My Bella-

My Bella,

As a little girl, I dreamt of fairytales constantly. I envisioned myself being loved by the most courageous soul that ever graced this Earth. Back then, it was definitely a paint-by-numbers fantasy I was blindly wishing for.
I can recall being on one of our numerous Girl Scout camping trips at Sandy Ridge, lying in my sleeping bag around the fire that had all but faded out, looking up at the night sky. Gazing at the heavens above, it was easy to immerse myself in the storybook tale that would one day be my reality. With every shooting star, I would close my eyes and make a wish. I wished to meet my soul mate, fall in love at first sight, ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.
Looking back, using the wisdom learned, I see a pure soul wishing for true love and acceptance. My Mother used to tell me all the time, “look both ways before you cross the street,” or “don’t do drugs,” or even “don’t cuss, its not lady like.” Never did she forewarn me of the road of heartbreak I would have to endure to meet that person, my soul mate. No one said it would be this hard.
Along the way, I found certain ones who I could’ve sworn to be my companion. A childhood love gone awry, innocence naively surrendered to a soul mate imitator, one whose heart I tossed behind me like an empty candy wrapper, another soul gone astray in her self-made prison of her miasma of lunacy, and the unattainable ones smothered with various thrills.
Rejection of miscellaneous sorts hardened the untainted soul to a stone cold statue. I had become so enraged with spite that no one dared to try and climb the wall around my heart. My facade was a bad ass who couldn’t be hurt anymore. If only they knew every time a door closed, I became that little girl I once was, and stared at the stars above, crying burning silent tears. I prayed that soon a valiant soul would soon see the scorched marks of my shameful tears, swoop in, and rescue me.
I had all but given up on the reverie of love. I decided it was time to heal myself, inside out. This meant, I must confront the monster I saw staring at me in the mirror. Every hurt, regret, tear, ill-spoken thought or word all had to be mended, and then set free. It was time to let go of that baggage that merely weighed me down. I had to figure out who I was. I knew who and what the facade was, that everyone else saw. It was as if I had embodied some nameless costume and was damned to live in that, never allowing the world to see my true self, my soul.
Once I had let the wounds begin to heal, the weight somehow mysteriously vanished. Amazingly the frown transformed to a smile. The beacon of light, belonging to my soul, gleamed out through my eyes. Just as people must believe in fairies for the fairies to survive and flourish, I had to believe in myself for me to resurrect and truly live again.
Then that magical day came when I looked into your eyes and at once, the final missing piece of the puzzle within me, was found. I’d found my other half. My circle was completed, everything began to make sense. Your kisses enchant the stars above, while your touch soothes the Olympians.
The reflection of the rest of my life glows when I peer into your beautiful eyes. Like the stars residing in the Heavens, like the beds that rest the angels, and the lullabies the sing the babies to sleep, your soul sparkles and dares to be kissed with love.
Everyday of this past year with you, I knew I was alive. I was where I was meant to be. That in itself is a rare feeling. Knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are indeed exactly where you belong. It is the feeling that out of everywhere on the face of this Earth, and beyond the borders of space, out of all time, past and present, out of people to see and be with long-ago and currently, I am exactly where destiny and fate want me to be. That is the way I feel, to this day, every time you hug me, or wrap your arms around me when we go to sleep at night.
Thank you, mon femme Bella. You have completed my life, my soul, my family…you are my soul mate. Never again will I taste another’s lips or know their ecstasy; yours is the one I crave for all time. The mere thought of not being with you breaks my heart, a mere thought.
As an adult, I no longer dream of fairytales. I’m being loved by the most courageous soul that ever graced this Earth. The love I blindly wished for, no longer a paint-by-numbers fantasy, but my reality. Walking out of the door of our cozy country home, I look up at the night sky. Gazing at the heavens above, it was easy to immerse myself in the storybook tale that is my reality. With every shooting star, I close my eyes and thank destiny and fate. I found my soul mate, fell in love at first sight, rode off into the sunset and am living happily ever after.
I love you, Bella.

Love Me Always,
Sarah