wonder years.

remember back in the wonder years,
in our childhood,
the tilt-a-whirl rides at the fair?
that's what it feels like.
the world is spinning just a lil bit too fast for me,
and has me somewhat disoriented.
i just want it to slow down,
just to get my balance.
the realization is that it won't.
yada yada yada "the world aint gonna stop for my broken heart."
this is change,
and change is never ending.
from beneath the murky waters,
i can see the hands reaching in to pull me up.
pulling me up for a breath of air,
for life.
i don't understand this darkness.
i don't like it and wish for it to vanish.

i am dazed and confused.
humans sustain life by performing behavior patterns.
in a sense, it can be deduced that to have a pattern is to have life.
even down to an atom,
a strand of mitochondrial dna...
its all patterns.
and as ocd as i am when it comes to patterns,
i cannot find that pattern of stable footing.

so many thoughts...
am i being too hard on myself?
am i using this as a crutch?
am i too happy about this?
am i too disapointed?
is my anger correctly placed?

in a way, i feel alone, but in a way i don't.
no side of either family gets my position.
one submerged in denial and the other in resentment (and rightly so in the latter).
my honey has not left my side,
holding my hand,
and lending an ear.


joe cocker springs up in my ear,
and i think its the perfect way to end this blog.


With A Little Help From My Friends
(Lennon/McCartney)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE
WOULD YOU STAND UP AND WALK OUT ON ME
LEND ME YOUR EARS AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG
I WILL TRY NOT TO SING OUT OF KEY

I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS
I JUST KEEP TRYING WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS
I WANT TO GET HIGH WITH MY FRIENDS
I JUST HOLD ON WITH MY FRIENDS

WHAT DO I DO WHEN MY LOVE IS AWAY
(DOES IT WORRY YOU TO BE ALL ALONE)
HOW DO I FEEL BY THE END OF THE DAY
(ARE YOU SAD BECAUSE YOUR ON YOUR OWN)


CHORUS

(DO YOU NEED ANY BODY)
I NEED SOME BODY TO LOVE
(DO YOU NEED ANY BODY)
ALL I NEED IS SOMEONE TO LOVE


CHORUS

(WOULD YOU BELEIVE IN A LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT)
I'M CERTAIN IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME
(WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU TURN OFF THE LIGHTS)
I DON'T SEE MUCH

CHORUS

(DO YOU NEED ANYBODY)
I NEED SOMEBODY TO LOVE)
ALL I NEED IS SOMEBODY TO LOVE

CHORUS