Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself

today i went to school
well...
a trembling lower lip convinced Bella to accompany me
we got my application
and transcript request form
i've officially got the ball rolling
tomorrow my app will be turned in
transcript request given to WFHS
and then comes the wait
3 business days i must wait to complete the online FAFSA
logically
i know its a small accomplishment
first step of my new journey completed
Bella may be on to something when she said
"the first step is the hardest"
i told Mawmaw
and got a rather heart warming fuzzy lavishing speech
about how much she loves me,
how proud of me she is,
adversity,
strength
hot damn!!
i'm still the favorite grandchild

ya know what?
life is good.
life is hard.
life is chocked slam full of adversities.
life is not so full of the slivers of sunshine that hurdle past the black clouds.

everybody has their medical sap story
...crude to say, but a fact of life
strength and courage can be found around every corner
stories of great, immensely interesting humanity are endlessly numerous
gives the listener that warm fuzzy feeling
and that warm, fuzzy feeling reminds the sarcastic & pessimistic
of mold slowly creeping over a forgotten block of cheese

but the hope braided within the stories
transform meagerly desperate souls to stout Herculeans full of faith

i undoubtedly know i'm a medical miracle baby
though not fooling myself
my inner Yoda says
"much i have overcome, but more i have to conquer"

I LIKE IT – Dixie Chicks

“A sea couldn't wash away
The happiness I've come to find since love
Has taught me how to break
Break these chains that hold me back
Noisy streets and the sleepy bars
And the neon signs and the rusty cars
How many nights have I wondered how
One goes through life without seeing the beauty of love
Whooa, the beauty of love
Whooa”


I’M GONNA TAKE THAT MOUNTAIN – Reba

“It’s overwhelming looking up
I know when it’s the challenge of
Me against this heartache to survive
I may slip and I may fall
But even if I have to crawl
I’ll break through to the healing side
I’m gonna take that mountain
Ain’t nothing gonna slow me down
And there ain’t no way around it
Gonna leave it level with the ground
Ain’t just gonna cross it, climb it, fight it
I’m gonna take that mountain”

Fantabulous Weekend!!

man this weekend was fantabulous!!
saturday,
cheryl & i went swimming at her aunt's pool.
we had a typical summer time lunch,
sandwiches and chips & coca-cola.
then back to swimming!!
bbq sandwiches for supper,
a four wheeler ride with Harley on our family land.
sunday,
delish! lunch,
then off to swimming again.
this time,
at my sister in law's pool.
cheryl's mom is doggie sitting
the dapple doxie pup.
milkyway is SO FRIKKIN adorable!!
aye!!
i can't wait to finally get my pup.
i got a decent tan
with a bit of sunburn,
LoL,
nuffin i can't handle.
although the sunburn took its toll on me.
harley has this new thing he does now...
whenever he feels the urge,
he grunts rather loudly.
its quite obnoxious.
Mawmaw told me the SWEETEST thing ever!!
she said something on the order of
it means SO much to her
when i tell her i love her.
and i tell her that EVERYTIME i talk to her.
i make it a very valid point to do so.
even with Bella.

Blanche: I have writer's block. It's the worst feeling in the world.
Sophia: Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime.

Gettin The Ball Rollin

Bella has a migraine today
Poor Baby
I remember that pain
Oiy
Tomorrow'll be a busy day
I scheduled an appointment tomorrow with my Doc
Gonna open the discussion of prosthetics
See what he says
Then to Tech for all that shit
THEN doggies gtg see the Vet
Nails are starting to cut my liver in two
Wonder what I will find to cook for supper
Bella thawed out chicken
Hmmm
Its time to get my ball rollin
I've got my family to take care of

"There's a moment
We all come to
In our own time and
Our own space
Where all that we've done
We can undo
If our heart's
In the right place

On a prayer, in a song
I hear your voice and
It keeps me hanging on
Raining down
Against the wind
I'm reaching out till
We reach the circle's end
When you come
Back to me again

And again I see
My yesterday's in front of me
Unfolding like a mystery
You're changing all that is
And used to be"

Home Sweet Home

friday night
cheryl,
her mom,
and i
head to rett's baseball game.
upon arrival,
a major panick attacks rears its heinous head.
too many kids were present,
too unnerving for my comfort zone.
the stares and whispers
making me jaded and raw.
i don't feel sorry for myself,
i never have or ever will.
but the longing for normalcy
has come to a head.
i begin to breakdown,
maybe its time to look into prosthetics.
maybe then i can enjoy being outgoing,
to enjoy walmart,
a baseball game,
or the beach.
cheryl and i head to my hometown,
my safe place to fall.
nice,
very plush.
besides,
harley was one happy lil dog.
my mom showed her old self.
i wonder why she is so cold?
what happened to her
that made her so empty and unconnected?
i didn't have the nerve to talk to mawmaw.
i didn't want to upset her.
but her proximity to me
was healing enough to me in its own way.
cheryl and i ate supper with my mom
and her gang.
afterwards cheryl went to the skyview car show,
and i visited friends.
we spent the night with my mom.
cheryl,
margaret,
alex,
and i tried to watch the movie RENT.
it sucked.
we awoke saturday morning
and headed to hartsville.
cheryl & i
went to see tray,
my buddy.
i was very happy to see him again.
he was nice to cheryl,
alas;
the asshole has gone.
we came back to my momma's
spent more time with my boys.
they were getting packed for camp this week.
i hope they have fun.
we headed to my mawmaw's
to visit more.
mawmaw took a nap,
cheryl tried to take a nap.
i cooked a jam up supper
for the three of us
and cheryl and i
went ahead and came back home.
on the ride back,
it was so magical,...
fireflies lit up both sides of the road.
it reminded me of a land
back in time
where fairies roamed free.
we also had to be on the lookout for deer,
there were quite a few.
we got home and nestled in just fine.
Bella,
Tray,
and another
told me what they thought about my breakdown.
i agree;
it must come from within.
but i can't help but to still ponder the thought of prosthetics.
mmmm...
i sniff a hard therapy session...
and a raunchy fart.

The Surprise! Dyke

LMFAO!!

Cheryl scored as The Surprise! Dyke. (Aww!! I LOVE MY BELLA!!)

Despite the dead giveaways, such as the tattoos and love of the L Word, people still seem to think that you're straight.


The Surprise! Dyke- 80%
The Bohemian Dyke -60%
The Granola Dyke -50%
The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke -40%
The Stud -40%
The Student Dyke -40%
The Femme Fatale -35%
The Sprightly Elfin Femme -30%
The Magic Earring Ken Dyke -15%
The Pretty-Boi Dyke -10%
The Little-Boy Dyke -10%
The Quasi-Gothic Femme -10%
The Hipster Dyke -0%

The Sprightly Elfin Femme Dyke

An online friend of mine sent me this Dyke Quiz. LMFAO!! I find this oddly ironic, seeing as to how my old nickname was Tink. Hmm...Me thinks nothing is coincidental. What is the lesson learned from this? Let me go concencRate on the porcelain God,...

http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=35776

My Results:

Result of Quiz :: What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.)
You scored as The Sprightly Elfin Femme.

Cute and irresistible, you inspire and foster the little kid in everyone. Also, you make the best cookies and cutest knit hats.

The Sprightly Elfin Femme- 65%
The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke- 60%
The Magic Earring Ken Dyke- 45%
The Surprise! Dyke- 45%
The Granola Dyke- 40%
The Femme Fatale- 40%
The Stud- 35%
The Student Dyke- 35%
The Bohemian Dyke- 35%
The Little-Boy Dyke- 25%
The Pretty-Boi Dyke- 25%
The Quasi-Gothic Femme- 20%
The Hipster Dyke- 5%

Different winds come from all directions. Some are clear, some carry dust, some are cold or hot, fierce gales or gentle breezes. In the same way sensations arise in the body--pleasant or unpleasant or neutral. When a meditator sees sensations as he does the winds, coming and going, clear or dust laden, fierce or gentle, he will fully understand them and be free from dependence on them. When he understands sensations perfectly, he will see beyond this conditioned world.
-Samyutta Nikayap 

...Finding Us

cheryl and i have been takin it easy
we started goin on our walks on the family land
harley LOVES it
we unleash him
and he runs and roams
and marks his territory
LoL
he never strays too far from us
on the last walk
curiosity got me
i wondered if he would like the wild blackberries
the lil bastard did!!
he ate 'em right up
like they were dog treats
we didn't give him too many
for fear of constipation or the runs
so being the epitome of a good dog owner that i am
i did some research on dogs eating fruit
its perfectly fine and healthy
watch the proportions
no grapes or raisins
dehydrated fruits are high in sugar (so be careful)
and they must eat fruit either
30 minutes prior to their normal food
OR
2 hours post their normal food
their bodies digest fruits differently than everything else
so mixing up the foods can mess them up
*thinks of reading rainbow*
"but you don't have to take my word for it..."
ANYWAYS
Bella got home last night
to a dark house
with only two candles lit
supper hot & prepared
and our relaxation buddism CD playing softly
after supper i swapped the laundry,
she cleaned off the dishes,
i locked the doors,
we took a shower,
and were in bed by 9:30!!
can you believe it?!
9 frikkin thirty!!
ain't it GREAT!!
I LOVE MY LIFE WITH MY BELLA!!
it is truly SO awesome!!!!
i am SO BLESSED
i never in a million years ever believed
that true love was in store for me
i love myself (finally),
my Bella,
my dog,
our home,
our families,
our friends,
...our life.
somebody up there must really love me, as reba sings.
...i love yall too, nana, papa, and aunt carolyn. xoxoxoxo

People, THIS is a "Toad Abode." I shit yall not. I was edumuhkated about it on Animal Planet's show, Backyard Habitat. A sauser filled with water set on the ground, next to an upside down planter that is propped up on its side.

Keepin it simple!! 

One half has stars and the moon; the other blue skies and the sun. :-D 

We like to paint our planters so they won't be so boring lookin. Looks super cute, me thinks. 

My snot nosed mutt LOVES doing this on our front porch. *Awww* 

Ain't these purdy? I thought so. This plant is as tall as it looks.  

This is our walkway to our front door. Truthfully, I only know the name of the Yellow flowers, they are called Snap Dragons. The Orange ones are hardy and the pink ones were bitches. Notice the little black lamp...My Bella wanted Solar Lights, so I got 'em just for her. 

This are a couple of flowers off the Lantena Bush. I've always called it a Flutterby Bush, though. It's gotten HUGE!! 

Its called Dragon's Blood. Cool name, eh? Notice the painted pot. Purdy purdy purdy!! 

Pwetty Pwetty Flowers...*WooT* 

Have A Nice Day!!

yesterday we were two BUSY lil lezbans!!
cheryl awoke around 8:30,
me around 9:20,
to complete our errands early in the day.
walmart was completed by 10:46...
i'm very proud of that.
i'm MORE proud of how much we bought,
versus how much we spent.
gotta watch those pennies!!
on to reid's from there.
bank,
doc's office,
sce&g,
fred's,
and finally...
the dolla' sto'.
we wuz home by 1.
kick ass, huh?
today Bella is workin,
so i'll prolly do a little painting,
clean house,
watch TV,
have a staring contest with my dog,
play with him & get him all riled for abso-fukkin-lutely for no reason,
then get suppah prepared,
and alas,
wait for my BEAUTIFUL wife to come home.
*WooT*
ain't that the life?
can't wait to go back to skool...
*WooT*
debating on what puppy to save for
easier pup to attain, the doxie?
or save & save & save for muh Yorkie?
hmmm...
the universe will show me the answer, no doubt.

"There's just somethin', you know the type:
A southern *GiRL* sweet as a Jasmine on a hot summer night.
Oh, those kisses that linger a long, long time:
Long after they're gone, they stay on my mind.
Someone my *Nana* woulda liked.
Ooh, as gentle as a warm breeze whisperin' through the pines:
That's the Carolina kind.
The Carolina kind."

A Collage of Our Folly Trip

Folly is still as beautiful as I remember.
The day didn't start out so swift.
Bad moods were plentiful.
Good food and sunshine even more so.
At the Anchor Line, we sat at a booth by the window to the creek.
To our great surprise,
A Raccoon was fishing in the creek.
Pretty frikkin cool.
Lost Dog was great.
We got some fresh seafood to take home;
Stone Crab Claws and Snow Crab Legs galore.
I chickened out on the Crawdads.
Mason almost fell asleep at the wheel...
I literally bout pissed my pants.
(Held it in by the grace of Buddha, though.)
I of course got burned by the sun.
I have this wonderful way of ignoring Cheryl
When she says I oughtta put on the sunscreen.
Dimensions colliding,
Paranormal is on the rise.
Appearing and disappearing medicine,
Flying remote controls...
Sage will cleanse.
Acknowledgements made,
Lines drawn.
Scary stuff.
*Deep Breath*
Accept it and let it go.
The purple is still breath taking, isn't it?