a penny for your thoughts.

its funny how a song on the radio can kidnap you and yank you back to an earlier time.
i found THE WILKINSONS songs on AOL Music.
i used to play them in the mornings on my way to school in my CD player in my car.
i thought i was hot to trot,
let me tell you.
LoL.
it was my "feel-good" CD.
my days began with an easy going smile.
then, i'd walk into school.
gosh, how i hated and loved that place.
i remember walking through the hallways,
dreaming of true love
and a life outside of Florence's choking boundries.
a life with my own identity,
not being known as "Missy's daughter."
i didn't know what was out there,
but i salivated at the very thought of a life i didn't yet have.
i didn't know how,
but somehow i was to be rescued by that knight in shining armour.
we'd run off into the sunset to happily ever after.
in retrospect,
oh i see so many things wrong with that dream.
i wish i'd been taught to not believe in fairytales.
but i guess i had to learn all on my own.
now that i am the woman about to make a committment to my wonderful partner,
i cannot help but to look back at my old selves.
the unhappy little girl scared of her friends,
so she became the neighborhood bully nobody picked on...
that little girl was so sad.
i haven't yet figured out why she was so damn sad.
she began to blossom with girl scouts,
but still she was forgotten by the two of whom she most wanted their attention and affection.
a bitchy, angst riddled teen emerged.
she sat at home on friday nights watching steve urkel,
and waiting impatiently for that call from CMA.
then on monday mornings,
she turned green with envy looking at the preps,
who had some sort of secret, preppy life.
she wanted that invite to dance with them.
to see what it'd be like.
but super nintendo summers at the lake,
a true disgust for one sibling,
total awe for the twins,
and upset tummies after weekends at her dad's....
that is what her life was like.
then came the magical series of events that would shape who became next...
senior spring break,
prom,
losing her virginity,
totaling her car,
being forced into a pint sized miserable dorm at a college she hated.
what self worth she had,
went circling down a dirty drain,
like the one in her dormroom.
FMU was her quintessential prison.
and her mama was the warden who had the key.
years of lonliness, heartache, self destruction, and hatred
followed her like a dark cloud above her head.
drugs, revenge, and rock bottom couldn't penetrate her stone cold heart.
a devestating mistake reverberated within her soul
and she swore to never lose the one she truly loved again.
then came a sky of beautiful purple,
with her lover standing strong beside her,...
the healing began.
now, i am getting married.
and that little girl,...
she's happy now.
that teenager,...
well, everyone is entitled to their "Vadar" side.
but she's not dark anymore.
the woman i am,
i am ecstatically content.
contentment.
maybe that's the real life fairytale?
i think so.
i've never been so sure of something in my life.