Frozen In Time

The Tet Kid Survives MOTHER OF ALL Anxiety Attacks!!

so i went to the new Cardiologist today
the entire time spent there was one HUGE mutha fukkin anxiety attack
the office staff knew we were a couple
the doc says thatit is normal for tetrology of fallow patientsto suffer from irregular heartbeat,
shortness of breath,
and sleep apnea.
the right side of the heart takes on more pressure.

so i have to schedule an echo gram for next week.
he has to try to pinpoint the reasoning behind my irregular heartbeat.
he merely wants to rule out anything ' bad '

jesus.

like an irregular heartbeat isnt ' bad '.
you want to talk about scary?!

the nurses kept poking and prodding and apologizing. . .
it made me more irritable.
i pondered this thought,
why did this precise thing make me more irritable?

it reminded me of being at shriners hospital as a kid.
the doctors and students there
all poking and prodding ever so feverishly.
unless you have been through this experience...being BORN with a PHYSICAL DISABILITY
and having to sustain this torture
as you watch your parents sit there
frozen
mortified
silent tears falling from their cheeks...
them not knowing that they have the power
to tell the people poking and prodding
that you have a name.
you are a child,
not a painting or statue
eagerly posing for prying eyes.
if you havent been through that,
then you havent the faintest clue
as to the fear i felt today
that coursed through my veins.
it was like an ice tavern;
cold and empty.

i've survived another round in the game of life.
i felt like that child all over again;
i felt terrified.
the difference this time
was that my bella was there.
i wasn't alone.


I'm A Survivor Lyrics

I was born 3 months too early
The doctor gave me 30 days
But I must have had my mama's will
And God's amazing grace
I guess I'll keep on livin
Even if this love's to die for
Cuz your bags are packed
And I ain't cryin
Your walkin out and I'm not tryin
To change your mind
Cuz I was born to be

The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up
But she's just too hard headed
A single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

I don't believe in self pity
It only brings you down
May be the queen of broken hearts
But I don't hide behind the crown
When the deck is stacked against me
I just play a different game
My roots are planted in the past
And though my life is changing fast
Who I am is who I wanna be

The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up
But she's just too hard headed
A single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

Oh a single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

But I must have had my mama's will
And God's amazing grace
I'm a survivor