state of grace.

ah, what can i say?
i did a lil gardening,
a lil shopping,
a lotta procrastinating,...
and i feel better.
about damn time.
one weenie's losin his balls,
while the other (hopefully) is losing the shit breath.
all on the same day.
goddess help me,
i'm not gonna know what to think or what to do
with a weenie free house.
gah.
tonight i had to do the strangest thing.
i've come to realize that my dad's mom won't write the letter
to the coroner requesting the toxicology report.
so i did it.
it felt SO ODD to write the following:

"My name is Sarah F. Anderson, and I am the eldest biological daughter of Richard R. Anderson. My father was killed, alongside his wife (Terry Anderson), on December 26th, 2007.
I am requesting a copy of my father’s toxicology report, as I am curious as to what his blood alcohol level was at his TOD."

odd as shit.
just looking at the words typed on my computer screen,
then thinking about the action itself...
i'm writing to the coroner for my genetic donor's toxicology report.

i think part of me has concluded
that i am glad i wasn't close to him,
because i'd really be losin my sanity right now if i was.

after a self imposed week long break from all that hate filled chaos,
i called to check in on her.
i think she thrives on the pain.
maybe its because that's the only thing she can feel.
people can get addicted to pain.
i don't know.
theories abound,
no concrete evidence to prove otherwise.

right now, i am okay.
i am surrounded by my loved ones, friends, and family.
living in my own state of grace.