Clap On--Clap Off

*clap on*
*clap off*
off goes Karr
not the killer
DNA doesn't lie
(except if you have an internal twin-
it was on an episode of CSI, VERY INTERESTING)
you have to wonder
what delusions play
in Karr's mental theatre
to want to falsely confess
to a grotesque crime
married his first wife when she was 13 or 14
where the fukk were her parents?
did they care?
how did they justify the reasoning in approving the marriage?
*clap on*
*clap off*
the tomkat baby, Suri
has had her first ever pile-o-poo
imortalized in bronze at an art gallery
WTFin HELL?!
i mean, ya know
i can understand video taping the first 24 hours of baby's first day
and cutting a lock of hair,
saving the first baby shoes,
the blankie the baby came home in...
BUT WHO THE HELL SAVES A BABY'S POO?
can you imagine THAT business phone call?
"um, hi. is this forever immortalize company?" -TomKat Representative
"yes it is. how may we help you today?" -forever immortalize company employee
"my clients have just had their baby. they want to immortalize their baby's first shit."-TomKat Rep
-silence-
"hello?" -TomKat Rep
"i...imagine...we could do that. but sir i must ask, who would want to do that?" -horrified forever immortalize employee
"Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes." -TomKat Rep
"OOhhhhhh, well that explains it. Yes, we can do that. We would also like to offer our services for catching Suri's ACTUAL fart into a clear mason jar, and putting that on display. That would let the TomKat fans feel...connected. They could SMELL Suri without actually EVER seeing her!"
that's just madness, i tell yall,
madness.
*clap on*
*clap off*
clamping down for Ernesto
hopefully Ernesto will be nothing more than
Mother Nature's runny shits and a fart or two.
*clap on*
*clap off*
can yall believe its been 9 years since Princess Diana passed away?
do yall remember where yall were when you heard the news?
i damn sure do.
I was at my friend, Debra Chapman's house spending the night.
We we watching a movie and they interuppted it and said that Diana, the Princess of Whales had passed on.
See folks, this is where the epic story begins for me for the month of September.
But that is enough for now.
As days go by, I'll tell more.
But for now...Let's end on a bittersweet memory of a song, shall we?
Sir Elton John brings tears whenever this is sung.
Goodbye England's rose
May you ever grow in our hearts
You were the grace that placed itself
Where lives were torn apart
You called out to our country
And you whispered to those in pain
Now you belong to heaven
And the stars spell out your name
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never fading with the sunset
When the rain set in
And your footsteps will always fall here
Along England's greenest hills
Your candle's burned out long before
Your legend ever will
Loveliness we've lost
These empty days without your smile
This torch we'll always carry
For our nation's golden child
And even though we try
The truth brings us to tears
All our words cannot express
The joy you brought us through the years
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never fading with the sunset
When the rain set in
And your footsteps will always fall here
Along England's greenest hills
Your candle's burned our long before
Your legend ever will
Goodbye England's rose
May you ever grow in our hearts
You were the grace that placed itself
Where lives were torn apart
Goodbye England's rose
From a country lost without your soul
Who'll miss the wings of your compassion
More than you'll ever know
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never fading with the sunset
When the rain set in
And you footsteps will always fall here
Along England's greenest hills
Your candle's burned out long before
Your legend ever will