemming from her.
Every star has its place in the Heavens, I s'pose.

First Day.

first day.
not as bad as i thought.
overwhelming, yes.
hands already hurt.
all is well.

detraF

on the "foul smell that has wafted over NYC"
(which i wrong in assuming that apparently the bad smell WAS nyc...)
i saw this quote in an article:

"It may just be an unpleasant smell," Bloomberg said. "Our suggestion is that people should do their best to ventilate areas, open their windows or turn on any fans until this gas passes."


now, THATS comic relief, my friends.
can you imagine if it was just some nasty yankee who sharted?
perhaps the stench is indeed just the "Dump Truck"?
this has the potential makings for a classic SNL sketch, me thinks.

Bless My Stars

tis the dawn before a new semester.
my new semester resolution is to keep my GPA up high as possible.
my Fall '06 transcript gives me a 4.0 GPA.
the pride felt with that still a bit wobbly.
maybe i'll be steady on my feet at the end of this '07 Spring semester.
good tidings to moi.
monday a busy day.
tuesday the first day within those halls.
i'm a nervous kindergardener all over again.
went grocery shopping and cleaned house today.
hosting supper for her parents tonight.
post Gracie aggrevation will test me.
but all is well.
Bless my stars.

here's to 2007

2006 was a big year for Little Tink.
she grew up.
kicked a few nasty habits.
got my priorities in line.
returned to school.
found old friends.
made new ones.
got rid of the final toxic ones.
and the biggest of all...
i started to truly appreciate things.
my wonderful wife,
my awesome dog,
the way our yards look in a summertime down pour,
how a four wheeler and a dirt road can soothe your soul,
my friendships with my best friends,
my crazy Mawmaw and her repetative stories,
my beautiful sisters,
my silly brothers,
my mom,
how fragile life is...
its so fragile.
its a Blessing to enjoy,
but when taken away,
a gut wrenching heart ache.
its a beautifully tragic fragile state of being.
learning to walk that tight rope,
and finding your inner balance of being...
that place between the stars and earth,
that place between a midsummer night's dream and a cold winter's bite,
somewhere between the mountains and the oceans,
the spring and the fall,
love and hate,
tears and laughter,...
that place...
that's what matters in my life.
that's my happy thought.
no more folklore,
no more childhood fables.
no fairytales.
just my life.
my wonderful,
splendidly fulfilled life.
here's to 2007.

Lovin the Wiki

gotta love wikipedia
" "White trash" are perceived as having crude manners, abnormally low moral standards, and lack of cultured behavior and/or education. Swearing, smoking, promiscuity, drunkenness, overly loud and animated behavior in public, and gambling (especially the copious purchase of scratch-style lottery tickets) are examples of "white trash" vices. The label might be applied to a household that, for example, lives in a decrepit apartment or trailer, has a large family, lacks indoor plumbing, and has a yard strewn with debris or perhaps a non-functioning vehicle. "