MY BELLA!!

Come Monday

Headin' up to San Francisco
for the Labor Day weekend show,
I've got my hush-puppies on,
I guess I never was meant for
glitter rock and roll.
And honey I didn't know
that I'd be missin' you so.

Come Monday It'll be all right,
Come Monday I'll be holding you tight.
I spent four lonely days in a brown L.A. haze
and I just want you back by my side.

Yes it's been quite a summer,
rent-a-cars and west bound trains.
And now you're off on vacation,
somethin' you tried to explain.
And darlin' I love you so that's
the reason I just let you go.

I can't help it honey,
you're that much a part of me now.
Remember the night in Montana when
we said there'd be no room for doubt.

I hope you're enjoyin' the scenery,
I know that it's pretty up there.
We can go hikin on Tuesday,
with you I'd walk anywhere.
California has worn me quite thin,
I just can't wait to see you again.

To Mon Femme Bella

Jupiter and Callisto, 1613
by Peter Paul Rubens

Chance

Elsa Gidlow
1898-1986

Strange that a single white iris
Given carelessly one slumbering spring midnight
Should be the first of love,
Yet life is written so.

If it had been a rose
I might have smiled and pinned it to my dress:
We should have said Good Night casually
And never met again.
But the white iris!
It looked so infinitely pure
In the thin green moonlight.
A thousand little purple things
That had trembled about me through the young years
Floated into a shape I seem always to have known
That I suddenly called Love!

The faint touch of your long fingers on mine wakened me.
I saw that your tumbled hair was bright with flame,
That your eyes were sapphire souls with
hungry stars in them,
And your lips were too near not to be kissed.

Life crouches at the knees of Chance
And takes what falls to her.

This Little Light Of Mine...

today my cardiologist gave me a clean bill of health.
*WooT*
yesterday evening
my Bella, Harley, & i made our way to Flotown.
it was my early bday supper at my mom's house. wisabus joined us.
alone in the kitchen with my bella,
my mom quietly revealed to cheryl
"i'm glad sarah found you, you're good for her."
she then showed cheryl a side of her
that i've yearned for her to show.
basically, she let cheryl know exactly
just what she thought of her.
and wow,
was it ever great!!
i'm so proud of my mom,
she's moved on past fat bastard!!
i think my family's proud of me too.
i think they thought
i wouldn't ever be able to have a sustaining relationship
after the fat bastard/starlight fiasco.
its ironic,
how life takes you on a helluva ride.
i'm happy.
ya know?
and its not that superficial happy, either.
you know the kind i mean,
the kind you parade your new love around in front of the ex.
and it was always a certain ex you foolishly paraded around in front of,
the one who either hurt you the worse,
or the one who you really fukked over.
i'm happy,
like deep down happy.
like happy when i was a kid happy.
happy like when Nana was alive happy.
in that place inside me,
i'm finally at peace.
most of the anger has resided
to make room for forgiveness and love.
my happiness,
its coming from somewhere deep inside me,
way down past my gut,
past my heart,
past the nerves,
past the hurt,
the hatred that once thrived...
my soul is shining.
i never ever thought i'd be happy again.
especially with a wifey,
a country home,
a cute little doggie,
and a big and bright future headed my way.
i'm okay.
and i'll be okay.
i have come a long way.
i still have a big journey ahead of me,
but that's okay.
i'm eager to conquer it.
i have my shining light,
my faith,
strength,
love,
and forgiveness.
in a way,
to me anyways,
my tats signify that.
my purple star...
purple being my nirvana color,
the star symbolizing that infamous star to the right guiding me...
and ofcourse the chinese symbol for strength.

Bella, I know I say it to you all the time, but you are so beautiful to me. Yes, you are perfect...you're perfect for me. Thank you again...thank you for being wonderful you. You know I love you with all my heart, soul, and spirit. You are who I've been searching for all my life. The Gods & Goddesses really did make us for each other. You've made my life complete. Harley & I have a complete family now. "You are my inspiration..." Heh.
Love Me Always,
Your Princess

Weeding Our Garden!!

Well today we were in our garden
Bella's Momma even pitched in
We pulled up all those hideous FUGLY weeds
tilled up the dirt
plugged in the seeds
covered 'em up
& watered 'em.
We planted yellow & white daisies in the shrubs around the porch.
I put yellow & white daisies on Nana's grave twice a year,
so these flowers we planted are kinda for her.
Then, around our walk way
we planted the GORGEOUS flowers yall see.
The color range from:
Yellow, white,
Orange, red, and pink.
PURDY, PURDY!!
*WooT*

WoW

WoW!!
this was the BEST weekend EVER!!
MASON came home
we enjoyed a SUPERB supper my Bella cooked
gotta LOVE cooking on the grill,
don't you?!
after supper i went to take my lil Shithead out for a dump,
and when i came back in,
there sat Mason & Bella in the dark
at the kitchen table
with a birthday cake
with two BIG RED candles in it!!
i totally got misty eyed
but TY GOD it was dark,
so they didn't see that!!
after that we went to the land
to have a fire under the stars
it was sooooo nice
although Bella still doesn't
get what a "Cherylism" is
LoL!!
Mason went home Sunday,
which was Easter
we had a blast
i wore my hair a different way
(shut up)
and asked cheryl's mom what she thought of it
bc i was still unsure of it
she got this huge smile on her face
and said "what hair?"
then she busted out laughing
LoL!!
she was jk
i wore my hair flat with my bangs sticking straight out,
it was cute!!
the kids came over for lunch
with they're mom & dad
after lunch Bella & I rode in the Jeep
its a CR sumin
an 80s model Jeep
with no doors
& orange
as in CLEMSON orange
it was pwetty cool
after lunch we
as in Bella, her Mom, & I,
went to WAL-MART!!
then Bella & I came home
i filled up our bird feeders
she filled up the Humming Bird feeders,
I watered our garden,
she was gonna put our new,
newly painted mailbox up
she the sizing was wrong with the post
so she's gtg get her Daddy to do sumin to it
but also this weekend,
i painted our new mailbox
it has our names on it
"Sarah & Cheryl"
post painting,
i looked at the finished piece
and it was like WoW
thats kinda heavy,
we kinda ARE married now
ITS OFFICIAL HONEY!!
the mail box is SOOOO PERDY!!
anywho,
we took 2 of Bella's momma's dogs to the groomers this morning
Bella's off...durrin sumin
i'm in my bikini
fixing to go do some gardening
WHO'D A EVER THUNK,
me durrin that?!
i'm out like Rosie

BTW...did yall know
that in Buddism,
there are 30-something Hells?
interesting.

Things You'll See In The Country

Okay Peeps,
Bella & I went ridin the Four Wheeler yesterday
We Went ridin EVERYWHERE,
Even up in the woods
Its AMAZING what the HELL you can find in the woods!!
People leave all kinds o' crazy shit behind...
Such as...The toilet as seen above.
Then, hey, how about a sink & a GREEN toilet lid?
Then, moving on...
On the way home, we crossed the railroad tracks,
and saw these GEESE swimmin in the pond...
Look, the sun was setting.
How cool is that?!
Look at the lizard,
that was on our back porch window,
He sho were a big su'mmo'bitch!!
Last but not least,
the two doggies,
Puddin & Pooh,
they are best friends,
Pooh would sit by Puddin's fence all day...literally.
Ain't that loyalty, folks?
Awww!!
GtG clean house...
MASON is comin over tonight!!

What I Think...

when i shut it all off
sit back to observe
the world around me
many truths i see
once was said
on her reasoning of being so enticed by me
was the way i saw the world
i looked at it inside out
i looked for the beauty,
not the beast
i suppose if one sits there long enough,
one might even be able
to find a good quality of jack the ripper,
or hussein, or bin laden
that girl,
that thought that of me
she is long gone
memories are all i have
sometimes
i wished i had forgotten those
but like i said,
many truths
i shrug them off of my shoulders
the ones who have hurt me
and the ones i have hurt
karma is justice
it truly is in all what you believe
it has been one complete circle around the sun
and here i am
falling
all over again
it blows my mind to think
that i nievely hung on to an illusion for countless years
swore it to be true to the touch
but you can't put an anchor in quick sand, can you?
let it all go
with the new found freedom within my soul
secretly lying in stash
were the abilities to forgive
and love
with each tide
every star born
every hatchet buried
a deeper
more profound appreciation
grows for my Bella
when i look around
at the world around me
what are the truths i see?
green is not always good.
green, on 2 same yet different levels,
can be deadly.
true acceptance come to each
in its own time and its own space.
true love never goes away,
never faulters.
sometimes to appreciate those,
hastily judged and out cast by the world,
you DO have to sit there and meditate
to find that 1 single diamond in the rough,
that 1 good quality.
loyalty can take you pretty damn far.
something that has lasted past its time
past its own legend
such fables' truths get distorted with time,
what once was,
might've never been again,
but the brute of it all
and the pinacle of it all,
is the release,
the freedom;
nursery rhymes once sounded us to sleep as babes,
the truth cradles us to sleep these days.
life and love...
conquer it all.
i have found my yellow road
my own path
but i still have a while to go before reaching my kingdom
i look forward to finding,
unearthing,
and uncovering the unbreakable truths this world has to offer me
i don't have anything to prove
i am just me
though i might still shudder at Tink or Tiger-Lilly
the freedom tastes beats all i've ever known.
some days are great,
some are good,
some are not so good,
its then i remember to let it all go
every single attachment i've ever had
carefully hand pick every attachment
i still desire to keep in my life
and let all the others
dance up in the Heavens
"along the milkyway...
...along the light of day..."
go frollick through Mt Olympus
hand in hand with every God and Goddess
all the attachments,
all the happiness,
the pain,
the memories...
have permenantly found their place within the gates of neverland
and there they will stay.


Rebel Child
Rebel Child, won't you heed my warnin
One of these days the rain'll come pourin'
Some of thouse sunshine blue sky mornin's
Might just turn to grey
I understand why you do the thing you do
There was a time when I was just like you
I know right now you think you know it all
There's no way that you can break
No way you can fall
Rebel Child, won't you heed my warnin'
One of these days the rain'll come pourin'
Some of those sunshine blue sky mornin's
Might just turn to grey
I've been there and I know what you're thinking
You're flying high but one day you'll blink and
That cloud your're on will just start sinkin'
Don't wait till it's too late
Whoa oh rebel child
I know you can't learn from my mistakes
You've got your own road you've gotta take
And it might look like it's paved in gold
Just remember that you'll have to reap
All the seeds you sew
Keep your feet on the ground
And one eye one heaven do
Do a lot of forgivin'
But not much forgettin'
And remember life is one big lesson
Whoa oh Rebel Child
Whoa oh Rebel Child

3

just trying to focus
clear my mind
so many thoughts
trying to cloud my sight
bush authorized the leak
*shhh, i tell myself*
it outrages me
*calm with the quiet*
its a pissing contest between the big boys
*i am free*
i cut it all off
every ounze
never have i felt so extremely exposed
curly locks all boisterious and happy
all growed up
bittersweet memories
leave a lingering taste on my pallet
and a broken black & white picture replaying in my head
*she let herself go, says george strait*
i nod my head,
now i understand
the buddHa seriously makes sense
an odd fact my add has noticed:
there are many many pairs of 3's in the world
a conspiracy theorist's haven
or heaven
whats the difference?
anyways, 3 buddHa's in buddism,
the 3 graces in Greek Mythology/Botticelli,
3 bad guys (Bush, Hussein, bin laden),
3 flutes in super mario 3,
3 stars in the belt of O'rien,
3 parts to every story/life (beginning, middle, end),
see my point?
curious it indeed is.
so it seems as if i have pulled a Reba,
after almost tagging Ro last night
Reba went from long glamorous mucho famous hair,
to BAM!!
a short pixie cut in her song/video/TV Movie "Forever Love"
Bye bye bye
(another set of 3's?)
went my own curls.
4 hair cuts later,
satisfaction achieved.
mine ain't a pixie cut (suprisingly)
DING DING goes the alarm
i chopped off all my hair
and got 2 tattoos
what the hell am i durrin, i ask her
she says its an expression of my individuality
LoL
her gentle words lead me to believe
its either the border to crazy or freedom
hell, maybe they are both the same
i was doin okay until i saw the pictures of my long beautiful curly hair
it leaves 3x's the bittersweet after taste :-D

Thinking

Who is aware of his limitations can reap benefits through it.

Merriam-Webster Definition For the Word
LIMITATION:
Function: noun
Pronunciation: "li-m&-'tA-sh&n
1 : an act or instance of limiting
2 : the quality or state of being limited
3 : something that limits : RESTRAINT
4 : a certain period limited by statute after which actions, suits, or prosecutions cannot be brought in the courts


Merriam-Webster Definition For the Word
Karma:
Function: noun
Pronunciation: 'kär-m& also 'k&r-
Etymology: Sanskrit karma fate, work
1 often capitalized : the force generated by a person's actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person's next existence

“When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky”



The Truth of Suffering

The Buddha's discovery of the solution to the problem of suffering began with the recognition that life is suffering. This is the first of the Four Noble Truths. If people examine their own experiences or look at the world around them, they will see that life is full of suffering. Suffering may be Physical or Mental

Physical Suffering

Physical suffering takes many forms. People must have observed at one time or another, how their aged relatives suffer. Most of these aged suffer aches and pains in their joints and many find it hard to move about by themselves. With advancing age, the elderly find life difficult because they cannot see, hear or eat properly. The pain of disease, which strikes young and old alike, is unbearable, and the pain of death brings much grief and suffering. Even the moment of birth gives pain both to the mother and the child that is born.

The truth is that suffering of birth, old age, sickness and death are unavoidable. Some fortunate people may now be enjoying relatively happy and carefree lives, but it is only a matter of time before they , too, will experience suffering. What is worse, this suffering must be borne alone.

Mental Suffering

Beside physical suffering, there are also various forms of mental suffering. People feel sad, lonely or depressed when they lose someone they love through separation or death. They feel irritated or uncomfortable when they are forced to be company of those whom they dislike or those who are unpleasant. People also suffer when they unable to satisfy their limitless needs and wants.

Happiness in Life

When the Buddha said that there is suffering in life, He did not deny that there is happiness also. On the contrary, He spoke of various kinds of happiness, such as the happiness of friendship, the happiness of family life, and so on. But all these kinds of happiness are impermanent and when one loses them, one suffers. For example, one may like a pleasant and charming person and enjoy his or her company. But when one is separated from that person, the happiness turns into suffering. One suffers because of one's attachment to pleasures that do not last.

People often remain unaware of the inevitable sufferings of life because they are distracted by temporary pleasures.

Baseball Game, Buddha, & No Party

The Family at "Fred's" Baseball Game Last night.
There's the family..."Pretty" cheesin with my Bella...
Everybody cheerin bc our baby boy hit a home run.
That was one whack game. Man I'mma tell ya,
them damn coaches can't see for nothin,
makin bad calls,
then actin like major fukkin jackasses,
yellin at the kids...
If those had been coaches at MY BOY'S baseball game...
Both my Mom and my Girl woulda had to have
held me back by my collar. I'd have gone in there with
a 2x4 had them sons of bitches pulled that shit on my boy.
Good Lawd. That was a hellacious emotionally charging game.

See my Lil BUDDHA? I saw him in the store
and had to adopt his lil "disabled" self.
"It was destiny." LoL!! ISN'T HE ADORABLE?!

My 2nd BDay party may be grinding to a hault.
Grandma's faultering memory
Did not reveal an event the entire family has been awaiting for 15 months.
*Btw, Nanci...you're a greedy, inconsiderate, emotionless bitch. You have shamed your own Mother even in her death. I hope you can be at peace with your self made demise*
Now I feel guilty
Like I shouldn't even have my party at all bc of this.
I've let myself get so worked up about this,
I've sickened myself.
*sigh*
Horrible, vivid nightmares ensued.
God, BuddHA, or whoever... Save Us All.

Its A GREAT Day...To Be ALIVE!!

*WooT*
Gettin ready fo mah BDay PARTiES!!
Thas right, Femmes & Butchies,
I said PARTiES!!
Not much to say,
cept I'm tired of wearing a damn heart monitor.
We goin to my Wifey's newphew's baseball game tonight,
A Tractor Pull tomorrow.
HeeHaw!!
Nan's engaged,
big rock,
June 16th.
Kinda sad about that,
Dunno why though.
I SO TOTALLY got GREAT karma back my way!!
The 2nd V220 Cingular sent me,
was a peice of shit.
Hadn't had it for 48 hours and it quit working.
I demanded an upgrade on my cell,
that I wasn't paying for...
So now I have a BRAND SPANKING NEW V557!!
*WooT*
DAMN AND ITS HOTT TOO!!
Don't want the Razr or the Rokr...
Too many problems...
I'mma post my new pictures...
Oh and the Bunny pic is for those who don't like my hair.
*MuAh*

Food For Thought:

"I try and try, To understand, The distance in between, The love I feel, The things I fear, I dearly say good dream, I can finally see it, Now I have to believe, All those precious stories, All the world is made of faith, And trust, And pixie dust. So I'll try, Cause I finally believe!" -Lyrics to "I'll Try" from the soundtrack of RETURN TO NEVERLAND.
I have found that when one's inner light inside their soul begins to dim, it is then when their spirit slowly disinigrates. It is then that all magic, hope, faith, trust, love, and truth is lost. You see, my friends, when Fairies fade, it is you who is fading (dying) within. Magic, Hope, Faith, Trust, Love, and Trust...They NEVER Fade OR Die,...as long as we BELiEVE IN OURSELVES.

To Fall Asleep in My Lover's Arms Is A Dream Come True

I feel the heat of her body next to mine. Breath escapes her mouth and is soft and warm on the back of my neck. Two delicate arms are snaked around me and hold me in a loving embrace. Fragile fingers are weaved in with mine creating a symbol of togetherness. Silky smooth legs have worked there way in between my legs, I am convinced she is long gone in a world of sleep and dreams. As my eyes become heavy and my breath starts to get heavy, I feel a gentle movement and then a graceful finger begins to work its way loose from mine on a path to a soft, warm place nestled between my legs. I am still slightly dozy, so I am wondering if this is a dream or not. My question is answered when that throbbing, electric feeling begins to shoot through my body. Her lips start to trail up my neck at the same time her finger begins to stimulate me in that way that only she can. It does not take long and I am moaning, begging, and pulsating. My head starts to spin, my body begins to take control and before I know it, I am cumming, screaming, and clinging to her. After I come back down from my euphoric cloud, she squeezes me tight, places her fingers back in mine and whispers in my ear “Good night Angel, I love you.”

I LOVE YOU, BELLA!!

New Tats, I Got Muh hair Did, & It Was Our 1 Yr Anniversary

so this weekend we went to beaufort and savannah.
we stayed with dianna,
who was so gracious to invite us into her home for the weekend.
her house sits right on the marsh,
it is a view to die for.
and her lil teeny tiny Pom, Gram, is just deliciously adorable.
before we left for savannah,
dianna was kind enough to butch me up.
that is right, femmes and butches,
my curly long locks are GONE!!
i now have wonderful spikey hair.
in savannah, i got my tattoos.
i cried, i'm woman enough to admit it.
when the guy put the needle
on my backbone,
i wanted to rip his balls off and ram them down his throat.
my Bella held my hand,
like the wonderful wifey she is.
I know the pictures of my hair aren't that great,
and you can't see all of my hair.
(Not that there's much to see.)
But my Wifey was at work tonight,
so I had to do the best I could to take the pictures myself.
I'll get her to take better pictures tomorrow
and I'll post them then.
By the way, the purple star tattoo represents my Neverland,
watching and guiding over me.
The Chinese symbol means Strength.
I chose that particular symbol
because Reba sings a song titled "Survivor."
In it she sings
"...The doctor gave me 30 days,
But I must have had my mama's will,
And God's amazing grace...
The baby girl without a chance,
A victim of circumstance,
The one who oughta give up,
But she's just too hard headed...
With gentle hands,
And the heart of a fighter,
I'm a survivor..."
Anyways, that songs relates a lot to me, I feel.
I feel that because I am a survivor, I have strength.
Anyways, I'm through rambling.
Hope yall enjoyed the pictures.

A Little Lesson To Live By: It is not by the amount that giving is productive of reward but rather by the generous impulse behind it. Therefore even so little as a handful of rice flour given with a pure heart becomes something that will bring great reward.-Vimana Vatthu

Happy Anniversary (3-29-06)

this past year with you, my Bella, has trully been amazing. you awoke me from a slumber, in which i thought i was forever cursed. loves lost, scorned, resented...all that changed with one kiss from your precious lips. this is our year. happy anniversary, my Bella. now it is time to make our biggest plans yet; our own family. i want you to know, that i love you more than i have ever loved anybody in my entire life. you are, without a doubt, my soulmate. it was written in the stars, that you and i would be together. thank you for being wonderful you, thank you for loving me, and thank you for letting me love you. **MUAH**

New Pics...

Well we got new haircuts today...
I said "SO LONG CHARLIE!!" (Sorry, Rosie quote, there.) My hair's still auburn, but I got HOLY SHIT Blonde bangs. My family HATES it, but I LOVE IT. My Bella, put a bit of Blonde in her hair and it looks SUPER. She got hers cut, she dunno it yet, But I'mma spike the HELL outta it!! We went to Alex's BB Game today in Florence. He lost by 4 points I think. But BOY was he EVER PISSED!! Anyways, I'm outta here, I got a HOTT woman waitin on me in bed!! *WooT*

My Bella-

My Bella,

As a little girl, I dreamt of fairytales constantly. I envisioned myself being loved by the most courageous soul that ever graced this Earth. Back then, it was definitely a paint-by-numbers fantasy I was blindly wishing for.
I can recall being on one of our numerous Girl Scout camping trips at Sandy Ridge, lying in my sleeping bag around the fire that had all but faded out, looking up at the night sky. Gazing at the heavens above, it was easy to immerse myself in the storybook tale that would one day be my reality. With every shooting star, I would close my eyes and make a wish. I wished to meet my soul mate, fall in love at first sight, ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.
Looking back, using the wisdom learned, I see a pure soul wishing for true love and acceptance. My Mother used to tell me all the time, “look both ways before you cross the street,” or “don’t do drugs,” or even “don’t cuss, its not lady like.” Never did she forewarn me of the road of heartbreak I would have to endure to meet that person, my soul mate. No one said it would be this hard.
Along the way, I found certain ones who I could’ve sworn to be my companion. A childhood love gone awry, innocence naively surrendered to a soul mate imitator, one whose heart I tossed behind me like an empty candy wrapper, another soul gone astray in her self-made prison of her miasma of lunacy, and the unattainable ones smothered with various thrills.
Rejection of miscellaneous sorts hardened the untainted soul to a stone cold statue. I had become so enraged with spite that no one dared to try and climb the wall around my heart. My facade was a bad ass who couldn’t be hurt anymore. If only they knew every time a door closed, I became that little girl I once was, and stared at the stars above, crying burning silent tears. I prayed that soon a valiant soul would soon see the scorched marks of my shameful tears, swoop in, and rescue me.
I had all but given up on the reverie of love. I decided it was time to heal myself, inside out. This meant, I must confront the monster I saw staring at me in the mirror. Every hurt, regret, tear, ill-spoken thought or word all had to be mended, and then set free. It was time to let go of that baggage that merely weighed me down. I had to figure out who I was. I knew who and what the facade was, that everyone else saw. It was as if I had embodied some nameless costume and was damned to live in that, never allowing the world to see my true self, my soul.
Once I had let the wounds begin to heal, the weight somehow mysteriously vanished. Amazingly the frown transformed to a smile. The beacon of light, belonging to my soul, gleamed out through my eyes. Just as people must believe in fairies for the fairies to survive and flourish, I had to believe in myself for me to resurrect and truly live again.
Then that magical day came when I looked into your eyes and at once, the final missing piece of the puzzle within me, was found. I’d found my other half. My circle was completed, everything began to make sense. Your kisses enchant the stars above, while your touch soothes the Olympians.
The reflection of the rest of my life glows when I peer into your beautiful eyes. Like the stars residing in the Heavens, like the beds that rest the angels, and the lullabies the sing the babies to sleep, your soul sparkles and dares to be kissed with love.
Everyday of this past year with you, I knew I was alive. I was where I was meant to be. That in itself is a rare feeling. Knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are indeed exactly where you belong. It is the feeling that out of everywhere on the face of this Earth, and beyond the borders of space, out of all time, past and present, out of people to see and be with long-ago and currently, I am exactly where destiny and fate want me to be. That is the way I feel, to this day, every time you hug me, or wrap your arms around me when we go to sleep at night.
Thank you, mon femme Bella. You have completed my life, my soul, my family…you are my soul mate. Never again will I taste another’s lips or know their ecstasy; yours is the one I crave for all time. The mere thought of not being with you breaks my heart, a mere thought.
As an adult, I no longer dream of fairytales. I’m being loved by the most courageous soul that ever graced this Earth. The love I blindly wished for, no longer a paint-by-numbers fantasy, but my reality. Walking out of the door of our cozy country home, I look up at the night sky. Gazing at the heavens above, it was easy to immerse myself in the storybook tale that is my reality. With every shooting star, I close my eyes and thank destiny and fate. I found my soul mate, fell in love at first sight, rode off into the sunset and am living happily ever after.
I love you, Bella.

Love Me Always,
Sarah

Bouncin Back...

well lets see...
its been a ROUGH week.
my Dr RX'ed me Flexoril to help ease off my pulled muscles.
well...
10 mg, 3X's a day...
NOT a good combo i found out.
heinous, evil nightmares
and even more wicked hallucinations
capped without the ability to differintiate between asleep & awake.
thank GODDESS for my Bella!!
she was right there by my side,
along with the spiders and Harley's missing ear.
i am all better now though...
bella said she is glad i'm back.
isn't that sweet?!
friday (yesterday) my family (cheryl, harley, & myself)
loaded up the car and headed to flotown.
her anniversary present arrived at my grandma's.
well, part of it anyways.
it a M*A*S*H hat,
thats her fav TV show.
we visited with my grandma for a while,
then went to my Momma's.
i love my boys.
they are so awesome!!
i'm still their favorite sissy!!
i called up wisabus to extend an invite to the Schoolhouse for supper.
i also invited my own Momma.
it felt wierd ridin in the van
with my Mom,
my Wife,
and my best friend.
i couldn't have been more happy and content.
on the way,
my mom just chatted up quite the storm with Bella.
wisabus and i just talked, occaisionally intruding their convo.
we saw 2 people there that we knew.
alex has a home baseball game on tuesday that we're goin to.
next week is going to be a busy busy week.
haircuts, OT therapy, errands, Florence....
then we drop off Harley next door, i guess,
(we've still yet to figure out where to stash him)
then off to BEAUFORT for our anniversary!!
*WooT*
this damn heart monitor is getting on my last nerve.
a whole month,
jo
oh fucking joy.

anyways,...
all is well here.

my food for thought: when you achieve that moment when you want for nothing,
all those you love are surrounding you, that, mes ami, is what brightens my soul.

St. Patty's Day Wisdom

TiNK SAY: * iTS Not Luck, iTS Karma *

*** (St.) Patrick apparently used a lot of symbolism. They say he used the shamrock to demonstrate the concept of Trinity. -Patrick never used the shamrock. ***

In Buddhist teaching, the law of karma, says only this: `for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.' A skillful event is one that is not accompanied by craving, resistance or delusions; an unskillful event is one that is accompanied by any one of those things. (Events are not skillful in themselves, but are so called only in virtue of the mental events that occur with them.) Therefore, the law of Karma teaches that responsibility for unskillful actions is born by the person who commits them.

The Buddha's Words on Kindness (Metta Sutta)

This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who knows the path of peace:
Let them be able and upright,
Straightforward and gentle in speech.
Humble and not conceited,
Contented and easily satisfied.
Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways.
Peaceful and calm,
and wise and skillful,
Not proud and demanding in nature.
Let them not do the slightest thing
That the wise would later reprove.
Wishing: In gladness and in saftey,
May all beings be at ease.
Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong,
omitting none,
The great or the mighty,
medium, short or small,
The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far away,
Those born and to-be-born,
May all beings be at ease!
Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.
Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child,
her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings:
Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths;
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.
Whether standing or walking,
seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding.
By not holding to fixed views,
The pure-hearted one,
having clarity of vision,
Being freed from all sense desires,
Is not born again into this world.

Ouchies.

so tonight my bell and i decided on our vacation spot.
in the low country of SC!!
we are going for the weekend of our 1 year anniversary.
* WooT *

occupational therapy is a bitch.
my muscles are tighter than ever,
* naughty thought *
ouchies. its still SORE.

trip to chucktown tomorrow.
rosie magazine of my own.
i feel like a lil kid
about to look at its first porno mag.
ahhh...

aunt flow visited.
dreams more colorful & vivid than ever.

peace out, stank asses.

Frozen In Time

The Tet Kid Survives MOTHER OF ALL Anxiety Attacks!!

so i went to the new Cardiologist today
the entire time spent there was one HUGE mutha fukkin anxiety attack
the office staff knew we were a couple
the doc says thatit is normal for tetrology of fallow patientsto suffer from irregular heartbeat,
shortness of breath,
and sleep apnea.
the right side of the heart takes on more pressure.

so i have to schedule an echo gram for next week.
he has to try to pinpoint the reasoning behind my irregular heartbeat.
he merely wants to rule out anything ' bad '

jesus.

like an irregular heartbeat isnt ' bad '.
you want to talk about scary?!

the nurses kept poking and prodding and apologizing. . .
it made me more irritable.
i pondered this thought,
why did this precise thing make me more irritable?

it reminded me of being at shriners hospital as a kid.
the doctors and students there
all poking and prodding ever so feverishly.
unless you have been through this experience...being BORN with a PHYSICAL DISABILITY
and having to sustain this torture
as you watch your parents sit there
frozen
mortified
silent tears falling from their cheeks...
them not knowing that they have the power
to tell the people poking and prodding
that you have a name.
you are a child,
not a painting or statue
eagerly posing for prying eyes.
if you havent been through that,
then you havent the faintest clue
as to the fear i felt today
that coursed through my veins.
it was like an ice tavern;
cold and empty.

i've survived another round in the game of life.
i felt like that child all over again;
i felt terrified.
the difference this time
was that my bella was there.
i wasn't alone.


I'm A Survivor Lyrics

I was born 3 months too early
The doctor gave me 30 days
But I must have had my mama's will
And God's amazing grace
I guess I'll keep on livin
Even if this love's to die for
Cuz your bags are packed
And I ain't cryin
Your walkin out and I'm not tryin
To change your mind
Cuz I was born to be

The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up
But she's just too hard headed
A single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

I don't believe in self pity
It only brings you down
May be the queen of broken hearts
But I don't hide behind the crown
When the deck is stacked against me
I just play a different game
My roots are planted in the past
And though my life is changing fast
Who I am is who I wanna be

The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up
But she's just too hard headed
A single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

Oh a single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

But I must have had my mama's will
And God's amazing grace
I'm a survivor

All Smiles...

today was great!!
i made a girl scout bird feeder
which honestly aint nothin but pnut buttah, a pinecone, and bird seed,
but it was loads of fun and rather nostalgic to make.
i raked the yard afterwards.
our yard looks so nice!!
its SO AWESOME to be able to rake your OWN YARD!!
it gives you a sense of PRIDE, doesnt it?
i cherish it,
garsh,
i got teary eyed over the brad paisely vid earlier,
now im gettin all fuzzy wuzzied over taking pride in our humble abode.
our cozy country cottage is SO adorable!!
im unbelievably lucky to have everything i do.
i thank the goddesses and gods on mt olympus every night.
tonight its me and my dog
bella is at work.
we will have fun,
no frets.
AC on,
a buncha stuff projects to be completed,
GREAT music blaring,
it will be nice.
tomorrow is the appt with my new cardiologist.
i am nervous
scared
even
but. . .
hey what can ya do?
e ' erbody is dealt a different stack of cards
in this game of life.
im mindin my hand in this round. . .
hopefully i can trash 3 cards to pull a royal flush?
i will be okay either way.
i have my guardian angel on my side.

Who Says You Can't Go Home
( Bon Jovi and Sugarland )

Ive spent 20 years tryin to get out of this place
I was lookin for somethin i couldn't replace
I was runin away from the only thing I've ever known
Like a blind dog without a bone
I was a gypsy lost in the twilight zone
I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold

Ive been there done that and I aint lookin back on the seeds Ive sown.
saving dimes, spending too much time on the telephone....
who says you cant go home
who says you cant go home

theres only one place they call you one of their own
Just a hometown boy born a rolling stone
who says you cant go home
who says you cant go back

been all around the world and as a matter of fact
theres only one place left i wanna go
who says you cant go home

its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright
i went as far as i could tryin to find a new face
There isnt one of these lines that i would erase
i left a million miles of memories on that road
every step i take i know that im not alone
You can take the home from the boy but not the boy from his home
these are my streets the only life ive ever known
Who says you can't go home
who says you cant go home
theres only one place they call you one of their own
just a hometown boy born a rolling stone
who says you can't go home
who says you cant go back

been all around the world and as a matter of fact
theres only one place left i wanna go
who says you cant go home

Dosent matter where you are
Dosent matter where you go
If its a million miles away or just a mile up the road
take it in, take it with you when you go
who says you can't go home
who says you can't go back
been all around the world
and as a matter of fact
theres only one place left i wanna go
who says you cant go home

its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright
who says you cant go home

its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright
who says you cant go home

its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright, its alright
Who says you cant go home!

Psychology

well this past Friday
Bella and i went home to Flotown.
we went to see the * bad side * of my familial unit
my grandmother,
the usual foul mothing culprit
willingly gave me a compliment.
part of Hell IS freezing, i see.
we then went to my Mommas house.
chloe has cushings disease.
steve is falling from his pedistal with his ailing back.
mom, margaret, her friend jesse, my mawmaw,
auntie boo, auntie gaye, lynn,
plus me and cheryl all went to redbone alley in celebration of the dual birthday,
belonging to margaret and mawmaw.
it was a VERY INTERESTING,
hilarious evening.
i have never been SO happily satisfied,
that was THE BEST time i have EVER had with my family.
margaret and i even mingled well.
the following day was quite horrid.
volumous arguing ensued.
no grey yet.
i only see the black and white.
time heals all.
MEANWHILE, the next day
Bella and i head to columbia.
we went to petsmarts for mo nutro
and i saw muh dog yall.
he was SUCH A BEAUTIFUL yorkie,
omg!!
the chickadee said that had he been one tenth of a pound lighter,
he would have been twenty five hundred.
but he did not look to be a teacup.
i know a teacup,
that was no teacup.
as adorable as the pup was,
only but a average toy he was.
we trotted over to barnes and nobles
where we spent much of the afternoon
drinking coffee drinks,
reading lesbian magazines ( NOT pornos!! )
engaging in conversation,
thumbing through the gay and lesbian section of the store.
i found an AWESOME book on the clearance rack
yes i am cheap, ya point
anyways its a criminal profiling book
VERY VERY AWESOME
today bella and i went to chucktown for my last visit with docta s
while were in c town,
we grabbed some oysters
stone crab claws
and snow crab legs
GOOD EATIN TONIGHT!!
my harley has me worried
since the arrival of pug next door
harley gorges on the dog food when he is there
and throws up when he gets home.
he is also eating his rawhides in a manner of like 2 days
and throwing them back up.
we took those away from him.
i figure it is instinct,
because since pugs arrived,
there are 3 dogs over there who * compete * for food,
space
and attention.
harleys instinct to survive kicks in over there
thus the reason he eats all the food he can get to while hes there.
he never did this before at lindas or my house.
then again he was being hand fed too there.
he is no longer hand fed and knows there are rules.
when harley visits next door,
pug laches on ( literally )
and does not let go of harley until goodbye.
dog psychology.
criminal psychology.
familial psychology.

LoL

The sign of a weak person is when you can piss them off. It means they have given you the power to affect thier state of mind. A strong lady would never allow anyone to have that power over her. The strong womans beliefs are even stronger, the faith, love, respect, and trust manifests her beliefs into reality. Prime examples? ANY religion. Disney World. Being IN LOVE. RELATIONSHIPS. A woman who fails to believe in the dream of a fairytale is a woman who has no faith in herself, no respect for herself, no love for herself, and no trust in her validity. Hate and jealousy are merely signs of weaknesses within a woman. If a woman FREELY CHOOSES to wear her Rose Colored glasses, then so be it. It just means she is a strong woman who believes in herself.

B- Beauty
I- In
T- Total
C- Control of
H- Herself

* Old Resentments Are now let go of. They are VANISHED. DO THE SAME. *

SCRUMPTIOUS!!

My Give A Damns Busted

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Me & Harley

Yea I was havin a good hair day today...and yea thas our Harley. Anybody that knows me, KNOWS I LAUGHED MY A$$ OFF at this!! Don't worry, yall animal lovers, I didn't hurt the lil fella. It didn't poison him, he's still alive & kickin. BTW, ya can't see it, but I also painted his toenails Neon Green. He looks like Yoda now, more than ever...although I should PROLLY change his name to Stewie (Griffin) from the FAMILY GUY, because he's probably plotting on how to kill me or torture me, LMFAO!!

The Littlest Girl Scout

The Littlest Girl Scout
By Erica Orloff

I admit it. I'm not cut out to be a soccer mom. I'm not class mom material, either. I don't bake homemade chocolate chip cookies. I don't even boil water. In fact, when my daughter, Alexa, was in kindergarten, as part of a "Why I Love My Mommy" Mother's Day project, her teacher asked her to name her "favorite dish" that Mom cooks. "I don't have one," she said. "Oh sweetheart, there must be something your mother cooks that you love. A special dinner? Your favorite dessert?" "My mommy doesn't cook." "She must make something," her increasingly desperate teacher insisted. "Jell-O?" After lengthy consideration, my daughter listed "cereal." So it was with much trepidation that I recently learned Alexa wanted to be a Brownie. I am a mom who is great at making up stories, singing off-key songs at bedtime and remembering the names of every Pokemon. But with three kids, a dog, a rabbit, a parrot and a veritable aviary of finches, life in our household is disorganized at best. Dinner is a haphazard affair, clothes always need ironing and shirts missing buttons are given safety pins in their stead. I flunked home economics in high school. Clearly, I did not have the makings of a Brownie-badge-earning mom. "Are you sure?" I asked, trying to mask my dread. Her delighted "yes" sealed my fate. I made it through the camping trip, even through crafts - though our potholders were decidedly ragged-looking. Then came the year's highlight: the cookie sale. Mentally, I counted my immediate family. I figured they were good for about ten boxes. I'd buy a few as well. That brought Alexa to a total of fifteen boxes or so - not too shabby. Her dad picked her up after the cookie sale meeting. Horrified, I watched as they struggled through the door with six CASES of cookies. Cases! After coming to, I managed to sputter, "What's all this?" "Her cookies," my husband answered. "Each girl is assigned six cases to sell." "But what if we can't sell all these?" "We bring them back," he said. "No big deal." "Oh no, Mommy!" Alexa cried out. "We have to sell them all. We just have to! The troop will make fun of me if I don't. One of the other Brownies told me that last year, not one girl brought back any cookies." Apparently, we were going to be hitting up Grandma for a lot more than the four boxes I had mentally sold to her. After ten days of ferocious selling, we had managed to sell a case and a half. Cookies were stacked in my home office from floor to ceiling - or at least that's how I remember it. I dreamed at night of Thin Mints chasing me down dark alleys. After four more days of selling, we still had four cases of cookies. Then came one of those days that happen to moms like me - moms whose kids never have matching socks and whose kids' toothbrushes end up being chewed by the dog or falling into the toilet. On that particular day, the dog jumped in the lake after a duck. The duck escaped, but my dog resembled the Creature from the Black Lagoon. One dog bath, one muddy mom and thirteen towels later, the dog was clean. But my two-year-old son had been suspiciously quiet during the whole ordeal. In fact, all the hairs on the back of my neck were standing on end. Even more than kitchen pot-banging, TV blaring and loud bickering, all moms dread "the silence." You know . . . that silence. "Alexa," I said, emerging from the bathroom, mud clinging to my hair, "where's your brother?" "I dunno." I went tearing through the house. Was he coloring on my bedroom walls again? No. I raced to the kitchen. Spilling cereal on the floor? No. He must be in his room. Was he climbing on top of his dresser pretending to be Superman again? Not there. "Nicholas!" I called out. Then, fearing my computer keyboard was being covered in apple juice, I ran to my office. There sat Nicholas. Surrounded by sixty-one opened boxes of Girl Scout cookies. In fact, he had the cellophane for the next pack in his teeth, attempting to bust open another box. Thin Mints, Peanut Butter Buddies and Shortbread Dreams, or whatever the heck they're called, were splayed from one end of the room to the other. Cookies were crushed beneath his chubby little feet, and crumbs covered his rosy cheeks. "Cookies!" he squealed. As I wrote out a check for over $250 dollars worth of Girl Scout cookies, I came to the realization that I am most definitely not a Brownie mom. But my son? He's the hero of Troop 408.

I SO Sexy...& The 3rd One...DAMN

Stella...We Had NO Choice BUT To Take Her 2 The SPCA