Blind Love

i can't keep a steady train of thoughts
stop 'n go
stop 'n go
my ear hurts from this damned sinus infection
i looked online tonight
on the effects of Bendectin
the drug my Mother took for morning sickness related nausia
it sickens me
the gov't covering their asses all in the namesake of greed
children, people like me
walking testimonies
i dare a drug rep of dow pharmacuticals
to deny it to my face
i never took the pity party road
too much independence and stubborness was instilled in me early on
i admit,
i do worry about how it'll effect my life down the road
when with child
will i be able to physically care for myself
and post child
will she/he be embarrassed by their Mom who doesn't look like the others
i can honestly confess
anger was one emotion i never beared because of what happened
neither confusion
always acceptance
and the thought of
'okay whats next'
i know had i been born 'normal'
i'd be a lil cocky arrogant bitch
just like the rest of the barbie doll conformists
i wouldn't trade it for the world
its like i have a different set of eyes on than the rest of the world
my Nana,
she taught me to look at a person inside out
so it is a person's soul i see
and come to love or loathe
i can see the beauty all around me
be it my twin brothers getting frustrated
because they got struck out at a late evening little league game,
or my crazy dog sticking both his big floppy ass Yoda ears straight up,
or the way my girlfriend coyly blushes at a compliment
i remember being a snaggle toothed, freckled faced little girl with pig tails
being timid and introverted
and deathly afraid of making new friends
i hated the stares and the looks of sorrow and pity
i have been truly Blessed though
so it seems
i have true friends that have hung around since diapers and pacifiers
they have remained by my side through thick and thin
even after i came out
it was no big deal to one
and the other,
still thinks i'll wind up hitched to the monster
but point is
they didn't care about my 'disability'
i did think though that because of it
i wasn't worth being loved by others
i was damaged goods
outside looking in
lawd knows i have a rather colorful past,
i've loved and have been loved
but i can't help but to think that sometimes i was nothing more than an easy target
some would say that i had the ideal body
others would tell tales of my supposed beauty
now that i have found my center
my true color
my soul
i am able to begin to apppreciate my own beauty
she says i am blinded by love
but i tell her no that i can see her just fine
i see every one of her perfect little flaws
and fall more for her with every turning of the tide
i can only conclude that she thinks the same
that she either adores my flaws perfectly
or she just doesn't see them
i can't help but to wonder
if she sees the world through the same set of eyes that i do
it is she who reminds me of pure, untainted love
let me not forget to say my prayers and say thanks for my beautiful angel