Home Sweet Home

friday night
cheryl,
her mom,
and i
head to rett's baseball game.
upon arrival,
a major panick attacks rears its heinous head.
too many kids were present,
too unnerving for my comfort zone.
the stares and whispers
making me jaded and raw.
i don't feel sorry for myself,
i never have or ever will.
but the longing for normalcy
has come to a head.
i begin to breakdown,
maybe its time to look into prosthetics.
maybe then i can enjoy being outgoing,
to enjoy walmart,
a baseball game,
or the beach.
cheryl and i head to my hometown,
my safe place to fall.
nice,
very plush.
besides,
harley was one happy lil dog.
my mom showed her old self.
i wonder why she is so cold?
what happened to her
that made her so empty and unconnected?
i didn't have the nerve to talk to mawmaw.
i didn't want to upset her.
but her proximity to me
was healing enough to me in its own way.
cheryl and i ate supper with my mom
and her gang.
afterwards cheryl went to the skyview car show,
and i visited friends.
we spent the night with my mom.
cheryl,
margaret,
alex,
and i tried to watch the movie RENT.
it sucked.
we awoke saturday morning
and headed to hartsville.
cheryl & i
went to see tray,
my buddy.
i was very happy to see him again.
he was nice to cheryl,
alas;
the asshole has gone.
we came back to my momma's
spent more time with my boys.
they were getting packed for camp this week.
i hope they have fun.
we headed to my mawmaw's
to visit more.
mawmaw took a nap,
cheryl tried to take a nap.
i cooked a jam up supper
for the three of us
and cheryl and i
went ahead and came back home.
on the ride back,
it was so magical,...
fireflies lit up both sides of the road.
it reminded me of a land
back in time
where fairies roamed free.
we also had to be on the lookout for deer,
there were quite a few.
we got home and nestled in just fine.
Bella,
Tray,
and another
told me what they thought about my breakdown.
i agree;
it must come from within.
but i can't help but to still ponder the thought of prosthetics.
mmmm...
i sniff a hard therapy session...
and a raunchy fart.