state of grace.

I am so unbelievably emotionally exhausted.
I got to Florence and got to see my friends that I hadn’t seen in a while.
That was fantastic; friends do the soul wonders.
I stopped by briefly to say hey to Mikey on Christmas Eve.
So odd, the timing.
That night at my Mama’s, I got sick as hell.
I thought it was the flu,
Thanks my stars it wasn’t.
My Grandma loved her painting.
As soon as I get those pictures, I’ll post them.
I began to feel better as Christmas day passed along.
However, I still couldn’t sleep that night either.
It’s so odd when you’re all stopped up and you can’t breathe through your nose when you’re sick.
Have you ever wondered about that?
It feels like an engineer has rammed two trains up in those tiny cavities.
That morning at 6:15 I got the call.
My Aunt called my cell needing to talk to my Mama.
Then Mama told me.
“Honey, there’s been an accident. Your Daddy died.”
Those words.
Those words will forever ring in the hallways of my mind.
Echoing aimlessly, bouncing off of the walls wondering what memory file folder to habituate.
After some tears and shock, a phone call to Cheryl, I found my way to the bathroom.
My gut told me this had happened in Darlington County.
I texted Mikey to see if he was awake.
He then had the unimaginable task of informing me that it was not only my Dad,
But my Step Mom too.
And not only that,
But that Mikey himself answered the call.
I had been thrown knee deep into a cyst pool of hatred in which that family (being my Dad’s side) thrives in.
All of the anger, hatred, resentment, and judgments…
It is truly suffocating.
It, too, can kill you.
From somewhere inside of me,
Stepped out this woman.
A woman I am estranged from.
A strong, intelligent, proper, graceful, compassionate woman who doesn’t allow others to bring her down.
The tattoo on my back means ‘strength.’
And that, I exemplified, unequivocally without a doubt.
I’d said my good-bye years ago.
I’d made my peace.
This was the first time that I’ve never been scared of him.
It didn’t even really look like him.
He looked like a rubber doll.
Terry looked so beautiful.
She did.
I never got along with her,
But she was a good Mother to my siblings,
And my heart feels so much compassion for them.
And that is what is important.
No doubt, that the emotional tug of war has jaded me temporarily.
My feet are planted firmly into the solid ground that is my Cheryl.
She has been my neutral place,
My safety net,
My North.
I don’t know what I would’ve done without her through all of this.
This man, he gave me life.
He gave me pain.
In his untimely death, however, the seeds of compassion and love have bloomed.
I had my own friends and family that attended the viewing,
And to those individuals,
I am at a loss of words to relate my unbridled gratitude towards them.
I had trouble comprehending why people were calling to check on me,
But I am slowly getting it.
Regardless of what was,
What remains is the fact that I am still his daughter.
Animosity has vanished only to be replaced by forgiveness.
My heart and soul ache for my family,
Especially my siblings.
I am unsure of what will happen,
But the thing I do know is this:
Love and grace will see me through.

Husband, wife die in Darlington County crash.

Husband, wife die in Darlington County crash

Wednesday, Dec 26, 2007 - 02:17 PM

DARLINGTON – A Florence couple died in an early morning crash today.

Richard and Terri Anderson died when a car driven by Richard Anderson ran off South Charleston Road and hit a tree about 2 a.m., according to Darlington County Coroner J. Todd Hardee.

South Carolina Highway Patrol and the Darlington County Coroner’s Office are investigating, according to Hardee.

my all.

grace.

my sister,
bless her teenage frustrated heart,
baked two cakes and cookies.
my brother eats her cookies,
and my dog
(surely egged on by that terrible, misbehaved dog because he is SUCH an angel)
and the Devil Dog...
ATE AN ENTIRE CAKE.
yes.
an ENTIRE CAKE.
thank goodness there was no chocolate in any of it!!
two female black broads dukin it out on i26 today.
geniuses, those two.
Jamie Lynn Spears' juvenile pregnancy everywhere,
Jamie Leigh Jones is nowhere in sight.
the art of diversion, people.
what a weakminded society, we are.
i am now addicted to the saving grace theme song.
i am addicted to that name...grace.
as a matter of fact,
thats what our society is lacking that could save us all.
grace.

big fuckin' woot.

i went to the wedding this past weekend in florence.
interesting.
old faces,
old memories.
cheryl finally met derrick & ashes.
she liked ashes.
we tried sushi at thai lotus in cola,
i just don't like sushi, as much as i want to.
it really is quite enticing.
to yearn for something you dislike,
is indeed an odd sensation.
we finished up my crimmus shopping.
and my mom insisted on keeping our lil shit eater.
now our house is too quiet,
and our fish tank still cloudy.
but crimmus is coming and i am excited about going home for the holidays.
nothing like an unhealthy dose of familial psychosis!!
Tater Tot is getting sick and is at a rock and a hard place with her doctor situation.
the healthcare profession, like everything else, has gone to shit.
i can't wait for mason & oysters,
and we've invited liz and shauna up for new years eve.
fun times ahead!!

i always knew it was my favorite, for some reason...

THIS was what the Reba concerts USED to be all about!!

i'm such a douchebag for cryin to these.

mr pickle.

in our fridge sits a jar.
in that jar sits a pickle.
a lonesome pickle, it is.
the lonesome pickle sits in a barely there tub of pickle juice.
this has been bugging me, you see.
everytime i open the damn door,
there it sits.
sitting there,
for my eyes to see.
"look at me, look at me," it silently screams.
one is the loneliest number, so it seems.
it looks like a green turd sitting in a jar...
sitting in our fridge.

morbidness.

so i had this nightmare last night about a oversized graveyard.
like one so big, it could serve 50 foot giants.
i looked up those dream symbols,
some were interesting...yet odd.

Graveyard

To dream that you are at a graveyard, represents the discarded aspects of yourself. It is also a fear of the unknown. Alternative, it indicates a loss or a period of mourning.

Headstone

To see a headstone in your dream, represents a forgotten or buried aspect of yourself which you need to acknowledge. Consider also the message on the headstone. It may indicate a statement about your life and its condition.


Cremation

To dream that someone is being cremated, represents purification and your strive for perfection.

Smoke

To see smoke in your dream, signifies that some trouble will be entering your life. You are suffering from confusion and anxiety. You are not seeing things clearly.

belated enlightenment at its finest.

So it seems that our son has recovered fully.
A few more rounds of antibiotics and he’ll be good to go.
As for moi,
I finally got rid of that horrid tummy bug.
Our fish tank cleared up out of nowhere.
Geesh.
Only took a few months for that to happen…
Since august, people.
August.
Bella is stressing more and more everyday about our impending home.
I try to aid in alleviating her worries.
But that’s akin to whizzing in the dark trying to aim at the target.
No Rosie.
No Reba.
/sigh.
I did manage to complete my semester with an ‘A’ and a ‘B’ on my final tally.
I am unsure as to what my final grade for my third class will be, though.
I had a 95 prior to the exam in there.
I suspect nothing lower than a ‘C’ for my final grade.
In the three pictures I have posted:
The. Best. Damn. Ornament. EVER.
Harley Farley is still such the Mama’s boy.
(I’m glad he isn’t a real boy, cuz he’d never make a good husband!!)
And lastly,…
Ne’er has one seen a cuter reindeer!!
(…And ne’er has a reindeer looked so humiliated.)
This past weekend, Bella and I accomplished a lot around the house.
Cleaning,
Organizing,
Cuddling,
Fussing over allowing Harley to sleep in the bed with us,…
We saw Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Imporium in Columbia Saturday night.
Excellent children’s movie.
Not so much an adult’s flick,
But wonderful and magical innocence at best.
Bella’s family had their annual Crimmus reunion, also on Saturday.
I know she had a great time and we both had wonderful food!!
I wouldn’t know WHAT to do if I had FIVE uncles!!
It’s amazing how every family operates individually.
The uniqueness…
And in my family’s case-
The psychosis.
(Seriously.)
I wish I had a good book to read over the holidays.
I am steadily working on my two paintings.
The slower I work,
The more satisfied I am with the final product.
I am looking forward to Mason’s visit…
Him + Oysters (+ maybe Crab Legs) = FANTASTIC TIME!!
Okay,
I have nothing else to talk about.
“And the world takes a collective sigh of relief.”

commence forth the holiday season.

so i have a tummy bug,
whilst our youngest has anal bleeding.
quite a pair we were in the vet waiting room.
pookie sat there fretting & worrying...
stressing.
then when she cried in the room itself,
it was so sweet.
rosie is no longer the perfect butch.
no atlanta trip now.
exam tomorrow,
and on we go.

truth.

so it looks like everyone is getting sick.
they "ate something bad."
i think its a 24 hour bug or somethin.
not fun.
well i failed my psyche test,
but its okay bc i still have an 'A' in there.
no exam there.
i got A's on both my math & history tests.
exempt history but not math.
even though i have an A in math.
ugh.
so we have 8 more men who claims to have tap danced with good ol' larry.
a study says iran NOT building nukes, bush says they're still dangerous.
bush demands congress to approve war spending bill.
WHY are we not protesting?
i cant help but to feel if maybe we need steinem and carter back.
human rights, people.
human rights.
america has lost its way.
not saying there is/was some one moral compass that surpassed all others,
but america has no North now.
we have greedy, oil hungry war mongers running our country.
makes you wonder who's pulling gwb's strings,
bc yall know his ass aint smart enough to run this country.
i am not as radical as our friend, mason,
but i can see where some issues need more questioning.
go to google and type in two words:
"bush gannon"
yes.
secrets.
suddenly, NATIONAL TREASURE doesn't seem so far fetched.
okay, i'm done.
my head's swirling now.
peace out, assholes.

fuck a duck.

we're down to three.
ALL i wanted was a pretty fish filled aquarium to aid in reducing stress.
the semester can't wind down quick enough.
i want some damn WINTER.
fuck all this global warming bullshit.
bring on jack frost's wife.
i can melt her ice.
ha.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
we get to decorate on monday.
yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
okay.
sleep deprivation is beginning to set in.
peace out, homo's.

plans.

so i am freaking out a lil bit.
no word from rosie.
i don't want my dreams to crash around me.
excitement is growing within.
surely my future ex wife won't disappoint.
she can't.
cpap plans put on hold.
while the house plans have been ordered.

we're elfed!!

we got elfed!!
a must see!!

CLICK HERE!!

thank you for bein a friend.

So I’ve been hesitating to write this blog,
And after much trepidation,
Here it is.
When we are children,
We form these friendships that help shape who we are today.
Some lasting,
Some temporary,
But all filled with various amounts of harsh lessons;
Both great and small.
As a child,
You didn’t dare dream of going through an entire weekend without playing with your best friend at least once.
These girls (and/or boys) could be your comfort zone and your battle zone.
Then came the treacherous years of angst ridden and hormonally challenged teenagers where everything was a test of loyalty,
Right down to those oh so endearing childhood friends.
Awkward glances in the high school hallways soon morph into distancing college years.
And somewhere in your twenties,
Upon that inevitable trip home and run-in with those very friends,
Do we discover something…
We don’t like those childhood friends whom we once adored.
In fact,
We can’t stand them.
Facades we can see right through,
And all we can surmise is a laugh at their foolish expense.
The fat girl who overcompensated with her personality,
Now doesn’t have time for anybody because she’s too busy tasting life.
The mama’s girl everybody loathed,
Now a dried and pressed stepford wife.
The girl dumber than dirt,
With her PhD.
What does one do when this epiphany strikes us?
A guilt trip somehow sneaks its way into my thoughts,
As I find myself thinking,
“these ARE my lifelong friends,
I am SUPPOSED to like them.”
Then I hear that little Jeminy Cricket squeaky voice inside telling me
That it’s all just a part of growing up.
I am trying to recognize the fact that we are all human
And have different sides to us all,
Many roles we play on this great stage we call life.
But with all that theatre makeup caked on ever so thick,
Are we the actors or the characters within the play?
I’m unsure of all of this nonsense.
What I am aware of, however,
Is that I have a great (albeit, fucking crazy) family,
A truly wonderful wife,
Two adorable dogs,
And great friends that I do like.

my life.

so the end stretch of the semester is just within reach.
man, am i glad too.
i dunno why
but this semester has slowly passed by.
and to tell you the truth,
i'm actually kind of getting stressed about the holidays.
money,
time,
etc.
i keep telling myself that i am not in control,
to go with the flow,
things always work out for the best.
and that's true.
we need some rain.
"global warming does not exist," he says.
that's why we still have little lizards on our porches right?
yeah, well.
thanksgiving...
not as stressful as i thought it would be.
skitzo uncle is fucking psycho,
H has gained more weight,
and my family are ichky republicans who think GBW is a great man...
and that Bill O'Reilly is "fair."
riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
he's FAIRly attached to a loofah.
i don't have anything witty to say tonight.
forgive me, my beauties.
my Tater Tot is amazing.
she really is.
she knows how to make me feel better when it all goes south.
i swear jackson's paws are still growing by the day,
and my harley farley is getting older and pickier by the day.
this is my life,
and underneath all of the asethics,
i couldn't be happier.

it has begun.

an explosive reaction in the midst of a visit with friends,
brought my ass home.
ibs is never fun.
then today,
mom, margaret, alex, & carmen...
filling up at sav way on the way to sumter.
carmen gets locked inside the car with the keys,
while mom, margaret, and alex flip out.
a passing neighbor brings margaret home to get her cell
& brings her back to the gas station.
on star can't help,
as the doors wont unlock for them.
so steve and ellis,
depart from sumter to return to florence to unlock the van.
and to think,
i haven't even gotten to Mawmaw's for dinner yet.
on we go.

we shall be free.

This ain't comin' from no prophet
Just an ordinary man
When I close my eyes I see
The way this world shall be
When we all walk hand in hand

When the last child cries for a crust of bread
When the last man dies for just words that he said
When there's shelter over the poorest head
We shall be free

When the last thing we notice is the color of skin
And the first thing we look for is the beauty within
When the skies and the oceans are clean again
Then we shall be free

We shall be free
We shall be free
Stand straight, walk proud
'Cause we shall be free
When we're free to love anyone we choose
When this world's big enough for all different views
When we all can worship from our own kind of pew
Then we shall be free
We shall be free

We shall be free
Have a little faith
Hold out
'Cause we shall be free

And when money talks for the very last time
And nobody walks a step behind
When there's only one race and that's mankind
Then we shall be free

We shall be free
We shall be free
Stand straight, walk proud, have a little faith, hold out
We shall be free

We shall be free
We shall be free
Stand straight, have a little faith

We shall be free