The Definition Of Friendship

The Definition of FRIENDSHIP: http://www.hyperdictionary.com/dictionary/friendship

i think in today's chaotic, crazy world,
the meaning of friendship has been long forgotten.
back in yesterday's time, it was all so easy and simple,
the biggest frets on little girls' minds
were mosquitos,
summer not coming fast enough,
and what the jolly fat man would leave us at christmas.
i fondly remember racing Lil Miss Barbie In Training
down our street on our bikes,
or torturing Beth and Maria with that green thing,
lemonade stands,
putting on plays,
and dreaming wildly and talking about our futures.
me with my freckles, gapped teeth, and a crooked smile
going breakneck speed down my slip 'n slide
with Leigh Ann, Liz, Beth, and 'Ria, all eagerly awaiting their turn
while trying not to get bit by fire ants.
i may've been first sliding down that monstrosity trying to break any bone i could,
but when my turn was up,
i was always watching my friends one by one,
all try not to break any of their bones.
even in girl scouts, we were all on a totem pole of importance.
my role, was undoubtedly, the writer.
Ashley, Nan, Garrett, Melissa, and the rest, had their own roles,
but we were all friends,
we were all a family.
its been said that you cannot choose your family,
which is why we love to hate them,
and much of a reason for any kind of ungrounded arguments within the blood related circle,
but we DO get to choose our friends,
who, truthfully,
in turn,
get to become our family,
over time.
those are the ones who we lean on when our hearts get broken,
or when there is a scary decision to make,
they are the ones who you can honestly sit by and not say a word,
yet you're completely understood and you feel like you've just had the best conversation ever.
it is your TRUE friends who know all of your faults
and love you still.
a friendship is not a responcibility,
instead, its a blessing that we should all be very grateful for.
when you bust your ass,
and your pride won't let you admit your vulnerability to your family,
who the hell do you think you're gonna go runnin to?!
your true friends.
the ones who won't judge you,
they know your flaws,
the ones who appreciate your idiotic quirks like obsessing over different celebs,
they understand you,
they've been there for you since the beginning,
and yet they love you.
not a romantic kind of love,
no.
but the pure, innocent,
kind of love
all but forgotten in today's world.
the kind of love that we
nastalgically look back adoringly at
and smile upon.
its the sun light pouring across your face in a darkened world,
a breath of fresh air,
a hand that reaches out to you in your time of need.
friendship, to me,
is an innocent love in which we all should thank the Gods and Goddesses everyday for.

DISCLAIMER: This entry is NOT aimed ay anybody. This is from my mere observations of life. Let me emphasize, this is NOT aimed towards ANYBODY. Also, an additional note, I'd like to thank my friends. Yall know who yall are. Thank you for your unwavering support and the ability to never judge or doubt my crazy ass. Yall are the best friends a girl could ask for. To my wonderful partner, I love you. I'm sorry about the situation in GA. You are a true friend, a great friend,...don't forget that.

Disapointment

we get to jamison
and ride the four wheeler
down the red dirt road.
i realized that night
that i was repeating a past mistake
i love her,
i can't shut her out.
fell in love
all over again.
cheryl's momma's car was broke,
and me the femme-turning-to-butch (lol) that i am,
i popped the hood
and fixed it to run again
AIN'T I GREAT?!
went and got sloan and her cousin
and took them swimming,
rhett trying to beat them
and staying under water the longest
kids are the cutest
most adorable beings.
kids and dogs.
i miss mine terribly,
my lil fairy, pixie, and my lil shithead, harley.
two huge disapointments....
the child molester gets off (hmmm....) scott free
just like oj, i suspect he bought the trial
then on the shield
the season finale
ended HAPPILY
wtf is that shit?!
jesus!
ass invader coulda gotten caught,
vic coulda fukked glenn close....
SOMETHING!!

Nostalgic Silver & Gold

tick tock
tick tock
time slow dances by.
reading 'Plantation'
pretty damn good book
based in the great state of SC
its about facing adversity,
learning who you really are,
and coming home again.
seems to me
that most SC based books i've read
are all about great loves,
great landscapes,
and coming home again
hope still resides in me
that one day i'll finish my story
and perhaps show the world
and my mother
that i am not a failure
me,
an author
how fukking cool would that be?
took a bubble bath to relax tonight
lavender smells great
tickles my senses
eases my mind.
listened to some james taylor,
he's the man,
got my daily fix for checking ro's journal
she didn't write today
damnit.
june's supposed to be returning to flotown tomorrow
i wish for her
clarity
but isn't that something we all could use a little of in this god forsaken
2,200 journalists awaiting michael jackson verdict,
rich get richer,
assholes thrive,
children yearning for love,
and hate filled world.
going to jamison tomorrow to see my girl's family
good home cooked food
that i eat too much of.
i close my eyes
to shut out the world
and remember innocence
and true happiness
in a time of friends,
laughter,
cookies,
and honking at parked cars,
15 little girls singing
"make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold, circle's round, it has no end, that's how long i want to be your friend..."
ah yes,
life is good

Reba Concert...4/16/05...Camera Phone Shot, But I Swear Its Her!! 

The WONDERFUL Mrs. Rosie O'Donnell...The ULTIMATE AND MOST PERFECT All American Butch... 

Me and Sloan in the Firetruck in Orangeburg...Terrible Picture 

Lesbians and Firetrucks...My Two Favorite Things 

Ellis, Alex, and Chloe...My Heart & Soul...I Love My Boys!! 

Angelina Jolie...How scrumptious!! 

Some Things Worth Fighting For

tonight angie was on dateline
very tasty
yummy
her lips sky rocket my imgination
into an unknown world of sexual utopia
every lesbian's deepest desire
she said tonight
that there are things worth fighting for,
to make this world a better place
that may not be a direct quote
but its close enough
how right she is
there are things worth fighting for
love comes to my mind first
my lover's calming touch
her kisses that intoxicate me
knowing i can be who i really am
and she'll still adore me
we have our ups and downs
trials and tribulations
in this life
no doubt
but we have to stand for something
believe in it
with every fiber of our being
and be willing to not just die for it
but live for it as well
hope is our innately instilled faith
that carries us where our destiny wishes
i have seen and heard many things in my life
there has been much i've not seen or heard
and much that i will in my time to come
but one thing that i do know is this
love is worth fighting for

i love you.

Back To The Island

can't rightly think of anything to say
other than i am sunburnt like all hell
lookin either like a firetruck or a strawberry one
so i'mma leave yall with lyrics to a jimmy buffett song
that's been in my head all frikkin day
maybe it'll get stuck in your head


Now the day is done
And I sit alone and think of you girl
What would I do without you in my life
Wonderin' if you love me or just playing a fool of me.
Well I hope you understand
I just had to go back to the island
And watch the sun go down
Listen to the sea roll in
I'll be thinkin' of you
And how it might've been
Listen to the nightbird cry
Watch the sun set die
Well I hope you understand I just had to go back to the island
Threaded in my heart
Tears are falling down
I know down in my soul
I'm really gonna miss you
Can't end this way
For all the games we've played.
So I hope you understand
I just had to go back to the island
And watch the sun go down
Listen to the sea roll in
I'll be thinkin' of you
And how it might've been
Listen to the nightbird cry
Watch the sun set die
Well I hope you understand I just had to go back to the island
And watch the sun go down
Listen to the sea roll in
I'll be thinkin' of you
And how it might've been
Listen to the nightbird cry
Watch the sun set die
Well I hope you understand I just had to go back to the island
I hope you understand
I just had to go back to the island

'Can Ya Get Em Spayed Or Neutered?'

so i crawled out of bed at 10 this a.m.
cheryl and i go to the spoleto festival in marion sq. downtown
beautiful photography and art work
suffocatingly humid and painfully hot
though it was lightly raining through the sun
devil musta been beatin his wife again
we came home for lunch
i had my fried crabs
yummy
then we went to the liberry
got 'gone with the wind'
on cassette tape
and about three other books hard and paper back written by local authors
cheryl mercilessly tried explaining fiction and non fiction to me
i know the diff between fake and real
but my brain will not compute the terms non fiction and fiction
kinda like liz explaining billions of times
effect and affect
still don't comprehend
tell me how i can in detail tell you all about dsl
but i can't tell you the diff in effect and affect
looked at hamsters in petsmart today
she asks
'can you get em spayed and neutered'
i love my girlfriend
she tried convincing me to hold a snake
i touched
but refused to hold
another day has passed
alls well that ends well

Mediocre Update

so i came back to charleston
on sunday
being home was nice
but it stressed me out big time
all one big fight
then to put thet icing on the cake
an expensive doc's visit
such bull shit it all was
the doc prescribed creme for my hives
i felt like fukkin frankenstein or some other monster
today cheryl and i
drove around charleston
went to mt pleasant for some skrimp
with the heads still on
achk
scary lil bastards they are
went down town to look at all
the eye candy
they're such conformists, barbie doll padewan, suburbia fakes
its sickening
but i try to let the natural beauty
of the architechture and its surroundings
drown out the humdrum house wives in training
tomorrow a.m.
we're going to the spoleto festival down town
gonna get all artsy fartsy and check out the local artists' works
ash called
he's going to atl pride with us
that's gonna be interesting
to say the least
i'm super excited
anyways
i'm off to read a book
peace out, world.

Just Thinkin A Happy Tawt, Tink!!

hmmm what can i say tonight
last night before i crashed
i watched QAF
rosie guest starred in it
she will be on the next few i think
but she was lookin all hot 'n shit
she had the same dialect that she had in her CBS movie 'riding the bus with my sister'
(i think that was the title but don't quote me on it)
its this kinda quirky, nasaly, dorky kinda talk
but its hot
june picks on me saying rosie's awful dorky
how can i see her as hot
but i swear rosie is way hot
mmmm yummy...she can be my happy thought, LoL
*sigh*
anyways my lil pixie is turning into quite the princess
prancing around like her shit don't stink
and an unquenchable thirst for affection
its weird because she is a lot like me
i can hear all the smart ass comment about what i just said
about pixie being like me
so just save your breath and shut the fukk up
it was rainy all day today
my joints ached
i must be getting old
my mind is just wandering, really
i cannot think of anything to say
every word being critiqued
every action being judged
i am glad i am one to not really care what others think of me
i have said it before and i'll say it again
i only care about what the ones i love and care about think and feel
here are some quotes that i found of interest:

*Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.
*No accurate thinker will judge another person by that which the other person's enemies say about him.
*Hatred -- The anger of the weak.
*Hate would destroy him who hated.
*When our hatred is too bitter, it places us below those whom we hate.

Florence, My Purple Rain

so i have returned home
for another longated visit
sure i miss my girl
but i smile
crossing the Florence County line
a place in which i once had come to despise
now has become my sanctuary
we are pondering getting rid of harley
my lovely yoda wanna be, piss drinking stupid ass mutt
it'll hurt my heart
no doubt
to see him go
but with 5 other dogs in the house
its a hard thing to deal with
i love him
he is one of a kind
but stubborn and hardheaded he is
not like my pixie baby
gentle, sweet, and laid back
home has its flaws
but doesn't it all have its flaws
its a love/hate relationship with florence
my family and my friends
my ghosts, nightmares, and monsters
all reside here
just to find my quiet place
rosie has her yellow as her happy place, her happy color
so tis true perhaps,
candice, my old love, was right
i am indeed laughing and dancing
in the purple rain

MY 'Window On The World'

one more candle and a trip around the sun
they sing
time flies
situations may change
but shit's still the same
have you ever noticed that?
its mind blowing
at how some people
are stuck
they're in a rut
time is whizzing by
death consumes faceless people
pure hearts birthed everyday
only to begin that journey towards death
these stagnet people have become so jaded
that they're immune to what takes place around them
thus the reason that in which
time ages their faces
but they're still the same cold and dark souls they always were
with life streaming by
at an alarming speed
its hard to refrain from becoming jaded
i hear them all talking
saying all the bad things they can about me
truth is
they dunno me
nor will they ever
if small town backyard picket fence gossip makes them content
then so be it
its their life
and to each its own
to those rare few who do know me
then they know enough
just a few
know me true
and to those that do
are those who i believe in
and its those who believe in me
it is those who i give a two shits about
about what they say
for you see,
the truest of a friend would never
stab you in the back
the definition of a true friend
is the same of that of a true love
isn't that something to ponder?
to love trully,
whole heartedly,
flawlessly perfect,
perfectly flawless,
and without a statute of limitations

Tink's Biggest Wish

first of all,
i must say,
i cannot stand fake people.
that's all i saw at SC Pride
this past weekend in Columbia
it was less crowded than last year
those who condemned me
made such an obvious effort to speak
to the girl who's name they spat at
ash is promised atl will be better
and if he can get off work
he is welomed to go
upon my return to home
i see my yoda dog
my twins
and her
who've i've not seen in literally 6 months to the day
it was great to be home again
smiles everywhere
no asshole-yness
then
my wish came true
her name's Pixie
a 5 y/o rescued yorkie
like Tink says in Hook,
this is her biggest wish come true!

I Believe

so i went to see star wars III: revenge of the sith on may 18th
the line to get in the theatre
was backed to the door
it was supposed to start at 12:01
but didn't til like 1
the movie previews
included mr and mrs smith
i think i may've had a mini orgasm
when angie said
"who's ya daddy"
good gawd
if i only had five minutes alone with her...
those lips...
*sigh*
anyways, when the movie finally started
it dragged a little
but the story was told
and told very well
they did good with my man, yoda
he just damnit kicked ass
and when vadar
got chopped up and all burnt,
he looked like captain dan from forrest gump as a crispy critter,
like my emt's would say
got home at like 3:30
yeah it was a little rough
but i am glad that i saw it
i'll definately always remember that movie
its kinda like
you remember where you were
when you heard about princess diana dying
or for yall older folks (no disrespect meant, of course)
you rememberin where you were when
you heard kennedy was assassinated
its just one of them things
going to Pride on Saturday in Columbia
it'll be fun with Cheryl and Ash
afterwards,
i'm going to my grandma's for a few days
to spend time with my family and friends
to take my crazy ass dog on a walk to the dog park
to see my boys play in their baseball games
i'm just a little homesick right now
i miss my family,
my friends,
my damn retarded piss drinking dog
i hope i don't get dragged down
under the tidal wave
but its in my hands
i have the power,
not them,
to not let it get to me
i am my own person
i have grown up some,
on an emotional level
i've come too far now
to let them have the power to bring me down to their level
"i am not a child now,
i can survive on my own,
faith, trust, and pixie dust,...
i believe...
in faith, trust, and pixie dust"

Ironic

Just kinda thought about this song...Not for obvious reasons. Its SO right, is it not?!

Ironic Lyrics
An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic...
dontcha think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought...
it figures
Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic...
dontcha think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought...
it figures
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...
dontcha think
A little too ironic...
and yeah I really do think...
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought...
it figures
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

I Love You

i awoke on the wrong side of the bed this morning
strange for me
oh well
went today and bought two tickets
for may 18th midnight showing
of star wars episode III: revenge of the sith
very frikkin excited about that
stopped on the way home
for blue crab, fried crab, garlic crab, and shrimp
from a lil vender on the street corner
i was hesitant at first
but the dude has an A rating from dhec
then we came home
and ate our food
she was amazed at how i could clean out the crab shell
she said somethin about talent
makin me blush
ofcourse
but then...
the lady has talent
yes ma'am
she has talent
anyways
i realized tonight
i need to call voc rehab
to have my case transferred asap
because my ass needs to begin my approved therapy like yesterday
i revealed to my love tonight
my true wish
it left me floored
that i could say something
of that magnitude
but i meant it
with every syllable
so to answer your question, Bella,
yes, its unofficial
so long as i still wake in your arms in the morning
look into your beautiful blue eyes
and kiss your tender lips everyday
everyday i fall more and more in love with you
and i realize all the more
how truly lucky and Blessed i am
i have found the one the Gods made for me
without a shadow of a doubt
not a day passes
in which my thanks are not given for you,
my own lil miracle
thank you, Bella
thank you for being you
i love you.

Tennessee Hillbillies and Bug Dikk

so monday at 6:15 a.m.
i crawl out of bed for a quick shower
so cheryl and i can head for the great smoky mountains
right outside of charleston
i see the most disturbing sight ever
i don't know what's more sad;
the sight itself
or the way it fukked with my head as much as it did
it was a chevy camaro
with a frikkin pontiac firebird sloop hood on it
how FUKKING STUPID IS THAT?!
i'm tellin yall,
i have problems
because i still am bothered by this
and am still mouthing off about it...
anyways on to the trip
we get to tennessee
the mountains are indeed beautiful
pigeon forge, sevierville, and gatlinburg
all family oriented and beautiful
the people in tennessee scared me
they looked like those scary, backwoods hillbillies
with both their eyes goin in different directions
in over-alls, ragweed comin out the empty space in their gums where teeth should be,
with velvet portatraits of Elvis, Gospel blaring, and winkin at ya
they looked like them crazies in that movie candice made me watch
'House Of A 1,000 Corpses'
they were the psychotic serial killers
good Gawd
they wuz some scary breed of humans, i tell ya
anyways, chickened out of my tattoo
was going to get a tribal symbol
for the word 'woman' on my lower back
still want it
but i'mma need some
*courage* from my family members
place had a very nice jacuzzi
on the way out on wednesday
we all went to the Forbidden Caverns
650 feet under the Great Smoky Mountains
very cheesy
but breath taking
i liked tennessee
don't get me wrong
but when we crossed the nc/sc line
i literally wanted to stop the car and kiss the ground
during our trip crossing through south carolina
i opened up to cheryl
like i never have before
not even to fat bastard or starlight
or anybody
i told her the thoughts in my head
i was scared, i wont lie,
scared she would judge me
and tell me i was crazy
like starlight says
but she didn't say that
cheryl simply said she knew,
she understood
and in her few reassuring words
suddenly i didn't feel so crazy after all
stopped at cheryl's parents in Orangeburg on the way home for the night
rode on the four wheeler shortly after we arrived
but i couldn't hack it
too many frikkin bug guts and intestines and bug dikk hittin me on muh forehead
achk
southern i may be
and my redneck side may still get riled up every so often,
but girly i am
no bug guts and dikk on my forehead
while we were in o-burg
we went shopping for her neice's bday gift
and she bought me two sterling silver rings
one is called a worry ring,
very cute
the other is a ring i've wanted for a long time
it says
'faith = trust'
funny how things come to those who wait, huh?
i still find myself falling deeper in love with cheryl
her perfect blue eyes
entrance me more and more
the more around her i am
the more i am transforming
i'm beginning to believe in myself more,
my confidence is going up,
i'm learning more and more who i am on the inside,
funny thing is,
is that for me to grow up,
i had to go in reverse to find the little girl inside me
no more is she sad, lonely, self destructive, blind, and angry
now i am happy, soulful, high spirited
and now i can see the mesmerizing beauty all around me

A Bump On Mah Noggin

embarrassment
ticking clock
changing into pj's
lost my footing
and bam!
head collides with the tub
i tell her it hurts just a little
i be the good wifey,
pack her supper
and kiss her goodbye as she departs for work
within minutes
my vision blurs,
nausia hits my tummy,
a headache soon follows
and a headache from Hell is born
i refuse to go to the er
i've paid my dues in hospital/er time
the thought of another Mother Teresa look-a-like
proding and poking a huge ass needle into my foot bone
and leaving my feet black and blue yet again repulses me
and scares me from stepping foot into Charleston County er
it takes my grandmother
to tell (not ask) me to carry my behind to get examined
so my wonderful girl
sends her crew of medics to pick me up
i tell ya
they quinches my yearning to ride in the ambulance
patient vs joyride
a helluva difference
no wait in the er
the cute lil doc sees me immediately
the nurse,
another open heart veteran
the staff in this er,
prompt and well mannered
unlike either Florence or Dar Co hospitals
i wonder
whether they're being this attentative
because i'm cheryl's girl
or if its because they're actually a good staff
a little of both
me thinks
a cat scan,
one percoset,
and one anti-dizzy pill later
i am released
just a concussion
they tell me
the cute doc prescribes anti dizzy meds
and i'm escorted upstairs by the homophobe
he's nice
though
it makes me wonder
how someone so nice
cannot understand blind love
so anyways
to the fourth floor i go
safely returning to my girlfriend
she came to see me while i was waiting in the er
thirty seconds after walking in,
she talks into her walkie talkie
which turns me on
in .03 seconds
i feel guilty for my high libido
i feel like a faerie nymph sometimes
but i swear thats how attracted to her i am
the more i look at her
the more in love i fall
and the more of a horn toad i get
its a combination of a lot of things when i gaze at her
but tonight
she showed me how much she cared for me
by sending her crew to fetch me
so sunday is mothers day
and i think of the women who have influenced my life
my Nana, Mawmaw, Mrs B, Dr Belotti (Mros)
all but one a mother
and even she has her children that remember her from two decades ago
bein a mother
completing the circle of life
like its sung
in The Lion King
sunday we unload
only to pack
then leave for Tennessee
so i can sit on my ass in my bikini
while Bella white water rafts with a redhead
i am reminded of that faithful beach trip
with fitch, m, and b
but i have faith,
trust,
and pixie dust
and pure love
that makes this situation different
next subject,
small town gossip spreads like wild fire
the fire burns the promises
only ashes remain to remind us of those broken words
hurt feelings and disapointment grow
within the residue of the ashes
my head is swimming
of pointless thoughts
as my eyes try to adjust to her blinding beauty
after all,
she is my angel

I Love You Back

went to Folly at like 1 a.m.
24 oz. beer in hand
cigerettes
my glasses
and blanket in tow just in case
found a dock thingy with steps
clear night it was
all the stars were lighting the way for the waves to blanket the shore
the tide was high
"mother nature's taking her land back" she says
we sit on the steps taking in the splendor surrounding us
the sound
the smell
the sights
damn invisible 'squiters annoying us,
in between drags of a cigerette or sips of the beer
the cigerette smoke contrasted the black of the night sky
in a silky sultry manner
though a light weight am i
when it comes to alcohol
it was nice,
hadn't had a beer in a while
drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts
it was so clear to me,
clearer than the night sky
she was the one
they told me of split aparts
that she is to me
i survived birth for this reason
she's the angel to be by my side for the rest of my life
its as clear as a Bell
the next day
hangover and all for me
to Jamison we went
laundry in tow
feels like two love sick college kids going home to Mom's
i love it there
so homey
a true family
sweet southern comfort
julia sugarbaker says
you proudly display the crazy members of your family
on the front porch
you don't hide them
we just relaxed
after that first night there
we had to
momma's night gown in grandmother's bed
*woot woot*
see if that don't mess with ya mind any
she'll kill me when she sees this
if she doesn't blush or bust out laughing first
rented Spanglish and The Forgotten
got in the jacuzzi in between movies
Spanglish,
good movie
shitty ending
The Forgotten,
damn that julianne moore is hot
its gotta be that red hair
good movie too by the way
went to Florence after leaving Jamison
was nervous for her to meet my own Mother
don't get me started on her
was just hoping and praying that everyone behaved
saw my boys
time is flying by so fast
my heart aches to see how much my brothers are growing up
and margaret,
soon she'll be driving
seems all so surreal
like a dream
did it all ever really happen
but then i look over at cheryl
and i know that yes it did
yes there's been heartaches
"years and miles
tears and smiles"
as jimmy buffet says
but it'll all be okay
she saw past the fascade
saw the sadness
she sees my flaws
my imperfections
and knows the inevitable struggle ahead of me
yet she still takes me by the hand
smiles
as her blue eyes twinkle and sparkle like a bright star
and she says
"i love you back"