Happy Birthday

how do you say happy birthday to someone's who's dead?
i mean, they're not a year older.
just a year deader.
how about instead of "happy birthday",
"i remember you"?
its supposed to get easier with each year.
thats what they say anyways.
the weather today fit my reflection perfectly.
overcast.
i watched a dragonfly hover around the door of a kfc today.
thats all he did.
nowhere to go.
but he could fly.
baby suri's no longer a mystery.
now the world can match the face to its pile of shit.
i hate september.
have i mentioned that?
my therapist will have her hands full on friday.
i know i'll be fine.
i'll pull through this bout of depression.
i always do.
i think cheryl was right,
maybe i'm just scared to let her go.
but i can't.
i can't do that.
how do you let go of love?
when you let go, you forget.
i can't forget her.
i made a promise right then and there to always say "i love you"
to the people i loved,
so they'd know.
i've kept that promise,
even if it bit me in the ass,
and i turned out to be a fool.
i've kept that promise especially to four people:
my Grandma first and foremost,
my Bella,
and my boys.
i think that's what Nana is trying to teach me in her death,
to love.
just...
love.
she loved with her all.
she didn't know how to particially love.
and everybody had something good about them,
even if its buried deep within them, its there.
its...its just hard to love somebody who's not physically there.
ya know?
maybe love is supposed to transcend,
transcend life and death.
its funny,
because i've always had my faith in love.
i guess i just need to believe,
believe in my faith,
my faith that does not constitute any one religion.
it just is,
love.
____________________________________
Unwell Lyrics
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me
I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell