unutterable contempt.

in an exasperating attempt to accurately describe the ghastly events of yester,
i find myself growing in a bigger state of contempt.
seriously.
my family has fallen from grace.
she,
an old social butterfly
who's wings are in such a state of dilapidation,
that they can no longer support her flights anymore.
she attempts to fly,
fluttering and flapping about with little success.
it breaks my heart,
it truly does.
the other,
is stuck in neutral in the middle of the Denial Desert,
which in her world,
cannot even rival that to the size of the Sahara.
instead of life threatening heat and sunshine for miles and miles,
a relentless cloud of,...smog
that will slowly kill you just as the heat (will).
what jeopardizes the situation is the baby.
no baby should ever be put near the borders of that desert,
let alone allowed inside.
denial and depression is a fast track to a dead end road.
i overcompensated like never before.
"atlanta louvre,"
van gogh,
botticelli,
4.0 gpa i bragged,
hoping to manifest a definate distinction between myself and them.
never have i been ashamed.
embarrassment follows that shame.
i am unsure as to how to cope;
for i know i am only in control of me.
so how do i deal?
maybe it is time to return to therapy.
i don't know what else to do.