Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Monday, October 17, 2005
Harley
i put my Harley in a mini back pack kinda thing...
he looks SOOO thrilled, doesn't he?!
1 pic is on my chest,
other is on my back
Catching Up...
so we went to flotown
on cheryl's bday
to pick up
my doggy
i wuv my harley
then to o-burg
to the in-laws for a few days
we went to kmart while we were there
kmart SUKKS!!
NEVER EVER AGAIN will i EVER go!!
then we went to her nephews' football games in sumter
left o-burg on friday
wizasaurus came to chucktown fri night
saturday we went on an Eco-Tour
you ride a boat in the chucktown harbour
with a nature tour guide
we saw loads of dolphins
that was so frikkin cool
the boat took us to morris island
where we got to walk around for a while
after the tour back at the maritime cntr.
there was a wedding in the heat of day
with the Gullah gospel singers....
interesting...
from there
the 3 of us proceed to crosbey's
where we buy local oysters and local skrimp
oi!
i've had my fill of oysters for a while
sunday
i went to the "doc-in-the-box"/ER
a mystery outbreak
not even the docs can ID it
so they have me on
Zyrtec, Prednisone, Benedryl, and Aveeno Oatmeal Bath
woohoo.
fun, fun.
i'll post the pics a i get them from wisabus.
peace out, yall.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Taking The Dive
as the seconds tick by
my heart beats louder
its approaching the time
when i dive right in
the answer i already know
its funny how some words can be so hard to say
under a campfire
" feelin good "
under the stars
with mah dog
will somehow sum up
every hard lesson learned
the tears will overflow
and emotions will too
she doesn't know what's coming for her
she thinks i spent an ass of money
we can't afford on her present
very cheap monetary wise
but emotionally
its what you wait a lifetime for
so here i go
gonna take a deep breath
say a lil prayer
butch up a lil bit
and dive right on in
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Trans Sexual Vampires & Inner Peace
well today was very nice
very relaxing
when i awoke
my Bella
had most of the clothes done
so we played around for a lil while
then she cleaned up the bedroom
and i cleaned the dishes
then she cooked supper
fried fish and french fries
yummy
then she cleansed the house
the atmosphere is so nice
its free of impurities
later on, i got online
after she left for work
my uncle and i get into another star wars discussion
like old times
i'm still a dweeb at heart
what can i say?
then a vampire trans sexual IMs me on yahoo
he/she/it says
it wants to bite my neck
only me,
i swear
i'mma tell yall...
geesh!
only me
while meditating
i let my thoughts wander
i'm still coming to terms with my past
certain ex-loves that bothered me
but i am over coming it
just as i am with my anger
i've truly come to the conclusion
that everyone we encounter in our lives
have some sort of impact on us
be it a good or bad experience
it is all a learning process
nothing is a mistake
the difference
between a wise man and a fool
is that the wise man learns from his experiences
i have figured out
that there are certain people in my past
whom i will always have in my heart
the time spent with them
touched me in some profound way
i loved them
some all be it
on different levels than others
but nonetheless
i still loved them
i used to think that peace could only be attained
the day i was " over " those certain individuals
but if that day does ever come into fruition
then i have back stepped
because that means i will have forgotten
all those lessons that were so hard to learn
no longer do i yearn to be with them
i just yearn to never forget
so i can put my all into my relationship with cheryl
and not make the same mistakes again
its just a matter of coming to terms
being at peace
with my actions
words
mistakes
and choices
that once seemed so far fetched
now
i am there
the purple flows in and out
the circle has gone round
life is as it should be
peace is attained
thank you goddess.
La Dee Dah...
life is returning to normal now
thank goddess
happy sleep
giggling in my dreams
yummy
i can only imagine
going home this coming week
* woohoo *
gonna see my mawmaw,
my boys,
and get my shithead for a few days
i'm super excited
then we're gonna go to muh future in-law's
with muh dog...
woohoo!!
its also gonna be cheryl's bday
hmmm...
i love my Bella
i'm SOOOOO Blessed to have her in my life
again....
thank you, Goddess
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Sarah-1, Dr-0
what was once my breaking point
now no more
no outburst of anger
towards the individual
stood my ground
and prevailed
to be a true Bell(e)
* i love you Bella *
i suprised myself
by standing up
to the Dr
even though i was terrified
i fought my battle
and won
i didn't go off the deep end
no explosion of anger
only a suprising boost of confidence
and tears of joy and relief
then alas
sleep is attained
thank you goddess & god...
and Bella
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Chasing Sleep
i was SO excited yesterday
when muh doc
wrote me a sleeping RX
it felt like a ton had been lifted off my shoulders
knowing sleep was attainable that night
later we went out with diana
met a lil firefighter butch
who went to katrina-land for body recovery
very cool
came home
watched tv
took my sleep med
then...
fell asleep at 5 a.m.
it didn't work
DAMNIT
WEIRD dreams ensued
with a welcoming headache upon my awakening
called the doc to tell him
he never returned my call
will stage a silent protest in his office tomorrow
if the shithead doesn't help me
i still cannot comprehend
how i can be so exhausted
but not be able to sleep
achk!
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Finding Magic
exhaustion plaguing me
i think its a side effect of zoloft
we took off for Folly
the beach heals all
on the way
we see a homeless guy begging for money
at a stoplight
he looked at cheryl and said
"cheer her up and tell it could be worse,
she could be hooked up with me."
that put a perspective on things,
i tell ya
we go on to Woodys on Folly
for pizza
don't go there
it sucks
then we went cruising
ran into Carol the turtle lady
she invited us to the opening of the last nest
it was magical
though there were no turtles left in the nest,
i envisioned
ralph's lil cousins all scampering
towards the ocean
going on some innate instinct to
follow the moon to the waters of life
life is good.
find the magic.
believe.
thank the goddess.
THE Turtle Lady
Yep, her shirt does say Turtle Woman. And that, she is. Carol heads up the Turtle Ladies of Folly...there are currently 23 volunteers.
Folly Beach Loggerhead Nest
This was the last nest of the season. There were 115 eggs pre-hatching, 20 didn't hatch. This is average for the amount of successfully hatched eggs. This year there were only 30-something nests layed on Folly. The usual amount of nests is around 50. The reasoning for the decline in the nests is because Folly Beach renourished the beaches due to the erosion problem.
Friday, September 30, 2005
The Tale of the Asshole & the Black Widow
the monster she has become
is derived from a story from her own imagination
the girl i met
buried in the stone garden
the girl that is
a therapist's goldmine
metal face he called her
black hair
black nails
black lipstick
tis sad
it really is
i didn't let her break me
for that i am proud
i took responsibility for my actions and words
a leopard cannot change it's spots
she said
a Dalmatian is born with no spots
they only come at maturity
thats what i think
another lie in the web of deceit
perhaps her screen name suits her best
black widow
she's a deadly virus contagious to all
who seek out her web
an emotional vampress
with multiple personalities
i was strong in the midst of her wrath
no tears or blood shed on my behalf
not even any regrets
how i wish
i could've been a fly
in the back of that ambulance
i live in Charleston
with my wife-to-be
yet she asks him if he's my boyfriend
proof therein that she has no useful brain function left
good ol' predictable 120
pulls his asshole routine
heh
that routine is something
that'll withstand the test of time
he says we are close friends
then gets under her skin
by saying tho
i am gay
he is still my man
LoL
ha!
i can't wait to see him at LRRS haunted house
it has been way too long indeed
he has been a good friend
i can count on
that friendship means a lot to me
i am glad i am away from her
and that god forsaken town
and it's rumors
it only makes me
all the more
grateful and appreciative of cheryl
* sigh *
damn, i love my bella.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Purple
so today is our 6 month anniversary
woohoo
i am so Blessed and so fortunate
to have somebody like Cheryl by my side
she says i give her too much credit
i think not
an astounding beauty is she
she's my healing color
purple
i breathe in her scent
and with each passing hour
each wound on my heart is healed
each tear ever shed
wiped away by her love
her understanding,
compassion,
sincerity,
devotion,
and love
never faultering
always steady
every mistake from my past
makes our relationship
that much stronger
in my journey
to reclaim myself
there is no one blocking my path
no one to catch me if i fall
just someone by my side
with her hand gently on my back
for assurance
the freedom tastes so sweet
the purple,
no longer scary,
but a warm safe haven
that makes my soul come alive
with every kiss
Bella,
the past 6 months have been wonderful.
you have enhanced my life to a point
to where i am at a loss for words. i eagerly
look forward to spendingg the rest of my life
with you. we are so Blessed to have such a
strong, healthy, commited relationship. you
are everything i have ever dreamt of. thank
you for loving me and standing by my side.
"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine..."
i love you, mon femme bella.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Aliens, Fuzzy Ralph, & Blessings
well i went home again
spent a delightful evening with my family
margaret, mom, ellis, wisabus, cheryl, & i
all laughed and had a ball over supper
truly the best time spent with them in years
alex and steve were on the way home from hunting
cheryl and i both got sick
fun fun
stayed at ash's motel
the motel security staff
formidable intimidators
poor ralph the turtle
now all fuzzy
suppose i shoulda listened to my mom
and put him in alkiehawl
so tomorrow
cheryl and i will make the journey to her parents' house
for ralph's funeral
making awesome progress in therapy
confronting the reasons for my anger
its hard to do that
i can write words to melt my lovers heart
yet i cannot verbalize
the hurt caused by my sperm donor
my lil texan is okay
she was fortunate to not get hit by rita
what a relief that is
when we were in flotown
i treated myself to a hair cut and color
my auburn hair now has blonde highlights
my family doesn't like it
but i do
as well as my sweetheart
cheryl and i met wisabus
at redbone for lunch
that was the first time
we were disapointed by their food
on the new tv show called threshold
aliens have invaded earth
they invaded camden military academy
now
ISN'T THAT IRONIC
i coulda told yall a helluva long time ago
aliens invaded that friggin school years ago
and his name...
billy doar
cheryl is on her mission
to find a new job
cross your fingers
while in florence
i put yellow daisies on my nana's grave
i am finally at peace with that situation
i still have my angel alive in my heart
life is hard
but when you sit down
to look at what's really important
family, friends, your loved ones, and your health
life is good
we need to observe
the catastrophic chaos and enormous craziness
in today's god forsaken world
and count our Blessings
to be thankful for what we do have
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
A Dead Turtle, A Babboon's Ass, & Sickness
its been a while since my last post
internet withdrawals sukk
hope to get our pc back this week
a lot has happened
cheryl had an er trip
migraine & very high blood sugar
then my mama linda went in the hospital
like a TRUE daughter,
i rushed to florence to see her
to make sure she'd be okay
i'd wanted to return back to florence
for her return home from the hospital
but i got sick
damnit
i wanted to clean the house and cook her supper
so she wouldn't have to strain herself
she knows i did everything i possibly could to help her
cheryl & i went to folly
and came upon a dead corretta (loggerhead turtle) hatchling
it was so awesome and sad
sad it didn't make it
awesome to find
we have it preserved in a jar
therapy gets harder
as the seconds tick by
they put me on zoloft
we'll see how it works
they also want to test me for anemia
blah blah blah
i hear them drone on
katrina...
what can i say that's not been said
our land of the free
now the land of anarchy
as its prisoners beg the government for help
their pleas fall on deaf ears
heil hitler?
no
heil bush?
hell no.
he's nothing but a babboon's ass
trying to become a tyrant
in our hour of crisis
posing for a picture
holding a katrina effected baby
is supposed to automatically
cleanse his hands of the blood
from our soldiers who are
playing the child's game of marco polo with bin laden?
i fukking think not.
bastard.
i said it before
and i'll say it again
karma...
both a Blessing and a Bitch
Friday, August 26, 2005
Tanorexic, Dub-Ya, & Wonderful Grandma's
now they have a new condition...
tanorexic
oh my stars, yall
this is just in the deep end of the abyss
absolutely ridicermerous
so i'm thinkin
dub-ya needs 2 implants
the first a nice set - o - indestructible balls
an seein as to how them docs
down in the receded country of texas
were conducting top secret CIA/GLAAD experiments
by taking the chunk of brain from dub-ya
from his labotomy
to fed it to both homophobes
and cows infected with Mad Cow Disease
turns out
it just gave em both the shits
but long story short...
they need to insert a brain from a donor
to make up for dub-ya's short comings...
hmmm...
i nominate...
richard simmons
or
oprah...
no 86 oprah
i nominate miss piggy
at least we (the voters) can really be the puppeteers
enough griping.
can't wait for my mom to inform me
of mary's debut editorial
no doubt
i'll have many punchlines outta that
she's GREAT D.A.M. (Dumb Ass Material)
for muh jokes
can't wait for the end of february
* woot *
momma-in-law likes muh story
gave me the much needed direction
she's the best.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Riding The Wind's Back Once Again...
forgiveness.
so i've been thinking of those
whom i carry a resentment or grudge against
i gotta let that go
it just ain't healthy
not only is it imperative to forgive them
but i must forgive myself as well
Fat Bastard,
its ironic, no doubt, good riddens,
the shell in which you reside
is your demise
i never wanted you to leave
that's all
i apologize for hurting you
and i forgive you for hurting me
good bye.
"Dick"
2 outta 3
on a roll, eh?
i only wanted to hear 3 words
the 3 you somehow don't know how to say
i forgive myself for hurting myself because of you
forgiving you will come one day
but not right now
when the day comes
that my heart quits aching over you
your anger will not course through my veins any longer;
only your DNA
biologically related we may be
but family we'll never be & never were
Starlight
i couldn't fix you
nobody can
except you
and i hope that one day
you find the strength to rise above
your self created monsters
to find your sanity
to find you
the real you
i apologize for not being true to you
i may never have physically cheated
but karma has her way, right?
i forgive you & i thank you
to others from my past...
everything has its own rhyme & reason.
nothing's a mistake.
to those who i've hurt, i sincerely apologize.
to those who've hurt me, i forgive you.
i wish only happiness.
now its time...
( to say g'bye to all our families...oops, sry bout that )
for me to live my life for me
instead of trying to please others
instead of carrying the heavy load of anger and resentment
she's free to fly.
her wings now healed.
"to live, that's a great adventure."
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Mama Linda & The Fag Mystery
happy birthday,
momma linda
i know we been through some shit
and haven't seen eye to eye on everything
but you were a mama to me when my own wouldn't be
you were there for me through it all
you wouldn't let me shut down
and shut any of yall out
i may not be your child
(thank goddess cuz that'd be kinda scary, no?!)
but when it gets to the wire
you've been my mama like nobody else
thank you
and
i love you
( i'll do my rendition of " its 5 o'clock somewhere "
in your honor bc its your bday)
tonight i cooked a big romantical dinner for my suga butt
(lol ha ha cheryl)
candle light, relaxation CD playing,
some funky new chicken recipe,
yellew rice,
and sauteed veggies
she said it was good
no weird dreams this a.m.
in an odd way
i miss them
it was something to look forward to
sushi tomorrow
achk
goddess help me make it through
i ask this to all yall
anybody with a sufficient or half logical answer
please email me
why would a queen (faggot) have laura croft's lucious face
tattooed on his back?!
any note worthy theories have completely escaped my brain
* btw, i luv ya hun, just tryin to figure ya out *
Friday, August 19, 2005
Lyin Roaches & Golden Girl Envy
roaches might've survived a couple million years
but they're not as invincible
as they want us to think
one minute in the microwave
kills 'em dead
fo sho
don't ask
it was an experiment we wanted to test
my golden girls shirt came today
stay golden
it says
liz got jealous
maybe hers will arrive tomorrow
i'll post the pic when i can
because she and i
are golden girl dorks
we should rightfully inform
the designers of the t-shirt
that Sophia is donning the wrong glasses
actually she does wear the square glasses
but that's 3 episodes post
the burning demise of shady pines retirement home
wonderfully clumsy me
has pulled my tummy muscles
meds approved
now see what the doc's rx is
cheryl & i have decided
its either folly beach or o-burg
we'll move to
a dream has begun
2 lezbans
a plan
and the great state of south carolina
la la la
" the bitch is back,
stone cold sober
as a matter of fact "
btw, cheryl...
i know you're burnt out from your job, bella.
i'll be your light to guide you through.
i love you, mon femme bella.
Monday, August 15, 2005
There's No Place Like Home...
*click click click*
went dorothy's shoes
she awoke from her dream
to find she was home again.
my family,
what can i say?
i love to
not like them.
my boys are in the 4th grade.
my heart aches at the fact.
i was in 4th grade
when margaret was born.
margaret,
now comfortably snuggled in 8th grade.
i was in 8th grade when the boys were born.
reality isn't a pretty picture.
it just doesn't seem real.
hannah now in k5.
i best catch up with the times, eh?
i have now mastered the 5 speed completely.
liz laughed and said she was ashamed
that i could do it
and she couldn't.
saw linda and them.
all's well
that ends well,
i supose.
cheryl's at work today.
i get to play house wife.
clean, cook, ...
( take a gander at what the 3 dots are for )
anyways
not much else to report on.
so it seems that life goes on, even in never land.
time doesn't stand still,
even for those who believe
and who are the purest of heart.
tink's awake and not in never land ( kansas ) anymore.
although i must say
* fairytales DO come true *
thanks to my bride to be,
i love you bella.
* you know that place between awake and asleep? that place you still remember dreaming? that's where i'll always love you, - Bella -. that's where i'll be waiting. * ~ Tink
Friday, August 12, 2005
The BITCH Is Back (Well, Almost)
way-el....
here's a quick run down....
was at the in-law's house 2 nights
momma in law now reading my story
talk about nerve racking
therapy
HARD
seriously
the walls are coming down
when all's said and done on my therapy bit
i'mma stand up & sing my ode to elton john
"i'm a bitch, i'm a bitch,
and the BITCH IS BACK,
stone cold sober,
as a matter of fact,
i'm a bitch, i'm a bitch,
yea the bitch is back!!"
i identify with that
cause it signifies you're healthy again
and you've conquered your demons & addictions
never thought there'd be a day
when i saw the light at the end of the tunnel
so i could say there is hope
that i can conquer those hurdles
and Tink can truly fly again
amongst the milky way & constellations
giving up smoking
therapist says i need
to learn to make
me important to myself
in that,
my self esteem will transpire to be healthy
getting off pain pills
is easier than giving up nicotine
its crazy
plus i had the epiphany
that dana reeves and peter jennings (r.i.p.)
couldn't avoid the lung cancer
so wtf makes me better than them?
i'm no superman
crossing fingers
that voc rehab will help me once again
with much needed meds
mason was here
we talked about a lot
i realized i miss reading up on mythology
so i did something about it
and went to get the book
taken away by starlight & j
that's okay
i have my own copy now
btw jolie's movie,
alexander,
sucked a fat ass FUGLY dildo
although she played her role to the ' t '
she was STUNNINGLY beautiful, as always
met two cool lezbans tonight
cheryl & i gotta get better
on the whole social life scene
we prefer the boob tube or a book
and sitting at home with each other
going to mawmaw's tomorrow night
* woot *
lovin up that
i pwomise you that
i'm realizing more & more
with each strife & every passing second
that i'm not alone in conquering myself
i'm so completely fortunate
and unbelievably lucky
to have cheryl by my side
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Ode To Grandma
my thoughts go 'round and 'round
the ghosts and halos
only a stigmatism
a sigh of relief
Sarah's not crazy on that account
so it seems the older i get
the more i pay attention to the world surrounding me
i struggled so hard to be nothing
like the monstrosity he is
yet i'm in therapy
to tame his anger and cut throat words
her sheer stupidity and lack of common sense
are the corner stones of my one liner jokes
who she is,
i raged against
now my dream
her reality
with the excusions of the minivan and the whole teacher thing
as the reality dawns upon me
that i am indeed a product
of these two morons
i can't help but to cringe
maybe i could be the crazy grandma
when i'm 80
i could tell the same damn stories over
a million times
of trips long ago
and the stories of devilishly taunting
poor unsuspecting teachers
with my best friend
it might not be the damn sweater story
but hey
wisabus and i got
the matching golden girl t-shirts
that counts
my descendents won't know
the ancient history of who the golden girls were
maybe Sophia's purse will be in
the smithsonian
along side archie bunker's infamous chair
this much i know is true
i know where and what i came from
i know where and what i am and aim to be
i will achieve my heart's desire
beside and with my wife to be
we will attain our mightiest achievment
watch the children grow and leave
and thier children grow
then i can be old
wear purple
pretend like i'm crazy
blame it on my age
and when my favorite grandchild calls me on the phone
to ask what i'm up to,
i'll say
"sitting in my rocking chair, smoking a cigarette, watching tv, and drinking coffee."
Friday, August 05, 2005
DumbAss Concoction & The R Blog
a Dumb Ass concoction
the culprit behind my squeaky frail voice
imagine, much to my dismay,
how amused & simply thrilled
i was to learn that i am
second generation in the Dumb Ass concoction
great
i've noticeably become a r blog junkie
i was that way in hs when it came to her show
if my arse wasn't sitting on the floor in my living room
AT 4 o'clock everyday
then my whole day was wasted
or so i thought
it seemed almost magical to watch her on tv
i remember playfully fussing with Steve
on whether or not Ro was a dyke
even then
truly full of innocence, it didn't matter to me
for one hour every monday through friday
she made my pathetic little life
funny and meaningful
they called her the queen of nice
now
they've donned her
the queen of mean
why do they say that?
my guess is that
you have to become what they want you to be
when you're on tv,
a pre-fabbed, charity lovin, barbie doll
okay so she resigned from her show,
came out,
had a bad magazine deal,
a failed broadway attempt,
a wedding ceremony that blazed the way for millions to come,
a new baby,
a new cruise line,
she's gone back to her true roots- stand up comedy,
and now,
her r blog
i think she grew tired of being what they wanted her to be
so she busted out (literally)
and guess what
she's actually human
just like the rest of us
and that means she gets zits,
has her strong opinions,
and mouths off at celebrities' stupid antics
so now that my life truly does have meaning that i can honestly appreciate,
i still love to get captivated by this woman
who can bring a smile to my temporarily voiceless face
her happy color is yellow she says
but when i recall watching her show, her movies,
and now especially reading her blog,
she shows me my purple
Dah Purtiest Crayon!!
winston churchill said
"never, never, never give up."
life is full of setbacks
so its time i grit my teeth
and show 'em what i got
therapy is going well
it seems its as if
i identify the emotion of anger
with my sperm donor
now i just have to learn
where to place my own anger
the effects of unwise parental vocabulary
have deeply sunk their teeth into me
i'm working on that,
on my self esteem,
i have learned this much
i have my self respect
my heart and soul,
and my memories
and there isn't anybody who can take those away from me
therapy is SO hard
but i know it'll be worth it
i was playin around tonight with ash
and told him
"i'm not the brightest crayon in the box."
he said
"no you're not but you sure are the most colorful."
how sweet is my lil queen
circumstances in life
often change
to throw hurdles at us
to keep us on our toes
but life ain't easy
and it damn sure ain't fair
so what do you do?
move forward,
not backwards.
time,
a blessing and a curse,
only moves forward,
as should we.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Wisabus, The Beach House, And Fried Chicken
so wisabus wuz here
we showed her all of chucktown
it was great having my
bestest fwiend in da whole wide world here
cheryl says
she like listening to the banter back and forth
between liz and i
sunday cheryl and i went to my in laws' house
ate supper
visited with mama in law
finished another book
the beach house
by mary alice monroe
i highly suggest it
my next venture is to find the next great
indigenous book to SC
busy busy busy week ahead
God & Goddesses grant me the patience & courage to make it through
well my wifey-to-be is cooking me some fried chicken right now
so let me scram
peace, luv 'n chicken
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